It was fun.....but....

[EvilMJ]

Well, we had our first full swing experiance. Over all It was pretty good.

I had one small moement of insecurity but after speaking to my husband and my best friend I got over it really quick. However, her husband is a different story. He got quite upset and claimed that his wife abaondoned him, then he said he was mad at himself for getting upset because he really didn't have any right to. My husband and I both agreed that his real problem was that he had absolutely no problem having sex with me, but didn't want his wife with my husband.

He is 23 years older than his wife and myself so he may be a little intimidated to have to share her with a younger man (but i could be wrong on that)

Anyway, after much talking (I swear we talk more than we play :rollseyes ) he said that he was fine with it but maybe we shoudl slow things down and maybe just play around with each other and then husbands have sex with their own wives until we are all truely comfortable.

My husband and I are okay with this. ALthough we are concerned that he is never really going to get over his jelousy. He kind of ticked me off a bit as well the next day when we had a bunch of friends over for a BBQ, I was sitting there with my son, who had promptly fell asleep on my lap, and E kept making lewed comments. I had made it clear that my main "no no" that we do not make reference to, or "play" with each other's spouses when we are not together as a group.
I ended up leaving early because I was getting worried that he was going to let something slip in front of everyone.

SOooo..to end this lenghtly story our friendship is still good, my marriage has actually gotten better since we did this (we have been trying to explore as many of each other's fantasies as humanly possible) but I am a little nervous that E wants to have his cake and eat it too.. and not share. I am sure this is a common problem...please tell me it has worked out positively

[stoutgatte]

Sounds pretty much like a situation I'd like to avoid. I'd suggest shelving any play with them till he sorted out his issues, or at least keeping to soft activities only.

And please remember, there are other couples out there without issues. They may just be a more comfortable avenue to explore...

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by stoutgatte

Sounds pretty much like a situation I'd like to avoid.

I would have to agree with stoutgatte on this situation. If the only issue was this mans insecurities due to age differences, I would think that giving things time, soft swing, etc., might work. However, he stepped way too far over the bounds, IMO, with his lewd comments, and most assuredly so with your child lying in your lap - sleeping or not. If he had no more respect for my need for discretion, that would be the end of the line for me.

please tell me it has worked out positively

It probably didn't turn out to be the MOST positive encounter you could have experienced ormight have in the future, but I imagine you've learned some valuable things. That's positive! And most of us have had to go through some of those learning processes. Good luck.

- EBF

[tina78]

I can honestly say I wouldn't want to deal with that kind of drama. This man sounds pretty immature about the situation, and not ready at all for the experience. I'd avoid them all together, possibly not even play with them again. I've not yet had my first experience in this lifestyle, but I can say for sure if this sort of thing happened, I'd not participate with that particular person again.

[EvilMJ]

Oh I think I should add that after reading my post I probably made my friends husband sound worse than he was.
THe problem at the BBQ is that when he starts drinking he can't seem to keep hism mouth closed, and he had mroe than he should have had to drink. His wife pulled me aside and asked me if he was being too obvious and if he was I should "shut him down" so to speak.

Needless to say I am still on the fence as to whether or not we are going to do anything of a sexual nature with them again. If we do things will have to change a bit

[stoutgatte]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

However, her husband is a different story. He got quite upset and claimed that his wife abaondoned him, then he said he was mad at himself for getting upset because he really didn't have any right to. My husband and I both agreed that his real problem was that he had absolutely no problem having sex with me, but didn't want his wife with my husband.
... snip ...
but I am a little nervous that E wants to have his cake and eat it too.. and not share. I am sure this is a common problem...please tell me it has worked out positively

These are the lines in your post that made me say:

Originally Posted by me

Sounds pretty much like a situation I'd like to avoid.

He's not comfortable swapping. So don't, not until he's ready. If you feel uncomfortable with him you should not be swinging with them. The situation sounds like one that can cause you lots of trouble, and ruin your friendship...

