Couple interested in wife but not me

[Cpl2share]

In all fairness: We have found a lot of people both couples and singles who would love to play with just Mrs. Cpl, but not me. Make sense to me/us? You bet, I would rather play with Mrs. Cpl than myself, duh! But we would never consider trying to force one person out of the scene. The old adage that we always come back to is: Good for the goose is good for the gander. There is no couple (or single) in the world who can comfort Mrs. Cpl like I can, and vise versa. The best thing for you to do is run like hell, or give us different information on which to base our advice.

[happycouple256]

Originally Posted by Ellyanne77

Wheew, It will be a cold day in hell before another couple tells me what my wife is going to do without my consent or comfort. I better end this post, I feel it making the Dr.Jekll side of me come out..

AMEN

[daisy girl]

Unfortunately, sounds like they want a single female, not a couple. If she started playing with them, i bet the opportunity for a four-some would never materialize. As others have said, there are multiple red flags with this couple...RUN away!!!

[big_ems]

I appreciate all the comments so far. Yesterday, the wife of the couple, came to my wife's store, and they chatted for a while. The thing we can't understand, is that she always tells my wife to call her husband, and talk to him. She won't give any details of what he has to say to her. My wife is really curious, but doesn't want to call, and talk, if she is going to turn him down anyways. My wife says she really likes talking to them, but she has already decided not to have any sex with them.

She says she wants to be friends, and she is going to tell them that she doesn't want a sexual relationship, but rather just friends. If they act negative towards it, then she is going to drop all of it.

In a sense, my wife is very new to this idea. I participated in swinging, with an old g/f 30 years ago, and had lots of fun doing it. Now that we both have gained some weight, we don't have the fun we had when we were smaller. Seems like our bellies get in the way now, lol. Most of the time, it turns out where we are on our backs, with our feet at each others head, and she jacks me off, and I finger her out. Thats our sex life. She always complains about not being penetrated like when she was younger. (her ex husband, and ex boyfriend were 8+, and she misses the feeling) I bought her dildos, and a viberator, but she says it isn't like the real thing. She also likes the feel of a man on her too. I looked into extensions, but nothing worked for me, I just don't get hard enough to keep it going with an extension, and that leads to more frustration. So, I guess I got started looking at different sites, and I was the one that found the couple. They were somewhat local, and sounded really experienced. They said they liked oversized women, and that is what got my attention. Since I couldn't provide my wife with enjoyable sex, I was looking for someone that could. Then when I found someone, they say they only want her, because she is new, and will open up more to them, if I am not around. I told them, I wouldn't comment on anything, just watch. I even told the wife of the couple, I could at least give her some oral sex, and she said no, she only liked penetration.

Now thats another problem, we don't understand. She says she does her hubby every morning before they go to work, but there again, she is trying to find women to do him, when she isn't around. I know he takes her to Detroit, to a club, where he and other husbands, watch their wives being taken by several well hung black men at a time. She has told me, that she has had over six guys at one time giving her attention, in any hole they can find, and that is the kind sex she wants, no one else, so that leaves me out.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by big_ems

She has told me, that she has had over six guys at one time giving her attention, in any hole they can find, and that is the kind sex she wants, no one else, so that leaves me out.

EMS, they are not the only couple on earth. There are so many others. I get the feeling that this is the only couple you guys have really talked to so far, or have gotten close to thinking about getting involved with.

This couple sounds very hardcore (gangbang stuff, etc). In our experience, most couples in the lifestyle are not like this. Most are much more one-couple-at-a-time oriented. You just need a chance to get to know more people.

Originally Posted by big_ems

In a sense, my wife is very new to this idea. I participated in swinging, with an old g/f 30 years ago, and had lots of fun doing it. Now that we both have gained some weight, we don't have the fun we had when we were smaller. Seems like our bellies get in the way now, lol. Most of the time, it turns out where we are on our backs, with our feet at each others head, and she jacks me off, and I finger her out. Thats our sex life. She always complains about not being penetrated like when she was younger. (her ex husband, and ex boyfriend were 8+, and she misses the feeling) I bought her dildos, and a viberator, but she says it isn't like the real thing. She also likes the feel of a man on her too. I looked into extensions, but nothing worked for me, I just don't get hard enough to keep it going with an extension, and that leads to more frustration. So, I guess I got started looking at different sites....
..... Since I couldn't provide my wife with enjoyable sex, I was looking for someone that could.

My heart goes out to you. It sounds like sexual problems and disappointment with your sex lives is what brought you to look into swinging....negative feelings brought you to this. Instead of looking to swinging as the solution, what if you just address the troubles?

(I'm speaking to you as somebody who has personally lost a lot of weight and sizes a few years ago; my husband did, too.) Losing the weight had a tremendous impact on our lives. We noticed the great difference in our sex life, for one thing. We lost the weight for ourselves and our health, but much improved sex was a great side effect. When a man's belly is out of his way, he can penetrate much deeper. Men who are fit can get and maintain much stronger erections, for health reasons. Both men and women who are fit (and are getting fit), working out reguarly, have a LOT more stamina for good sex. Healthy diet and exercise (regularly practiced) have a terrific impact on energy, mood and self-esteem. It's a package deal - everything is better when you're fit.

