Partner is passive about finding others to play with

[JacobSky]

Great thread! I really enjoyed reading the initial post.

[getnit2gethr]

I havn't posted anything in a long time and I'm in the mood so for what it's worth it sounds like I almost have your situation role reversed. One difference is that she is almost keeping up with me now that I am 40. When we were younger she wasn't even close. We hadn't started swinging yet so I just masturbated relentlessly. We decided to start swinging a little over a year ago and I had to do all the work. We've now been to over a dozen events and she is now starting to get more involved, but I still do most of the work. I think it's a combination between her getting comfortable and having the time. She stays very busy. It slows us down a lot though. After I find someone interested it takes a week or so before I can get her to check them out. Often we just lose them. Luckily she likes the events. I think they may be helping her to gain confidence in communicating with people in the lifestyle. My next step is to try and get her some more time, but that's a personal matter. I really don't know your whole situation so I can't give you advice but hopefully you will get something out of this. Good luck.

[mandw2]

Originally Posted by sexyshelby

This thread talks about who manages the online ads. It may help you.

~SS

Thanks Shelby for the link. It was very helpful. I guess we (my husband and I) are in the minority in that it was my idea to start swinging. They were for the same reasons as Crazykatie

Originally Posted by crazykatie

His sexual drive is substantially lower than my own. He would have sex three to four times a month where I could have it every day (or at least every other day).Katie

So in this I have taken the role of managing our online site, responding to e-mail, screening, chatting, etc. My husband also has all of the log-ons and does frequently read the e-mails I have sent, or will read over my shoulder as I am chatting.

However, recently we encountered a situation where I had been chatting with the husband of another couple and his wife wanted to chat with my husband before meeting face to face. My husband flat out refused, stating that on-line chatting is not his thing and he would much rather meet someone face to face after I had screened them, or meet new people at a house party or club. While we have never gone the house party or club route, I get the feeling there is alot more pressure to jump into the sack with someone (or someones) without really getting to know who they are first. Which is not my style of what I want our swinging experence to be. Thus enters the desire to find a group of couples, inwhich we all are comfortable with, who we can swing with on a regular basis.

So I guess my thoughts are this. You have to do what works well for you and your husband. As long the shopping process is working for you both, then go with it. If you run across a couple or someone who discounts you for what works for you, then it probably would not have been a good match with them anyway.

Good luck shopping
MandW

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by mandw2

However, recently we encountered a situation where I had been chatting with the husband of another couple and his wife wanted to chat with my husband before meeting face to face. My husband flat out refused, stating that on-line chatting is not his thing and he would much rather meet someone face to face after I had screened them, or meet new people at a house party or club.

MandW

mandw2~

Have you considered a phone call instead? The other couple may be agreeable to this if your husband would feel comfortable with it.


crazykatie ~

The thread sexyshelby linked to is one I started some time ago, when we first started out. I had the same 'problem' in that my husband wasn't interested in searching through profiles to find suitable couples to approach. I did it all, including the e-mails. It was frustrating at first because I took this to mean my husband was not as interested in swinging as I was, even though he said he was. What I learned over time is that it only showed the difference between him and me, as in all things we discovered about each other during those first years of marriage, some things I was better at and more willing to do than him. So it has been with searching for swingers. I now understand this difference between us.

Things have not changed regarding him being passive to searching through profiles, but I have. I've come to understand that I am very happy handling all the searching and doing the e-mail communicating myself. It works fine that way. I know my husband's preferences and don't even show him a profile if I know he won't find the woman appealing. I know his likes and dislikes. He has no interest in sitting at the computer when he gets home from work and perving pictures and profiles, or reading swinger forums. But I keep him in touch with everything I do and find interesting and he is always willing to read what I point out to him. He's not in the dark.

He does e-mail women after we've played, but will only continue writing if they write to him. Some women are writers, others are not. For some couples writing isn't important and they prefer to flirt and talk when we meet. That's okay too.

It's good that your husband does well in person with people, my husband does well in that environment and we have decided that in 2007 we will attend more clubs and parties so we can meet more people without having to always use the swing site as a starting point.

LM