Started on the wrong foot ???

r1b1 · 10-26-2005, 12:38 AM

Hi. I thought you might be able to assist me with this dilemma. My wife and I are both interested in having a threesome and last year, we finally added a third party (a female-since the missus is curious). The other woman I met at work and she showed some interest in pursuing this..Well to make a long story short things started great, but some where in the middle I got caught up with making sure she came as well as my wife. The problem turned out to be that this girl took 4ever. I don't know if it was the small amount of wine we had or she just is that way....well in the process of trying to get her off, my wife felt like she was in the way....and I completely blame myself. Needless to say that was the first and last attempt. although we've both mentioned the possiblilty of trying it again soon...how do you avoid situations like this...?? and no there really was no communication before hand...I like the idea of trying this again but I think it left a bad taste in my wife's mouth (no pun intended)...how do we get over this hump? (once again no pun intended).

Any help is appreciated.....thanks,

***JustAskJulie*** · 10-26-2005, 11:21 AM

It's really pretty simply a matter of making sure that you know where your priorities are, as a couple you always have to make sure that your partner knows they are the most important person in the room - TO YOU. That said, I find that in threesome situations it is best to determine ahead of time who is going to be the center of attention - whether it be you (both girls giving you attention - best situation if they aren't bi - and you splitting your attention between them), the other woman, or your wife.

BradAndJanet · 10-26-2005, 06:38 PM

Hmmm...since your wife is bi-curious, why didn't she help you out? That way she could have been an active participant and not just a bystander. Or, did I read the situation wrong?

-B

Miss_Piggy · 10-26-2005, 07:13 PM

Brad makes an excellent point. As for advise for the future: try to keep an eye on each other. If you notice your wife looking a little left out ask her to come and help you out a bit.

northindycpl · 10-29-2005, 10:28 AM

I think a FMF threesome is really hard, personally. I have definately felt like a left out wife, (the other girl was straight, or mildly curious) and it was really not the fault of Mr. Indy. Additionally, the other girl was a long cummer, too... which meant he screwed her a lot longer than me.

I am not keen to have a FMF anytime soon, but I will say that given that we only had this situation a few times, and I felt left out all 3 times, I can look back and say that I didn't do much to include myself either. I could have been more agressive, and I also could have discussed it with him during, or made sexy requests of him during.

Julie has a good point, too. Determining who is the center beforehand is a great idea.

Personally, that is the difference between playing with couples, too. I now have something to keep myself occupied with if she is a long cummer

BodyScape02 · 10-29-2005, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

It's really pretty simply a matter of making sure that you know where your priorities are, as a couple you always have to make sure that your partner knows they are the most important person in the room - TO YOU. That said, I find that in threesome situations it is best to determine ahead of time who is going to be the center of attention - whether it be you (both girls giving you attention - best situation if they aren't bi - and you splitting your attention between them), the other woman, or your wife.

Ditto... decide who is the center of attention up front... then rest and decide who is next... rest ...repeat... reast...

EmpyreanPleasur · 10-29-2005, 11:53 AM

I agree with what was said here.

First...it is essential that you keep regular eye contact with each other. We smile, wink, or even mouth I love you to each other which can be done discreetly without the other person knowing it if you need to, but it keeps you both connected and aware of what the other is feeling.

The other is to BOTH stay involved in the play. This is the reason we only do FFM 3-somes. There is something in it for everyone. There is no point where any one of us cannot turn to anyone else there - where we feel one is sort of left out at times with a MFM since Mr. is not bi. Because of this, we've never felt the need to decide who is the center of attention beforehand as all 3 are equal partners in play.

You just have to work at moving between the 3 of you and that will come with more experience. In the mean time, talk more between yourselves both before and after your next experience. Maybe you can come up with some signal between yourself and your spouse that she can give you a sign if she is feeling leftout or unsure of things during your next play time.

