Disproportionate interest

[discoandvyper]

I'm sure there's other guys out there that feel this way, and maybe a wife or two.

It seems to me that everyone that ever contacts us in the way of interest in a sexual scenario is interested in my wife. Period. Not my wife and I. My wife.

I like to believe I'm a good looking guy, at least average. Sure, I've gained a few pounds since my graduation from high school, but I'm still pretty good to look at I think.

Still, it doesn't matter if it's a couple contacting us, a single male (hey, I got no problem with him not having interest in me), or that rare single female, the idea is always the same. Would SHE like to meet, would SHE like to have sex, is she bi and we don't care what sexuality he is, it goes on and on.

Is it just me, or does every husband get treated that way and I just don't realize it?

[Alura]

We''ve never had such a problem with couples. They've seemed to be either interested in both of us or neither. Of course, we've made it clear that we're a package deal and they must be, too. It seems to me that a couple who is only interested in one of two partners has some other issues.

Come to think of it... I guess I can't help with a usable opinion. Sorry.

But I would suggest y'all keep looking. There are a lot of fine folks out there.

Mr. Alura

[DGrey]

It could be that the problem you're having is stemming from this statement in your profile:

If you're a couple with a bi female, understand we're more interested in the bi female. The guy of the couple will still have his fun, but he's in "back burner" mode with us. All things being equal, the male of this couple is in back burner mode too when we're with a bi female. We're not going to subject you to any rules we don't follow ourselves.

If you're putting it out there that if you connect with a couple that has a bi female, the males are going to be put on the back burner, I think it would have to be fair to assume that emails sent to you by couples with bi females would be asking questions about your wife only.

E

[discoandvyper]

Originally Posted by DGrey

It could be that the problem you're having is stemming from this statement in your profile:

If you're putting it out there that if you connect with a couple that has a bi female, the males are going to be put on the back burner, I think it would have to be fair to assume that emails sent to you by couples with bi females would be asking questions about your wife only.

E

That works in the bi female to bi female episodes. However, when we've been approached by straight couples, it's still they want her, no interest in me.

[Chicup]

We get contacted by newbie couples who only want FF activities all the time. We tell them no thank you, and I think we have we are not into FF only in our profile as well but I would have to check.

[DGrey]

Still, I'd rethink about how your profile is worded. It's quite all right to lay out rules but try to make them sound like something positive instead of something negative. It's like when you're on a job interview and someone says "tell me your weaknesses" and you say something to the effect that "I take on too much sometimes because I want to help out" which means you suck at time management but are a great team player. It's spinning the negative into a positive.

We get a few emails now and then where all the compliments are directed towards me but after a few intial conversations, the interest is spread all around equally. You'll typically find that a lot of men write the emails without the input from the women.

E

[discoandvyper]

Originally Posted by DGrey

You'll typically find that a lot of men write the emails without the input from the women.

Ah ha! You're probably on to something, as that's something I never thought about.

Either that or I'm a big asshole and I just never realized it. Take your pick.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

Ah ha! You're probably on to something, as that's something I never thought about.

Either that or I'm a big asshole and I just never realized it. Take your pick.

I think this is less and less the case. I've seen a LOT of women who do all the emails etc for a couple as of late. This shows itself pretty well on LL where I'm surprised how many women are chatting.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

It seems to me that everyone that ever contacts us in the way of interest in a sexual scenario is interested in my wife. Period. Not my wife and I. My wife.

I think DGrey is right when saying that your profile may be contributing to this problem.

I'll add that I think your profile is 99% of this problem.

I've taken a look at your profile and it has so much going for it, which will only help make a point I want to impress upon you: It only takes a line - or two - to off balance all the fine points in a good profile and start attracting what you don't want. With your profile there are more than a few lines that are bringing in the "disproportionate interest." I'll pull out everything that I think is working against you and line it up and maybe you'll see more clearly the impact it is having on people.

We're looking for a good looking woman or couple. Moreso friendship, but believe us when we say the sex option is still there. If you're a couple with a bi female, understand we're more interested in the bi female. The guy of the couple will still have his fun, but he's in "back burner" mode with us. All things being equal, the male of this couple is in back burner mode too when we're with a bi female. We're not going to subject you to any rules we don't follow ourselves. She's bisexual, and has long wondered about using a strapon - giving and receiving. He's generally only along for the ride, to watch her in action. He'd like to see her with another woman, or possibly another guy.

Your profile suggests to me that as a couple sex is last on your minds. Finding friends to hang with is first and IF sex happens it's gurl on gurl play that you're seeking and your wife has little or no interest in having men be a part of it. The fact that you list yourselves as "tame to moderate" also suggests to me that intercourse is out, so again I'm left to guess that you aren't looking to play, especially since you never mention what you want, you only mention what your wife wants. You're only "along for the ride."

