Did we go too far?

[TheGeek]

Okay, here goes: My first newbie question.

I apologize in advance for the length of this post.

One thing I gather from this board is that the fantasies and reality of swinging are sometimes miles apart. Well, my wife and I went to our first hotel party this weekend and some of the 'after hours' activity definitely went against our expectations. It was a LOT more tame than either of us would have thought.

My question: Is the behavior I'm about to go into *normal* for off-site hotel parties?

THE SHORT VERSION:

When the party moved upstairs, my wife and I got naked and had sex (only with each other, no swap) in the group-room. We thought of ourselves as "soft swappers" but no one else at the social even went as far as we did, and afterwards we felt a little embarrassed.

THE LONG VERSION: (skip to the end for more questions unless you have lots of time)

The social in question is held in a hotel ballroom until midnight, with a new-members orientation just beforehand. After midnight, the party moves to one of the upper floors, which is reserved for the group. The floor was described to us as 'clothing optional'. One of the rooms is a 'hospitality suite' with drinks, snacks and pornos in a lounge area, and a group sex playroom next door with wall-to-wall beds.

The ballroom party was fun, although we didn't meet too many people. I'd been warned to expect these clubs to be clique-ish from reading this board. We did strike up a conversation with one other couple and hung out with them for most of the evening. On the dance floor there was a LOT of bumping, grinding and flashing going on - but only between women. Rarely, if ever, did the men get up and dance - usually on the slow numbers. The evening went smoothly, aside from one little incident where one couple had to be asked to leave.

Anyway, midnight comes around, and my wife and I are *very* nervous. We're going upstairs, of course, but since this was our first visit, we didn't reserve a room, not knowing if we'd like it or not. Our plan is to go up to the hospitality suite, hang out, watch the goings-on in the playroom and maybe find a secluded area to fool around with each other. We talked about swapping with somebody (even though no one had asked us) but decided that we weren't quite ready for that yet. We were jittery, though, because if we stepped into the free-for-all playroom, we didn't know what would happen.

Well, here's what happened.

At first, nothing. Zip. Nada. Zero.

Everyone from the ballroom went upstairs and crowded into the suite, but all anyone wanted to do was continue the drinking/smoking/chatting they'd been doing downstairs. In fact, the guy who runs the social - the nicest guy we've met since we started swinging - got a little miffed and kicked a group of people out of the playroom since they were just using it to socialize and there was no room for anyone to do anything else.

Well, anyway, about 1:00 the playing starts. One by one, a handful of couples go into the group room and start fooling around. The women pull up skirts, take off bottoms, whatever. Here's the first thing I thought was weird: the men KEPT ALL THEIR CLOTHES ON. Well, okay, I thought. Things are just getting started.

A woman over in the corner starts reacting *loudly* to a fingerbang she's getting and I get really turned on. My wife and I - over next to a wall by ourselves - start making out and unzipping our pants just enough to feel each other up.

In the other room, all the talking & drinking is still going on full volume. I'm starting to think to myself "What's up with these people? They've been drinking and socializing for five hours already, how much alcohol do they NEED?" I can see a woman getting eaten out not three feet away, though, so I do the next logical thing and pull off my shirt. (there was a problem with the hotel's AC anyway) I figure things are heating up in the room, and there's an empty spot on a bed close to us, so I pull off the rest of my clothes, my wife gets mostly naked, and we go at it. There's a crowd of people hanging back and watching, and at first I have a hard time getting a full hard-on, but once I do I don't hold back and my wife cums LOUDLY. We rest for a second or two, then get up thinking we shouldn't hog valuable bed space.

No one fills it. The people already in there keep playing for about twenty minutes, and then the room empties.

Here's where I start feeling weird, and my wife gets embarrassed. We start wondering if we screwed up, did something wrong, or whatever, and I'd like if someone could fill us in.

Did we go too far?
Are we now labeled as a 'wild couple'?
Are people going to be scared of us?

