Climbing Mount Newbie

[BloomoCoupleFun]

This is just a simple ventilation. We couldn't think of anywhere else we could express our experiences in such acceptance as the community offers here. And we thought that through sharing that we might learn from or offer something of benefit to others

We are like a lot of "newbies" we've encountered. We've so far gone through about 3-4 months of on-line match services, hours of chats, emails, insults, pic swaps, being stood up, being dismissed, vanilla meets, and countless fantasies and what-if brain drains -- all in search of that elusive first couple swap. You bounce up and down emotional speed bumps as you go and in the process learn an incredible amount about yourself and your spouse. For us, the search itself has strengthened and accelerated our own double-decade marriage in ways we did not anticipate. While the search is often frustrating the personal rewards of the process -- for us -- have been just incredible, and more than worth the effort. But we still needed to "break our cherries" with that first couple.

So last night when another "plain vanilla meet" with a similar virgin couple turned to talk of a hotel room, we were excited and ready. We had met in a restaurant for drinks and chit-chat and after about an hour the other male told me that they had come prepared for a full night; even though we all had clearly agreed it was to be just a get-to-know-you meeting with no plans for play. I explained to him that even though the wife and I had not come prepared, we were willing and ready. To break the ice a little further we decided to visit a strip club for even more drinks, poorly spaced with awkward flirts, kisses and touches. We all exchanged almost too many "are you sure you are alright?" checks (are there ever too many?) and the tentative physical contacts & flirts got us all even more excited. Although all four of us had drank too much from nervousness, we were all ready for the next step. The other couple offers to get a hotel room and soon they are driving off to find a hotel and we off to the drug store for necessaries.

We meet at the hotel -- only to find that all hotels in our medium-sized town are full. Major balloon deflation. A few frantic calls by a kind desk clerk and a room is found on the other side of town. Another 20 minutes or so and the four of us were closing the hotel room door behind us. To say we were excited, nervous and anxious would be an understatement. Since none of us had ever done this before we just simply did not know where to start. We awkwardly posted ourselves on adjacent beds and made chit chat to break the tension. First our host's wife uses the bathroom and returns, then my wife follows. She returns with an awful look on her face, kind of pale and sickly looking. I fear first time anxiety and move to hold and reassure her. Then she utters the bombshell comment of the season, and surely of our quest for the elusive first play time: "My period just started". It was no anxiety excuse, just some of Mother Nature's worst timing.

Of all the fantasies we've had, the scenes we've discussed, the "how do you? ..." and "what happens when...." issues resolved, we never thought of that one. Kinda dampened the evening, left my wife feeling awful and embarrassed and turned my focus entirely to her reassurance.

After maybe another hour of conversation, considered possibilities and embarrassed silences we decided it would be best for us to leave. We suggested that we ought to get together in a couple of weeks and try again, that we were still interested in them and regretted the development as much as they did. The invitation was not real well received and instead was met with the beginnings of excuses; like "we might be busy for a while..." and "not sure when we might be able to find a babysitter again...". Didn't help make it much more comfortable for us, so I even offered to split the hotel room cost (on top of already paying for a $125 dinner) which he less than reluctantly accepted. So I left him $60 for the $70 room and began our retreat. Before leaving my wife gave them both a good hug and sexy kiss which they both readily accepted, but when the other wife made no accommodation for me to reach her for a kiss we thought the event concluded and added to the long list of wacky stuff tolerated on this odd quest for sex. We figured the chances with this couple gone and were sure they would not be interested in second try. And we still felt it a degree of success -- we made it through that door quite willingly and know many issues are far past us, and it certainly did not dampen our desire to keep trying!

Imagine our surprise when this morning first-thing we receive an email from them which basically said "We loved you guys and want to meet again, sooner rather than later". And only moments later getting a telephone call from the other couple's wife expressing the same desire and joining our regret for the outcome and desire to try again. An anxious desire (flattered hearts be still).

So now we remain poised on two different potential couples to have share "first experiences" with over the next few weeks, effectively bring another 6 warm (maybe sweaty) bodies to the community; not counting a truly wonderful and experienced couple who appears willing to help guide our education as well... heh...

To any other newbies out there suffering through this climb up the mountain, take heart. There might be a few tarpits you will fall in during the trip, but honesty and compassion for your mate will ensure that he/she will always be there with a smile to help you climb back out. Even the most awkward moments can be turned into positive experiences for fond and humorous memories. And remember: sometimes you just cannot fuck with Mother Nature. Sometimes with the flow you must go.

[BradAndJanet]

What a great post! Thanks for taking the time to write all that down. I'm sure most of us can relate to your story; stuff like that happens sometimes.

Sounds to me like it's all going to work out though!

-B

[graygo98]

What a great post! I was writhing in my chair with every "what do I/we do next??" moment.

Even though the evening took a few twists, IMHO you two are no longer Newbies. The emotional and psychological hurdle is the greatest, after that nature takes over. Sort of like climbing the high board, walking to the end, and scratching up the nerve to throw yourself off. Seems to me that you are both there.

[BloomoCoupleFun]

That was funny to hear. Another friend wrote to say "you are not a newbie anymore". We kinda felt we had crested an unseen level once we entered the hotel room.

But we still figure that until we get well ravaged by new friends we're still in the newbie queue, although nearer the head of the line (smile).

Originally Posted by graygo98

What a great post! I was writhing in my chair with every "what do I/we do next??" moment.

Even though the evening took a few twists, IMHO you two are no longer Newbies. The emotional and psychological hurdle is the greatest, after that nature takes over. Sort of like climbing the high board, walking to the end, and scratching up the nerve to throw yourself off. Seems to me that you are both there.

[Miss_Piggy]

Wow! What a story! I'd also like to thank you for sharing that with us.

Chances are very good that things will get better from here.

[jcbicouple]

Thanks for sharing. We look forward to hearing how it turns out for you. The first "play date" can definitley create some anxiety. Sounds like you've done your homework and communicate well with each other. We're sure date number two will be great!

[eyesonus]

Baby and I had the same type of let down. we were going clubbing for our first threesome and wound up at was essentially a country western bar. Major turn-off...not just the music but the whole no dance, no play atmosphere. We've looked at ads to. You are way ahead of us, we've not even got to cross the door threshhold yet. Your talk about the emotional side was interesting...we feel as if we have learned so much about ourselves and our relationship that the whole, unrequited experience has been good so far for us. We are anxious to dip into the pool though. Good luck to you on your search for fun!

[Dan58Mary]

Wow that was a great story. I hope Dan and I get a chance to have a "Newbie" experience real soon.

[JustAskJulie]

Excellent post, good lessons to all. Many of us have been there in various forms. It's much harder to think back and remember everything down the road. That's why it's great that we have people at all different experience levels here to share and learn from.