Pros and cons of meeting couples online or at a club?

[xlr8tr&A]

We have been talking about trying this lifestyle for many, many months, and originally we both thought that starting at an on premise club was the best way for us to start. Now D(male half) has realized he may be more comfortable going through the on line personals, I (female half) am not too sure about going that route because it's too personal for me, maybe since I am just a newbie I could change my thoughts on it later or get more experience in the lifestyle, but for me right now with no experience, I like the club idea because you can meet a nice couple that you can spend a little time with and we will know if there is sexual attraction or not and then maybe have some fun together, but there is no obligation afterwards. We were wondering if the club was the way to go for the first experience into the lifestyle or if we should meet with other couples that we could get to know a little and possibly feel more comfortable with? The reason we ask is because D thinks meeting another couple from on-line personals would give us more control over finding somebody we really felt comfortable with, and it would save us alot of time and travel because the club we wanted to visit is a fair distance away, and planning a trip like that is difficult with a family. I see the pros and cons of both, but what do ya'll think the pros and cons are, and which way would you reccomend.

[TNCountryCpl]

We are new as well so keep in mind I am not speaking from much experience! Just my thoughts. . . I would imagine there are many pros and cons to both and would depend on what you were looking for. Personally, we decided to go the on line personals route because we thought it would give us more control over who we wanted to meet--we could find out likes/dislikes, other common interests, ect. That, so far, has worked very well for us. We progressed to being comfortable chatting online to talking on the phone then to meeting. We have only done this with two cpls so far and meeting both cpls turned out to be very comfortable. We were also able to have more conversation as well since we had already "talked" online and knew the basics about each other.

The club route is intimidating to me for some reason though! I am a fairly shy person until I get comfy and get to know someone--then watch out!!! It seems it would be difficult to really get to know someone with all the excitment at the club though.

Why can't you do both? Post an ad and go to a club? If the club scene doesn't work out then you'll know and can stick to the online ad--or vice versa!

Well, just our opinion. . . . hope you find what works best for you.

[shoreguy]

Don't worry either way. It's not like if you go to meet a couple for dinner and drinks that you're obligated to play at all. Very few people just meet for sex alone. In fact, many people have rule not to play on the first "date" so they can think and talk it over alone.

You'll have plenty of time to get to know people, chatting online, and meeting for dinner or drinks. You might also be more relaxed in a more "normal" setting for that first meeting.

Plus, in our experience, we've made more casual acquaintances at clubs, but more possibilities for lasting friendships with people we met online. YMMV.

[Chicup]

Depends on what you are looking for.

If you are looking for sex without the longterm friendships, I'd stick with the clubs. Thats not to say you can't have a longterm friendship from a club, just that you are more likely to find the 'sex NOW' types there.

We have always had better long term luck meeting people online, just be sure to make sure they are real first. (call them/have them call you)

[OhioCouple]

I agree with what everyone says here. Basically it boils down to 'What are you looking for in swinging relationship'. What works for us, may not work for you at all. Both avenues have their advantages and dis-advantages. Our particular preference is meeting people for dinner and going from there. We are not much into the club scene for reasons that don't have anything to do with the casual sex. More so the noise, the smoke and the inability to have a conversation without shouting. Again though, we don't care for a regular night club, with our everyday friends for just the same reasons.

Determine what you would like to walk away with from your first experience and go from there. I particularily like TNCountryCpl's idea of testing the waters through both avenues. Neither require that you play on a first meet and you'll get a better feel for what suits you best. We have revised our policies on how to meet people several times and after two years, I think we have finally figured it out.

[xlr8tr&A]

Well, we've decided to try both routes. I have no problem going to the club scene, but A still has a little bit of uncomfortablness with the online ad route, so I'll have to be very careful about how we approach it. We did find out we were wishlisted by a couple that we had both found attractive and interesting, so we sent them an email. This was our first proactive step in the lifestyle, so we're both a little nervous about whether they'll write back or not. The club trip keeps getting put off because we're going about 5 hours away for that, and we close on our first home thursday, so we're not sure when we'll be able to go. Hopefully soon! Anyway, thanks all for the great responses. D&A

[cpl4playmass]

We like the online personals. we've met a larger group of people than we could have if we stuck to the clubs. I need to feel comfortable and doing meet & greets are a nice way to find out if anything is there. My gf relaxes pretty easily and jumps right in, so for her the clubs work better, but we go the speed of the slowest (me).

[Sonja&Brett]

We're lucky to have a great club, Freedom Acres, just 30 minutes away. So, for us the club was the easiest way to get a taste of the life style without fearing to much involvement too fast. We love the club so much that we've never tried the online personals but might one day.

[wylie]

Well for us we have chosen to go the couple route. Partly because of the distance and mountain pass factor of the club scene. I emailed a couple who's ad said they were members of an off premise club. The closest one to us. They in turn put us in contact with a local couple who are freinds and also members of the club. It has worked out great. They are really nice, make us feel comfortable, genuine, and open. We have only just begun our exploration and as yet there has been no sex involved but in the future we see many intersting things unfolding. They have even offered to take us and be our guide at the off premise club at which they are members. So I suppose we may have the best of both worlds in our future.

[remox]

NOTE: EXTREMELY BIASED OPINION TO FOLLOW!

My 10 reasons that on-premise clubs are the way to go (in no particular order).

1 - You cannot misrepresent your appearance with a face to face meeting.

2 - You cannot long hide your personality in a face to face meeting.

3 - If couple"X" does not appeal to you, move on to couples "Y", "Z", etc... without starting a time consuming search all over again.

4 - The club will help lookout for your safety as it is in their interest to do so. Not necessarily so for hotels and there is only so much an off-premise club can do.

5 - Clubs are nuetral territory, NO going to a stangers home or having them come to yours.

6 - No personal information need be exchanged (telephone numbers, e-mail addresses etc..) You can stick with first names.

7 - Club goers recognize that some nights there will be people that they wish to get to know better and that some nights there will not. Thus they are less likely to be offended if you are not interested in them specifically (see also #3 above)

8 - Clubs often provide ice breaking activities, saving you the trouble of trying to figure out "what now?".

9 - It is the clubs business to provide for you all the little niceties and details that will enable you to have a relaxed evening without having to sweat the details.

10 - Clubs are fun. Some couples aren't.

[good times]

Dito well said Remox.

R

[passion8]

Some very good points there RemoDito

If you're just entering the lifestyle I think it's much easier to start having sex at an on premises club - there's other people doing it so it feels quite natural to be acting the same way as them. You can also just have sex without swinging, you will probably find it incredibly horny and by the end of the night will know a lot more about whether the lifestyle is for you and you will also be in a better position to judge if you want to take the personals route or the club route to continue the adventure.

Also you'll appreciate having a long drive home the next day because you will have so much to talk about - in private! As much as I remember my first night at a swingers club I remember the rest of the night back at our hotel and then the feeling the next day on our long drive home.

Whatever you decide good luck