What if you and your wife make this a project to do, together? Having a buddy in the process of making positive lifestyle changes is very helpful. Exercising together, making healthy meals together, it's all good for your relationship as well as your physical health.

Trust me....you're going to love yourselves and SEX a whole lot more. Swinging on YOUR terms, and your wife's terms, choosing the partners who are a good match in every way, will be in your reach. You will not feel like you have to "settle" for whack-jobs, and people who would leave you out.

These medical articles say that people who need to lose a good bit of weight are 25 times more likely to report problems in their sex lives compared with people of normal weight. http://www.webmd.com/sex/news/200411...g-obese-people
http://www.webmd.com/sex/news/200510...-your-sex-life
This article gives the specifics on how extra weight affects men sexually: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationshi...sex-and-weight

You've really opened up your frustrations and troubles to a bunch of strangers. I hope that you know this advice is being offered from my heart. I know first-hand the difference that this makes. Best wishes to you!

[JustAskJulie]

You don't even feel comfortable having sex with your wife but you want to have sex with others? I'm confused.

As to this particular couple, I'm still really bothered by them saying "they say they only want her, because she is new, and will open up more to them, if I am not around. " That is not for them to say, only for your wife to say.

However, at the same time from what you are saying about your sexual relationship with your wife, if they know what you've told us, I can see them not wanting to include you, the thought being if you can't satisfy your wife then what do you have to offer them?

To me it sounds like you need to work on YOU and not even worry about swinging at this point. If your only concern is having your wife be satisfied then it really doesn't matter if you are there or not, so that says to me that swinging for you is about more than just satisfying your wife, but what do you really hope to get out of it? Really?

I have to wonder if you are using your weight as an excuse not to have sex with your wife and swinging as an excuse to have sex with someone else... all under the guise of trying to please your wife. Something just doesn't ring "right" to me in all this.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I have to wonder about your motivation for even considering such a proposal. Your profile is written from a very one-sided stance...your wife seems only marginally interested in swinging. You seem to be the one eager to give it a try. I can't understand why you would even consider sending your wife off alone to play for the first time without you unless you hope this will give you what you want in the end.

I made the above comment early in this thread and after reading all the advice people have offered you you don't seem to be giving any serious thought to any of it.

I am left questioning your motivation even more.

LM

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by big_ems

.

Big UMS, It appears you are new, or at least its safe to say your (Wife) is new to the lifestyle. From what infromation you are giving this possible couple. Maybe they are getting the idea that what they do is actually what you are wanting for your wife. It clearly appears that what they want now, is not what you are wanting. Im getting the hint that you are content on pursueing them because they are 1. close, 2.convient, and 3. know what some of the things your after here. They are willing to meet your request their way. Its time to stand your ground, stick to your wifes needs, and pursue someone els. That may be finding someone els that is a closer match to your needs. Birds of a feather flock together. This may be someone a little farther away, maybe the next city away. The only advice I could offer is to give up on them and say NO Thanks maybe at a later time, a later time after you have met someone that you are both comfortable with. There are other new couples out there more compatible, that would be able to take things at your wifes pace. Its obvious they are not going to change their wants or needs. And neither should you. Its just being called Non Compatible.

[sweet_tna]

Big ems, I have to say I'm very concerned for ya'll. Not just because you have this couple that wants to play only with your wife without you present, which is not what either of you want. But now you're telling us that you're not happy with your sex life. That's never a good reason to get into swinging.

It's sweet that you want your wife to be more satisfied, but shouldn't you work on trying to help her with that yourself first? I can totally sympathize with the difficulties concerning your size. Until about six months ago, Mr. Sweet weighed over 300 pounds, and I was getting uncomfortably close to 200 myself. We got to where doggy was about the only position I could feel penetration. It was sooooo frustrating! Then we decided for our health, and for our children (setting a good example) to really get our butts in gear and make the necessary lifestyle changes (no pun intended) to lose the weight.

My honey has lost almost 60 pounds, and I've lost 35. Not only do we look better and feel better, we can do so much more sexually--and of course, now we WANT to do more sexually, too.

I really hope ya'll are able to find a way to work these issues out so that you can be happy with each other. THEN you can worry about who else to bring in your bedroom.

[ty69pj]

ya this doesn't sound right to me. I would have already backed out. Me and my wife have a same room policy right now unless we know the other couple and there is no breaking that. If they don't like the comfort boundaries that you have in place then don't go there are plenty of experienced people out there that are comfortable with staying in established boundaries.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by big_ems

They're excuse is that since my wife is new to swinging, they should be able to coach her in that way, and that she might open up to them differently, than if I was there. In a way it makes sense, in a way it doesn't. Wife told me, even if she does consider swinging, we are doing it together.

I'm not seeing where that makes sense at all unless they are coaching her on how to be a single female.

Originally Posted by big_ems

She says she wants to be friends, and she is going to tell them that she doesn't want a sexual relationship, but rather just friends. If they act negative towards it, then she is going to drop all of it.

Just wondering what happened here. Did your wife talk to them/ turn them down? Has anything changed?