Plans for Saturday night, how long should we wait for them to confirm?

[The Fuse]

How long do you wait for someone to call you (or email or IM) when you're supposed to do something Saturday night? In my world, you confirm a few days in advance. Especially for a first "alone" date, when trust hasn't quite been established.

We met this couple about a year ago, at a party. They emailed us occasionally over the last year, wanting to do things at the last minute. So perhaps they are last-minute sort of people.

Two weeks ago, they emailed us and others a couple of days in advance of going out to a local bar -- hey, we'll be at such-and-such, come on by. We did. There was one other couple there. Clicked with our acquaintances, not with the new couple. Didn't play beyond a few incredibly hot kisses. facelick

On Monday, the guy and I decided via IM that we'd get together Saturday night. Thursday, I IM'ed, just "Good Morning". No reply; I guess they weren't there. This morning (Friday) I emailed "Hey, we still on for Saturday night?" They opened the email, but no reply yet. Judging by the IMs we'd had the previous week, I know he wants to sleep with me.

I'm wondering if we should be looking for other plans. I hate being rude, but I also hate being dissed.

What are others' experiences? Do some people just work on a last-minute basis? I hate this feeling and how I look to myself when reading this. When I was dating, this was never a good sign... so I guess it's not a good sign now either.

[MoonLightKiss]

Well, if your plans are for Saturday night, I would say since this if Friday and you have confirmation that the email was read (you said it was so I am assuming you tagged it with an auto response upon receipt) then I would say if you have other plans come your way, go ahead. At this point I would have sent an email back confirming plans. I also would have replied to your email as soon as I opened it, (unless I was at work, at which point I would not check accts that may contain lifestyle information) and at least gave you a "Yes still on, sorry email not longer, in a bit of a rush. TTYL"

Just my take on it though...

[The Fuse]

MoonLightKiss,

Thanks, I always value your take and it seems quite reasonable.

[good times]

Hard to say in this instance, but I would at least wait until tomorrow before writing them off. We often have occasions were one of us will open an email, read it and then wait and check with the other before responding. I also have to admit that due to our lifestyle outside of swinging we are a very last minute couple, although, if we say we will meet someone we always show up. The problem we have is that we often don't know what our obligations are two hours from now, let alone days in advance. As an example, we had a couple we have played with before ask us last Monday or Tuesday to meet them tonight. We respond the next day that we weren't sure if we would be available or not but would let them know asap. By Thursday it was obvious I had to much work to do and was going to have to work all weekend so we sent them an email asking for a rain check.

Funny thing is, one of the weird things I have noticed of swingers in general is a lack of consideration regarding keeping dates. Among our vanilla acquaintances we rarely get stood up for dates, but in swinging it seems to happen quite often. I really don't know why that is, but it happens often enough that it stands out as an oddity. Granted, we most often meet folks at one of the local clubs, but you would think they would at least call if they can't make it, we always do.

[The Fuse]

Hooray, we got our email and we're on for tonight. Should be fun!

[Tybee Swing]

Glad to hear that the plans are on after all!

At this point, can you exchange cell phone numbers? If you're comfortable doing that, it's a lot better for connecting about when/where you're meeting. For one thing, if you're on the way and get a flat, or you're just running 10 minutes late, you can call and let them know you're on your way but __. Or, sometimes people get the plan mixed up. They might be sitting in a bar a block away from where you thought you were meeting...stuff like that.

Originally Posted by The Fuse

How long do you wait for someone to call you (or email or IM) when you're supposed to do something Saturday night?

We'll check with them on Friday about plans on Saturday. If we still haven't heard from them by about noon on Saturday, we'll call, IM or email them and let them know that if we don't hear from them soon to know if we're still on, we'll assume that it's off (especially if they're new and we don't know if we're being stood up or not). Then, if we still haven't heard by about 3 or 4:00, we'll write them off and do our own thing.

I agree that people in the lifestyle tend to be more rude about making and keeping plans than people do with their vanilla plans.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

At this point, can you exchange cell phone numbers? If you're comfortable doing that, it's a lot better for connecting about when/where you're meeting. For one thing, if you're on the way and get a flat, or you're just running 10 minutes late, you can call and let them know you're on your way but __. Or, sometimes people get the plan mixed up. They might be sitting in a bar a block away from where you thought you were meeting...stuff like that.

Thanks Tybee, all of that sounds great. As always, your suggestions make a lot of sense.

We exchanged cell numbers a couple of weeks ago before meeting at the bar. It's just that I didn't want to call and make myself a clueless pest if we were getting blown off.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

We exchanged cell numbers a couple of weeks ago before meeting at the bar. It's just that I didn't want to call and make myself a clueless pest if we were getting blown off.

I know what you mean. I feel funny sometimes about calling people we don't know well, too. But, I figure that if they gave us their number, they didn't mind us using it, especially for a brief phone call about coordinating plans (not abusing the privilege). Sometimes people might be experiencing server problems or something on their 'puter, and maybe they lost our number.

If they gave us their number but for some reason they're chickening out now, or giving us the cold shoulder for some unknown reason, I figure they'll let the call go to voicemail. (We'll only call once, not badger them.) If we've tried contacting them with every resource available and we still get no response, then we write them off. At least they can't say we didn't try to reach them.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by good times

...
Funny thing is, one of the weird things I have noticed of swingers in general is a lack of consideration regarding keeping dates. Among our vanilla acquaintances we rarely get stood up for dates, but in swinging it seems to happen quite often. I really don't know why that is, but it happens often enough that it stands out as an oddity. Granted, we most often meet folks at one of the local clubs, but you would think they would at least call if they can't make it, we always do.

Makes you wonder if they have several offers out and passed on y'all in favor of someone 'better', doesn't it?

Of course, I can't imagine someone doing that you two...

-B

[good times]

Originally Posted by BradAndJanet

Makes you wonder if they have several offers out and passed on y'all in favor of someone 'better', doesn't it?

Well, not until you mentioned it....Naw, that surely couldn't be it.