What happened first time swinging?

[HotMoCpl]

Sure hope to get a lot of replies to this.

Its your first time swinging. You have your rules and limits are set. What were your limits? When you got there, what actually happened?

[northindycpl]

Ok... We made the date with 'our' couple and the day of the date, we actually went through every possible combination of activities with a pen an paper deciding what was ok and what wasn't.

Mr. Indy and I were very clear of our boundaries, and that is exactly what happened when we got there. It was great! Our rules were clear, everyone was on the same page, and everyone had a wonderful time.

Whenever we meet any one we want to play with we go through the same process. Some limits and boundaries are different for each couple we meet. It works for us!

[SnozzberryBlu]

Hmmm which first time? LOL

Ten years ago:
No rules, no idea you could have rules, no idea what to expect or what we have a right to expect, etc. Did not even designate full, soft swap.

Results:
A complete cluster *&@$!!!! Nothing happened really, we all sat there, the other male sort of made a little move towards me. My husband tried to begin touching her. She was stiff as a board, literally... her hubby lost interest in me.. we drove 90 miles home very disappointed. Needless to say after the same scenerio happened with three other couples we determined this was crazy and stopped.

This year:
Upon our return we found this site, found we were allowed rules, some basic expectations, learned the lifestyle ethics and manners, laid out our wants/desires clearly in a profile.

Results:
Great experiences!!!! Ok, sure I know one month is not enough time for a lot of clusters, but hey, it's worked so far!

[HotMoCpl]

Okay, here's what I meant.

The rules and limits as a couple. What was the limit? And....what really happened? Surrender

[SnozzberryBlu]

Sorry about that.. .I thought that is what I answered ?

First, we had no limits/rules... and it messed us up totally. Second time around we had limits, and our experiences have been very good.... hence, rules and limits overall are a very good thing to have.

If you are looking for specific rules/limits...
*we require the woman to be bi.. not just curious... and a real bi.
*no pressure to play
*if we can't chat and talk on the phone a few times, have a first no pressure date, etc.. then it won't happen
*no pain, watersports, anal etc.

We have several more... if you are looking for ideas, I suggest browsing the Swing Lifestyle site and reading profiles. Every limit you can think of is in there, and we used that to compile many of our own that we had not thought of.

[northindycpl]

Our limits vary by couple, but with the first couple it was,

-No swolllowing (MRS)
-No Anal
-No passionate kissing
-No unsafe sex (especially MRS)

The sex part was unbelievable fine. I really thought it would be a big pressure for us. We had discussed the rules before meeting the other couple and they were in agreement. I (MRS) am alergic to latex and was very fertile. I was concerned about having another man who was not VAS safe. I also had to make sure that Mr. Indy didn't wear a latex condom with her, and then with me, as that casues a lot of irritation, with the latex powders still on his dick. It takes awhile to wear it off. I was also a little hesitant about having sex with another man.

If 'our' couple got a VAS I would have sex with him no problem!

To tell you the truth, I thought our first time was perfect in so many ways. Everyone really like each other, we all have terrific communication, we all want the same things, and everyone knew eachothers limits a head of time and really respected them.

After a couple of vertical meetings with this couple, before we played, we both exchanged emails explaining our rules, boundaries, what fantasies we had, etc. It was really nice to go into it knowing what to expect.

Our first couple also has had a lot more experience with this than we did, and they were very good to us!

[CowboynVixen]

See,

The rules are vastly different for everyone.

With us, M'Lady loves to swallow and being a long time in the medical field, I felt this was as safe as sex gets with strangers,

With us it wasn't so much as rules, as signals we initiated when we hit our comfort levels. This, because as one poset said, the rules are different with each couple, but boundaries are a very personal thing and if your boundaries are a little tighter than your mates, you must use yours.

The way to make your rules, is:

- discuss before hand what is comfortable for you.
- what are you comfortable seeing your mate do with another?
- what are your safety boundaries?
- be ready for emergency meetings in the bathroom or in some other private venue to adjust your rules as needed, but do communicate with each other before changing them.

something you will notice, is your rules will change as you mature in the lifestyle or your relationship with people you meet. They will vary to a great degree when you get friends in the lifestyle and as often happens, these friends become closer than any set of friends you have ever experienced before.

rules in swinging couples are like water, they will find their own level.the important thing as always, is immediate and constant communication and never take one for the team. You always without exception need tobe where you want to be.

Have fun and stay loose.

