Jump to content
coquinous

Wife wants "spontaneous" but I'm considering "arranging" something...

Recommended Posts

Hi every one, we have been to a couple of swing club, without participating, but we both enjoyed it very much, due to the fact that we are more voyeur than exhibitionist, but we were quite shy. Any how, we have decided that it'd be fun to "mingle" with an other attractive couple, probably just to watch/be watch at first, and who knows afterward. But my wife really wants it to be spontaneous, and I think the club scene might be too intimidating at first, so I was considering "arranging" something with a couple, that would look like a "hazardous" meeting in Vegas, or so, but it sounds very complicated, and risky. Any advise or idea? Thanks

Share this post


Link to post

 

...so I was considering "arranging" something with a couple, that would look like a "hazardous" meeting in Vegas, or so, but it sounds very complicated, and risky. Any advise or idea? Thanks

"Hazardous"

 

What do you mean, exactly?

 

I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you're considering doing. It would be a big help if you could clarify.

 

:Welcome:

 

LM

Share this post


Link to post
"Hazardous"

 

What do you mean, exactly?

 

I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you're considering doing. It would be a big help if you could clarify.

 

:Welcome:

 

LM

 

I'll go out on a limb and posit that he might have meant happenstance, but it sure took me a while to wrap my head around that. At least I hope he meant happenstance and not hazardous!

Share this post


Link to post
At least I hope he meant happenstance and not hazardous!

 

It might be hazardous to him if she finds out that it is a set up.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm not really sure what you meant by hazardous either, but I'm gonna try my best to answer this as any advice?

 

I do have advice... I just wouldn't do it.

 

I'd be a little angry if Dave decided to set something up behind my back and here are some reasons.

 

  • Does he not trust me to make my own decisions? What if the people he picked out for this "spontaneous" romp wasn't anyone I clicked with?
  • What if this type of arrangement wasn't what I was looking for? What if I wanted an all male or all female thing? What if I just wanted a quiet night with a couple to play with?
  • What if I wanted to go to a club to meet a couple or a select single?

 

Those are just to name a couple of things that would probably make my night not so wonderful. I love spontaneity, and I totally dig it when we go to house parties or hotel parties. I like that we pre-arrange meetings with couples or singles, but I also like having a say in who I play with.

Share this post


Link to post

My wife and I are kind of in the same boat as we like to show off a bit, but haven't made the leap to swapping. We ended up going to a club and just got to meet some wonderful people. Just go and be yourselves. Discuss the ground rules with your wife and try to follow them.

 

Just like everyday life, there will be people that you like and others you may not wish to be around. As you get to know other couples, you will become more comfortable with the scene and the spontaneity will happen.

 

Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post

While you are arranging things you might want to arrange a pillow on the couch for when you get home.

 

Since she is already agreeing this might be fun if it 'just happens" then why mess with things and get yourself kicked to the curb?

 

Don't be in such a hurry to mess with your life.

 

You have a wife that is willing so let things flow as they should.

 

As my wife has said to many guys, why do you guys always do your best to not get laid by messing with the simple things in life?

 

Us men are our worst enemy most of the time. :surrend:

Share this post


Link to post

As a person who really, honestyl hates planning and loves spontinaety.....I would be soooo angry at my husband for doing this! My feelings would be that he was pushing what he wanted on me, that he didn't care about my wants/needs/ comfort level.....oh boy could I go on! I do not think this is a good idea. And have you thought about the feelings of the other couple? I would be angry on that side of the situation as well. Really, are you in that much of a hurry to push everyone into an akward situation. I think "hazardous" was a very good word to describe how that situation would end up if it were me that was involved, in any way.

Share this post


Link to post

Rather than doing something that is bound to blow up on you, since you are in Palm Springs, if you two are okay with nudity, why don't you talk to your wife about spending the day, or evening, at Sea Mountain Inn on a Saturday. If you can't stand the thought of nudity, some of the rest of this is likely n/a.

 

At SMI you can relax, work on your tan, no pressure, in a sexy atmoshere, be a voyeur, meet people or not as you wish, and be as spontaneous as the two of you are ready for. The first day we were there spontaneous meant enjoying the sun, chatting casually with the folks on the next lounge chairs, drinking a few of Dewey's margaritas, and being pleasantly surprised at how sexy things were there.

 

There are lots of threads on the Board discussing honest couple communication. Spontaneous is one thing, surprising your spouse is another. Spontaneous can be good, but most people really don't like surprises they aren't prepared for. Discuss that there is a lot of sex at SMI, but you participate or not at what ever level you wish.

 

There are also lots of threads on this Board discussing taking things slowly. If, as a couple, you are not ready for SMI, then perhaps spend the day at Desert Shadows or one of a dozen other nudist places in Palm Springs where you can dip your toes in a very "pre-lifestyle" experience, for lack of a better term...get a tan, read a book, go out to dinner afterwards and discuss the experience and what to do next.

Share this post


Link to post

My late wife liked spontaneity a lot. She, however, was not loathe to make "spontaneity" happen, if she could.