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10-26-2005, 12:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
r1b1 Registered User Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 1 Location: teXAS	Started on the wrong foot ??? Hi. I thought you might be able to assist me with this dilemma. My wife and I are both interested in having a threesome and last year, we finally added a third party (a female-since the missus is curious). The other woman I met at work and she showed some interest in pursuing this..Well to make a long story short things started great, but some where in the middle I got caught up with making sure she came as well as my wife. The problem turned out to be that this girl took 4ever. I don't know if it was the small amount of wine we had or she just is that way....well in the process of trying to get her off, my wife felt like she was in the way....and I completely blame myself. Needless to say that was the first and last attempt. although we've both mentioned the possiblilty of trying it again soon...how do you avoid situations like this...?? and no there really was no communication before hand...I like the idea of trying this again but I think it left a bad taste in my wife's mouth (no pun intended)...how do we get over this hump? (once again no pun intended). Any help is appreciated.....thanks,

10-26-2005, 11:21 AM	#2 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,294 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Re: Started on the wrong foot ??? It's really pretty simply a matter of making sure that you know where your priorities are, as a couple you always have to make sure that your partner knows they are the most important person in the room - TO YOU. That said, I find that in threesome situations it is best to determine ahead of time who is going to be the center of attention - whether it be you (both girls giving you attention - best situation if they aren't bi - and you splitting your attention between them), the other woman, or your wife.

10-26-2005, 06:38 PM	#3 (permalink)
BradAndJanet Only slightly cracked... Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 7,071 Location: Seattle Status: Married Couple	Re: Started on the wrong foot ??? Hmmm...since your wife is bi-curious, why didn't she help you out? That way she could have been an active participant and not just a bystander. Or, did I read the situation wrong? -B
	__________________ "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain All about us...

10-26-2005, 07:13 PM	#4 (permalink)
Miss_Piggy mildly abnormal Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 1,437 Location: Sometimes Canada Status: I'm with Kermit	Re: Started on the wrong foot ??? Brad makes an excellent point. As for advise for the future: try to keep an eye on each other. If you notice your wife looking a little left out ask her to come and help you out a bit.
	__________________ I feel that a woman doesn't have to be called 'Ms.' in order to be a woman of her own making. I believe 'Miss' allows moi to be a woman, and my karate can get me anything else

10-29-2005, 10:28 AM	#5 (permalink)
northindycpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,425 Location: Indiana Status: Blissfull SITCOM Swing Lifestyle Name:northindycpl	Re: Started on the wrong foot ??? I think a FMF threesome is really hard, personally. I have definately felt like a left out wife, (the other girl was straight, or mildly curious) and it was really not the fault of Mr. Indy. Additionally, the other girl was a long cummer, too... which meant he screwed her a lot longer than me. I am not keen to have a FMF anytime soon, but I will say that given that we only had this situation a few times, and I felt left out all 3 times, I can look back and say that I didn't do much to include myself either. I could have been more agressive, and I also could have discussed it with him during, or made sexy requests of him during. Julie has a good point, too. Determining who is the center beforehand is a great idea. Personally, that is the difference between playing with couples, too. I now have something to keep myself occupied with if she is a long cummer
	__________________ Mrs. Indy

10-29-2005, 11:53 AM	#7 (permalink)
EmpyreanPleasur Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 161 Location: Illinois Status: M. Female	Re: Started on the wrong foot ??? I agree with what was said here. First...it is essential that you keep regular eye contact with each other. We smile, wink, or even mouth I love you to each other which can be done discreetly without the other person knowing it if you need to, but it keeps you both connected and aware of what the other is feeling. The other is to BOTH stay involved in the play. This is the reason we only do FFM 3-somes. There is something in it for everyone. There is no point where any one of us cannot turn to anyone else there - where we feel one is sort of left out at times with a MFM since Mr. is not bi. Because of this, we've never felt the need to decide who is the center of attention beforehand as all 3 are equal partners in play. You just have to work at moving between the 3 of you and that will come with more experience. In the mean time, talk more between yourselves both before and after your next experience. Maybe you can come up with some signal between yourself and your spouse that she can give you a sign if she is feeling leftout or unsure of things during your next play time.

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