When they cant make up their mind.

[HisnHersnYours]

Here's the situation. A short time ago we got an email from a guy in our town, he and his wife have experienced swinging with friends in the past. Back and forth emails for a while, then finally last wk a meeting. I was pleasantly surprised at the great chemistry. Not my typical type but he grew on me with his sense of humor and flirtation. During our emails i come to find out she is bi curious but not sure she wants to play with me. which is fine with me. but after the meeting she seemed very interested in me. now the meeting went great but it seemed the only flirting going on was between him and i and i of course was trying to keep it friendly for her sake since at the time she wasnt sure she wanted to play. my husband says there is attraction but no connection being that she didnt show much interest. after talking with her, i realize she is interested just extremely shy and really wants to become friends first. which ill give her that, we are fine with that, but really there needs to be some sort of pursuit on her side too i think. heres the situation, we are getting mixed vibes from this couple. he of course seems very excited about the idea and says shes just shy (and shes told me that too), but one minute they seem like they cant wait to meet us, even after the meeting the first thing they said was "strip poker next time" and that was last wk, but with them being so busy and her seeming to go from hot to cold to hot to cold, im not really sure what to think. hubby and i decided maybe shes not ready for this sort of thing. he even said he thinks dude just wants to get laid. lol, but i dont agree its just him, i think shes just scared. im thinking the answer is just back off for a while and let them come to us. recent emails have gone unanswered (they say its their schedule) and our recent invite for BBQ at our house was cancelled by them. so would i be correct in thinking maybe they have changed their minds? what do you think? this is all new territory to us. the good news is we are attending our first swingers party in sacramento on saturday. so with or without them, we are gonna have a ball. no pun inteded. LMAO!

~S (her)

[ncmd_couple]

S,

People do live very busy lives. They say that they are an experienced couple, but do you know what that experience is? There are so many unknowns when dealing with a new couple, that it is just hard to tell.

One way that I think is a good way to cut to the chase is to make plans to go to an on-premise club. Let them know the two of you will be there and tell them it would be fun if they could meet you there. The sexy environment helps set the mood, and if they don't show or are reluctant, you can still have a good time.

Just take a wait and see attitude and let them move at their own pace. After all, if there is drama going in the background, it isn't yours, it is their's!

S

[jjtrindc]

It sounds like perhaps you are new? If that's the case, we know how exciting it can be to want to get started especially when you are having trouble finding the right "fit" (been there, don that). At the end of the day, trust your instincts. If something just doesn't feel right and you are putting out the right vibe (and sounds like you are) then you have to just be prepared to move on.

In terms of this particular couple, it could simply be that the wife is shy and/or nervous. But if they claim to be an experienced couple we find this odd. If you do get together again, see if the two females can get together alone to chat so that you can ask questions and get a better sense of her attitude. We always try to "pair off" so that we can each get a bit of alone time with each member of the couple and have a better sense of whether we are clicking as a couple and individuals. That's really important for us so that nobody has to take one for the team.

Good luck!

[SexyBitch&Him]

My husband and I don't have alot of experience but it sounds like you're handling it the right way. I would definately continue to let them pursue you guys for a while if its what they really want than they will eventually make the effort, I know for us there are sometimes weeks when our scheduals get so crazy and hectic that we barely have time for eachother let alone another couple, so hang in there and be patient sometimes the timing is just off and hey if it doesn't happen then their loss right?

[maggoo]

I think your hubby is right in that it is what the dude wants in getting laid
she could possibly be getting coherced and may not really want to
May be send mail with regard to what you have previously learnt of them and see if you get a reply.
In the mean time enjoy the party
Don't blame your selves for their dilly dallying

[BiloxiCouple]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. They are not lifelong friends (yet). It's easier to break commitments with people you hardly know.

There are plent of of other couples out there also. And yes life does get in the way of partying.

And newbie husbands always seem anxious and the wife is reserved. Once in a while it goes the other way.

[iapr]

Been there, done that but still don't have any kind of solution for ya. Here a just a few general thoughts for you to consider.

- Just because they claim to be "experienced" that doesn't mean that their prior experience was positive or healthy. In reality their prior experience has nothing to do with you. You hit the "reset button" every time you meet someone different.

- Even if a part of her is somewhat interested if she is so shy that she just sits there like an uninvolved bump on a log, are they really the couple for you?

- Don't sell yourself short or settle for less than what you are worth. You need to be courted and schmoozed and flirted with as well. It shouldn't all just be about her and her comfort level. If she isn't cutting the mustard for you, move on.

- Even if they are legitimately busy (which we all are) if they don't have the time to answer emails or break simple dinner dates etc etc are they really the couple for you?

- How much warm up time and 'get-to-know-ya' time do people really need? Some take longer to get comfortable than others but if there is no attraction or interest in the first meeting or two, it ain't happ'n.

