Have we been 'had'?

[JustMrJ]

So, my wife and I had our first meet and greet with couple set for this evening at a restaurant.

******

We will most likely be politely declining 'their' company in the future. But before that decision is 'final', I'd like to relay our story and question...

------------------

The first thing that struck me as odd, was that the guy showed up and when we asked about his wife/gf, he said she flew out to Beijing today or yesterday.

Would have been nice for him to have inform us of that BEFORE we had set the 'date' or even when I had called earlier in the day to let him know the reservations were set and would we be seeing them tonight. ('Yes' was the answer.)

Second this was originally, at most, a heavy petting date. Conversation was our main focus. It almost went beyond that... here's the way it went down.

We kind of clicked with him at first and my wife and I were feeling very comfortable with David during dinner. He was VERY focused on sex and the lifestyle, clubs, parties, etc. Not really surprising considering the reason for the meeting in the first place.

As the evening wore on he was flirting and generally playing and caressing my wife, which didn't bother me in the least. I was enjoying her getting excited by another man.

Later he suggested we go to our place to get to the heavy petting part if we were all willing. We made it clear that there was to be no intercourse by him. Might not even be any by me as I wasn't quite ready to 'perform' in front of others.

As we all began having fun, he seemed to want things a certain way and seemed less and less about pleasing my wife and doing just what she wanted. When it was about at it's hottest, he looked like he was getting ready to bareback my wife while I was working the top areas. I noticed and said 'we don't play there tonight' and he stopped saying he wouldn't and went back to licking and petting. (We purposely didn't bring condoms as my wife and I had agreed to this 'limit' earlier.)

More and more it became about what he wanted and soon we had to slow it down and wind down for the evening.

As I was cleaning up and taking care of nature, my wife tells me that she had asked about "Pat" his wife/gf and would we be meeting her next time. She had asked him this as she felt it was a bit unfair to me for it to be just him and me with her. He danced around it and mentioned coming back over himself, but not anything about "Pat".

I have a two seater and we had left it at the restaurant. When he was driving me back to my car, I (not knowing my wife asked) mentioned it would have been more comfortable for me and my wife if I had a playmate too as I didn't want the two of us guys on my wife all the time. He kind of avoided a direct answer about bringing "Pat" or another of his 'swinging partners', but did talk about bringing condoms 'next time' and me going first, then him on my wife.

Generally, as I thought more about it, I got the feeling he was a single male just looking to 'work' on some newbies. Maybe I'm wrong.

------------------

So I pose the question to all of you... have we been "had"

[interested-05]

he was either a single guy or married and cheating on Pat. didnt give a hoot about you, your wife or any one except himself.
A USER pure and simple. not worth wasting time with.

[JustAskJulie]

I'd say trust your instinct. It's either a single guy straight up or at best a married cheater using his wife as bait.

Just reading "their" profile I was turned off by the constant mention of his huge 9INCHES. Even it seemed more about HIM than anything else.

I'd dare say that if you were to meet him again there would again be now wife and some late excuse as to why and again he would push his agenda. Move on, find better playmates and report him to Swing Lifestyle.

[JustMrJ]

interested-05 & JustAskJulie,

Thanks for the comments. I believe I will go with my gut.

So, I guess I should be straight up with him and just say 'no' next time and no need for explanation? or should I send him an e-mail saying we both enjoyed his company, but I don't think we completely 'clicked' as playmates?

Thanks in advance.

[fun4Ds]

I think you were had. I'm really sorry this happened to you and Mrs.J

We were had once with a far worse outcome. I was sitting here this morning wondering what to say and would like to just leave it at that.

It sucks feeling duped by someone. We found it was best to find closure and move foward. I suppose you could try to at least talk to pat his wife/girlfriend on the phone. But, some people in this world can find some pretty extream and clever ways of fooling others. I know hind sight is 20/20 but I would just tell them No thanks and move foward. We learn as we go. What we know now, there are good times and good people in this world.

Like julie said, report them as possible fakes. We did when it happened to us and they had other reports as well on swappernet. They were booted from the site.

