Hard time finding friends for play

[phreakykouple]

Hello to all.

We are an african american couple whom love the life style and what it has to offer, but we are having a hard time finding friends to play with? Is it just harder for African americans to find friends? We have no prefence with race as long as we are all comfortable with the other couple. Any advice would help.

Thanx
Zell and thea

[VegasLee]

I just checked out your Swing Lifestyle profile and it appears you are just looking for same room people but not to swap. You want to watch and be watched from what I read.

Your best bet there would be to just go to a club and play in the same room as others.

I tend to think most are not going to hook up on line for a play date since there is no real playing but I could be wrong.

[JustAskJulie]

It's hard for anyone and the more restrictive your requirements the harder it will be. Like Lee said, looking at your profile (and you may want to post it in the profile review thread for others to give feedback on), there's not much there to respond to. I would suggest fleshing it out a bit more for starters. And as Lee said there's not much there as far as to play with, if all you want is to play in the same room with only each other (and not others - which is the way your profile reads) you're going to have a lot harder time meeting people online who are looking for that.

[LikeMinds321]

Race can play a role, but I think in your case there are other things that carry more weight in people's decision to contact you - or if you are at a club - approach you.

Your profile mentions that he is bi-curious and that scares many couples away. Also, she is straight, and it also limits things because there are more bifems out there than straight and couples with bifems usually look for other couples with bifems.

She is 6'6" tall and that is taller than any man I've seen at a club, many men prefer women who aren't too much taller (and some only want women shorter) than themselves.

I don't think women are as particular about men's height, but still, being a 5'7" male may be limiting you too.

These are things you can't change but can influence other people's decision to get to know you.

And finally, as Lee and Julie said, the fact that you aren't wanting to swap also limits who you will attract.

Your profile suggests to me that more than anything you are looking for friends to hang out with and many people don't have the time to devote to just hangin' out with swingers, especially if they never swap.

LM

[SAMnTINA]

If you find your way to South FL we would love to play with you. It's always hard to find playmates on line as so many lookers and pretenders. We have met some great people and had some real fun but we also find that we have to work the web to get a chance to meet others. We send out a lot of email and say hi to a lot of coupls, white, black, brown and every other color and age, only a few answer and many just delete the email, but the few that do take the time to get to know us always come back for more.

As in all things some will not be interested due to color, age, weight or for other reasons, don't take it personaly as there are many truly great people out there you just have to find the ones you click with.

We have found that lifestyle conventions are a great way to meet people as we hve several days in a hotel full of real swingers, and a chance to meet and get to know lots of people. We always find a few playmates at the conventions and now that we have been to a few we know we have frineds that we meet each year and they in turn introduce us to new friends.

Good luck and keep looking

[nicerrtxcple]

we have a hard time too,since we are a larger couple its hard for the most part to find people like us here in Austin

[jnbsmokin]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Race can play a role, but I think in your case there are other things that carry more weight in people's decision to contact you - or if you are at a club - approach you.

Your profile mentions that he is bi-curious and that scares many couples away. Also, she is straight, and it also limits things because there are more bifems out there than straight and couples with bifems usually look for other couples with bifems.

She is 6'6" tall and that is taller than any man I've seen at a club, many men prefer women who aren't too much taller (and some only want women shorter) than themselves.

I don't think women are as particular about men's height, but still, being a 5'7" male may be limiting you too.

These are things you can't change but can influence other people's decision to get to know you.

And finally, as Lee and Julie said, the fact that you aren't wanting to swap also limits who you will attract.

Your profile suggests to me that more than anything you are looking for friends to hang out with and many people don't have the time to devote to just hangin' out with swingers, especially if they never swap.

LM

Actually, I don't care about the girl's height, but being a 5'7 girl, I pass on men that are within 2 inches of my own. I love wearing heels, but have no desire to tower over a man. But other than that, I completely agree with LM

[BiloxiCouple]

I bet they got their height/weight reversed? It makes more sense.

[phreakykouple]

Thanks for the advice and we will be working at making changes on our profile.

[tropicalmix]

We're newbies too and want to start off pretty tame and we've encountered a similar problem. Can't say we don't understand others reluctance to want more than a "tease" though. Just keeping looking until you find someone like us!!

[tribbles]

If mostly you want to watch others and be watched....why not go to a club and just tell people you aren't ready for more?

Even now, we often look for places to go where we can play that way.

[Pensacolapair]

Originally Posted by phreakykouple

Hello to all.

We are an african american couple whom love the life style and what it has to offer, but we are having a hard time finding friends to play with? Is it just harder for African americans to find friends? We have no prefence with race as long as we are all comfortable with the other couple. Any advice would help.

Thanx
Zell and thea

The bad news is: Yes, there are folks in the Lifestyle who sort their potential playmates by color.. but the good news is they probably won't be contacting you.
The whole 'bigotry or preference' question gets beat to death on a regular basis in just about all of the Lifestyle Forums - but in our opinion it boils down to a pretty simple concept: The Lifestyle pretty much exemplifies situations of 'round pegs looking for round holes' (no pun intended) - there are folks only interested in soft swap, but the other side of that coin is that there are folks only interested in full swap. There are folks interested only in hooking up with swimsuit models and body-builders but the flip side is the many folks who actually prefer a bit more 'cushion for the pushin'. There are those who want "10 inches or more" and just as many who are perfectly happy with their uterus remaining where it is. And for every person interested in sex only with those of their own race, there are just as many who are exclusivly interested in sex with those other than their own race.

As a black couple (who has lived/played in 15 or so states), we have never felt it has been harder to meet people simply because of our race..even in the 3 states where race is still a major issue. We tend to see people as people.. with skin color being just another element of their overall sexual attractiveness..with several other elements rating higher on our list. Undoubtedly, there have been those who chose to say 'No thanks' based on race, but to us, it's a moot point - the answer was no... the reason is unimportant because it's not going to change the end result.

As an answer to why things may appear to be extra slow for you, I second what many here have said... the type of play that you are comfortable with at this point doesn't have a large base within the on-line or 'one-on-one' meet community. The type of venue you should look for is an on-premis club with playrooms, etc. You can enjoy the level of activity you indicate in your profile, and you will meet others who are interested in the same groove! The corrections you made to your profile will help a lot (good catch, BiloxiCouple!) - a 6'6" tall woman would intimidate most men!

As a last note: We noticed you are fairly new to Swing Lifestyle - Patience.. it's true in the Lifestyle too that good things come to those who wait