Him not wanting to share is not a common problem, it is the problem of someone who shouldn't be in the lifestyle. If he cannot allow his wife to swap, why should he get any? Except if this is the arrangement beforehand, which it clearly was not...

[JustAskJulie]

Were I in your shoes (and I'm glad I'm not), I would shut the whole thing down. This is a very good example of why many agree that playing with friends is a bad idea.

As far as talking more than playing, that really should be the case. But then if you are in the middle of playing and having to stop every 5 minutes because someone is having a crisis then I'd be questioning whether or not that person should be even attempting to swinging.... and whether or not I should be helping them to do so.

There is more than one relationship at risk here. Your friendship with them is one of those and by continuing to swing with them you continue to put that relationship at risk. The more he has a problem controlling his tongue and the more problems he has with jealousy towards you guys for whatever reason the more strain that puts on your friendship and the more likely that when all is said and done you won't just lose swing partners.

The other relationship at risk is their relationship as a couple. If they are not ready to be swinging (and by "they", I mean either of them or both), and they continue to pursue it, it will put a great strain on THEIR relationship. And by helping them to pursue it you may be helping them hurt their marriage, something I'm sure you don't want to be a part of.

These are just things that cross my mind as I read your post without being involved in the situation to see it first hand. In the end you are there and have to make your own decisions. Just remember to weigh all the risks against the benefits when you do.

[SexhoundDog]

EvilMJ,
I hate to toss in yet one more message of advising you to shut it down, but a couple things come to mind.
1) He's 23 years older than the rest of you and he's the most immature?
2) He's fine with boinking you but has issues with your husband doing the same to his wife? He doesn't want to swing, he just wants some different pussy yet doesn't want his wife to enjoy different cock. That ain't fair, I'm sure glad I'm not her!
3) His mouth runs when he drinks and he gets a bit lewd with you even in public? Classy guy. I get so tired of people (in this case, even his wife) making excuses for their behavior because they've been drinking or stoning. I don't know if you value discretion in this lifestyle like most of the others do, but I can promise you this. If you keep playing with them, it's just a matter of when he's going to "out" you by running at the mouth.

If you like them, keep 'em as friends, but they're the last folks I'd play with. And, sooner or later, him playing with you while his wife doesn't get to play with your hubby will become an issue between you and her. I see this as a lose lose situation. Good luck.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by SexhoundDog

His mouth runs when he drinks and he gets a bit lewd with you even in public? Classy guy. I get so tired of people (in this case, even his wife) making excuses for their behavior because they've been drinking or stoning. I don't know if you value discretion in this lifestyle like most of the others do, but I can promise you this. If you keep playing with them, it's just a matter of when he's going to "out" you by running at the mouth.

You beat me to saying it SexhoundDog!

- EBF

[EvilMJ]

Well guys, thanks for the advice. But I think I pretty much knew what I have to do.

My husband and I were speaking last night and we both agreed that we aren't going to do anything further with them sexually. She is my best friend and I don't want to mess up our friendship, or her marriage.

It seems that three of us are more than ready for this type of lifestyle but my feeling is if he couldn't handle it then, he is never going to be able to handle it. And you guys are saying what I was thinking, he wants new pussy but doesn't want his wife to have fun.

The downside is that I doubt my husband will want to persue this through any other avenue as he is not really willing to bring strangers into the mix....

I guess I will have to get creative

[JustAskJulie]

Just because you don't opt to turn old friends into swing partners doesn't mean you have to swing with strangers.

If you do opt to continue pursuing this I would suggest that you do so in a "friends first" arena, either through ads or off-premise clubs. There are many couples out there who feel as you do that they would rather be friends with people. But when you get to know people with the idea of swinging always being there it helps things a bit and you aren't risking long standing old friendships for sexual fun. Off-premise clubs are great as well because the two of you can go and have fun and flirt and make friends without any pressure. As you go on a regular basis you will make friends and may find some that you can begin to enjoy outside activities with as well.

[stoutgatte]

Dito to Julie's suggestions... You don't have to play with friends only, you can make new friends who are also swingers and once you feel comfy with them take it to the next level...