- There are people that truly do need a lot of connection, trust and comfort but more often than not when someone says they want to be "friends first" what they are really saying is that they aren't physically attracted and think that someone's personality may win them over and tip the scales (which is very rare that it actually happens ) or it means that they don't want to appear to be snobs and blow people off altogether but they are hoping that if they procrastinate the sex long enough people will lose interest and forget about it. Human nature is such that when there is attraction + chemistry + comfort = people get naked and do it. If one of those pillars is missing then you are barking up a wrong tree.

- Even if there is an interest and an attraction the reality seems to be there is a short window of opportunity and if you go past that window other things come up and people never get together when they say they want to. If you aren't playing by the second or third meeting at the latest it means someone has gotten cold feet or is having second thoughts.

- There is a point where you are showing your interest and making a sincere effort in getting together. And there is a point where you are just being a pest and will be percieved as "pressuring." If you have made a couple honest attempts to get together with them to no availe, then that is probably their thanks but no thanks.


- Go to the party and have fun. For future reference, any time all four people are clicking and everyone has an interest in playing...PLAY! Don't let an opportunit pass you by because it always seems like you can say, "lets get together again soon." but the reality is that soon really doesn't ever come very often.

[socolais]

Originally Posted by iapr

Human nature is such that when there is attraction + chemistry + comfort = people get naked and do it.

I really like that thought

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by iapr

Been there, done that but still don't have any kind of solution for ya. Here a just a few general thoughts for you to consider.

- Just because they claim to be "experienced" that doesn't mean that their prior experience was positive or healthy. In reality their prior experience has nothing to do with you. You hit the "reset button" every time you meet someone different.

- Even if a part of her is somewhat interested if she is so shy that she just sits there like an uninvolved bump on a log, are they really the couple for you?

- Don't sell yourself short or settle for less than what you are worth. You need to be courted and schmoozed and flirted with as well. It shouldn't all just be about her and her comfort level. If she isn't cutting the mustard for you, move on.

- Even if they are legitimately busy (which we all are) if they don't have the time to answer emails or break simple dinner dates etc etc are they really the couple for you?

- How much warm up time and 'get-to-know-ya' time do people really need? Some take longer to get comfortable than others but if there is no attraction or interest in the first meeting or two, it ain't happ'n.

- There are people that truly do need a lot of connection, trust and comfort but more often than not when someone says they want to be "friends first" what they are really saying is that they aren't physically attracted and think that someone's personality may win them over and tip the scales (which is very rare that it actually happens ) or it means that they don't want to appear to be snobs and blow people off altogether but they are hoping that if they procrastinate the sex long enough people will lose interest and forget about it. Human nature is such that when there is attraction + chemistry + comfort = people get naked and do it. If one of those pillars is missing then you are barking up a wrong tree.

- Even if there is an interest and an attraction the reality seems to be there is a short window of opportunity and if you go past that window other things come up and people never get together when they say they want to. If you aren't playing by the second or third meeting at the latest it means someone has gotten cold feet or is having second thoughts.

- There is a point where you are showing your interest and making a sincere effort in getting together. And there is a point where you are just being a pest and will be percieved as "pressuring." If you have made a couple honest attempts to get together with them to no availe, then that is probably their thanks but no thanks.


- Go to the party and have fun. For future reference, any time all four people are clicking and everyone has an interest in playing...PLAY! Don't let an opportunit pass you by because it always seems like you can say, "lets get together again soon." but the reality is that soon really doesn't ever come very often.

Great Post!

[good times]

Personally, I can't really give any advice on what they are thinking as this is one of those times when "we would have had to have been there" to know. Even then I can't say that I would know for sure. Heck, we meet new folks all the time and I still often don't know where they are at after the first meeting. I have had it happen to many times where one of the couple was a real flirt and the other one seemed distant or not interested and once we got the clothes off the uninterested seeming one turned into a firecracker. By the same token, I have had someone have me totally turned on with their flirting until the clothes came off and then it was like someone tripped their off switch.

My advice, regarding this couple is, kick back and see what happens. You have met, they know you are interested, if they are too you will hear from them. If they aren't interested, you won't hear from them. Either way I would just let it go it's course, you can only let someone know your interested so much before you become one of those "pushy" people we all avoid.

In the meantime have fun at your party in Sac.. I would also suggest checking out some of the on-premise clubs in Reno. We currently like and would Recommend Pokher Knights especially, as they seem to be having the most consistent attendance lately, but all the other clubs have their good nights too and are fun in different ways.

[realcplub2]

Ok, rather than pull the OP apart to answer, I will just put it out there..

We are in sort of the same situation here.. I make no bones to anyone who contacts us, or we contact that, My wife is a bit shy, and as you said, wants freinds first..

Thats what led to the motto for first meetings.. Prepare for anything expect nothing

Before we meet, we always talk on the phone, and she has no problems doing that, hell at times has gotten into some real "interesting" talk on the phone.. But, More often than not the first meeting she is very quiet and unless she warms real quick to the other people, wont really talk unless directly engaged by someone.. That doesnt mean she isnt into them.. she is "listening" as she puts it, lol.

But when we get somewhere private, weither the first night or a later time, things change real quick. Playing strip poker is a great way, to get the shy person "moving along".. If its a no go situation, it will be pretty apparent.