Red Flag or Not?

red96 · 07-09-2008, 08:06 PM

There is this guy that the Mrs. has been interested in meeting for quite some time. We chatted with him a few times and have exchanged e-mails with him. He was interested in meeting us but was looking for weekday meetings which doesn't work for us. We found him or he found us through our profile on AFF.
He is listed as "attached" on his profile which to us means he is probably married or at least in some kind of a long term relationship. We never really discussed this with him. He sent a message saying he has some free time this weekend and would like to meet. This is what made me wonder about him, since he is usually only interested in weekday meetings he could be cheating on his SO. He contacted us a couple of months back and was still looking for a weekday meeting then all of a sudden a free weekend. Maybe his SO is going to be out of town and he is taking advantage of the situation? One thing we have always wanted to avoid are people cheating on their spouse and in this instance we feel this may be the case. Should we go with our gut feeling or try and find out if he is just busy on the weekends and finally has some free time.

sweet_tna · 07-09-2008, 08:10 PM

If it looks like a snake and slithers like a snake, it probably is a snake. Go with your gut feeling on this one.

=)

VegasLee · 07-09-2008, 08:10 PM

Since he states he is "attached" I would be upfront and ask him about it.

If he is attached does she know he is out playing with others?
Is she also a Swinger?

I think you already have seen the red flags so I personally would just move on and not have to deal with all of it. This is supposed to be easy and fun.

gatorvol64 · 07-09-2008, 08:13 PM

You haven't asked him by now why he is only interested in weekdays? Me, I would go with my gut feeling. It has saved us more hassle than I care to think about. If anything seems off to us, we've simple declined the offer. This is about fun and there are others out there you could hook up with. Why risk what you want to avoid?

Vol

lustylearning · 07-09-2008, 08:13 PM

Why don't you just ask, if it is bothering you?

LikeMinds321 · 07-09-2008, 08:17 PM

When we see a single male profile marked "attached" and there is no further explanation of what that means in his profile, to us this is code for "I'm married or committed to a woman and playing without permission" aka cheating.

You could ask him what attached means, but he could just lie. I think he marked attached because he presumes only people will correspond with him who are okay with cheaters.

You're new, and he's hoping you won't notice this red flag. But it's a flag that would stop us from ever contacting or considering him because chances are so great that he's a cheater, especially since he can usually only meet on weekdays.

Listen to your gut. That's what you need to develop when you're starting out. It will save you in so many ways.

At this point, it would be interesting if you did write to him and asked exactly how he is attached. If he says she's okay with him swinging alone then tell him you need to speak with her on the phone to confirm it. You'll probably never hear back from him and you'll have confirmed your gut feelings about this guy.

LM

red96 · 07-09-2008, 09:40 PM

Thanks everyone for the replies. We usually do go with our gut instincts on these matters. I guess I was looking for confirmation, if we hear from him again we will find out what "attached" means. I guess it never occurred to us to ask until this last message from him. We have called others out on this same issue and usually don't get a response back from them which confirms our suspicions. Being new we appreciate the wisdom and advice we find on this site, most times there is no need to ask questions because the issue at hand has already been addressed.

Edison Carter · 07-09-2008, 11:00 PM

Ed here--Don't you think he should have explained what 'attached' means as a general part of the conversation of getting to know you, instead of it being some mystery you have to figure out. Seems to me like you're working to hard to make it work.

**Alura** · 07-09-2008, 11:08 PM

"We're excited about meeting y'all this weekend! We've both been looking forward so much to meeting your wife! I'll bet she's as nice as you are! My wife wants to know what she's going to wear."

Mr. Alura

sexcupid · 07-09-2008, 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alura

"We're excited about meeting y'all this weekend! We've both been looking forward so much to meeting your wife! I'll bet she's as nice as you are! My wife wants to know what she's going to wear."

Mr. Alura

gatorvol64 · 07-10-2008, 12:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alura

"We're excited about meeting y'all this weekend! We've both been looking forward so much to meeting your wife! I'll bet she's as nice as you are! My wife wants to know what she's going to wear."

Mr. Alura

I often read you posts and think, "Now why couldn't I have thought of that?" or "Why couldn't I have put it that way?". I really like your thought processes.

Vol

**Alura** · 07-10-2008, 07:12 AM

Thank y'all, Vol and Marial. I'm humbled by such a nice compliment.

Mr. Alura

Additude · 07-11-2008, 06:02 AM

You do not have enough information to make a sound decision one way or the other.

I suppose that's the way you previously wanted it, but you have recently changed your mind?

It's never to late to ask more questions or put an issue on the table for discussion.

That I suggest you do to satisify your ability to make a better decision.