[Vespertine]

Prior to having our first experience, we decided that intercourse was off limits for us. We wanted soft play only because we weren't sure what we'd be comfortable doing. In theory, everything sounded great! But since we had only discussed it and fantasized about it and never particpated, we thought we'd start slow for the first time.

When we actually played, that rule was quickly cast aside. We were both so comfortable with what we were doing, we knew we could not only handle it, but enjoy it tremendously!

[DBL D]

Hey HotMoCpl,

It was kinda sprung on me so I didn't have a lot of time to think about it.

Our "rules" were anything goes (in the same room) and use a condom for intercourse.

We thought it went well as the other couple told us what their limits were.

We have since found out that we really don't have that much in common with them. We now know that we will meet lots of couples and they will be closer to what we are looking for.

As they say, enjoy the search to find your "perfect couple(s)". Then after a while... facelick

Hope this helps.

Male D

[looking2swing]

We have some of the same basic rules: we don't play alone, safe sex, all people must be comfortable. Our first experience was with a new couple, so things went slowly, but it was a lot of fun. We have amended some rules and things may change while we are at the club. All of us are always in agreement of what is going to happen, or it doesn't happen.

[northindycpl]

Yes... we are different for everycouple, and different from a lot of you. Like with swollowing, that is a very intimate thing for Mr. Indy, and knowing that, he is the only for me to do that for facelick

On the other hand, I do not care if other women swollow him at all. I would be glad for him to enjoy himself so completely.

It is funny how when you are with the couple how your feelings can change.

Has anyone any regrets? Like in the heat of the moment, you decide something, everyone agrees and then the next day you feel differently?

Once... we decided to have a woman, and since this had been a long time Fantasy for Mr. Indy, I think I jumped into way to fast. Not only did I have a horrible sunburn, but I was so geared up with getting it done, I wasn't thinking clearly. I just wanted it to happen. So we picked this couple whose husband doesn't play and she (older than me) takes me upstairs with our husbands to watch.

Geez!!! Once there I just wanted it over more than words could ever describe. We were so new at swinging, we hadn't worked out our signals very clearly and i didn't know what to do. I literally just wanted to jump up and run out. I stayed, faked an orgasm and we left shortly after.

Now, in hindsight, this taught us very valuable lessons about our communications ability. And it could have been worse, far worse. I just regret it.

[borrowlend]

We had rules such as no kissing (MF), and safe sex. But we were unsure about the full swap. The other couple made us feel so comfortable that my man and I asked each other if it ws ok and both agreed so we swapped. It was great. And we kept our other "rules" in tact.

[WesternSwing]

We had our rules set out, which were pretty basic, such as condoms, same room, etc. But when it all started happening and we had all a little too much to drink the condoms didn't get used in the heat of the moment. Everything turned-out okay though. We talked about it the next day, and the next time we played with the same couple we made it clear about our condom rule, which was not problem with them.

Mr. WS

[growgirl]

well... it's almost a hard question to answer for us... We discussed our individual comfort levels with each situation that might happen, i.e. kissing, oral, fingering, anal, intercourse, etc... For each of us, our comfort levels were different so our "limits" were different. At our first house party, growguy knew I would be comfortable if he had the opportunity to have sex with another woman while he thought he might be uncomfortable seeing me with another guy. He was honest in admitting that he might not be uncomfortable either, he would just rather err on the side of caution. As it went, he was asked to participate with another woman and had a marvelous time. He was comfortable seeing me give and receive oral and the next time we played with a couple he gave the okay for a full swap and we haven't looked back. We have the basic rules that aren't up for discussion, i.e., condoms, playing together (although at a house party, it can mean playing in separate public areas like him in the hot tub on the patio and me on the couch in the living room) and for him no m/m. We see a lot of "new ideas" since we were monogamous for 16 years, and try to use every opportunity to discuss them and what we think about them.

So, to answer your question, we didn't have a set of rules or a limit, just a constant line of communication before, during and after a playdate.

GG

[JakenReenie]

Reenie and i don't have many hard and fast rules but our primay one is that neither of us do anything that the other is not comfortable with. That may change from time to time, and there are a lot fewer things we're not comfortable with after 14 years than there used to be. We like to play in group situations and as long as we arrive together and, more importantly, leave together, everything in between the arrival and departure is pretty unstructured and unregulated.

I remember a guy talking to a young couple years back at a party. They were brand new and had so many rules that nobody dared to even try to play with them. This guy told them to buy a notebook to write down all their rules and then to buy a diary to write down the dates that they broke them. His thought was that they would either get out of the lifestyle or they would dump most of their rules within a couple of years.

I wish I could say I knew how it turned out.