We Did It!!!!!!!!!!

[simba101]

After 2 months of discussing it, my husband and I finally lost our "virginity"! A female friend of mine was here on Friday night and one thing lead to another and the 3 of us ended up in bed together. It was amazing! Not only was it very fulfilling to try out my bi-curious fantasies, but what happened between me and hubbie was sexually out of this world. Thanks for all of the advice and words of wisdom from this group! We're so ready to do this and more again.

But, we do have an issue. My female friend is married and her hubbie is not the least bit interested in swinging. He knows nothing about Friday night. I am feeling guilty because she cheated on her hubbie with us. We're all friends and our kids even play together. What in the world do I do now??? We all had such a great time but I'm so afraid that we've opened the hugest can of worms.

M

[Spoomonkey]

Put the worms back and close the can...

Worms aren't as tasty as they look - take it from a monkey...

Spoomonkey

[Alura]

What makes you think your friend's husband is not interested?

Alura

[ninaandjeff]

have sex with her hubby and you all will get started!

[Spoomonkey]

Even if the husband is interested, they now have to cross the whole "your wife cheated on you bridge." Not a pretty scenario at all...

Now - had they put the horse BEFORE the cart... Well, that would be a whole other story..

Spoomonkey

[DBL D]

Not a great start except that you guys got a taste of the real deal.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that things can't be undone or improved upon...but if her hubby is not interested then I don't know what the 3 of YOU can do.

The two of you can continue on, if the idea of cheating with her bothers you, with other like-minded folks.

Male D

[simba101]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Even if the husband is interested, they now have to cross the whole "your wife cheated on you bridge." Not a pretty scenario at all...

Now - had they put the horse BEFORE the cart... Well, that would be a whole other story..

Spoomonkey

You are so very right, but unfortunately for my conscience it already happened. My husband is telling me to quit feeling guilty and we should just leave it alone. But I just can't turn it off in my head that she cheated. At the time, it wasn't even on my mind...obviously. We know that her husband isn't interested because she's asked him numerous times and their marriage couldn't handle it anyway. The really sad thing is that it was our first time and while we enjoyed it immensely, I feel that we didn't make the best choice and I'm having trouble living with it. But it was so much more comfortable, for me at least, to be with someone that I know so well for our first time. And I am quite certain that she is going to come back for more which I will have to put a stop to until her situation improves.
Is this one of those learning experiences that you've all been talking about? Is this a big taboo in the lifestyle? Does this not typically happen? Is this a "rule" that we've broken?

M

[intuition897]

Spoo is right. Stuff the worms back in the can and sit on the lid. Seriously, sex might be a lot of fun, but it's not worth the kind of pain I see coming down the road. It's great that you guys had such a great first experience, but my advice would be to not play with your friend again. She's committed adultery, and that's proof that her relationship with her husband is unstable. Dangerous territory. I'd suggest that you let them repair their marriage and then only play with them if they've been able to deal with her cheating, and they decide that swinging is for them. Otherwise, let it be.

[DBL D]

From intuition897:

"She's committed adultery, and that's proof that her relationship with her husband is unstable."

We don't know that for sure. She could have got caught up in something. Some people keep things hidden, like their bisexual desires, from their SO. Like I said, the damage can be undone! She will have to upfront with her Hubby about this. As she can see from other posts on this board, he just may appreciate her courage and forgive her!

Male D

[CowboynVixen]

mmmmm yikes,

This last post is just as scary as the position you have jumped into. The truth is, damage has been done.

The fact is, you have a few issues to deal with now, and you and your husband are going to have to deal with some of them.

1) She played with someone else when her marriage was rocky.
She has to address this and it is not going to go away or heal itself.
2) She cheated. no sugar coating. Again, she and her husband are going to have to deal with it. Now or when it really blows up.
3) Your kids and thier kids may soon have a wall between them. four of you are going to have to sift through that one.
4) You cannot go back in that garden of eden unless one of two things changes. She leaves the marriage, or he joins once repairs have been successful.
5) You mention your guilt. You and your husband are going to have to deal with that. You and only you two will be able to come to terms there. This group cannot answer that part for you, only offer their experience.

You have gotten a lot of good advice from this thread, but your first priority is going to have to be you, your mate, and your family. The biggest share of the burden will have to be with your friend and her family.

Take what you can salvage from your experience. As you say, it was wonderful and it will be a memory that can make you warm for years, but learn from it. Back slowly away from the shakey relationships because it will be you who will be branded by the person left out of the wonderful memory.

We have a rule in our life, where when we hit a brick wall, we dont turn 180 degrees, we only turn 90. keep moving and find your new freedom, dont turn and run.

Hope this helps.

[RW1F]

Well lets see if I got this straight,,,,,,,

You and your husband jumped into this with both feet.......

Your "friend" also jumped in..........

Your "friend" is married and her husband would not approve..........

You knew your "friends" hubby did not approve...........

Maybe you oughtta think about what a "friend" means to you?



Don't mean to be too rough on ya as I don't know all the details, but I would never do that to a "friend". There are plenty of willing sex partners in the world but true friends are rare and not worth throwing away over an orgasm.

[Miss_Piggy]

Originally Posted by simba101

Is this one of those learning experiences that you've all been talking about?

YES!

Is this a big taboo in the lifestyle?

Cheating is a big taboo. It's usually best not to get involved in it. But, what's done is done. As already mentioned, this is one of those learning experiences. Learn from it and move on. Don't get sucked into feeling guilty about it.

Does this not typically happen?

I don't think there is a "typical" scenario here.

Is this a "rule" that we've broken?

There are no cut and dry rules. You do what you do. However, with this experience under your belt you might want to add some appropriate rules (such as not sleeping with cheaters, given that it doesn't appear to be working for you).


I firmly believe that there is no use in feeling guilty about this. A more effective reaction is to look at what you can learn from this experience. You have already talked about the positives it has had for you and your husband. I would also try not to get any more involved with the cheating situation.

[Ofrdcple]

Been lurking here for a while and have to say that you'll get some excellent advice here. I think Miss Piggy and a couple others nailed this. As for the stone throwers who have never made a mistake, screw them. It’s too hard to chase them across water anyway. The fact that you have addressed what you think may have been a mistake says much about you. I have to agree that even though this experience was great sexually, in the end, it probably will be more of a learning experience. Move forward. It’s not the fun that you are having that makes you feel guilty. It’s where you found it that does. Guaranteed, when you find the right situation, without the guilt and other baggage it can only get better.

[HotMoCpl]

I agree with the Monkey, worms arn't very tasty. Two things could happen here: 1.) She convinces her hubby to swing. 2.) Give it up.
Remember, 'You can't have what you never had'.
Cheers.

[simba101]

Originally Posted by Ofrdcple

The fact that you have addressed what you think may have been a mistake says much about you. I have to agree that even though this experience was great sexually, in the end, it probably will be more of a learning experience. Move forward.

Thank you for treating me like a human that makes mistakes and can own up to them.
I appreciate all of the feedback from everyone. I knew that I would have to take some tough critiscism, which is difficult, but I think that is what I was looking for. There is nothing about sex with anyone that should feel wrong if it was done for the right reasons in the first place.
My husband and I have already talked about it until we're blue in the face and we/I will be telling her that we just can't "play" anymore. It's just not worth it. I'm hoping that our next experience is much better.

Thank you everyone for your kind AND direct remarks. It was much needed!

M