How to find people to play with

[marriedr]

Thanks for the answers. I appreciate the assistance. We have been talking about it for well over a year...and this is one of those things that I guess you can't talk enough about before deciding.

I guess the next part is to decide how we want to go about meeting someone. I know that the clubs are the largest and probably the best place...but we are wondering if there is a good way to meet someone maybe in regular public...do people often do that? And if so...how do you find someone and say "hey, we are looking for an intelligent, but sexual person, we would like to go out to dinner though first".

That's not something you just walk up to someone and say. I guess, are the clubs the only way to locate others interested in the same thing you are?

I have a very attractive wife who is exceptionally curious, and me, well hey...I'm a guy...need I say more. lol. Most importantly, I want everyone involved to be comfortible, and my thoughts are that maybe a social meeting in a public environment will be the first step in that direction...

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by marriedr

...but we are wondering if there is a good way to meet someone maybe in regular public...do people often do that? And if so...how do you find someone and say "hey, we are looking for an intelligent, but sexual person, we would like to go out to dinner though first".

That's not something you just walk up to someone and say.

If only it could be that easy! Now wouldn't that be a fun world to live in?

Yeah...for some, clubs are the easiest route to take, but clubbing doesn't suit everyone. You might want to go to some just to see what you think. Many people post ads on swingers sites. There is one associated with this board - listed at the top of your screen as Personal Ads. Have you had a chance to check out any of the personal ad sites?

Another thing...you list your address as Canton, but I don't know what state. However, occasionally, various MeetUps! are arranged in different cities by members of this board. For example, I think there is one coming up soon in the Indianapolis area, and another in June in Atlanta. That is a nice way to meet others involved in the lifestyle. The purpose of the MeetUps is not for play, but simply for those of us on this board to get together for real life meetings, talk, laughter...same things that real "friends" do. However, it is a nice opportunity to meet and talk to others that might be able to give you more information and insight into things happening in your area. There is a forum called MeetUp! You might want to breeze through that to see what I'm talking about. And of course, you can always plan your own MeetUp!. Mr. Alura, the Forum Leader, will be more than happy to guide you, I'm certain.

- EBF

[marriedr]

Thanks for the answers. Maybe posting a personal ad as you mention would be a good idea just to start for us as well.

How much of a turn off do you think it is to request a social meeting first and see where things go from there? lol...I know...21 questions...sorry.

[Elusive BiFem]

Not to worry about the questions...you'll find that you have 42 questions by the time all is done and said. Maybe even 84!

Requesting a social meeting...quite the norm for many of us. Generally, after a bit of e-mail chat and/or phone chat, people will arrange to meet for a drink, coffee...that sort of thing. Personally, I would never agree to meet anyone for any reason other than a "get-to-know-you" type of situation and I've always made that perfectly clear prior to any meeting. Don't hesitate to do and insist upon whatever is most comfortable for you and your wife. Others are content to visit clubs and immediately start play action. These are all personal preferences.

- EBF

[frenzb4sex]

MarriedR-welcome to the board!!!

You are asking great questions, and it does sound like your wife and yourself have been doing what so many preach on here--communication. Over a year, huh? Wow! That should be a great foundation for a great swinging life!!

EBF has given some spectacular answers, as usual. I just wanted to add a few tidbits. There are a ton of websites out there that have people of same interests, including swinglifestyle, swappernet, lifestyle lounge, adult friend finder, swing village, the list goes on and on. Yahoo! often has groups that are local to your area that has swingers meets, just like EBF mentioned.

It does sound, as the questions that you have asked, that there is still a lot of area for you to cover. Make sure to scour these boards--if there's a subject you have a question on, it's bound to be in here. One added note that I'd like to throw in is to make sure that prior to even these social meets you have with other lifestylers, be prepared to answer questions and be on the same page with your wife as far as preferences go. The commentary about soft swinging is a good example--know what you and your wife are looking for and prefer prior to meeting, and hold to them!!

Some ideas of preferences that you and your wife probably need to discuss, if you haven't already:

Bi-curious? Either one of you?
Same room or separate?
Soft swing or full swap? If soft swing, what exactly does that encompass?
Condoms or no condoms? (Sounds like you've covered that one for sure)
Play on first meet or strictly social?
Where to play? Hotel-Home-Club?
Will you strictly play together or have the ability to play separate? (This is different than same room/seperate room)
Are you interested more in threesomes (MFM, FMF) couples, or "the more the merrier"?
What type of people are you interested in or would like to pursue? What types are you not interested?
What things are taboo for you to do while swinging, if any?

These are just a small amount of things to consider. And keep asking away, that's what this board is for. There are a ton of regs around here that can help ready you for an out-of-this-world experience!!


Again, welcome!

Tim

[JustAskJulie]

Marriedr, not to fear, all of your questions are normal ones asked here quite frequently.

Others have already basically given you the answers I would give. The only thing I really wanted to add is that you need to decide what overall is best for YOU and what YOU want, don't worry about what is normal or what others think. Set your rules and stick to them, you will eventually find people that can deal with whatever you have decided.