(In other words, the point of my post)

THE QUESTIONS:

First, aside from us, NO ONE got naked. What's up with that? We'd assumed that when the floor was described as 'clothing optional' that, well, there'd be NAKED PEOPLE. One of the other women was down to her lingerie, but most of them just pulled up their skirts. The men.. my god.. all they did was pull their dicks out of their fly. Missionary, doggy style, whatever.. FULLY CLOTHED. And this is like four guys on the beds, not to mention all the guys in the dark corners getting blowjobs. And that room was HOT. The AC was not working at all, and this is on the Gulf Coast, people; summer started for us two weeks ago. I mean, Jeez, is that even sanitary?

Second, aside from us, everyone having sex was strangely quiet. Why?! One woman was audibly enjoying herself before we started, and after we finished someone else started grunting nicely. Aside from that.. not a peep. I'd bet my next paycheck that hardly any of the women had orgasms, and the men.. (okay, I'm a quiet cummer myself most of the time) well, after they finished they zipped up and displayed about as much emotion as if they'd just taken a dump.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I call's em like I see's em.

Finally, we'd thought the idea of a hotel party that only meets once a month was for people to socialize, dance and party for four or five hours, then hook up with other people, retire to their hotel rooms, and Get IT ON. Now, I don't have X-Ray vision, so I don't know what was going on in the other rooms, but from the vast number of people crammed into the hospitality suite, it looked like most of the crowd just went upstairs to continue drinking, smoking, and chatting with their cliques.

What the fuck?

When we went back out into the hall to cool off, one of the two people we'd been hanging out with said "Wow, guys. That was rough! Congratulations." My wife gets really embarrassed, and I just think "What the hell? Isnt that what swinging's about?"

SOMETHING POSITIVE:
I know, I shouldn't be negative. My wife and I went home that night, thought about the fact that we'd just had sex in front of a room full of people who'd probably be jerking off thinking about us later on, and had another round of great sex ourselves. We called another friend of ours who "plays" too, and she was pretty happy for us.

BUT...

We went to this party wanting to get more into swinging and meet people, but not to be the center of attention. We went to the group sex room wanting to *see* a show, not *be* the show. I mean, the only people at this social who GOT DOWN and LOUD were the two new people who no one wanted to talk to!

So, some conjecture, if you please.

Did we go too far, or does this sound like an unusually tame social?

How might these people react if we go back next month?

Should we move to a different state, change our names, and get plastic surgery?

Thanks in advance for any comments, and thanks for putting up with my story.

-J. the Geek

From the way you described understanding the rules, I don't think you went to far. If you did, you probably would have been asked to leave. Plus you said the guy running the social was upset that there wasn't enough action in the play room and he even asked people who weren't playing to leave. That leads me to think you two were the only two who were doing exactly what WAS expected in the playroom.

Did you go farther than anyone else in the room? It sounds like it, but so what. You were with your wife and you both had a blast, plus you probably left others envious .

I would chock it up too a good time & a learning experience; other than that I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Sure sounds like you two had fun to me.

EDITED:
Adding some more....

As far as too tame,

We use to go to an off premise club for couples and sometimes it would get pretty wild and other times the same club would be tamer than a family get together at grandmas. It all depends on the crowd. Hell, you might go back next time and find yourself in the middle of a fuck fest.
It is kind of weird how a mood in a club can vary from one visit to the next.

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

As far as too tame,

We use to go to an off premise club for couples and sometimes it would get pretty wild and other times the same club would be tamer than a family get together at grandmas. It all depends on the crowd. Hell, you might go back next time and find yourself in the middle of a fuck fest.
It is kind of weird how a mood in a club can vary from one visit to the next.

Exactly right. The mood can change drastically from night to night. Maybe that was a bad night for everyone else? I know on some nights at a club we go to, you are hard pressed to find anyone fucking. It's just like that. Maek your own party and have a great time.

We have never been to a hotel party, but from what you have described, what I heard others tell me, and what I have learned on the board....You did everything right.

