First Club Experience - The Good, The Bad and well you get the idea.

[VanHlebar]

The Good:

We had a great weekend this weekend! First we met up with a new couple on Friday night and things couldn't have gone any better. We sat and talked and had drinks for over 4 hours before we realized how late it really was. With Mrs Van and I having children we don't get out much but we can't wait to meet up with the couple again.

Then on Saturday night we went to a club up in Columbus and it was our first time out to any type of swing club at all. The club was fantastic and the hosts and memebers were absolutely awesome. The evening went great for everyone at the beginning. We met a number or really nice couples and then seemed to hit it off with a couple that was around our age.

We chatted for quite sometime and then decided to move away from the bar. We stayed with our respective spouses at the beginning but then we switched partners and things seemed to be going great. We then decided to move to a private room and all was going well.

Then this is were it gets bad. Mrs Van was having a very good time with her partner, but I was having some issues. Embarrasing to say, but it happened and I can laugh and chuckle about it now, but it was not a good thing last night. Has anyone had this happen to them? As I said, this was our first experience not only at a club but also in the lifestyle. In addition, I made a huge mistake that we said we would never do. After reading on this board for many weeks now, I still did it any. I tried to "take one for the team", and I knew it was a bad idea at the time, but I really wanted MrsVan to have fun. In retrospect it was a bad idea and I know and we have discussed this. I am wondering if the fact that there was no attraction for my partner and the fact that it was our first experience, if this may be what caused my issues?

The good though, Mrs Van and I have talked and we were very surprised at how we felt about the experience. Having never has any experience together we really were not sure how we would respond. It really was a huge turn on watching her and I knowing she had a great time made my experince that much easier to deal with.

-Van

[sereneiders]

I may gess you're talking about little Van down there, refusing to do his job as he was suposed to.

If so, little sereneiders had issues while swinging, because of the pressure, you know... it is suposed that you have to be able to please the gal, you cannot avoid focusing in that tought (ar any other around that) instead of just having fun.

Don't worry... it will happen again and even when it happens, it shouldn't be a big issue as long as you don't make an issue from it that really spoil the fun for your partner. You have a tonge and fingers, put them in use and try to forget about the problem, and luckily if you have fun, little Van will get on track.

Just, talk about this with the other couple, they may let you know you're not the only one with issues and give you hints on how to have fun anyway should something like this happens.

[WesternSwing]

It's really not that uncommon at all because there is allot going on, especially for a newbie. You want to make a good impression on the other woman, you're trying to pay attention to what your spouse is doing, etc. There is just allot more going on then there is at home with your wife, who you know and are comfortabble with. As you get more comfortable with swinging it shouldn't be an issue. Just try not to psyche yourself out.

Mr. WS

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by VanHlebar

I am wondering if the fact that there was no attraction for my partner and the fact that it was our first experience, if this may be what caused my issues?

Actually it could have been a combination of both, but no amount of experience is going to make up for a lack of attraction.

But don't sweat it too much - most of you early experiences will be learning experiences. You'll learn a lot about yourself, your spouse and your new found hobby over the next year - so enjoy what you can, learn from what you didn't and most of all keep on talking to each other about everything.

You are both definitely on the right path.

Spoomonkey

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by VanHlebar

The Good:

We had a great weekend this weekend! First we met up with a new couple on Friday night and things couldn't have gone any better. We sat and talked and had drinks for over 4 hours before we realized how late it really was. With Mrs Van and I having children we don't get out much but we can't wait to meet up with the couple again.

Those are always nice surprises when you hit it off so well you loose track of the time. Hope you can plan a get together with them again.

Originally Posted by VanHlebar

We chatted for quite sometime and then decided to move away from the bar. We stayed with our respective spouses at the beginning but then we switched partners and things seemed to be going great. We then decided to move to a private room and all was going well.

Then this is were it gets bad. Mrs Van was having a very good time with her partner, but I was having some issues. Embarrasing to say, but it happened and I can laugh and chuckle about it now, but it was not a good thing last night. Has anyone had this happen to them? As I said, this was our first experience not only at a club but also in the lifestyle. In addition, I made a huge mistake that we said we would never do. After reading on this board for many weeks now, I still did it any. I tried to "take one for the team", and I knew it was a bad idea at the time, but I really wanted MrsVan to have fun. In retrospect it was a bad idea and I know and we have discussed this. I am wondering if the fact that there was no attraction for my partner and the fact that it was our first experience, if this may be what caused my issues?

The good though, Mrs Van and I have talked and we were very surprised at how we felt about the experience. Having never has any experience together we really were not sure how we would respond. It really was a huge turn on watching her and I knowing she had a great time made my experince that much easier to deal with.

-Van

Well it sounds like you did everything right up front as far as taking your time talking, and a little play before deciding on taking it to a room but from there...

There's not really much to say. You and your wife seem to have a strong relationship and for the most part you are doing everything right. You talk, read the board for awhile to get a feel for things, knew what rules you had. What happened to you is not uncommon. Your new, first time with another woman (and infront of your wife and her spouse at that) and add to that your admittance of taking one for the team it was bound to happen.

Also, not to scare you but it could very well happen again. Many things can contribute to the man not being able to.... well we'll just say "bring his A game". If you have a little too much to drink that can hinder things, if your nervous (i.e. first time jitters), and if your really not attracted to the woman.

Don't feel bad though, but I would like to remind you and your wife (because she shouldn't either) don't take one for the team. There are plenty of people to play with and this should be for you as a couple, if you don't play on a certain night at the club there are always other times. Don't be so anxious and excited to play that you set yourselves up for someone not having fun.

