Trying to meet others is too much of a goddamn hassle

[NocRaz]

So we seem to be having a problem meeting people.

1. We do NOT have a lot of time on our hands to go out and make friends. So when the baby goes to sleep at night we get on a website or two and go looking at people, talking to them, trying to get to know them and explain what we want.

2. We don't have a lot of money to go out and try to make friends. Don't sit there and tell me that you don't need money to go out. Yes you do, especially if you have to drive. Our gas money is precious.

3. When we do meet someone on a site, they're usually not interested in him, just me. Which is fine with both of us if he can find a girl to do the same for him as the guys want to do for me, but for whatever reason they don't want him.

4. If he finds a girl for us to play with, I usually don't like her. Hell, I met a girl at work that I just have this HUGE crush on (yes, she is a lesbian), but the thing about it is tho; She is the first woman in 10 or 11 years I've been attracted to. AS a matter of fact, she's the ONLY girl besides me ex gf that I've felt like that towards. I think for that I just need to start giving some of them a chance....

5. Another problem we have when we find someone, they all want it RIGHT THEN. We have a 17 month old daughter, we can't just take off and go fuck everyone. People don't seem to understand that. We don't have a live in nanny or someone we can just go dump her off on (I say that because that is what I feel like is expected when that situation occurs)

Quite frankly, I'm about ready to just stop and tell him if it happens it happens, but I am not looking for the shit anymore its too much of a goddamn hassle. I just knew that if i got on AFF with him and started chatting all this would happen.....thats why I didn't do it to begin with..... Now he's complaining because I can get on messenger and in like 5 minutes I have a bunch of guys wanting to talk to me and fuck me and blah blah blah......What I don't think he realizes is that most of these guys I've been talking to the last couple of days, I've told them I don't want to fuck them right off, that I wanted to get to know them......and then if all goes well, I want HIM involved and they've all agreed to that.....except one...yesterday....


I dunno, I'm about done with this.....I like the idea of swinging, if we could find people that agreed with the way we wanted to do it, it'd be fine, but I can't handle all the drama.....

[newlythree]

I am almost to the same spot your are with the meeting people. Hell this is harder than dating when I was single. I understand the get to know you thing but if we are all just looking for sex how long do you have to talk. I know when I was a single person it only took a couple of drinks at a bar to know if you were fuckable or not. I am completely for the idea of swinging and really want to experiment more but finding people to even get to the get to know you phase is trying. Well this has got to be just sexual frustration, I am sure something will materialize soon.

[3sumff]

In response to your post. We totally understand your dilemma. Some people just aren't understanding of life and what you have going on right now. Which in turn is good thing, cuz quite honestly you wouldn't want to meet these people who are interested in "Fucking" right now. In someway you should consider it to be good thing and not a bad. Don't every pressure yourself into something you don't feel comfortable with.
As far as meeting people, I would have to say unless you are out there (meaning-going to the meet and greets and parties) you will have a tough time getting together with another couple. This is just my opinion! I notice people are reluctant to play or talk with you unless you have some certification that you are for real. Maybe you two can plan on going to a house party or meet and greet, so you can meet couples. Give people a chance to know who you are and what is going on in your life. Sometimes you will be surprise who you meet. Some people may relate to what is going on in your lives. Also be patient, this is something you should be enjoying. No need to add stress to the relationship. Things will happen! Good luck and take care.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by NocRaz

...I am not looking for the shit anymore its too much of a goddamn hassle....I can get on messenger and in like 5 minutes I have a bunch of guys wanting to talk to me and fuck me and blah blah blah......What I don't think he realizes is that most of these guys I've been talking to the last couple of days, I've told them I don't want to fuck them right off, that I wanted to get to know them......and then if all goes well, I want HIM involved and they've all agreed to that.....except one...yesterday....


I dunno, I'm about done with this.....I like the idea of swinging, if we could find people that agreed with the way we wanted to do it, it'd be fine, but I can't handle all the drama.....

Hi NocRaz.



From your post I gather that your communication online has been IMing. If this is the case I'm not surprised with the experiences you've been having.

It is my personal feeling that IMing has the greatest chance of bringing out the worst kind of people. Because of this we have always stayed away from IMing and only do so after meeting people who we have played with.

IMing as a form of introduction is often preferred by married cheating men (and yes, cheaters setting up couples profiles is quite common), or married/single guys seeking instant gratification through the Internet and are looking to jack off while they're online with you. The conversation can quickly get sexual because that's what they want and these types will also be no-shows even if they do agree to your terms and arrange a meet.

So my first suggestion is block the ability for people to IM you on the ad sites you're using. Only communicate via e-mail through the site and decide within the first e-mail or two if you're getting a good feelingn about them. With experieince you'll soon learn who is worthy of your time. Listen to your gut.

Finding compatible swingers is like dating and it can be work. I'm totally in agreement with you there. The more limited your ability to meet people, due to budget, time restraints, and you and your husband agreeing on people, all play a role in the difficulty you'll find trying to meet swingers.

You would probably benefit by visiting a swingers club and meeting people face to face. People can then see the qualities you and your husband have and you can size people up in person.

Also, make sure you have a well-written profile. If you have an ad on Swing Lifestyle you might want to go to Couples Profile Reviews and post a request for a review.

