What do you look for in a playmate?

[JustAskJulie]

When you are looking for a potential swinging playmate (or playmates) what do you look for?

Do you and your partner look for different things? Is there anything that conflicts between you and your partner that make
it harder to agree on potential playmates?

[Avantgarden38]

Well, we hate to seem shallow and actually confess this but we always look at the pictures first. . .

We are attracted to people that are similar to ourselves, but not clones of us. We both like petite women and the men can be either thin or big, but not sloppy. As long as they aren't ugly we really don't have a specific preference for physical apperance. Age is also not an issue. Personality goes a very long way but we have found that there still has to be a physical attraction. Also, when people are beautiful and have no personalities, that does not work for us either. We have realistic expectations and select a couple as a couple, not individual people. We look for a balance of all these things. We believe it to be almost impossible to find the "perfect / ideal" couple, especially if you are looking for two specific individuals.

We could build our perfect couple from couples we know if we mixed and matched their spouses.

We also like a couple that lives close to us and a couple who actually have the time to swing.

We also spend a lot of time using written communication. We like to touch base with our couples often and writing gives a good idea of education and similar interests.

We look for sexy people that could also be our friends, we spend time dating before we jump in the sack. We work on the friendship first and the great sex just seems to follow.

[tazzie_n_truck]

When we are looking for people to swing with, because we are looking for friends first, we look for people who have similar interests as we do. Because when we are together, and not doing anything sexual, we have things that we can do. We always like to find people who we can go camping with, having cookouts with, just people who we can hang out with and feel comfortable with.

[fun_pairTX]

We look for people that are funny and spontaneous. We have no time for "dating" as it can be several months before we can get our OWN schedule together again never mind make it match someone elses. Age is of little consequence although we generally stay above 30.

[SluttyWife]

Beauty, brains, bi. We prefer very selective couples like ourselves. I am terribly drawn to Latin women while
Mike is much more flexible.



Slutty Wife

[b_and_sc]

We usually go for the 'friends first' thing, but have to admit that we also look at pictures first too...if there isn't a physical attraction, it can be difficult

Since we have little kids, we usually try to look for married couples who also have kids (that way when the babysitter can't make it, they understand)

b

[Miss_Piggy]

I'm a little embarrassed to admit, I tend to look at the numbers first. Age, height, weight...
But really, that is not the deciding factor for me. Although I do prefer women who has a just a bit of weight on them.

I'm so shallow.... :slam"

Really, the most important thing is that their interests are close to ours. We like to be friends with people and that is much easier if we have a bunch of stuff in common.


~Piggy

[sensualtouch]

As a straight single male, I look for a woman, couple, etc. with whom I feel a compatibility in our personalities & sexual interests. Even if it is going to be just a one-time meeting, I like to , at least, have a feeling that friendship could be possible. As a physcal fitness enthusiast, I prefer partners who are in reasonably good shape, but a good personality is more important than shape.

[chatt_cpl]

As a new couple the first thing we looked at is the experience of the other couple. I guess we feel more comfortable around an inexperienced couple, so our expectations are more likely to match, we are more comfortable in our lack of experience. I guess we feel that we don't have to measure up with someone at our same experience level.

Age is a factor for us, as we are fairly young, younger than the average age of a couple interested in the lifestyle. Not from the perspective of physical looks, but from maturity. We feel more inclined to trust an older, wiser partner(s). But we feel more comfortable around someone our age. Something of a paradox, but it also helps us decide where to go from there.

Other than that, just general compatability. Expectations, personality, we just have to get the feeling that we "click". We have talked to many couples and individuals, and found one that we just clicked well with, and are going to meet them. We are talking to another couple, older and wiser than us, but inexperienced and are hitting it off very well with them.

[sexypairca]

We tend to look for genuine people that have Monday to Friday woes just like the rest of the world and look to cut loose once in a while on the weekend. Married with children seems to fit the profile, we can empathize with the bumps in the road when plans go sour.

We tend to disagree on the age factor, he leans toward younger and I tend to look older. We prefer to see pics as we've been dupped before but don't rely on them for this reason.

Open and lighthearted top the list, out to have fun and share in good times regardless of sex. If they don't cut it as a friend, they won't cut it as a playmate.

