where to go to find someone?

[lsrs90918]

We’re starting to really like the idea of swinging. We’ve not actually done anything yet, but are looking for someone to have a first experience with. Through our discussions (she more than me), we’ve decided that we’d be more comfortable with a woman (at least initially). I’m wondering, can anyone suggest a way to enter the swinger lifestyle and possibly ways to find a third person.

We don’t like clubs. The music is too loud and we don’t like the smoky atmosphere. They all want you to buy a membership plus pay the door fees. They also don’t allow a guest night (from what I can tell), and I just don’t understand making you sign up for a membership without knowing what you’re getting. Maybe we’re just old, but there has to be another way to find people other than “clubbing.”

We have several online profiles (most are the free/limited types). They are so limited, we can’t contact anyone. We have signed up with adult friend finder (paid profile) and so far its really bad. They claim to have millions of people (up to 200,000 online at a time), but we’ve had our profile on there for a week and a half and have only been viewed 5 times. I’m thinking, just by chance, if there are that many people actually online, there would be at least several per day stumbling on to our profile (even if by accident). Out of that many members, there are only 5 gold and 3 silver (we can only communicate with gold or silver members)…that’s pitiful, in my opinion of course.

What am I missing?

[fun4Ds]

isrs,,I'm gonna say welcome to the board first, but I have to ask. What makes ya think that its all loud music and smoke filled rooms ?

The clubs we belong to have quiet lounging areas also. (thats where ya probably will find me). I like getting on the floor with Mrs.fun and her bi friends also, occasionally I kinda wonder why they always sandwich me the way they do, doesn't matter cause I LOVE IT

Yes we have spent allot of time pursuing the single bi females over the last year and it takes allot to make that happen. It is possible though, we have two single bi women as friends and one female couple that we seem to click with. The highest success rates .... are at the clubs.

We have joined a few (couples with bi female groups) on swinglifestyle.com. However, This is quite a different party. We attended a party this last weekend that is still not sorted out in my small man brain.

Mrs fun is working on this with me and its kinda hard to explain. All I know is, I've now been in the middle of fifteen (yes fifteen) nakid women. I'll have to make this a separate thread though, cause its been three days now and I'm still in a daze over this.. Its something to do with total.... WOMEN POWER :surrender . And bi the way, just how did we end up with someones else's panties in our bed

[SouthBond]

We decided that we wanted to play and then began testing the waters. We started with couples that we knew by making suggestive jokes and comments. From this we began sharing XXX movies. This led to massage parties which, in time, progressed to full swap. The main thing is to enjoy the benefits of swinging. We have found that we have never been more alive and feel sorry the thousands of bored couples afraid to fly. People sharing your desire are all over the place and you usually just have to ask to find what you are looking for.

[lsrs90918]

Thanks for the reply

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

i have to ask what makes ya think that its all loud music and smoke filled rooms?

well...honestly, my lack of experience and education. I have little info and can't get anyone from the clubs to answer the phone or email me back. Most of my education is from the limited info on their site and my totally blind expectations of what it will be like.

We mainly haven't worked up the courage to go yet. We're still in that time period where we're not 100% comfortable with the idea, but enough to go through with it.

So this party you spoke of was a result of Swing Life Style? That sounds...well...wow.

[good times]

since you are looking for what many consider a unicorn, the single female, I would say that the clubs really are your best bet. We have known many people that have hooked up with a single female at a club but have never met anyone personally who was able to hook up with one from an ad site. I think the main reason for that is because of the great demand for them, the single females can be extremely picky on the ad sites. The one that I know that is on an ad site gets at least ten times the emails from people per week than we do, and we do better than most. At the club their is still a lot of competition for the few that occasionally go there, but at least you can get past the introductions which is more than most are able to do on the ad sites.

As to your question of why the clubs charge a membership, that is an easy one. Most clubs require every attendee to be a member in order to be legally considered a private membership club. The reason for that is that in most areas, private members only clubs are not restricted or controlled by the same regulations regarding public sex and nudity that a regular general admission night club is.

[lsrs90918]

thanks for the reply. I'm always learning something about this lifestyle. Never heard the term unicorn before...but it makes a lot of sense.

I do understand about charging the membership fee...I just don't understand why they won't even offer a tour of the club, return a call/email, or anything unless you're a member. It seems like they'd do a guest night (even if it was once a month) where people paid the door fee but didn't have to be a member so they could recruit more people to join. I don't know. I understand both sides, I just happen to be on the less favorable side this time.

[VegasLee]

Most clubs can not do the "guest" thing. In most states they are considered private member only clubs. This is a legal matter. Allowing others besides members in could get them closed down.

As far as tours, we are one of the clubs that will not give open tours to those that have not paid to be there. Reason for that is that we would be giving 100's of tours a night to people that want to sight see. Just not possible. To many lookie loo's in this world with nothing better to do. It is also not fair to those that have paid to come in for the night and have fun. They are not there for me to show them off all night.

We do answer the phone and emails. One thing we finally did was start putting an auto answer on the email because just about every question that we are asked, 100 times a week is on our web site. That is why we have a web site, to answer questions. Same with the phone. When people call we are not going to discuss swinging, what to expect or if you are going to get lucky or not. You would be surprised at the questions we get asked on the telephone each and every day. Once again most are referred to the web site, the answers are there.

In todays world you have more people just looking then there are swingers. If the info is on the web site most of us don't want to keep answering the same questions 100 times a day. You also get a lot of people just calling looking for cheap thrills. We don't do phone sex either.

Why are you calling them, what is it you want to know? Something that is not on their web site? Would be interested in hearing from some the need to call.

[sexcupid]

One of the clubs here in SA does do a 'guest tour'. It's on a Wednesday night between 8 and 10pm I believe. Yeah, it's not the busiest night of the week, nor would I think there are alot of swingers there at the club during that time...but I think it's nice that they offer that. The club we normally go to, the first night we went, took our IDs, took us on a walk around tour, and then took our $$$. lol

I agree with Vegas Lee....if the clubs gave a freebie night or offered tours all the time...you would get too many lookie loos...we find that just asking others in the area where they go or recommend (and it doesn't have to be other swingers, I got some pretty good info from a sales person at one of the lingerie shops).

Maria

[twoforone100]

Good luck with the unicorn thing. We have had much more luck with couples and we have had good luck on the two main swing sites. We did become gold and lifetime members of those sites. People take you a little more serious when you are at least at first. Patrick Pattie

[BiloxiCouple]

My favorite question on the phone is "do you have any good looking women there?" That's when I looked at my wife and say "they are all beautiful here!"

Of course they don't show up. Just another tourist.

My favorite question at the door is "we were just driving by and wanted to see what was here". We have no signs at all indicating a business or a bar and not in a "commercial" area and they still manage to be driving by and not knowing what kind of place they are coming to. Hmmm?

Back to topic. Internet is alot of time with little return. My opinion. Clubs/events/socials are planned events with a specific idea. Make the time and go. Check it out.

If they gave free tours it might also be a way for other problems to develop. Besides most members don't want to be on display so to speak. That would probably be my first problem with that.