We can't agree on other couples

[Beverly]

My husband and I have had some experience with full swapping but we always seem to have the same problem....we can't agree on other couples. Either I enjoy the man or he enjoys the woman but, so far, we can't agree.

Unfortunatley we live in a rather remote area with little access to clubs and mixers. We've tried the personal ads on other sites but, see above.

We're both fun and open minded people. I don't think we're being snobs but in the half dozen tries, there's always something missing.

Any suggestions?

[OhioCouple]

Meeting a couple that are attractive to both of you is by far the most difficult thing to do. This happens to us often.

You might want to try placing ads on a differnt site if this one doesn't appear to be working for you. But keep in mind when you are looking to hook four people together for an intimate experience you have four sets of minds at work too. Above all patience is the key as you don't want to end up having a sour experience.

By the way, how long have you been swinging and placing ads?

Lori

[Beverly]

To answer your question....we've been trying this for over three years now. It seems another post from yesterday is in the same boat.

I guess I understand that it's harder to get along with three people than it is one but I'm starting to get frustrated. We've been the string of one night stands (up to six couples now). Nothing ever seems to click.

I tend to look at this choice of lifestyle as not just sexual but as a way to meet interesting people to enjoy other aspects of life with as well. I'm not saying I necessary want to become lifelong friends but is a decent conversation over dinner too much to ask?

Am I asking for too much?

[OhioCouple]

I don't think that is too much to ask at all. There are couples out there just like that. It is all a matter of finding them. I think they at times seem just as elusvie as finding the bi-single female and the truly single male.

We choose to have a relationship other than sexual with those that we become intimate. I cannot tell you how many couples we have met for dinner or lunch over the last year, but it is well above 20 or more. Only three seemed to want the same thing we were looking for. Unfortunately one lives four hours away, another is only an hour away but they are on a break right now for personal reasons (non-swing related) and the other is just fine, but we are on break now. The couples we have decided to meet with do not include the ones we corresponded with before setting up a dinner or lunch and we found over the course of talking that we just were not going to take it to the next step and are glad we did not.

I think we expected way too much and didn't realize at the time that not everyone is in this way of life for the same reasons. Now that we understand that, we don't really care if it takes a few years to meet another right couple. We would rather do that than get into a bad experience again that we did once before and might regret later. The right couple is worth the wait regardless of how long it takes. Don't compromise your own values and what you are looking for just to swing. It's not worth it. Trust me.

Lori

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
I don't think that is too much to ask at all. There are couples out there just like that. It is all a matter of finding them.
...

I truly believe you are right. Think about it: when you were single and dating, didn't you have to go through a lot of frogs to find your prince? Why should finding a couple that both of you are totally compatible be any easier? Those of us who are looking for something more than casual sex with strangers are going to have to put in the effort to be successful. That means meeting and talking to a lot of couples. Beverly, I agree with your husband, being proactive about it is the only way. And by the way, we did find our princes (and princesses), didn't we? I think we just need to keep on looking and not get too discouraged.

...
Don't compromise your own values and what you are looking for just to swing. It's not worth it. Trust me.

Lori

That's good advice Lori. I think we did compromise the first time, just to swing. That won't happen again; we know better now.

-B

[JustAskJulie]

Beverly,

I have to wonder how much time you guys are spending getting to know the couples. You mention that it's turned into a string of one night stands. Is it a case of you both like the couple as a couple but then when it comes to the sex part you don't seem compatible?

[TwoNumbNuts75]

Hi Everyone.


Have you ever tried meeting up on the webcam just to chat? This gives everyone involved a chance to see if you are at least able to hold a conversation plus you can see if there is a visible attraction and if things are clicking you can take it to the next level and if things don't click you have the wonderful power of clicking that little X button on the upper right corner. My wife and I Enjoy web camming though we had only used it twice for adult fun. If we meet the right couples (which were looking 4) and we click with the webcam and are all very comfortable with each other then we can move to same room fun. I think Camming is better than feeling uncomfortable at some bar.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by TwoNumbNuts75

Have you ever tried meeting up on the webcam just to chat?

I never really thought about camming to meet. That is an option that may work for some people. For me, as I am relatively shy when I first meet someone, I would feel comfortable in my own home on a webcam but wouldn't portray the same in an open environment actually face to face with someone. At best I would probably mislead them into thinking what they saw and heard on cam was who they are going to meet. Until I get to know someone I am incredibly shy in person. For people like my husband, he would do just fine in the transition of camming to actual meeting, but I'd probably come off as a cold fish.