Annette

[good times]

We look for people who are sexually stimulating, both mentally and physically. I have often seen people say that looks aren't important, but it is to us, and really, I don't see how that is possible. If you don't find someone physically attractive, I don't understand how you can get sexually ecited about them. Personallity is important too though, I don't know how many times I saw somebody that looked like a 10 but after talking a few minutes they became a 2. So, I would say we initially go by looks and if that is good then we see if our personalities mesh.

[The Fuse]

Well, certainly the first thing you see is how your potential partner looks, and he (and she) have to be sexually appealing. That's not necessarily the same thing as good looking. My favorite playmate is someone who would not turn heads on the street, but the second he smiles at me I just melt and swell in all the best ways facelick .

So I guess we do filter a bit on looks, but if the way someone looks doesn't turn us on, we still look for other reasons to like them as long as they aren't UNattractive to us. sexypairca mentioned lightheartedness, and I think that's important too. Swinging is supposed to be fun. We were with one couple who, although everyone had fun, they didn't seem to take any particular joy in the experience. They are the only ones we're not chomping at the bit trying to get back to. I've had a couple of partners who had ED issues -- but I'd still rather be with either of them than with someone I didn't have a good "feedback loop" with.

We like for people to be at least mildly intelligent, funny, and enjoy a good conversation. Most important is their attitude -- are they out to enjoy good company, or just to "score"? Do they have a good sense of self-worth without being too arrogant?

Other things on the "checklist" (so clinical) are a solid relationship, loving attitude toward one another, a willingness to be flexible, and usually a certain range of calendar age.

But the most important thing is...when I look at someone, or think about him, does that "undefinable thing" happen? If it does, then look out...

[Spoomonkey]

I wish I knew...

Honestly - I went freaking nuts for a woman who was really not my type at all. I won't say what it was about her that "didn't add up" but basically, she was WAY outside of my strike zone...

Until we started playing pool...

And flirting...

And the next thing you know - we are having the wall banging, bed breaking, cat mewling sex that people write to Penthouse about.

Had we not played pool - I wouldn't have given her a second look - but the chemistry there was incredible. I just wish I knew what the hell her name was

I tend to go for cute - I love cute. Hot is wonderful - but cute just cuts me down. And cute can be in the way a woman smiles or in the way she laughs or in the way she can jabber about anything. Cute is almost impossible to define to a single trait.

Spoomonkey

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Well, certainly the first thing you see is how your potential partner looks, and he (and she) have to be sexually appealing...lightheartedness...Swinging is supposed to be fun...We like for people to be at least mildly intelligent, funny, and enjoy a good conversation. Most important is their attitude -- are they out to enjoy good company, or just to "score"? Do they have a good sense of self-worth without being too arrogant?

Other things on the "checklist" (so clinical) are a solid relationship, loving attitude toward one another, a willingness to be flexible, and usually a certain range of calendar age...

You pretty much summarized our thoughts!



Looks are a factor and our image of ideal physical beauty probably isn’t far of from what the media often portrays, BUT looks are certainly not what closes the deal for us. Like others on here have found, fun in the bedroom is not always directly related to initial physical attraction.

Here’s the fantasy:

We meet a couple who looks like Jessica Alba and Johnny Depp…they have our attention. Now we find out they like to laugh and smile, are obviously in love, and they are obviously turned on by us…hold on! Finally, we realize that as hot and fun as they are, they are a little silly and dorky in a way too, AND aren’t afraid to show that side…it is going to be a long, sweaty, exhilarating evening.

[intuition897]

Hm. Kinda hard to put your finger on.

Chemistry is definitely one of the most important factors. We have our preferences. For example, Mr. likes women who are curvy (big boobs, little waist, big round juicy ass) and long dark hair. I'm drawn to an attractive face, with pretty eyes and full lips, and good bone structure. Good hair. And I this thing for men who are short-ish. Like 5'8" to 5'9". Neither of us are attracted to those with excruciatingly thin or fanatically athletic physiques. We seem to be attracted to people who look like they lead happy, balanced lives.

We've played with people before who were NOT our types, and we had a great time with them. But the thing is that there was just a chemistry there. Can't be explained, it's just there. As Mr. said, they have to make us think of sex when we see them.

EDIT>> Oh yeah. Duh. And attitude. If we get the impression that they probably should be at home working on their relationship instead of trying to play with us, it's a turn off. Or finding out that they're married...just not to each other. Good night Mr. Happy!