Swinging is real work and time consuming!

[raylynne]

Hey, everyone! We have been in the lifestyle for about a year now and have met some really nice and interesting people. My question: How many couples do you people out there contact and talk to before you actually get to the point of meeting? It seems that we email quite a few couples, some we never hear from, some that refuse pics, to which we refuse to meet without pics, some that talk, talk and talk and never seem to have the courage to meet, etc., etc., etc.

Is it as much work for all of you out there to get people to even meet for drinks? We would be truly interested in your comments, and thanks!

[SAMnTINA]

Too Many too Much.

Seem that a lot of the people we contact do not even bother to acknowledge the email. We understand that everyone is not a match and that time and family may keep others from meeting but it just takes a moment to acknowledge an email and say sorry we are not interested. We make it a practice to answer all email some times the we answer with lets meet other times we say sorry we are not interested or don't think we are compatible but we always say thanks for thinking of us and good luck finding what you are looking for.

[Tybee Swing]

Hi RayLynne,

We've had the same types of frustrations as you described with people on swinger profile sites. The worst of all we found was AFF - I think that because there are so many profiles there, they have a higher ratio of players and fakes there, too. A lot of people put up profiles out of curiosity or other reasons besides actually wanting to meet. Some are picture collectors - like married men in conservative marriages just playing around on the 'net. All kinds of people that waste your time and energy.

Do you have any swing clubs or lifestyle socials in your area? That's worth checking into, because when people will show up in person to meet others in a setting like that, your odds are very good of making connections.

Good luck!

[bigjoehd]

for us internet sites have been extremely time consuming with ALT being the worst,we have been approached from alot of different people on alt,most are picture collectors while others (we think) are really married men who write in their profile that they are interested in couples but who are really hoping to find a lonesome house wife who's willing to cheat.

others have seemed to be just trying to kill time on the web & have a good laugh with their friends,we even had a couple DEMAND our home address & that we meet at our home instead of a public place.

lucky for us that we have good friends that we know & we dont put too much effort into looking on the web.

[WesternSwing]

When we first started it was very time consuming. Since we've been in the Lifestyle a couple of years now we know allot of people and know where and when the parties are, so we don't spend as much time as we used to on the sites looking for people.

Mr. WS

[LOL_OMG]

We find the talking and emailing online is a PITA (pain in the arse). Of several couples we've talked to we've met exactly ONE that we had fun with and weren't weirdos or stood us up. It's so easy to be anonymous online that I guess people think they can play with you with no repercussions.

The other nite the hubby was chatting with a couple and brought up the possibility of them coming over to our place. I emphatically said NO, because I really have to see someone face to face before I give them our address (the only exception to this was with the Spoos...because well, hey...who wouldn't?)

Really our best experiences have been at clubs. You get to meet people face-to-face, get an indication of attraction and attitude right off, and decide right then if you want to play or see them again. Best bang for the buck in my opinion....

Mrs

[NakedInSeattle]

That's why we like parties and swing clubs. You meet and meat without all the other BS.

[RDfnd]

Should never seem like work. It has to be enjoyable or why bother.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by raylynne

Hey, everyone! We have been in the lifestyle for about a year now and have met some really nice and interesting people. My question: How many couples do you people out there contact and talk to before you actually get to the point of meeting? It seems that we email quite a few couples, some we never hear from, some that refuse pics, to which we refuse to meet without pics, some that talk, talk and talk and never seem to have the courage to meet, etc., etc., etc.

Is it as much work for all of you out there to get people to even meet for drinks? We would be truly interested in your comments, and thanks!

There is definitely a fair amount of work involved. I don't know what our "meet percentage" is, but I'd rather not know (if you know what I mean). Without knowing anything about what kinds of couples you write to, what you write to them, or what kind of a couple you are, and not having seen any of your profiles, it's a little hard to offer any targeted advice. But generically speaking, your profile, who you choose to contact, and what you write to them are pivotal in your return rate.

On this board, there are a few good threads about how to improve your profile. Try a search on "things not to do in a picture", and "SLS profile reviews".

You may already know the following, but here goes.

1) Have decent pictures that show what you both look like (faces not necessary for public pictures). Flattering (but honest and current) pictures of your whole body go a long way toward helping potential playmates decide if they are interested. The type of pictures you have say something about you. For instance, if you have nothing but shots of body parts, you speak to a certain kind of couple. If you have nothing but shots of your lady, then the female halves of potential playmates have nothing to entice them.