I wouldn't be concerned about your behavior, or have your wife feel embarassed. You did what I would have done, or what we would have expected to do.

If it really bothers you, maybe you could email your concerns to the organizer. I am sure he might be receptive, if you are tactful with it.

SIDENOTE: WHAT is up with the men in clothes the whole night! Geesh!

[CandTinLorainCo]

Originally Posted by TheGeek

Okay, here goes: My first newbie question.
One thing I gather from this board is that the fantasies and reality of swinging are sometimes miles apart.

Oh so true!!!

Well, my wife and I went to our first hotel party this weekend and some of the 'after hours' activity definitely went against our expectations.

Key word "expectations" Shouldn't have expected anything. Perhaps "hope".

It was a LOT more tame than either of us would have thought.

See what I mean?

My question: Is the behavior I'm about to go into *normal* for off-site hotel parties?

Um, not sure what "normal" is... and off-site means that.... you meet there, you eat,drink and be merry there but once the party ends....it's off to your perspective rooms for the most of the people and usually the "hospitality room" is for newbies

When the party moved upstairs, my wife and I got naked and had sex (only with each other, no swap) in the group-room. We thought of ourselves as "soft swappers"

Why would you catagorize yourselves like that for? By most definitions "soft" swingers are usually oral and touchy feely nothing more.

The social in question is held in a hotel ballroom until midnight, with a new-members orientation just beforehand. After midnight, the party moves to one of the upper floors, which is reserved for the group. The floor was described to us as 'clothing optional'. One of the rooms is a 'hospitality suite' with drinks, snacks and pornos in a lounge area, and a group sex playroom next door with wall-to-wall beds.

So far sounds about right

The ballroom party was fun, although we didn't meet too many people. I'd been warned to expect these clubs to be clique-ish from reading this board.

Back to the nasty word "expectations"

We did strike up a conversation with one other couple and hung out with them for most of the evening. On the dance floor there was a LOT of bumping, grinding and flashing going on - but only between women. Rarely, if ever, did the men get up and dance - usually on the slow numbers. The evening went smoothly, aside from one little incident where one couple had to be asked to leave.

Again pretty typical

Anyway, midnight comes around, and my wife and I are *very* nervous.

Should've been, it is your first time

We're going upstairs, of course, but since this was our first visit, we didn't reserve a room, not knowing if we'd like it or not.

"Hospitality Suite" check it out.... so far so good

Our plan is to go up to the hospitality suite, hang out, watch the goings-on in the playroom and maybe find a secluded area to fool around with each other.

Still quite typical

We talked about swapping with somebody (even though no one had asked us) but decided that we weren't quite ready for that yet.

Again wise choice

We were jittery, though, because if we stepped into the free-for-all playroom, we didn't know what would happen.

probably nothing, maybe looked at, or asked to either join in or leave

Well, here's what happened.
At first, nothing. Zip. Nada. Zero.

Of course "nothing, nada, zip, zero" you all are newbies, how would you even know what you can and can't do let alone feel secure enough your very first time. again back to "expectations!"

Everyone from the ballroom went upstairs and crowded into the suite, but all anyone wanted to do was continue the drinking/smoking/chatting they'd been doing downstairs. In fact, the guy who runs the social - the nicest guy we've met since we started swinging - got a little miffed and kicked a group of people out of the playroom since they were just using it to socialize and there was no room for anyone to do anything else.

see previous reply

Well, anyway, about 1:00 the playing starts. One by one, a handful of couples go into the group room and start fooling around. The women pull up skirts, take off bottoms, whatever.

Finally the good stuff facelick

Here's the first thing I thought was weird: the men KEPT ALL THEIR CLOTHES ON. Well, okay, I thought. Things are just getting started.

pretty typical for "newbie males" oh he might see my lil wienie, sheesh

A woman over in the corner starts reacting *loudly* to a fingerbang she's getting and I get really turned on.

again quite typical, hell don't know of to many people who wouldn't have

My wife and I - over next to a wall by ourselves - start making out and unzipping our pants just enough to feel each other up.