[LikeMinds321]

JustMrJ~

It was apparent to you from the beginning of the evening that this meeting didn't start right, yet, you continued through the night with D and even took him back to your home where you engaged in light play. And you did this without D's wife there - he was "playing" as a single guy and you agreed to it.

You got "had" but so did D. You took D's bait and said yes to nearly everything he was going for - you led him to believe he was going to get your wife, and he did get a little. Heck, your profile says if things click you'll play, and obviously things were clicking that evening or you wouldn't have brought this guy back to your home.

I took a look at your profile and you have set yourself up to be a target of this kind of game - "couple profile but only the male shows for a first meet" (see this thread on the subject) and you will probably get approached by guys like this again. You don't seem to want anything to do with newbies like yourself and experienced game players and cons just love to pounce on newbies who want only experieinced swingers to show them the way.

You can learn a ton from this experience. Remember to look as the whole picture, not just the other guy, but yourselves as well, and how you played a role in the outcome.

LM

[tittietwister]

You were definitely had but look at the positive side. No harm was done and you've learned about the games some swingers play. Now you will be better able to filter your potential playmates.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

[Chicup]

We would have ended it at the lame excuse for a missing wife/gf.

Even if true, its not polite to not mention she wouldn't be there.

Finally always talk with the female half PRIOR to meeting. Gets rid of just about all the fakes, sadly not the flakes though

[ownerspet]

I'm with twister in that you'll definitly judge the situation better next time. Take it as learning experience, and move forward.

And as mentioned in the thread, I would definitly report him, because think about it if they had been reported enough times before you, you and your wife may not have ever been approached by him.

But contacting him to even respond to a fake in any lifestyle is probably not worth your time.

[JustMrJ]

LikeMinds321,

I appreciate your brutal honesty and after re-reading the profile, you are bang on.

I have 'adjusted' the profile and I think it's a bit more specific. We would love some new reviews and feedback on it.

You and tittietwister are also correct on the fact that we have learned a ton and I believe we will know MUCH better what to look for and how to deal with future 'meets and greets'.

Thank you all for the love and support.

*HUGS*

[des1re06]

Cheaters are cheaters and don't belong in the lifestyle. Swinging is about being open and sharing with your mate.

They should be reported. It's against the rules of our lifestyle, and pisses me off when these posers cause problems for us (real couples).

Unfortunately, this guy knows where you live, so give it some time and then report.

Mr. & Mrs. D

[gnb4u]

Yes you were had hook, line and sinker. A couple things to come away with

- Don't go into any situation with the overriding expectation to play. Always go into any situation with the flexibility to play if the stars and moon all line up but also be ready, willing and able to just get up and walk away if anything isn't right as well.

- If something seems fishy, it probably is.

- Don't trust anything anyone says. Look at their actions and be in touch with how you feel. If you get the creeps, it is for a reason.

- Impress upon your wife to trust her intuitions and you have faith in her intuition as well. Women have a lot more experience with guys trying to scam their way into her pants than you have. If she indicates something doesn't seem right BELIEVE HER!! Men's higher reasoning centers in their brains get knocked out by hormones pretty fast and women's don't so if she gets a bad feeling THAT'S YOUR SIGN!! Don't try and explain it away or rationalize with her, just get out of there. It will reduce your batting average a lot but it will also keep you off the drama bus and possibly keep you out of a shallow grave under somoene's crawlspace.

- Stay as sober as possible and stay away from those who aren't. Very rarely does anything truly bad happen when all parties are stone-cold sober.

- Adopt a 'one-strike you're out' policy when it comes to dishonesty or deception. If someone lies to you or tries to decieve you or misrepresent themselves in the slightest walk away and don't look back.

- Read as much as you can on this and other forums and research the lifestyle as much as you can in gereral. The more knowledgeble you are about what goes on out there the better equipted you will be to deal with situations that may arise. I don't mean to get down on you but single guys and cheaters posing as a couple and then showing up saying that their partner couldn't make it at the last minute is the oldest trick in the book and noone should fall for that. Empower yourself by learning all you can.


And finally I would also like to add that clubs are often a safer a more efficient means of meeting people than online. If you are physically in a club and you meet a real flesh and blood couple at that place and time you know that both parties at least exist. You will get to know people a lot more efficiently in real live interaction than you ever will by chatting back and forth on the internet.