2) The text of your profile should include enough information about you, your likes and dislikes, the types of activities you like to do outside the bedroom, perhaps some humor, and information about the types of people you're looking for beyond "clean, d/d, sexy and fun". Here's a key point: if you show a little of your personality on your profile, you should find that the right people will write to you. And when you write to them, they will identify with you. We put a little effort into writing our profile and taking our pictures, and I am constantly surprised by the great people who write to us.

Personally it annoys me when a couple has decent pictures, but there's nothing in their profile but "seeking fun in and out of the bedroom", "seeking laid-back, fun people", and "We're not Ken and Barbie". Then all you have is their looks to decide whether to respond positively or not. I'm constantly writing back "what kinds of things do you like to do when you go out?" and "I'd love to see a few more pictures of Mr. SexyFor69". If you like dancing, dining, wine, motorcycles, NASCAR, or dwarf tossing, put that in there. You'll find the right people respond.

3) When you write to a couple, it's nice if you pick something out that they've written in their profile and say something complimentary about it, or "hey, we like too". Then they know you are paying attention.

4) If someone wants to email too much before meeting, politely suggest that you'd like to move forward.

So, you may have already covered all of this, so please forgive me if you have. It won't eliminate the work, but it should help increase the percentages. Good luck!

[LICouple4u]

Oh my, if only we could get those 'no thanks, not interested' replies, I'd be thrilled!!! You don't know if they read it and forgot to reply, if they weren't interested, etc!

I usually only message on SLS, so there is that little 2 second thing that says 'no thanks, not interested' so there's no reason not to... I'm an adult, I can handle rejection

[Amanda69]

I agree with rdfnd

Should never seem like work. It has to be enjoyable or why bother.

This is all about having fun. We don't tend to use the web much except for information and posting. The meeting is done at clubs and parties where it is always a fun and social event.

[RDfnd]

We do the same Amanda69. We've been able to avoid the work and have the fun.

[rpu3]

I admit this is time consuming, and difficult. I'm starting to wonder if some of you have the right idea to go to swing clubs, where at least if nothing happens, we'd get to dance and have some fun. Everyone can see each other in person, converse long enough to see if there's a personality click and attraction, and then either proceed or not, instead of trying to exchange emails, do chats, etc.

So far, our record isn't very good with getting to meetings (boy, scheduling is a huge PITA). We do admit we haven't been at it very long. We've had one meeting that started positive, but the end result not positive (we got played), then had one positive meeting and we may meet again. Our most recent meeting was with an actual couple and it was great - but they pulled down their profile 4 days later and said they weren't ready for this (which I completely respect). My point being, given the time spent on the 'net, the cost of drinks, etc., perhaps we should go to a club instead.

Hmmm. Off to ponder this some more.

R., the female half.

[Jester]

The on-line approach is definitely a lot work and it gets frustrating at times. We have sent out a number of emails that got no response at all and that used to get us annoyed to the point where we were actually happy to get a polite no. Hey at least they acknowledged us. Then we have had couples that we arranged meetings with and at the last minute, usually that day they back out. Which is annoying since we make clear we have kids and need to arrange babysitting. Then there are the ones that endlessly email or IM and then when you suggest a meeting they disappear for awhile, only to return later. But the ones that get us the most tweaked are the ones who contact us, then we reply letting them know we are interested ...never to hear from them again. Honestly of all the on-line work we have only one couple that has worked out as regular play partners. So we have reached a very whatever attitude when it comes to the on-line sites and haven't been sending out first contact emails recently.

We have a club that we have become regulars at and have had better luck there. Also, we find play partners at the most unexpected times. Like recently we went to a "vanilla" party with friends, got talking to a couple there who mentioned they were going to "Jamaica" in Nov. and we told them we always have a blast in Jamaica and they asked where we go, ...so we decided to be honest and tell them it was Hedo III. Well they revealed they are going to Hedo II, and they next thing you know the conversation turned to more interesting topics.

So while we haven't given up on the on-line approach we take it as it comes since we have had better luck in the real world.

[Charger500]

Agree that's why we only go to partys.

Our experiences was about 1/2 never replied, the other 30% were not interested and we met two couples, one was nice but not our type and the other looked promising and we met with them on "dates" twice. My wife was all excited about the hubby but the wife turned out to be insane...really, a true to life nut case! So we turned that relationship off off before anything happned and quit looking. Plus the military was sending me overseas for a year and I didn't think it healthy to start the life style then just leave.

Oh, and 4 months later, after I had left for my 1 year tour in Asia, the husband started calling my wife inviting her over to his place while his wife was at work and asking if she wanted to "hook-up"...what a worm!

Lesson learned...Do NOT give out home phone/address till you know people VERY well, we should have given just our cell phone only!