Newbie, newbie, newbie.... pretty much you two on your own, by the wall, shes mine all mine don't no one even look at her, shes mine... its ok, first timers. Getting comfy

In the other room, all the talking & drinking is still going on full volume. I'm starting to think to myself "What's up with these people? They've been drinking and socializing for five hours already, how much alcohol do they NEED?"

It's a friggin "hospitality room" your supposed to do that in there, suprisingly though not to uncommon yet.... feels like a 5th grade dance huh?

I can see a woman getting eaten out not three feet away, though, so I do the next logical thing and pull off my shirt.

Me personally, I may have asked if, that was a snack for 1 or do you have enough for "us" all to eat?

I figure things are heating up in the room, and there's an empty spot on a bed close to us, so I pull off the rest of my clothes, my wife gets mostly naked, and we go at it. There's a crowd of people hanging back and watching.

Typical, some swingers are just voyuers trapped in a swingers body

First, aside from us, NO ONE got naked. What's up with that? We'd assumed that when the floor was described as 'clothing optional' that, well, there'd be NAKED PEOPLE.

Scroll up to 1:00 again, skirts getting lifted, BJ's in the corner....scroll down a few lines from 1:00 a women get pretty loud via "fingerbanging" I believe you said

One of the other women was down to her lingerie, but most of them just pulled up their skirts.

LMAO I guess my point made itself

The men.. my god.. all they did was pull their dicks out of their fly. Missionary, doggy style, whatever.. FULLY CLOTHED. And this is like four guys on the beds, not to mention all the guys in the dark corners getting blowjobs. And that room was HOT.

Again "lil wienie syndrome" they were being shy or they got a look at yours and felt intimadated. Yeah, that was it....they were intimadated by yours.


Second, aside from us, everyone having sex was strangely quiet. Why?!

You mean you two weren't the only ones having sex?

One woman was audibly enjoying herself before we started, and after we finished someone else started grunting nicely.

Yup, still strangely quiet

What the fuck?
One of the two people we'd been hanging out with said "Wow, guys. That was rough! Congratulations."

Positive re-enforcement, thats good

My wife gets really embarrassed, and I just think "What the hell? Isnt that what swinging's about?"

I suppose to some, but for "us" and others we've been with or spoken to... it has to do more with "personal sexual satisfactions and explortations as a couple.

SOMETHING POSITIVE:

So far thought the night overall has been positive

My wife and I went home that night, thought about the fact that we'd just had sex in front of a room full of people who'd probably be jerking off thinking about us later on, and had another round of great sex ourselves.

Kinda cool isn't it <EG>

We called another friend of ours who "plays" too, and she was pretty happy for us.

From someone who is experinced I see

BUT...
We went to this party wanting to get more

Should've been more aggressive and confident, we've found these to be really attractive qualities. No one especially "newbie's" who are in-experienced, wants to feel in-adaquete or omg, am I doing this right?

So, some conjecture, if you please.

Did we go too far, or does this sound like an unusually tame social?

No and No

How might these people react if we go back next month?

Either the same way or they'll want to screw your all's brains out

Should we move to a different state, change our names, and get plastic surgery?

Too personal for me to answer, that would be on you all to decide, why you "wanted?"
Thanks in advance for any comments
-J. the Geek

Hope this helps.......took long enough...... nah, just fuckin with you!!

Actually sounds like a wonderful time. Also sounds quite typical too. If it feels good and you both enjoy yourselves.... man just go for it.....forget the others.


-C

[playmatesinpgh]

We agree with the above responses. Just depends on the night. We have been to parties and onpremises clubs where nothing but drinking and kissing happened and on other nights, a full blown orgy happened. Just depends on the people who attend and the mood they are all in.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

Adding some more....

