How to find swingers as attractive as us?

[Ebonheart]

Greetings,
Would appreciate any honest input to a current issue my girlfriend and I are now trying to overcome.
We are both young by the life style standards 27 & 24, but enjoy a very secure and loving realtionship without the hindrance of petty insecurities. She has been bisexual for most of her life, having dated both men and women. We have talked many times about how she misses women in sexual encounters and how she would love to find a playmate for herself and I.
Our problem is this, we have gone to a few swing clubs and have yet to find a couple to our liking. I am a rather good looking guy I would assume, but my lady is amazingly beautiful by almost everyones standards. Regardless of where we venture, whether to a movie or dinner or a nightclub, she always seems to be the center of attention. We could easily pick up a good looking girl at the local nightspots but have found that often mixed emotions arise from that person, with emotional attachment being the most common. We thought swinger clubs would be a good spot since most couples there are secure in their life choices and have few hangups over the issue. But everytime we go, we find that she is heavily flirted with but by no one we would consider to be attractive. I do not intend to sound snobish, but our desire for sexual fantasy is strongly influenced by our own personal standards of sexual beauty. It seems we are most often surrounded by age 30+ couples and singles with moderate weight problems and average facial beauty at best. Any suggestions on how best to find an equally beautiful woman for sexual play, who shares both our enjoyment for kinky sex without future comitment, and like physical qualities?

Thank you very much!

[ September 26, 2002, 07:10 AM: Message edited by: Ebonheart ]

[mehim]

I do not intend to sound snobish, but our desire for sexual fantasy is strongly influenced by our own personal standards of sexual beauty. It seems we are most often surrounded by age 30+ couples and singles with moderate weight problems and average facial beauty at best. Any suggestions on how best to find an equally beautiful woman for sexual play,
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i was debating if i should answer. and here it goes ... maby you should try a beauty pagent, i dont think you find your perfect beautyfull face and body in a swingclub ....!!! im 49 with normal figure <i think> very sexual but never consider myself beautifull ,you dont know what you missing ,when you just go for a pretty face,im sorry to say. i dont like people who just go for a perfect body+face ,and dont give the rest a chance. i still wish you luck <me>

[Ebonheart]

Not sure if a pagent is the best place to find an open minded gal of beauty looking for some good swinging fun..lol. Its not that we are looking for perfection, just we would like the same standard we have always dated. Neither of us see the need to lower our standard just because we like to swing. We hear alot "you don't know what your missing" but frankly I seriously doubt either of us would find sexual gratification in someone who neither of us, if single would even be attracted to. However I have found it much easier to court a pretty girl I meet by chance while single, than now trying to go "hunting" for a beautiful lady with the attention to bring her home for not only a one night stand, but with my girl as well!..Needless to say this is a sexual preference not shared by the masses. If swing clubs are a bad choice then what other avenues might be a good choice. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks again and good luck and fuck to you all

[mehim]

Neither of us see the need to lower our standard just because we like to swing.
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oh boyyyyyyyyyy ,i hate that saying .sound like you feel better than everybody else .maby you open a club on your own ,named hwp and beautyfull...see what you get for reply....i bet ALL SHALLOW PEOPLE....i am sorry every body got their own taste. i just hate it when people look down on others, because they not seem to be up to their standard...good hunting....<me>

[ciscosv]

The only thing I could recommend is to place "adult" personal ads with a pic of you two that specify what you want. We all have our own standards and expectations in whom we play with. Some people look for beauty while others look for personality. It sounds like you are after a lady or couple that dont exist in this lifestyle. I will also have to say: Good luck!

[TeamSoBe]

Ebonheart, I'm 28 and I feel your pain. It's very common for younger couples to be more interested in physical beauty. As couples get older they tend to focus more on friendship and less on looks, but at our age it's pretty normal to go after the hot people when you're looking for sex. You'll get a lot of resentment out of the older people if you even mention it, so I have basically learned to keep my mouth shut. They can call it snobbery if they want, but if I were single then there is zero chance that I would be chasing after a 45 year old woman, so it's hard to understand why the rules of attraction are supposed to somehow be different when you're a swinger.

My advice is to find the appropriate community. In a lot of areas there are parties specifically for a younger, "shallow" crowd. There are some circuit parties like Fling and Bliss where the whole point is that the party is full of 25-year-old models. The girls all have implants and personal stylists and wear this season's fashion, the guys all have 3% body fat and abs and fat wallets. If you ever visit LA or Vegas or Miami then you can check out a party like Skin which doesn't bounce around to creative locations as much as Fling and Bliss. Take a look at Tryst, for a listing of other stuff like that, and you'll find links from those sites.

We're headed for the Skin Party in South Beach this weekend, it's an off-premises thing at a very trendy night club. Here's a recent article about it from a local nightlife newspaper. (No, we are not affiliated with the party, that's not self-promotion.) They are very serious about the velvet rope and they will just flat-out not let you in if you aren't attractive enough. That kind of attitude irritates a lot of people, but hey, it's all about sex. We like being surrounded by hot, fashionable people when we're looking for people to have sex with. We don't want to go to a swing club full of middle-aged people that don't work out and wear golf shirts when they want to dress up, we just don't fit in.

If you can't travel to Fling or Bliss or something and you don't live anywhere near something like a Skin Party then you might just be out of luck. Lots of areas have a subculture where you would fit in just fine though, you might live in one.

