We swung, we came :), and we got more than we bargained for!

[StarCrossed420]

This weekend, Mr. Star and I had our first swinging experience. It was wonderful, it was awful, and it was enlightening. In the end, we are both grateful for, and blessed by, the experience. I had expected that we would be chomping at the bit to have another encounter, but we both feel as if we would like to sit with this one for a while and digest it, before moving to the next adventure.

So much that we had been anxious about was never an issue. For example, we were afraid that it would be very awkward and clumsy at first. It wasn’t. The partner that we chose for our first time is a good and respected friend. Everything happened so naturally that, by the end of our time together, we were as comfortable as seasoned lovers. We had expected that we would draw the line at only soft oral play. We didn’t. In fact, much to our amazement, we fulfilled many of our long fantasized desires. I was afraid that I would feel self conscious about my body and have difficulty staying in the moment. I didn’t. I “stayed in the moment” (rather loudly I might add) 5 times before all was said and done.

What has shaken us, and left us feeling a bit bewildered, were all of the unexpected nuances of the experience. We were expecting good old fashioned lusty sex that we could use to fuel fantasies for days and weeks to come. While there was plenty of that, what we didn’t expect was the almost spiritual intimacy that developed between ourselves and our partner. While there is no question that this development is indeed truly a blessing, hidden beneath its surface is the thorn of challenge.

Mr. Star and I are extremely close. We have cherished, nurtured, protected and fostered this closeness every day for more than 6 years. We have brought two beautiful children into this world. We have built a family, a home and a life. We know in our souls that we are life partners now and forever. We have lived in a state of emotional exclusivity, and neither one of us wants for that to change.

Somehow though, between the orgasms, the beginnings of a new bond were born and neither one of us was prepared for that. We are both experiencing a bittersweet mosaic of emotion. Excitement at having found such a loving and concerned partner, and awe at the unprecedented pleasures that we three were able to coax from each other. The most surprising facet of this mosaic, and most disturbing, was the niggling of jealousy at watching our spouse share not just a physical, but spiritual intimacy with another person. This is the piece that we need to sit with, discuss and come to terms with before taking this partner back into our bed.

[WesternSwing]

Eloquently put. I am assuming from what you write that this other partner was a female, although I could be wrong. So I am going to write this with that assumption.

It could simply be that you get attached to the first person(s) you start swinging with. Sometimes you look for something more to justify what just happened. Real or imagined, I think many will tell you they experienced the same with the first person or couple they swung with. I know we did, and even though we haven't swung with them in over a year we still maintain contact with them almost weekly.

Which brings up the next subject.

Like you, much of what we thought would be issues in swinging ended-up being non-issues. Some things we never thought of surfaced though. One in particular is that we are both rather poly. Although we don't have a live-in third, both Mrs. WS and I tend to develop friendships with some swinging partners, both couples and singles. It is an emotional extension of our relationship. The only way I can describe it is they are our "tribe". Others never get this close because there is not that indescribable feeling you get about someone - like you've known them for centuries - with them.

Mrs. WS and I have talked recently allot about this, and we could live in a poly arrangement if it presented itself with the right person, but we are not looking for such. We are just that kind of people, not all are. We come to terms with this and it has been a nice revelation about ourselves that adds comfort and even more relaxation to our relationship. We are even less jealous because we now have a clearer understanding of "us". We don't love each other less, in fact even more.

I would say you are feeling the same way about this person. Once in a while a person that you just connect with will come through your life. Cherish it. Don't let it develop tension between you and your spouse. Discuss it. And then decide if you want to have further experiences with this person or just move-on. If you can all keep it in check, in a comfortable place for you, then I say cherish and enjoy it while it lasts.

Mr. WS

[BradAndJanet]

I think that the two of you sitting down and discussing it is the right way to handle it. The situation you describe is exactly why many people do not swing with friends. The emotional aspect can become very confusing. Please let us know how you're feeling in a few days.

-B

[valley]

a little "buyers remorse",a little self doubt.I'm sure by the sound of your attitude to all this you will have no trouble handling the situation.

It was great the whole event was so successful.Just remember you and your partner shared the entire intimacy together.Concentrate on that.

Good luck !

[sepacouple]

One thing important is that you seem to have identified your feelings very well and I assume from your message that you are discussing them in depth with each other.

That is the important and unique thing about this lifestyle, there are many couples that do not have those communication skills and have trouble with feelings like you are describing because they are unable to discuss them with the very person it should mean the most to....thier spouse or SO.

Good luck and keep us posted as to how it all turns out.

because i am anxious and nervous about this very same situation occurring, i would be very interested to hear how things are going as days go by.

[EvilMJ]

That has to be my biggest fear in swinging. That my hubby will find someone, get emotionally attached to them and it would destroy our marriage. Now I know this is unfounded, but we have taken the time to talk about it in great lenght and evaluate any play partner who comes close to crossing any line.

In fact in the past we have stopped playing with certain people becuase they have gone past swinging for fun and moved into wanting something more. That is more than I am personally wililng to allow, so we agreed as a couple that when this starts to happen we stop everything.

There is a male play friend I have, that if I allowed myself, I could become very attached to him (he has a wife too ofcourse) but I pull back before it becomes that emotional. We are not interested in a poly lifestyle, nor are we interested in finding someone to replace each other. This is strickly for fun.

So I think you are going in the right direction. There is no need to move forward until you have talked this through and know where your comfort level lies.