 

Never bullshit your wife about anything. It will come back to bite you!

 

Alura

Share this post


Link to post

Clarify your ideas...

 

If you are planning a situation where its by surprise, DON'T.

 

I would suggest, talking it out between you both, if you are ready to make the leap from watching to participating and she isnt, and doing what it seems you are suggesting? Well, you might as well call a lawyer now as well.

 

AND to clarify further.. The talk I am suggesting must be about reality NOT her fantasies or Yours.

 

Let me get specific, My Wife has fantasies, a few variations on the same theme abduction, forced sex.. But, bringing those to any form or reality, is way to dangerous. And the horror stories of people that actually DO set this up.. well, its not worth it.

 

Seperate the possible from the likely.. and go from there

Share this post


Link to post
Hi every one, we have been to a couple of swing club, without participating, but we both enjoyed it very much, due to the fact that we are more voyeur than exhibitionist, but we were quite shy. Any how, we have decided that it'd be fun to "mingle" with an other attractive couple, probably just to watch/be watch at first, and who knows afterward. But my wife really wants it to be spontaneous, and I think the club scene might be too intimidating at first, so I was considering "arranging" something with a couple, that would look like a "hazardous" meeting in Vegas, or so, but it sounds very complicated, and risky. Any advise or idea? Thanks

 

Ok two things to talk about.

 

First is the spontaneous thing. I think thats pretty common for newbies, especially the women, because that way its not 'dirty' it just happened. Its a way of absolving responsibility to their own guilt over it. Claiming 'heat of the moment' as a cognitive dissonance type of thing, rather than, 'we called them a week ahead of time and I want to give him a BJ so bad'.

 

As for setting it up, thats going to be a catastrophe most likely. Finding a couple ahead of time, willing to play along, is going to really limit you on what kind of couple you are going to find. Good swingers have learned to avoid 'the reluctant wife' type of encounter. So either they are good actors and you 3 set this up, maybe it works, and then your wife finds out and is potentially pissed, OR it just doesn't work out at all, she finds out and is pissed right away.

 

You wife is reluctant to swing for some reason. If that reason is just embarrassment, then you need to get that in the open, but if she just doesn't want to all the set up is going to do is lead to drama.

Share this post


Link to post
Ok two things to talk about.

 

First is the spontaneous thing. I think thats pretty common for newbies, especially the women, because that way its not 'dirty' it just happened. Its a way of absolving responsibility to their own guilt over it. Claiming 'heat of the moment' as a cognitive dissonance type of thing, rather than, 'we called them a week ahead of time and I want to give him a BJ so bad.

 

LOL!! Is it common for newbie women? Because we think it's dirty and we feel guilty? LOLOLOL! Love the wide generalization there....

 

Althought that could be applied to many situations, just like all generalizations/stereoptypes can be (otherwise no one would think them up), I think it is unfair to make assumptions, especially ones with a negative connotation. At least that's how it came off to me. But then, I felt a little included in that one ;)

 

I, myself do not feel setting things up ahead of time are dirty or wrong, nor do I have guilt, I simply love being spontaneous. Is that possible with our vanilla life or swing life? Rarely. But I can still have a preference for leaving some things to happen as they will.

 

Didn't mean to change the thread here, but I had to pipe up on this...

~Mrs76

Share this post


Link to post
LOL!! Is it common for newbie women? Because we think it's dirty and we feel guilty? LOLOLOL! Love the wide generalization there....

 

Althought that could be applied to many situations, just like all generalizations/stereoptypes can be (otherwise no one would think them up), I think it is unfair to make assumptions, especially ones with a negative connotation. At least that's how it came off to me. But then, I felt a little included in that one ;)

 

I, myself do not feel setting things up ahead of time are dirty or wrong, nor do I have guilt, I simply love being spontaneous. Is that possible with our vanilla life or swing life? Rarely. But I can still have a preference for leaving some things to happen as they will.

 

Didn't mean to change the thread here, but I had to pipe up on this...

~Mrs76

 

There are always exceptions, but I think Chicup is correct. Most often when someone wants to "just let things happen" will be due to wanting to absolve responsibility. It is important to recognize the situation that you are in and be self aware enough to understand what is going on. Either with you, or with your spouse. (those are royal you's btw, not including the specific 'you' in there).

 

Based on the description here, I'd agree with Chicup.

Share this post


Link to post
LOL!! Is it common for newbie women? Because we think it's dirty and we feel guilty? LOLOLOL! Love the wide generalization there....

 

Althought that could be applied to many situations, just like all generalizations/stereoptypes can be (otherwise no one would think them up), I think it is unfair to make assumptions, especially ones with a negative connotation. At least that's how it came off to me. But then, I felt a little included in that one ;)

 

I, myself do not feel setting things up ahead of time are dirty or wrong, nor do I have guilt, I simply love being spontaneous. Is that possible with our vanilla life or swing life? Rarely. But I can still have a preference for leaving some things to happen as they will.