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07-09-2008, 08:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
red96 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 153 Location: Ohio Status: couple	Red Flag or Not? There is this guy that the Mrs. has been interested in meeting for quite some time. We chatted with him a few times and have exchanged e-mails with him. He was interested in meeting us but was looking for weekday meetings which doesn't work for us. We found him or he found us through our profile on AFF. He is listed as "attached" on his profile which to us means he is probably married or at least in some kind of a long term relationship. We never really discussed this with him. He sent a message saying he has some free time this weekend and would like to meet. This is what made me wonder about him, since he is usually only interested in weekday meetings he could be cheating on his SO. He contacted us a couple of months back and was still looking for a weekday meeting then all of a sudden a free weekend. Maybe his SO is going to be out of town and he is taking advantage of the situation? One thing we have always wanted to avoid are people cheating on their spouse and in this instance we feel this may be the case. Should we go with our gut feeling or try and find out if he is just busy on the weekends and finally has some free time.
	__________________ I have abandoned my search for truth, and am now looking for a good fantasy.

07-09-2008, 08:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
sweet_tna Being good is overrated Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 4,221 Location: Poconos, PA Status: The boss of Mr. Sweet Swing Lifestyle Name:Sweet_tna	Re: Red Falg or Not If it looks like a snake and slithers like a snake, it probably is a snake. Go with your gut feeling on this one. =)
	__________________ I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like.

07-09-2008, 08:10 PM	#3 (permalink)
VegasLee Laura's Male Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 1,950 Location: Las Vegas, Nevada Status: Laura's Male	Re: Red Falg or Not Since he states he is "attached" I would be upfront and ask him about it. If he is attached does she know he is out playing with others? Is she also a Swinger? I think you already have seen the red flags so I personally would just move on and not have to deal with all of it. This is supposed to be easy and fun.
	__________________ You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at all of you because you are all the same.

07-09-2008, 08:13 PM	#4 (permalink)
gatorvol64 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,426 Location: Florida Status: Married Couple	Re: Red Falg or Not You haven't asked him by now why he is only interested in weekdays? Me, I would go with my gut feeling. It has saved us more hassle than I care to think about. If anything seems off to us, we've simple declined the offer. This is about fun and there are others out there you could hook up with. Why risk what you want to avoid? Vol
	__________________ He is the Gator and she is the Vol.

07-09-2008, 08:13 PM	#5 (permalink)
lustylearning Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 814 Location: Virginia Status: female half	Re: Red Falg or Not Why don't you just ask, if it is bothering you?

07-09-2008, 08:17 PM	#6 (permalink)
LikeMinds321 I'll think about it Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 10,099 Location: With Wild Things Status: Married Female	Re: Red Falg or Not When we see a single male profile marked "attached" and there is no further explanation of what that means in his profile, to us this is code for "I'm married or committed to a woman and playing without permission" aka cheating. You could ask him what attached means, but he could just lie. I think he marked attached because he presumes only people will correspond with him who are okay with cheaters. You're new, and he's hoping you won't notice this red flag. But it's a flag that would stop us from ever contacting or considering him because chances are so great that he's a cheater, especially since he can usually only meet on weekdays. Listen to your gut. That's what you need to develop when you're starting out. It will save you in so many ways. At this point, it would be interesting if you did write to him and asked exactly how he is attached. If he says she's okay with him swinging alone then tell him you need to speak with her on the phone to confirm it. You'll probably never hear back from him and you'll have confirmed your gut feelings about this guy. LM

07-09-2008, 09:40 PM	#7 (permalink)
red96 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 153 Location: Ohio Status: couple	Re: Red Flag or Not? Thanks everyone for the replies. We usually do go with our gut instincts on these matters. I guess I was looking for confirmation, if we hear from him again we will find out what "attached" means. I guess it never occurred to us to ask until this last message from him. We have called others out on this same issue and usually don't get a response back from them which confirms our suspicions. Being new we appreciate the wisdom and advice we find on this site, most times there is no need to ask questions because the issue at hand has already been addressed.
	__________________ I have abandoned my search for truth, and am now looking for a good fantasy.

07-09-2008, 11:00 PM	#8 (permalink)
Edison Carter Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 733 Location: Naperville, Il Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:EdisonCarter	Re: Red Flag or Not? Ed here--Don't you think he should have explained what 'attached' means as a general part of the conversation of getting to know you, instead of it being some mystery you have to figure out. Seems to me like you're working to hard to make it work.

07-09-2008, 11:08 PM	#9 (permalink)
Alura Just a hick Okie Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 8,136 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	Re: Red Flag or Not? "We're excited about meeting y'all this weekend! We've both been looking forward so much to meeting your wife! I'll bet she's as nice as you are! My wife wants to know what she's going to wear." Mr. Alura
	__________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

07-10-2008, 07:12 AM	#12 (permalink)
Alura Just a hick Okie Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 8,136 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	Re: Red Flag or Not? Thank y'all, Vol and Marial. I'm humbled by such a nice compliment. Mr. Alura
	__________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers Last edited by Alura; 07-10-2008 at 07:21 AM.

07-11-2008, 06:02 AM	#13 (permalink)
Additude Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 623 Location: OBX-NC	Re: Red Flag or Not? You do not have enough information to make a sound decision one way or the other. I suppose that's the way you previously wanted it, but you have recently changed your mind? It's never to late to ask more questions or put an issue on the table for discussion. That I suggest you do to satisify your ability to make a better decision.
	__________________ If you want something you have never had before, you must do something you have never done before.

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