Our first swaps - Unresponsive partners - HELP!

[confunktion]

Mr. B's conversation with the limp noodle...er, woman brings a question to mind: If you experience an unresponsive partner in the bedroom during playtime, do you bring it up to them? If so, how do you do it and what do you say? If not, why not?

Mr. Funk
Not in the mood for pasta anytime soon.

[sxsurfers]

i see one more option that wasn't mentioned, that would have nothing to do with your hubby's performance....the other lady could have been paying more attention to what her hubby was doing with you... now that could be a jealiousy issue with her, or watching him with another women really turns her on....i think that the first time with a new cpl is not a good indicator ..... if you genuinely like the the other cpl or cpls as friends and as people... then you should not let it bother you...people tend to open up and be more them selves the better you get to know them...and everyone feels more comfortable... just my 2 cents, for what its worth lol

[JustAskJulie]

Were these couples new to swinging? I have a really hard time believing that she came and showed no signs of it. And don't feel bad about peeing on her parade, you may have just saved future partners from the same boredom you experienced.

I would not have a problem with you bringing this up to potential dates in the future. You can express it simply in your ads by including that you enjoy "expressive, vocal partners not passive ones", and if someone asks just tell them you've encountered a couple of cold fish and don't care to go there again.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by confunktion

Mr. B's conversation with the limp noodle...er, woman brings a question to mind: If you experience an unresponsive partner in the bedroom during playtime, do you bring it up to them? If so, how do you do it and what do you say? If not, why not?

Mr. Funk
Not in the mood for pasta anytime soon.

I would have suggested that the wife bring it up to her, "hey I noticed you weren't very responsive with my husband, he's so used to my 'ride em cowboy' in the bedroom that he really didnt' know what to do...." and see what she says. I do think that having the guy bring it up would make her feel much worse.

I think the best thing you can do is confront it head on, hell you are already having a bad time may as well interupt it to find out why. If your wife is on the other side of the bed going at it the way you like to see a woman go, then stop things and whisper to the one you are trying to have sex with "wow watch her go, I just love the way she......"

[EmpyreanPleasur]

I think everyone here has hit upon so many possible reasons that ONE of them is probably correct. The problem is you may not ever really know WHICH one.

The answer is to not give up. Yes, it was a freak twist of fate, to have two such bad incidents in a row and on your first two, but I find it difficult to believe, based on everything I read that Mr.B is a poor or insensitive lover.

Put it behind you and move on. We all have experiences that we learn from. Like Julie's suggestion, I tend to want to rewrite my profile ever time a less than desirable situation comes up..."OK...let's add THAT to my list!"

What's most impressive is that you two are working your way together through this problem. This is an obvious indication of a couple who would be very successful and happy in the lifestyle, so don't give up!

[semntj]

I think you need to be more honest in your meetings! tell the woman up front. "if I have to check for a pulse, Im taking over my wife, and we will show you how it is done"!

Mr.B you sound awsome

[northindycpl]

This was an interesting post that Mr. Indy and I can relate to. Not being very experienced (me) with others outside of our marriage, I thought all women were like me. Until we started to swing. We have met very few women (and some men) that are responsive.

It sounds like you are a good lover. I know Mr. Indy is the best I have ever met. It isn't your technique it is theirs.

I think that swinging is about the variety and the differences that each person has. Some people are quiet and some aren't. We play with a couple that is really quiet and she is very unresponsive and regimented. But the more they play with us, the more they learn from us and the better it is getting. We liked them and saw possibilities, so we decided to cultivate the relationship. It is what we wanted to do.

It isn't fun to hurt someones feelings, and coming close to someones sexual ego is not a good idea, IMHO. If you like this couple and want to continue, then show them your differences. If you aren't interested any longer then keep your eyes open for others, and politely decline their invitations out.

The question is, do you want to see them or don't you. You have enough information about them to make a decision. (before the phone call took place)

[halegamer2]

Hi all, just wanted to throw in my 2 cents worth. My husband and I recently had our first swing experience, and I , to my utter horror, found it near impossible to get into the scene. The couple we were with had been in the lifestyle a few years, were incredibly patient, and attractive to both of us. We had met on one occasion before "the night", and had chatted by phone and also online. My husband and my greatest fear was that he might experience the jelousy that can sometimes happen, and all were aware this was the case. We oppted for separate room, although open door between us, to help ease his concerns. You can somewhat guess my surprise when I was so nervous, I had trouble getting undressed! Now, I wasn't forced, coerced or anything like that, I did want this to happen, but I feel like I gave a rather lackluster performance. I have said as much to everyone involved, they seem to all think I am ok, just was nervous.
I guess all I want to add to your thread is maybe just nervousness was the case? I know that we have been talking with the couple we were with, and planning a future meeting. All think it will be even better, and I still seem to be the only one who felt inadequate. I guess take what I say, use whjat you can, and I'll give more advice when I have more experience!