Spoo and I have learned when we go to the club, we watch our drinking so we are able to enjoy play. That rule goes out the window though as the night goes on and we have figured out that it's going to be a no play night then we just have fun, drink, dance and visit with friends. We also don't take one for the team. Now that doesn't necessarily mean not attracted physically, it can mean there is just no connection. So we confirm that we are attracted to a couple then after talking a while if one of us just isn't hitting it off then we move on.

Chalk it up as a learning experience. Everytime we play (good or bad) we have what we have come to call our "debrief" time in the car on the way home. If it was a great time we talk about why it was good, what we did right etc. and those debriefing times usually go on the rest of the week If it was a not so good time then we talk about why and how to avoid any mistakes we made next time. The good thing is that the longer your in and have experiences that you talk about together the less times like this your likely to have.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[She_n_Jaybee]

Definitely a common problem. It's happened to me, and we've seen it happen to some of the other couples we've been with. The first time doing anything is a nervous experience for everyone. Even though you might be having a great time, all these little things add up to a bunch of invisible stress. And stress reduces blood flow to the extremities. I'd say to just take it slow for awhile until you're relaxed enough so that when the time does come you're ready to do your part.

jaybee

[VanHlebar]

Hey all thanks for the responses. First thing I have taken from the experience is to keep a sense of humor. Mrs Van could not have been or be any more supportive during this.

And despite the the last part, the entire evening and weekend was a great time and we are really looking forward to the next time we can get out.

It is a little comforting knowing that it isn't all that unusual, but not so comforting that it may happen again.

Thanks again all. This is the reason why Mrs Van and I love this community. You people are so open and honest and we have learned so much from the board.

-Van

[fun_pairTX]

Van,

Happens to everyone man at least you have the right tude to deal with it. On our first swap we were all having a great time. We all climbed into a king sized bed paired off. Mrs of the other couple was a knockout with huge beepers (my taste) everything was going swimmingly until she laughed real hard, she sounded like a donkey with asthma. I'll tell ya bud, my member, "Fearless Freddy" dove for cover faster than a greased weasel and then refused to come back out. I exclaimed my disappointment and Mr of the other couple announced that his "walked off in sympathy". We left the ladies having a good time and watched the last quarter of the Cowboy's game.

[Chicup]

We all make a few mistakes in this getting started, we sure did, but it sounds like you handled it well.

Just don't get into that 'newbie rush' and feel the need to do something for the sake of doing it. Take your time, find a couple who you both have attraction for and it sounds like you will be just fine.

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by Chicup

We all make a few mistakes in this getting started, we sure did, but it sounds like you handled it well.

Just don't get into that 'newbie rush' and feel the need to do something for the sake of doing it. Take your time, find a couple who you both have attraction for and it sounds like you will be just fine.

Dito Chicup! We introduced our friends to the Lifestyle but don't play with them and their first time out they hooked up for full swap, they both lament they took one for the team. We asked them why they did it and they said we had too much to drink. Why accept anything less than what you have at home is beyond us. Too much to drink and good thinking don't mix.

[VanHlebar]

Hi folks,

Again thanks for the great help and advice. I honestly can say that I knew I was making a "mistake" at the time and I really did know better. I won't blame it on drinking because I did not have alot to drink that evening, three drinks total for the entire night. It was purely just bad judgement on my part, which MrsVan and I have talked about and it won't be happening again on either side. I/We don't regret anything that happened on Saturday night, it really was a great time, with what was a small (no pun intended) issue in the evening.

And as I said earlier, we both have kept a sense of humor about the ordeal now and take it as a lesson learned. We are planning another trip to the club on the 4th if all goes well and this time there will be no taking one for the team.

Thanks folks!

-Van

[sftspkn]

Performance anxiety does it very easily. I'd say it has happened to most of us (and those who haven't, .... you will ) A sense of humor helps. Relaxing helps as well but it is not easy to relax when you are in such predicament. A game of cards usually does the trick to bring your little friend back to life because as the players beging losing their clothes, the anticipation builds slowly and one is not pressured to act right away. Most of the time the game ends not because the players run out of clothes by loosing too many hands.

They loose the clothes even if they haven't lost a single game.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by sftspkn

A game of cards usually does the trick to bring your little friend back to life because as the players beging losing their clothes, the anticipation builds slowly and one is not pressured to act right away. Most of the time the game ends not because the players run out of clothes by loosing too many hands.

They loose the clothes even if they haven't lost a single game.

Well, I've been trying once to play cards in the club area and I ended up losing half of that deck in the darkness. At one point I accidentally dropped a card on the floor, and when trying to pick it up, I picked up an used condom instead. Also, other people who were fucking around got distracted by the game, some of them lose their erections when they saw I had a full and some other guy a royal flush, with these hands, we were betting to bring our grandmas naked. We were asked not to bring the cards (nor the dices) anymore to the club.




IT'S IN A CLUB, MAN! "First club experience". Card games?

[Thrax]

It happened to me twice in SchwingWorld. Well, at least those are the only two events that I can remember...

The first time it was newbie greed with a woman who I was not really interested in, but the more orgasms the merrier, I thought at the time. Well, I would have had to have had one BONER just to start off...but nuthin' was happening. (That's when I learned that if there really isn't any attraction, then just let it be...)

The other time was actually MUCH more disappointing. I was at a swinger campout. It was VERY late and I had had way too much to drink. Still, I had never had sex on a trampoline before, and there was this GIGANTIC trampoline with netting all around -- to keep us from falling out if we got too active, I suppose -- available for our use. Well, the object of my attempted affections was very kind. She tried every possible way to get me going. But the kicker was, after I finally gave up after a very inventive and active 30 minutes, she told me, "Well, at least you warmed me up for XXXXX." (Her husband)

Altruist that I am, I'm glad she got something out of it.

Thrax