For now, take a breather and set searching aside for a week or two, or however long it takes for you and your husband to think more about how to shop for swingers.

Good luck!

LM

[iapr]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Hi NocRaz.



From your post I gather that your communication online has been IMing. If this is the case I'm not surprised with the experiences you've been having.

It is my personal feeling that IMing has the greatest chance of bringing out the worst kind of people. Because of this we have always stayed away from IMing and only do so after meeting people who we have played with.

IMing as a form of introduction is often preferred by married cheating men (and yes, cheaters setting up couples profiles is quite common), or married/single guys seeking instant gratification through the Internet and are looking to jack off while they're online with you. The conversation can quickly get sexual because that's what they want and these types will also be no-shows even if they do agree to your terms and arrange a meet.

So my first suggestion is block the ability for people to IM you on the ad sites you're using. Only communicate via e-mail through the site and decide within the first e-mail or two if you're getting a good feelingn about them. With experieince you'll soon learn who is worthy of your time. Listen to your gut.

Finding compatible swingers is like dating and it can be work. I'm totally in agreement with you there. The more limited your ability to meet people, due to budget, time restraints, and you and your husband agreeing on people, all play a role in the difficulty you'll find trying to meet swingers.

You would probably benefit by visiting a swingers club and meeting people face to face. People can then see the qualities you and your husband have and you can size people up in person.

Also, make sure you have a well-written profile. If you have an ad on Swing Lifestyle you might want to go to Couples Profile Reviews and post a request for a review.

For now, take a breather and set searching aside for a week or two, or however long it takes for you and your husband to think more about how to shop for swingers.

Good luck!

LM

LikeMinds is right on the money. See my post on the thread "Are some "swingers" just married cheaters?" in the General Lifestyle forum.

If you are just interacting with people online the vast vast majority of them are going to be cheaters and dreamers and wannabes. they don't have any interest in your husband because they are all guys just wanting a piece of free pussy.

Here's the real clincher though, of the ones that want it "right now!" if you were to tell them to come on over and get some, THEY WOULDN'T EVEN SHOW UP!!!

The silver lining here is that real swingers are real people and have many of the same time and $ constraints that you do. The secret is in order to find the real swingers you have to go to where the real swingers are and that is at lifestyle clubs and meet and greets and house parties.

Even there there is no guarentee that you will be interested in any of them or that any of them will be interested in you at any given time. It does take some time and effort at times and at other times the stars all line up and a good time is had by all with seemingly little effort.

[good times]

I agree with the others here, We don't IM at all and we have pretty much given up long ago meeting folks on ad sites.

I do have a couple of suggestions though. The IMing thing has already been covered pretty well here, but in my opinion I concur with the others, it is a total waste of time.

Second, you say you are using AFF, we dropped AFF early on as it just contained to many time wasters for us. While we are members of many ad sites, we finally settled on Swing Lifestyle as being the best in our area. If we had to do the meeting of people through ad sites, Swing Lifestyle is the one we would use to do so. I read a funny one the other day that I think is so true, "AFF is the first major mistake most new swingers make."

Last, if their are clubs in your area, it is by far the easiest way to go. Whether on-premise or off-premise, it is the only way I know of that you can meet a large number of couples with a minimum of wasted time and money. I have to admit, if it weren't for the clubs, we would hardly ever hook up with folks, or more likely, not swing at all. The alternatives just take way more time and energy than we have available.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by good times

"AFF is the first major mistake most new swingers make."

It was ours!

We moved out of there fast.

LM

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by good times

"AFF is the first major mistake most new swingers make."

I think that just might be true! It was for me 10 years ago.

[curiouscplvt1]

We made the same mistake as well. We are now members of Swing Lifestyle -- within 3 months we went to our first M&G and had a great time. Ended up meeting up with a couple a few months later, but since then it has stagnated.

If anyone from VT is setting up a M&G in the greater Burlington area, check us out on Swing Lifestyle and let us know. Can't promise anything -- kinda in the same boat as the original posters....time, $$$ for babysitter, and they always seem to be scheduled during *that* time of the month.

S&S

[undercovercpl]

We feel your pain on every point you posted. We went through the same things at first. Here are a few suggestions that got us over the "Swinging Sucks" hump. First of all you guys are in GA. right? Well have you tried Swing Lifestyle? That site really launched our lifestyle. It doesn't have the pic traders and people who only want to chat like the other add sites. Give your selfs a well thought out profile. Swing Lifestyle really got us where we are today in the lifestyle community. Secondly, have you tried socials? I don't know where you are in Georgia but I know no matter where, there are more than a hand full of great socials around. Social are the place for meeting real like couples. It's better than your "dates" because there are LOTS of couples there. You don't have lot's of $$$$? Fine, social are about once a month. You can go every three months or what ever fits your budget. Socials are the most economical way to meet couples. What about Trapeze? It's in ATL and might be a bit pricey, but for an evening out where you just want some hot action, it's more than well worth it. It's an on primisclub in ATL and one of the best in the country! Anyway hope that helps, if not you are destine for failure...

[NocRaz]

I just wanted to say thanks. I had completely forgotten about clubs! Like I said tho, getting the baby out is a big problem.

As for us living in Ga, we moved to FL in March. It's been a while since we've posted anything. I'd almost forgotten about this place and funny enough, I found it before AFF.

Lots of great advice. Thank you.