[OhioCouple]

Ebonheart,

The search for a single woman will be a very difficult one. The quest for even one of average beauty is hard enough for anyone of any age group. If you choose to opt for a couple your chances are slightly better, but then finding a couple that meets both of your criteria can prove just as disheartening as I have seen many raving beauties committed to less than average partners.

It is not uncommon to desire to be within your own age circle surrounded by people who are just like yourselves. So I understand your plight. Generally as you get older the way you view friends or swinging partners adjust with your own growing maturity. I am not calling you immature by any means, just that it is a fact of life, the more you experience and learn, the more you mature.

I doubt seriously that placing an ad with your picture will help you. As a matter of fact and I think most people will agree with this, placing an ad invites every oddball in the world to respond. You will spend more time sorting thru the pic collectors and men posing as women/couples in order to get your attention.

What about some of the women that your girlfriend had relationships with in the past? Are they an option? TeamSobe has offered you some great advice on how to meet with the type of people you desire. Hopefully you will find some success through one of those contacts.

Good Luck!

Lori

[imsnowman]

Ebonheart, you've done a very good job of ignoring/humoring the flammers. Stick to your standards if you feel you must to enjoy the lifestyle. You'll be happier in the long-run.

But, think about it statisticaly.
Beautiful woman: low percentage of the population.
" " that swings: low % of the already low %.
BW that swings both ways: even lower % of the above.
You're looking for a needle in a haystack so you're going to have to be very patient.

Also, if you write in again instead of saying "meets our standards" try saying "jerks our chain" or "has chemistry with us". Less painful for some people to read. Maybe not quite so many insults hurdled at you.
BTW, insulters we don't share their "standards". just like to see honest people looking for help treated nicely.

[Chicup]

While we are a 30 year oldish couple who could lose some weight, we are not offended either. Finding someone you find attractive can be hard, and takes a lot of time. If you get lucky its a friend or someone you happen across but for us its been posting internet adds, sifting through the liars, losers, collectors, and wackos. It can take months finding people who all click together. Its worth it when it happens though :p

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by imsnowman:
BTW, insulters we don't share their "standards". just like to see honest people looking for help treated nicely.

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I personally do not think that anyone has hurled an insult, they merely offered their opinions based on their own experiences. I am not sure where this comment is coming from or where it is directed towards. Perhaps you could clarify this for us?

Lori

[imsnowman]

Two very sarrcastic responses obviously written in anger:
"i was debating if i should answer. and here it goes ... maby you should try a beauty pagent, i dont think you find your perfect beautyfull face and body in a swingclub"

"oh boyyyyyyyyyy ,i hate that saying .sound like you feel better than everybody else .maby you open a club on your own ,named hwp and beautyfull...see what you get for reply....i bet ALL SHALLOW PEOPLE....i am sorry every body got their own taste. i just hate it when people look down on others, because they not seem to be up to their standard...good hunting....<me>"

end of discussion.

[L&K]

I agree there were some post written with anger ,,,,,,,

We too have our own standards , every one does though we may have a lot wider scope of what we find attractive it still is a preference on every ones part .

I do think you are looking for the needle in a hay stack as it was put , but looking is part of the fun . I asume you do not find people older then you by a few years attracitve , you mention every one at the clubs are 30 +

There was a post in here some where that suggested Young folks start a web page or club for the younger swingers , i think that is a good suggestion , many folks are age
( 42 ) are not interested in swinging with a young couple either , though the reasons are not one of looks it is still a prejudice against the younger age group .

for what it is worth i think your post was written intelligently and ask a simply question not to be smart mouth , do try to find a more POLITICALLY correct phrase . God kows this country needs more politically correct phrases . now that is sarcasm

M

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by M & S:
many folks are age( 42 ) are not interested in swinging with a young couple either , though the reasons are not one of looks it is still a prejudice against the younger age group .

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I don't agree that a prejudice exists in regards to age. A preference perhaps, but not a predjudice. We are in the 40 plus age group and prefer to swing with those in our age group. Why? We share more thoughts and ideas in common having learned them while traveling the road of life. Our bodies have probably changed considerably due to surgery or age in itself, something that the younger age group hasn't had to face yet. It is more of a comfort level.

We have made quite a few *younger* friends in the clubs we have visited and we enjoy their company, but we are not sexually attracted to them. I can be relatively sure that they are not attracted to us either. We probably resemble more of a parent type figure to them and they resemble more of a child of ours figure. It doesn't mean that we can't have a social relationship and enjoy each others company.

After all everyone is there to enjoy uninhibited expression of their own sexuality, sometimes it is social only, in other scenarios it is both physically and socially. A matter of preference, not predjudice. At least that is how I see it.

Lori

[ September 27, 2002, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: OhioCouple ]

Perhaps a local "escort" could fulfil your girlfriend's desires.

[Ebonheart]

Many thanks to you all for your input on the matter. While I certainly meant no offense, I knew when posting this that many people feel slighted when one speaks of personal standards. Whether this is from an occuring sense of personal shame for their own beauty or a jealousy aimed at those that have it I am not sure. I only meant to ask a question regarding partner selection. If otehr couples can have a prefernce against specific races I surely see no reason for my lady and I not to have a preference on what we find attractive.
I would like to thank TeamSoBe for your well guided insight and recommendations. You were truly helpful and I thank you. Thank you also to all the others who gave me some input, whether postive or not it serves as a clear reflection of the swinging community, young and old.(numerically gifted, for those who must have PC terms)
Many thanks
Ebonheart

[ September 27, 2002, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: Ebonheart ]