As far as too tame,

We use to go to an off premise club for couples and sometimes it would get pretty wild and other times the same club would be tamer than a family get together at grandmas. It all depends on the crowd. Hell, you might go back next time and find yourself in the middle of a fuck fest.
It is kind of weird how a mood in a club can vary from one visit to the next.

Mr. Naughty's got it just right. Having been to numerous socials you never know what you're going to get (or not get as the case may be, ).

The atmosphere/dynamics of any social will depend on the people who attend on any particular night. Some socials will be extremely tame, some extremely wild.

Living in the basic area that you do, and given your description of the social you attended, I can say with certainty that we have been to the one you are talking about and yes the host you met is one of the nicest and most knowledgeable person you will meet .

What you described sounds like a good moderate social and it seems like you two had an excellent first time.

To answer your questions...

Did we go too far?

Nope, not at all.

Are we now labeled as a 'wild couple'?

No, that's a label that is reserved for me and Ted .

Are people going to be scared of us?

Some might, others won't.

Did we go too far, or does this sound like an unusually tame social?

Moderate in my opinion, seen them milder and wilder.

How might these people react if we go back next month?

Some will probably gravitate towards you, others might shy away from you. There will be those that think you are cool as hell and those that think you are way to wild for their taste. Just remember, you're in this for the two of you, not other people.

Should we move to a different state, change our names, and get plastic surgery?

No, not unless you want to.

I agree with CandTinLorainCo, it's always best to go with no expectations that way you're rarely disappointed.



Teresa

[vysper]

Sounds like for the noobs in the room, you two were the only ones who knew what to do and how to do it

[CandTinLorainCo]

Originally Posted by TNT

"Just remember, you're in this for the two of you, not other people."

Teresa

Exactley Teresa!!!! Couldn't of said it better.


-T

[TheGeek]

Thanks for the words of comfort, guys. Y'know, I was more nervous to come back and check this thread this morning than I was to bang my wife in public.


As far as not having expectations... I know, I know. I can't tell you how many times I told myself that, but its easier said than done. Well, practice makes perfect.

Last night I told L. (Wife of Geek) what I'd posted and asked if I'd been too harsh in describing the other guys in the bang-room, and she said Hell No.

(Now, I'm a cool & collected Southerner but L. is a hot-tempered Yankee)

Her beef was that at this social, and also in lots of the ads we've seen online, it's the women on display. Those guys didn't even unbutton.

I don't want to get off too far on that tangent - it'll probably belong in another thread - but shouldn't the men show off as much at a Social as the women?

And yes, CandTinLorainCo, it did feel like a 5th grade dance. I think that was my main source of discomfort for the evening.

Again, thanks for the comments, everyone!

-J. the Geek

[midnight hour]

You guys did wonders for your first social...ours can run that way...some nights you would think it was a church social other nights you feel like you run into a porn movie head on...
Though there has been times in the play room when we were *deep* into watching that I could have slapped a few loud mouths..our guys will get naked, or sometimes not...the women usually lose more clothes..there always seems to be more oral going on sometimes then any other activity..but that can change
Sounds like you guys had a wonderful time..
Don't worry about what you guys did in the room that no one else did...just think..somewhere that night you guys was in someones fantasy

Midnight Hour

[tribbles]

I'm glad to see the replies saying you two didn't go too far and did just fine. Keep it up

And I wanted to see more naked males too! With wood! We are lucky we live near to hotel/resorts that are clothing optional lifestyle and I can get my fix of naked bodies, especially the males. Most the clubs we have tried the males stayed too dressed up for my taste

[WildMiCouple]

We agree with the rest....you didn't go too far. Just enjoyed yourselves amongst a tame crowd. We'd go to the next party with perma-smiles

When we were invited to an after party room at a recent dance, we were told up front that every one would be getting nekkid....and nobody was going to just hang around with their clothes on and watch

No worries about "did we go to far?" that nite

Brett and Tammy

[BradAndJanet]

Hey...you tried to get the party started. It's not your fault everybody else was a party pooper!

-B