frustrated about finding a compatible couple to swing with

[sccple29073]

Does anyone ever get fustrated. i know similar topic have come up about this and maybe i am just posting to rant..lol. But we are feeling extremely fustrated in finding people
I have been actively bi for a little over 2 years and hubby and I have decided to try swinging (a few attempts, noted in another post)
Now our biggest problem (and maybe it's something to do with us being new to swinging) is that we are looking for a couple that we can "play" with on a on-going basis, exclusively. but it just seems everyone we have met so far is more into one-night stands.
My questions are 1)Is "this couple" as rare as single bi-females looking for cples. 2)Does everyone start out looking for this? 3) Could it be us?

thanks in advance for any comments or suggestions

[Alura]

If it's "just" you, it's "just" us, too. We've been playing for most of our 20+ years together and only with one couple at a time, five in all.

If you choose to play that way, as we do, you have to resign yourselves to long searches between couples. It's well worth the time involved.

Alura

[Chicup]

We are the same way. It took us months to find the first couple to hook up with and a year+ to find one we really clicked well with.

The first we thought we thought were 'it' we played with a few times, full swapped, and then they sent us a dear john and jane email.

Months later we found a couple which with we have a lot in common with and have really hit it off.

All I can say is don't rush it, no point in lowering your standards out of frustration.

[RnKin Fla]

We agree, it is very difficult to find "that" couple. *sigh* We thought we had found a single female to play with on a regular basis, one of our long time friends, but she turned out to be not what she said. Good luck with your search!

[sportync]

Alura, although Mrs. Sporty and I have been to gether 20 years as well, we have only been active recently except a 1-niter with another girl early on. But, like the rest of you, we are also looking for that one couple that clicks, and that you can feel safe and comfortable with. It's not about notches on the bed-post, or a hot new piece that you haven't tried yet...it's about eroticism and fantasy-fulfillment and enlarging the scope of your marriage to include sexy people you are close to and trust. Your marriage is well worth investing enough time to fine the right people, not just new people. Take all the time you need and until then, fantasize what you will do together when you finally do find them. It wouldn't hurt to write some of them down, so that when you do find the right couple, you can share them and then perhaps fulfill them. Sportync

[sueandmark]

quote:

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Originally posted by sportync:
It's not about notches on the bed-post, or a hot new piece that you haven't tried yet...it's about eroticism and fantasy-fulfillment and enlarging the scope of your marriage to include sexy people you are close to and trust.

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I would disagree with this part of your quote. Swinging is whatever you and your partner want it to be. Some people like having just one couple to play with; others like playing with many couples (essentially one night stands). As long as there is no deceit towards another couple, to each his own

[OhioCouple]

Rather than be frustrated, think of it as the same sort of search that you probably did for your spouse. Someone who is compatible, shares your likes and dislikes and with whom you
immensly enjoy their company.

Finding that special couple is going to be as difficult as your mate was to find. Granted we are talking about two different levels of emotions here, but regardless the solution is the same.

You may find yourself going through dozens of meetings, sifting through profiles and endless email and chat. Eventually though you will come up with what you are looking for. Do not settle for anything less than what you are seeking. Patience is the key.

Lori

[SwingerSet]

quote:

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My questions are 1)Is "this couple" as rare as single bi-females looking for cples. 2)Does everyone start out looking for this? 3) Could it be us?[/QB]

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We also search for that elusive couple that we can spend time with in and out of the bedroom. But instead of looking at as a fustration we try and enjoy the search, the flirting and sexual tension. yes we do end up with one night stands, which we take as a learning experence. We do have friends that we have played with many times but by no means are exclusive to us. finding two people that are sexual matches is harder than finding a needle in a hay stack. So take your time and enjoy the search and have fun .

J.J.

[OhioCouple]

There have been a few questions lately about the frustration in finding the right couple and the length of time to do so. Perhaps we can get a few more response to this which may really help a lot of our new members know that it isn't unusual at all, actually quite common.

Lori

[JamesTKirk]

Hi,

Yes, my wife and I have the same problem. I am generally more open to the female half of the other couple than my wife is to the male half. But we're new and I think my wife just needs more time to get comfortable with the whole process. But, yes, we find ourselves attracted to half of the couple at a time in general, which makes hooking up with a couple a little difficult. As a result, it has taken us quite a while to find a match. But that's just part of the process I think. My $.02 anyways.

[Brit_Pair]

It took years as opposed to months for us to find a couple who:

(a) wanted the same level of interaction that we did;
(b) we felt comfortable with;
(c) we were attracted to.

You can be as fussy as you like when you’re looking for your ideal playmates. Just be prepared to put in the time. They’ll be out there . . . somewhere.

[MattMann]

If you are looking for more than one niters, it is a difficult thing to get four people who all are equally attracted to each other physically and personality-wise. Plus, my wife seems to be a rarity in that she really prefers men to women and even though she has no problem being with women she doesn't consider herself bi, so we don't seem to be what a lot of ads are asking for. We have come pretty close to perfect with the last couple we met, they seem to have met all the things we were hoping for:

- close to our age
- close to our location (well 45 minutes away, but I have given up finding anyone closer)
- also had kids, and near our kids age
- great sense of humor
- mutual physical attraction
- just fun and easy to be with

I doubt you can ever find a "perfect" match, but finding good friends you can have platonic AND sexual times with is a great thing, at least it is what I have been striving for. I would like to find more, but it ain't easy.

[FlyBiNiter]

It's not "just you". We have felt frustration in the search for friends to play with as well, as we both are pretty selective as to the type of person we are willing to share our partner with, not to mention ourselves. It has meant that our experience level is very low, but better that than a string of lousy encounters that we regret later, we believe. It IS somewhat like the search for a mate in a way, as far as I'm concerned. While some people say it's just sex, and all you need is a body, I figure I gotta look up sometime, and hopefully, I'll see someone I can talk to and socialize with away from the bed/kitchen table/floor/yard/etc. A big requirement for a lot of us is the friendship aspect. Someone we can talk to without being judged because of our sexual activities. After all.. how many of us can speak freely to our family or our "straight" friends about swinging ? We want playmates who are our friends too. And for me, personally, I think my mate deserves someone with a great personality, just as he feels that I deserve someone who will treat me with respect. So, the search goes on, but ya just gotta keep the faith. They're out there, somewhere, probably feeling the same frustration you are, and when the timing's right, you'll hook up.


:evil:

[NotsoNew]

We were extremely lucky on our first encounter. We found another couple that we like alot and are very compatible with.

I know that this is not the norm, and we really are thankful for what we have found...

[OhioCouple]

We did too Newbies and I can't say enough about how helpful our first couple were to us and they remain special to us even though we live nearly 200 miles away and we rarely see each other.

Do you still keep in contact with your first couple?

Although we have distance between us and the first couple we played with, we keep them first and foremost when our schedules arrange for us to get together.

Lori