First time jitters

[Sub&Cookie4fun]

Hello everyone:
I've been kind of reluctant to post here because of some negative advice we have received but really need to hear from the experts out there. I posted awhile back about heading to our first meet, the guy backed out at the last minute and destroyed our carefully planned weekend, it was a big let down.

Anyhow,lol, we had our first experience last night and it started out wonderfully and ended in me wondering if I am gonna be able to do this anymore. We had been talking to this wonderful couple everyone was interested we went to dinner, then onward to the hotel. My wife and I had wanted our first experience to be separate rooms but the other couple wanted same room so we went for it. I was cool w/ it, my wife was cool w/ it. They new we were new to this so were going real slow w/ us.

The gal was leading the show and said she was gonna do things like it was for her first time. We played w/ our own partner a bit and I was really turned on, my wife kept asking me if I was ok, and I said yes, because I was.
Then we swapped, the oral was great she did me a bit I did her alot. Went to move to put on the condom and BAM my erection is gone, never to be seen again. She tried, my wife tried, and nothing I even tried talking to my dam penis but he was not getting hard no way no how. Anyhow everyone was real cool about it except me, I was like sh**, I have never in my life been unable to get an erection. Needless to say that pretty much ended the evening.

My wife thinks I psyched myself out since that was my biggest worry, performance. I'm not sure what happened I was really into it then to have that happen was like a major bummer. We then went home and had almost 2 hours of awesome sex, no problem at all. I think being in the same room was part of the problem, we were both super nervous as it was our first time.

Any suggestions would be extremely helpful?

Sub&Cookie

It sucks dude, Not sure why it happens but it sucks. head bang

Like you, I had NEVER had a problem getting an erection until we started swinging.

Everything was there but for some reason the blood flow just wasn't happening.

So Mrs naughty ordered some Viagra and we gave it a shot. It worked pretty good but if I took a whole pill it would give me a headache.

Some say to try viagra (or something similar) and once you get use to swinging or more comfortable it will go away. Some say just having the pill in reach is enough not to need it.

I only experienced this problem with other woman, not all but some. But never had a problem with mrs naughty. Although after it happened once I was so afraid it was going to happen again I think I was doing it to myself. The more I tried not to think about maybe not being able to "get it up" the harder it was not to think about it and the harder it became to actualy "Get it up".

Bottom line for me...

When I needed it, Viagra worked.

[northindycpl]

As a woman, I can tell you that I, too, have had this difficulty in the beginning. It is easier for a woman to hide it, then a man, but the feeling I think is about the same.

For me, I am typically hot to go anytime with Mr. Indy. I was so ready to have some fun. I was so excited at the build up and the anticipation. The minute we started the actions I just couldn't get into it.

For me it took practice, confidence, communication and relaxation. Talking to Mr. Indy, not feeling pressured, knowing that he would only go at my pace, and if sometimes that meant not-at-all, then so be it.

I am happy to say that I don't have issues with our normal play partners any longer.

I think what the naughty's said about Viagra can help, too. Performance, or lack there of, is all in your mind. I think it is all part of the deal with swinging. I hope that you will try again. And find your comfort zone.

And take it slow. Enjoy yourself and relax.

Swinging is a lot harder than it looks sometimes, huh?

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by Sub&Cookie4fun

... we were both super nervous as it was our first time. ...

That's your answer right there.

It happens, especially when you're nervous. Keep trying; you've got to get back up on that horse when it throws you. It sounds like everyone has been pretty supportive and understanding about it, so try to relax and take your mind off the 'lil guy. Is the other couple open to playing again? If so, take your time with her, orally, manually, whatever, and I'll bet things will pop up just like always.

-B

[good times]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

Although after it happened once I was so afraid it was going to happen again I think I was doing it to myself. The more I tried not to think about maybe not being able to "get it up" the harder it was not to think about it and the harder it became to actualy "Get it up".

This is the same problem I had, our first experiance turned out similar to yours and after that my main problem was what Mr. Naughty related above. The more I dwell on it the worse it is. Like Mr. Naughty I got some Viagra and it helped, I am one of those people that if I have the Viagra handy the problem usually doesn't crop up. I think the main problem is that the sex in a group thing is just something I'm not used to and once I start dwelling on the erection thing it quickly escalates and mentally I'm done. If I take a viagra on the other hand I no longer have to worry about it because the slightest stimulation and I'm hard as a rock.