You make yourself sound wimpy and uninterested in sex. Please understand that I'm not saying you are. I'm only sharing the image of yourself that your profile projects to me.

For these reasons, people probably presume you're not very interested in playing. People are writing you to show interest in what you seem to be seeking, namely, sex for your wife with other women.

You're a great looking guy, and your wife is stunning. Your pictures are expressive and your interests - both individually and mutually - make you sound like you'd be so much fun to meet.

I'd suggest reviewing what it is your wife and you are seeking. Could you state it more clearly? Try rewriting those parts (above) in your profile and see if it makes a difference in how people approach you.

LM

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

It seems to me that everyone that ever contacts us in the way of interest in a sexual scenario is interested in my wife. Period. Not my wife and I. My wife.

...the idea is always the same. Would SHE like to meet, would SHE like to have sex, is she bi and we don't care what sexuality he is, it goes on and on.

Is it just me, or does every husband get treated that way and I just don't realize it?

We agree with the other posters - the wording of your profile is contributing to your problem. You need to make some major changes to your profile. Unfortunately, most of the people in your area have probably already read your profile, and you have been typecast as a couple who is mainly (or solely) interested in bi-female play. It is going to be challenging for you to overcome this impression - it will take clear wording, and probably time...

We also find your play preferences to be odd. You indicate (in this thread) that you will swap partners straight couples, but if the couple has a bi-female, the men are a mere afterthought. Why this distinction in your play preferences? Perhaps you don't realize that most bi-females in the lifestyle enjoy playing with men as well as woman. You will attract a specific type of couple with your ad, but you are going to miss out on all of the bi females who want to have group sex (involving males) as opposed to lesbian sex. You are certainly entitled to your play preferences and personal boundaries, but we think you are being contradictory (and limiting your options) by treating bi-females so differently from straight females.

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by Chicup

We get contacted by newbie couples who only want FF activities all the time. We tell them no thank you, and I think we have we are not into FF only in our profile as well but I would have to check.

In our profile we state: "Some female play is usually welcome, but not if the males are a mere afterthought." We are pretty sure we stole this sentiment from a Chicup post on this board... The bi-furious females still find us, but at least we have warned them of what to expect.

[blondie77]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I think this is less and less the case. I've seen a LOT of women who do all the emails etc for a couple as of late. This shows itself pretty well on LL where I'm surprised how many women are chatting.

I (the female half) do all the email and phone responses and initial contacts. My husband is busier with his work than I am, so I have the time. If you're worried because others seem more interested in your wife, I have to ask if it's just in the initial contact, or even after you've met? Personally, I always show more interest in the woman first...at least in the begining when we're still emailing, phoning, etc. After all, I want to get to know the woman who my husband will be having sex with, and being a woman, I want her to be comfortable with me sleeping with her husband. I don't mean to leave the husband out, and in fact I don't ignore him...but I think it's pretty normal for the two women to chat a bit by themselves, or maybe that's just me.....hmmm. Good luck.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by blondie77

I (the female half) do all the email and phone responses and initial contacts. My husband is busier with his work than I am, so I have the time. If you're worried because others seem more interested in your wife, I have to ask if it's just in the initial contact, or even after you've met? Personally, I always show more interest in the woman first...at least in the begining when we're still emailing, phoning, etc. After all, I want to get to know the woman who my husband will be having sex with, and being a woman, I want her to be comfortable with me sleeping with her husband. I don't mean to leave the husband out, and in fact I don't ignore him...but I think it's pretty normal for the two women to chat a bit by themselves, or maybe that's just me.....hmmm. Good luck.

I WISH my wife would do the scut work

Its like a mini job but shes never been one for internet communication.

[good times]

We have not had this problem, but then, neither one of us is Bi. I would have to agree with the others about your profile though, a little rewording might mitigate the problem.

[The Fuse]

Yes, we have had this problem. Now our profile is very specific about my level of bi-interest:

"In this world, we often get the question "How bi are you?" about Mrs. Fuse. I am not "strongly bi", so if that is your primary focus, we may not have a match. My primary interest is MEN--I love, love, LOVE men. I enjoy bi-play with some women as a way to add to everyone's experience. "

If a couple's profile or what they say makes us think they are disproportionately interested in me, we raise the subject directly and find out if the two couples are at least close to each other in what we want.

Discoandviper, as everyone else has pointed out, in this world you have to be careful how you describe your level of interest in FF activity. Especially with such a beautiful wife.