 

Didn't mean to change the thread here, but I had to pipe up on this...

~Mrs76

 

A Man and his son were once going with their Donkey to market. As they were walking along by its side a countryman passed them and said: "You fools, what is a Donkey for but to ride upon?"

 

So the Man put the Boy on the Donkey and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: "See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides."

 

So the Man ordered his Boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn't gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: "Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along."

 

Well, the Man didn't know what to do, but at last he took his Boy up before him on the Donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The Man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said:

 

"Aren't you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours and your hulking son?"

 

The Man and Boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, till at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey's feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them till they came to Market Bridge, when the Donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the Boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the Donkey fell over the bridge, and his fore-feet being tied together he was drowned.

 

"That will teach you," said an old man who had followed them:

 

Please all, and you will please none

Share this post


Link to post

Susan here-- I would never do anything in swinging that we both were not fully aware of and in agreement with ahead of time. Has the word 'deception' ever been used in a positive sentence ? Keep it genuine and transparent. See, when you're doing something that is not completely honest, there are one hundred things that can go wrong. If you can think of fifty of them, you're a genius. You're not a genius.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By Trophy1802
      We are heading to Cuba on May 4th and will be staying at a non-lifestyle resort. As we enjoy getting together with other couples or inviting another guy to join us for some threesome fun, we are wondering if anyone has had any luck in attracting or getting the attention of potential interested play partners at non-LS resorts?
       
      If so, does anyone have any suggestions/tips/tricks that could help us in seeing if there are other people in the LS like us that may be willing to explore the possibility of some adult fun during our stay? After all, we are sure that we are not the only LS people that frequent non-LS resorts from time-to-time.
       
      Thanks and all the best to all Swingersboard members.
    • By MadlyInLuv
      The wife and I were discussing all of our swinging meet and greet dinners that never panned out. Many of them went really well and proceeded to planning stages for a date, but then aborted close to go-time.
       
      This could be just our perspective, but to us there seems to be a lot of people that fall into one of the following categories:
       
      -- They are in it to try to find a female for the wife. They have failed finding a unicorn, and so they have moved to the couples category and think they can just 'figure it out' and tolerate the spouse. Some of them even imply that they center around the girl play and get dodgy about what the guys are going to do while all of this is going down.
       
      -- The husband is clearly into it, and the wife acts into it but she doesn't interact as much. This inevitably ends in a last minute permanent flake where they disappear from the universe all of a sudden.
       
      -- Chatters. They meet for dinner and get excited. They chat enthusiastically for sometimes weeks trying to line schedules up. Time comes around for the play date and they bail.
       
       
      It's actually a welcome relief when couples figure out that our interests don't align very quickly and stop talking. That saves EVERYONE a lot of wasted time. I have a lot of regular good ol' American vanilla hobbies in my wife and I really don't want to waste weeks of energy for something that isn't going to go anywhere.
    • By SimpIySexual
      Okay so I feel like this is probably pretty common amongst new swingers but I need to discuss it with someone cause I feel kinda bad.
       
      So me and my wife started swinging and have only had 2 experiences so far, both at the swing club near us.  Both times me and my wife went she (a social butterfly) found someone within a couple hours and completed one of her fantasies both times.
       
      The first time I wasn't present with her I was just outside the room in the main play room. I did this to let her try it without any pressure or influence from me.
       
      The second time we dvp/dped her and had a lot of fun. Like 30 people stood around watching her wanting to get involved
       
      So my problem starts a few days ago when we got into a mild argument and she said "well it's kinda fucked. You have got to see me fuck another man. I've done it twice, but you have yet to do anything with another woman."
       
      So personally I'm an extremely shy and introverted person. She always thought I was the catch cause when we met in highschool all the girls were falling over me and I only had eyes for her. Well she walks into the club and literally everyone is looking at her. I don't have "game" shit Idk how to even flirt. 
       
      It's not because I feel bad or like I'm cheating, I could honestly give a fuck less about that sorta stuff. I just don't have the confidence to go to a woman I find attractive and shoot my shot. I grew up extremely abused and so rejection to me is something that crushes me. When you learn to never ask for anything being denied when you finally do just ends your confidence.
       
      So really my question, is this normal for one partner to be the clear catch and able to go find partners where the other partner can't find anyone due to confidence? I dont want to make her mad because I don't ever do it but I also don't want to force myself to go fuck someone I don't even find attractive or something just to make her happy.
       
      I am totally content in our swinging choice and everything else. This is really just one of those things I hadn't anticipated. I hate it cause I know I'm attractive. I just have 0 confidence to test it out. 
    • By Beaverbumper
      Where are the swinger sites for those of us that are 55 and over? We may be as they say over the hill but we sure as hell ain't under it...so come on all you older swingers, let's form a website of our own.
    • Guest herpescpl
      By Guest herpescpl
      How do you find other couples who like to swing that have the herpes virus? I can't believe that no swingers have the virus, since 1 out of every 4 adults in the United States have herpes according to some major health organizations. Please respond!
×
×
  • Create New...