after first time - can anyone relate?

[paisley3344]

I'm 20 years old (female). My boyfriend (22 yrs old) and I have been together for 15 months. We recently had a foursome or "swang" - I guess - with his bestfriend and my bestfriend. The other two are not a couple, we had just introduced them. My boyfriend and I had talked about swinging before, more so when we saw things about it on MTV and Oprah. I am very sexually open and have a high drive, much more than him. I have kind of told him that sex a couple of times a week isn't enough and we need to either do it more or expand our ideas. He was so against it before. When it happened, he had been drinking and was consciously aware of what the four of us were doing. I am just saying, I never thought he would let his bestfriend FUCK ME!!! I am still in shock. We didn't plan on our foursome happening, it just more or less did. We started off as each pair having sex in the same room. Then it just, well, kind of fused together. I didn't plan on it at all, but I was completely aware of what I was doing, I had thought and fantasized about it before.

Here are my questions:
- I feel quilty... like slutty. I'm not sure why, but having open sex in a relationship brings on the guilt. I feel like I cheated, even though he did it too and everything was consentual. Can anyone else share experiences with these feelings?
- Is is stupid that we did it with friends - and bestfriends at that? I have to see these people almost every day and it makes me feel, well, weird. But, then again, I feel safer knowing the people he and I would swing with (safer sex, etc).
- I worry that it will harm our relationship. We are very strong, close, and intimate. However, I always think of outside sex as a precursor to a dead relationship. I realize that I am following suit with typical societal members, or are these just maybe feelings I am experiencing because I am new to swinging?
- Any other random advice for a newbie chick?

[AlanCatherine]

Hi paisley3344

The first time my wife and I ... swang... (nice term)... we did it exactly the same way as you did. Two friends, who were not a couple per se, were partying with us at home and we just kind of changed partners. It was a little bit scary at first but when we realized that we enjoyed the sex and the party and that neither of us had any inclination to leave, it was fine.

You don't have to feel guilty about it, you both did it. It might be normal to feel guilty but it will pass, you didn't do anything wrong. You just feel funny about it for no discernable reason. You'll be ok

[paisley3344]

Thanks for posting that, It made me feel a lot better!

[xxoticangel]

The first time we were with another couple was like yours. They were friends and the four of us were sharing a hotel for a long weekend. Friday night we drank quite a bit and ended up swinging with them (details are posted somewhere on this board). After it was over I felt like a total slut and was deathly afraid that my husband (boyfriend at the time) would break up with me. I felt dirty for having had two different me at the same time and for loving it. When it was over Hubby quickly put my fears to rest and we ended up having a great weekend with them.

[DBL D]

Hi Paisley,

You have brought up some interesting questions. Most of us felt a bit the way you did. I say if you liked it and your boyfriend understands why you liked it then you are on your way to having a lot of fun. The problem that may happen is that if you aren't clear with the other parties then things could deteriorate rapidly among yourselves. Please don't be nervous around the guys you were with. It might be a good idea to take them aside and let them know that you had a great time with them, that you want them to know that there were no ulterior motivations (other than experiencing new things like multilple partners) and that if they'd like to do it again, understanding that, then you are up for it.

I'm happy for you.

Male D