[WeMayTryIt]

OK, sounds like a dirt bag, but am I the only one who's bothered by the fact that the OP posted the guy's Swing Lifestyle profile AND name, and that the mods haven't taken care of that? Reporting him to Swing Lifestyle is one thing, but I think posting it here is completely inappropriate. Do you guys want your profile and name listed here when someone has a bad experience with you? I think it is a horrendous precedent.

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by JustMrJ

So, my wife and I had our first meet and greet with couple set for this evening at a restaurant.

******

We will most likely be politely declining 'their' company in the future. But before that decision is 'final', I'd like to relay our story and question...

------------------

The first thing that struck me as odd, was that the guy showed up and when we asked about his wife/gf, he said she flew out to Beijing today or yesterday.

Would have been nice for him to have inform us of that BEFORE we had set the 'date' or even when I had called earlier in the day to let him know the reservations were set and would we be seeing them tonight. ('Yes' was the answer.)

Second this was originally, at most, a heavy petting date. Conversation was our main focus. It almost went beyond that... here's the way it went down.

We kind of clicked with him at first and my wife and I were feeling very comfortable with David during dinner. He was VERY focused on sex and the lifestyle, clubs, parties, etc. Not really surprising considering the reason for the meeting in the first place.

As the evening wore on he was flirting and generally playing and caressing my wife, which didn't bother me in the least. I was enjoying her getting excited by another man.

Later he suggested we go to our place to get to the heavy petting part if we were all willing. We made it clear that there was to be no intercourse by him. Might not even be any by me as I wasn't quite ready to 'perform' in front of others.

As we all began having fun, he seemed to want things a certain way and seemed less and less about pleasing my wife and doing just what she wanted. When it was about at it's hottest, he looked like he was getting ready to bareback my wife while I was working the top areas. I noticed and said 'we don't play there tonight' and he stopped saying he wouldn't and went back to licking and petting. (We purposely didn't bring condoms as my wife and I had agreed to this 'limit' earlier.)

More and more it became about what he wanted and soon we had to slow it down and wind down for the evening.

As I was cleaning up and taking care of nature, my wife tells me that she had asked about "Pat" his wife/gf and would we be meeting her next time. She had asked him this as she felt it was a bit unfair to me for it to be just him and me with her. He danced around it and mentioned coming back over himself, but not anything about "Pat".

I have a two seater and we had left it at the restaurant. When he was driving me back to my car, I (not knowing my wife asked) mentioned it would have been more comfortable for me and my wife if I had a playmate too as I didn't want the two of us guys on my wife all the time. He kind of avoided a direct answer about bringing "Pat" or another of his 'swinging partners', but did talk about bringing condoms 'next time' and me going first, then him on my wife.

Generally, as I thought more about it, I got the feeling he was a single male just looking to 'work' on some newbies. Maybe I'm wrong.

------------------

So I pose the question to all of you... have we been "had"

No, you weren't "had"

When you first met, it was obvious that his "wife" wasn't going to be a part of the action. You could have called it off right there, but you proceeded anyway. Then, by your own admission, you "clicked with him," and were comfortable enough with him to "invite him back to your place," where you "enjoyed you wife getting excited by another man."

You might be having "morning-after regrets" but I don't see where this guy twisted your arm or held a gun to your head to do any of this. DO make sure you call him and thank him profusely for the wonderful time he showed your wife last night.

It's the "Swinger Thing" to do.

[warkman]

Originally Posted by WeMayTryIt

am I the only one who's bothered by the fact that the OP posted the guy's Swing Lifestyle profile AND name, and that the mods haven't taken care of that? Reporting him to Swing Lifestyle is one thing, but I think posting it here is completely inappropriate. Do you guys want your profile and name listed here when someone has a bad experience with you? I think it is a horrendous precedent.

This thought went through my head also when I first read the original post. Not that given justmrj's side of the story he doesn't have significant reason to be highly suspicious, but I've had enough misunderstandings throughout my life to be a little more cautious about assuming the worst. I also don't have any swinging experience yet, so take this with a grain of salt.