I can tell you that after a while it becomes less of a problem, I think that mainly has to do with getting used to being with others and also as you gain more experiance you tend to think about it less and learn what works for you and what doesn't. I would like to say I have never experianced this problem again, but thats not the case. I have found that if the sex is forced, in other words, if we meet someone and say "hello, lets have sex now" it is more of a problem than if the sex happens more as a natural course of an errotic evening of dancing and sexual inuendo. I have come to realize that for myself I'm not much of a "sex on demand" kind of guy. The problem is that in swinging it often happens that we meet someone for sex, and the sex is expected with very little foreplay or interaction with the one you are going to have sex with. In those cases I just tell the woman I'm with that it is going to take a while for me to get going and if she has a good attitude about it I haven't had a problem and in short order I rise to the occasion.

I also have to say that if condoms are going to be used I have to use Viagra for sure. After a couple of less than satisfying experiances with condoms I actually tried using them a few times with Mrs, GT at home and without using Viagra their just isn't enough feeling their for me to keep an erection, unassisted. Previous to our getting into swinging I had never used a condom before and I think that has a lot to do with it, hard for an old dog to learn new tricks.

Luckily, I am a very persistent kind of guy or I would have given up before we ever realy got started, I know exactly how you are feeling as I went through some pretty depressing self esteem issues when this first happened to me. I have pretty much gotten over that now for two reasons. The first thing that helped is it wasn't long until I figured out that this happens to a lot of guys in swinging. Mrs. GT has had a number of guys that couldn't get it up and lucky for them she is familiar with it and has a really good attitude about it so it has rarely happened more than once with the same guy. The second thing is I have now become a lot more comfortable with the reality that this is something that just happens now and then. I have come to know myself well enough to know that when it does happen now their is usually a good reason, had to much to drink, too tired to get into it, stressed out day, those kinds of things and if it isn't happening I just tell the woman it isn't going to happen and continue on and make the best of it playing with her in other ways. Funny thing is, if we continue on and the woman doesn't make a big deal about it either it usually isn't long and things take their natural course and I notice I got an erection after all, I think this relates back to the beginning of this long winded post when I related that the worst problem in not getting an erection is if you dwell on the fact that you aren't it just makes it worse.

I think this is the longest post I've ever made on this board, I better quit now before the two fingers I type with get all stiff from over use.

[Sub&Cookie4fun]

Thanx for all the info Cookie and I have been discussing this issue most of the day and she thinks I basically psyched myself out. I had taken a Cialis before we ever left the house though I wasn't thinking about it at the time it must have been lurking in my subconcious. On the foreplay thing, I am really big into that to, at least an hour of foreplay is what I really enjoy. Lot of touching caressing, kissing, licking (receiving and giving). There was a little oral on her part which was fine for me and I spent a good amount of time w/ her but we really did not discuss what each liked etc. Another thing that I know I had told her was I really need nipple stimulation and she never touched mine. For some reason now my nipples are like attached to my penis, and if you don't play w/ them then getting an erection is extremely difficult. (not sure why this is lol) since it wasn't that way when i was younger. Haven't talked to her but have talked w/ her hubby and he says we can try again, want to talk to her though before we go making any plans. I know she enjoyed the oral but then that is my favorite. Told him we had wanted separate rooms after the fact but she said they like same room because he liked to watch. We basically just went w/ the flow and didn't push the need to try separate first. I know I'm babbling lol, so gonna get off here. Thanx again for the posts, I will be getting back in the saddle again.

Sub&Cookie

[dutch51]

It's good to hear you're feeling better about things. We don't have really anything different to add, except to reassure you that it does happen and it's not an insurmountable problem. The important thing is to not worry too much about it, or stress out too much, and for the woman to not make a big deal out of it. I (wifey) have had play partners where that's happened and I've just told the guy that it's okay, no big deal, there's plenty of other fun stuff we can do and we can try that again later. Hopefully things will be easier for you next time and it's good that the other couple want to get together again. Definitely though, talk to the other couple about the things you especially like and what the other female likes so you can be more at ease with each other and hit all the best spots

Good luck and have fun!

[DaveNSheila]

The first time we played with a couple it went without a hitch. We got together with that same couple a week later was comfortable and everything was going along and then bam. Couldn't get hard to save my life. The other lady did stuff to me even S did stuff and still nothing. Later when we got home and went to bed I was rock hard and ready to go. It was just nerves. The first time was all about the experience the second time the reality hit and it just wasn't working for me. I haven't had a problem since (knock on wood). I also noticed that you like your nipples played with state that to the person you are playing with and ask them to play with your nipples. It is about all of you enjoying not just one playmate enjoying. That is my 2 cents. D