[Lovethenights]

Originally Posted by sxsurfers

....the other lady could have been paying more attention to what her hubby was doing with you... now that could be a jealiousy issue with her, or watching him with another women really turns her on....

SxSurfers may have hit close to home... One time, I became so entranced watching my wife riding the rod of the other husband, I was likely a less than fabulous partner. When I realized his wife might be getting annoyed or upset with my apparent inattention to her, I hastily offered her my apologies and resumed my attentions to her. After perhaps sensing something, she pulled my face up from between her legs and asked, very erotically, "It turns you to to watch her getting it, doesn't it?" I mutely nodded my head as she moved me to where I had a perfect view of my wife with the other woman's husband inside of her while his wife focused her awesome talents on my manhood. Needless to say, being allowed to watch my wife so pleasured and getting touched so expertly was incredible. After shattering orgasms by both of us, my wife and I made it our mission to return the same intense pleasure to them. It could have gone the other way without sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and a willingness to be flexible... The attitudes of all four of us helped make this potential disaster super. Keep going out, enjoying the fun and the variety of human experiences the lifestyle can afford you both.

[TheSwingerSet]

I do believe that this is so common in the lifestyle that we should add a new rule to everyones playbooK:

Da Rulz:

1) no means no
2) safe sane consentual
3) scream like a banshie

K

[sereneiders]

People reponds in many ways, some are more expressive than others. It's pointless to try to figure out what happend to those women whithout asking them, and if you ask them and they say "it was great", why not to believe in their words?

Having this answer from them, and if the four of you were togheter, it could be important to know if they were new at this as well. A spouse may be affraid of being too responsive with others in front of the partner as an overprotective measure, even when enjoying the game. I mean, we can theorize bad thngs or good things, and it is a matter of taste which explanation seems to work better. What we're chosing is the grounds to feel ourselves happy or unhappy about what happend.

In any case, I believe there's something wrong from the scratch. Your husband played 4 hours with an unresponsible playmate, while feeling bad about it? How so? Why?

It happened to me to meet an unresponsible playmate. I just stop playing! There's no obligation to go on doing something umpleasant. This may happen again, so next time you face the same situation, call it off and move on.

[Cpl2share]

Okay, Devils advocate jumpin in here: Do they have kids? The Mrs. has gotten used to keeping quite after 17 years. It started when we were playing in her parents house while everyone was home. Parents bustin ya for gettin some does not do much for gettin off. After we had kids the concern was first waking them up, and then "grossing them out." Due to that she has become very quiet with only one or two small groans when she comes. Usually they can not even be heard due to other wet sounds coming from elsewhere. I am also very quiet for the same reasons. Doesn't mean that we don't enjoy it, or get off. Also keep in mind that whena womans legs are squeezing your ears you can not hear her moans and if you are in mid stroke when she cums, it is often hard to tell. The Mrs. likes to "work it" inside, which feels just like she is coming.

[flkeyscouple]

Originally Posted by Cpl2share

The Mrs. has gotten used to keeping quite after 17 years. It started when we were playing in her parents house while everyone was home. Parents bustin ya for gettin some does not do much for gettin off. After we had kids the concern was first waking them up, and then "grossing them out." Due to that she has become very quiet with only one or two small groans when she comes.

I'm very quiet too - I've never thought about the fact that it might have a basis in not waking the kids!! I'll have to think about that one. But I really 'get into a zone' and while there, I cannot talk! It's like it's physically impossible! I do groan and moan, but nothing like some others we've been with.

I do have to say that with Roger I can talk - not often but sometimes I'll actually tell a story (fantasy), but NORMALLY I am just as quiet with him as I am with playmates.

It's not that I'm not having fun!! And I am working on it. I am TRYING to remember to say something - but normally I don't remember - I'm in a zone!! facelick

Sarah

[troublextwo]

We have had this experience also. I also believe that it may be due to insecurities within the other couples relationship. The couple that we encountered this problem with the male was the dominating force and she was more of a submissive. She acted like she needed his approval for every little touch, every little action or sound. Whatever you do just don't overthink it or it may come back to haunt you the next time. We have just quit trying to overthink some of the stranger situations and just put it behind us and move on.

[RW1F]

Warning Thread HighJack!

If I may be so bold to talk for the men on this forum........

Ladies, we want to know when you are having a good time. You don't have to scream and climb the walls when you are having a good time (although that's rarely frowned on). A simple "that feels good" or "yea, just like that" is usually sufficient. Men look at women as complicated creatures for good reason. It's because you are. What makes one woman reach the Big O in a couple of minutes may not ever work for the next.

Please, Please, Please let us know verbally or otherwise (in a very obvious manner since sometimes we aint so smart) if you like what we are doing.