Lori

[R&C]

WHen we first started we had a couple of experiences where we played with people we didn'tknow well and found 2 things. One they tended to turn in to "one night stands" and that it really wasn't as much fun. As a result we only swing with people we have known for a while and sone other things than just meet up at a club or party. Since that point we have less sex, but more fun and with people we like better. We are rarely involved with a one night stand.

[Handyman69]

I agree with R&C. We are now much more selective (which leads to less contact time) but the time we do spend with friends is much more enjoyeable and exciting.

We however are thinking about going to more clubs and such. Not sure where that will take us. But we will go in with open minds and see what doors it will open.

Rhonda

[TwoNumbNuts75]

Hey Lori

You definetly feel very comfortable in own home I know we do. Hey maybe you will be surprise after meeting another couple on the Cam a few times you just maybe will become more comfortable when you guys meet in person or aleast be alittle more relaxed. Hey you you'll never know till you try.



Tony

[ciscosv]

Our relationship is more important than swinging. We are more of the friends first type. Just because there hasn't been any sexual relations, doesn't mean that we won't accept a freindship. So far so good.

[J & K]

Oh Boy---we have the same problem when screening cpls. I "J" do most of the writing and "K" screens. She mostly screens for the male half of the cpl.

"K" is just too picky and I think most women can be. Men on the other hand tend to lower their standards a little. Here in the last 2 weeks we have gotten like 40 e-mail replies from cpls in the state to out of state. Out of them 40 "K" has said nice looking and "ok" to only 2 of them--men. Out of them 40 cpls I have said nice to alright with 90% of the females. At this rate it is going to take forever for us to say "alright" to just one cpl. We admit we aren't hot, but from all the replies we get the tongues are hanging out from them all. It's nice to feel wanted and disired for sexually, but what is the problem here?

I remember a thread I started some time back about males sending pics. Make them your best because we know cpls look different in person than in a pic. In person when meeting the cpl they tend to dress up in real nice clothes when having that first dinner date---at least most of them do. They look better than the pics that are sent---dress to impress. I think that is why "K" says no to so many cpls because the guys just don't dress to impress. The two cpls in the male half had nice clothes on---one even had a tux on. Their hair on their face/head were well groomed. We get cpls that say on their site their age/weight and we see some nice pics then when they send the recent pics they aged 5 to 10 yrs and have gained 10 to 25 lbs. Why do cpls do that? We always keep ours updated not to mislead anybody.

Sometimes I see the male half and I think he is attractive for the wife, but once she see them she says, "Nope--he doesn't do anything for me". What a bummer sometimes because the female half is real nice. I ask what is she looking for in the male half of a cpl---she says "sex appeal". That look when you see a man's face--eyes--smile---that a lady goes--yummy. I'm not a lady so I don't understand what sex appeal in a man is. Just in a lady I do.

So we both agree not to play or meet a cpl if both of us say no to only one half of the cpl---we must both say yummy. Guess we will be waiting for a long time----lol!!!!

[Emy_Fraser]

Originally posted by J & K
Oh Boy---we have the same problem when screening cpls. I "J" do most of the writing and "K" screens. She mostly screens for the male half of the cpl.

"K" is just too picky and I think most women can be. Men on the other hand tend to lower their standards a little. Here in the last 2 weeks we have gotten like 40 e-mail replies from cpls in the state to out of state. Out of them 40 "K" has said nice looking and "ok" to only 2 of them--men. Out of them 40 cpls I have said nice to alright with 90% of the females. At this rate it is going to take forever for us to say "alright" to just one cpl. We admit we aren't hot, but from all the replies we get the tongues are hanging out from them all. It's nice to feel wanted and disired for sexually, but what is the problem here?

Male half here.

I think women are much more picky than guys. Emy is very picky but she looks more at the female than the male. Her attitude is that she has a male (me) and as long as the male seems reasonable then ok. She does reject a lot of couples if the female is a lot older than her. That is our main reason where it doesn't go beyond exchanging emails.

However, she is getting more realxed about the age thing, shes quite a lot younger than me, as we met a couple for a "get to know you" meeting last year where I persuaded her that I thought the female would be really nice although she had her doubts. We now see them regularly and get on together really well. So you can be too picky I think and its wrong to judge someone on the basis of a digital photo which can look awful no matter how attractive the person is.

Fraser

[Ashley]

I don't think pics are a good way to screen. IME, people very often look quite different in person and when the personality element is infused. Some people like my bf look better naked than clothed....if a man isn't experienced in picking clothes that accentuate his body, his athleticism may not be apparent until he's stripped down. That's why I think the clubs are a good way to go....you can look, even touch and if you decide "no", no one gets their feelings hurt....there are lots of other people there to play with.