How do you meet potential swing partners?

[Emilie]

We're just discovering swinging. But here's my question: How do you meet people? We've been to two clubs, but the pickings are slim. We posted an add, but I didn't feel comfortable with it. My partner is more interested in watching me with another man(/and his partner?). Any ideas?

[OhioCouple]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Emilie:
We're just discovering swinging. But here's my question: How do you meet people? We've been to two clubs, but the pickings are slim. We posted an add, but I didn't feel comfortable with it. My partner is more interested in watching me with another man(/and his partner?). Any ideas?

---

You seem to refer more to your other half. Is this a lifestyle that you are considering also, and not just for your partners satisfaction?

Lori

[Emilie]

I would say that he is more interested than I am; however, I'm very curious. I'd like to at least try it once and see how we like it.

[spiffyandredhot]

we've only gotten into the lifestyle in the last week or so, and i have to tell you it's kind of like the "dating game" so far, only multiplied because of the extra people involved.

it starts with simple mail or "hello" in a chat room (we use swinglifestyle.com), then it turns into email tag (mails back and forth). if all is well so far it graduates into instant messages on yahoo, msn, etc. mostly just people trying to feel you out, making sure your not some freak, psycho, or single guy with a video camera.

we have yet to meet anybody in person, but the prospects for the weekend are looking good.

find a site like swinglifestyle.com, and see if you can find what your looking for. above all, it seems "patience" is the best way to meet people.

[Chicup]

We are rather selective in terms of personality/looks in swinging partners, so it took us about 2 months or so to finaly meet some people, and took us over a year to find the 'idea' couple for us. (we only have used the internet)

Just some pointers......

1. People lie, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS talk on the phone with BOTH partners before you agree to meet somewhere. If the wife is always out/can't come to the phone, just move along.

2. If people WANT R/X rated pictures, odds are they are a collector. About the only ones I think that make a lot of sense are for single males since often the woman is looking for a 'large' man heh.

3. Expect to get stood up a bit. People chicken out. In some ways this is worse then a blind date. The man/woman might have second thoughts and when fantasy gets close to reality they may get cold feet.

4. Expect to get rejected. Everyone is looking someone, just not always you. We have been rejected for some very odd reasons.

5. Never feel pressured. If you feel you are being pressured by another couple, say 'sorry no thanks' and back away.

6. After all this have fun, we did/do

[Bluebirds in San Jose]

Granted, we're coming to this thread kinda late...

We're getting throroughly frustrated trying to meet other couples. We've been to on-premise clubs, and find the single-guys turn them into meat-markets. We've posted ads/profiles online. We've been patient and gracious with the people we've contacted. We've hit it off very well with meaningful, appropriate, and all-signs-pointing-to-good-chemistry e-mails.

*WE* think we're good looking. But maybe we're not. The weird thing is that the e-mail conversations and plans for meets for coffee or drinks STOP as soon as we send photos of ourselves -- even the G-Rated ones.

We're educated, we're parents, we're professionals in our fields, we're clean, respected by the community (but not public figures), we have good communication skills, and we're centered and well-adjusted. We're not fat, but we're between 20-25 lbs overweight -- aka "Average Americans". We're "In-shape". She's taller than most women. I'm thinning on top, and we're both going grey. We're NOT worn-out, and we think we look good. But we come back to the issue of weeks of good conversation coming to a screeching halt as soon as we send pictures.

Anyone care to comment on this frustrating situation? Are we doing something wrong?

-SJBluebirds

PS: It's the pictures, isn't it?

[JustAskJulie]

It's hard to say, but if it seems to be a regular occurance that people stop replying once you have sent pics then it may well be your pics. That doesn't mean that you are unattractive, it may just be that they aren't good pics.

As far as the clubs go, try attending clubs that don't allow single men or only going on nights when single men aren't allowed (usually even the clubs that allow single men have at least one night a week that is couples only).

[Chicup]

One thing that helps if you don't mind your pictures out there is using an add site where you can post pictures. This weeds out people who don't find you attractive before you start the email game. We used to use altemail.net (I think that was it) but they have since changed their format a bit to SO many questions that finding people that match you personality wise is impossible (they used to use about 30 questions, most of which were somewhat important like 'do you smoke', now they have a lot more useless questions that really don't say anything about you personality/life style wise, so we find we match about 30% with everyone)

Also we got MORE responces after posting pictures. The only downside is the 'what if someone recognizes me' fear.

[dave_susie2001]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chicup:
The only downside is the 'what if someone recognizes me' fear.

---

Well, if you post G rated pics of yourselves, if someone recognizes you, you can always do what I do....Admit nothing, deny everything, and when accused: make counter-accusations!

Seriously, don't use your real names, post G rates pics, and if someone you know recognizes your pics, you can always deny that you posted them. If you post X rated pics....it's kind of hard to deny that it's really you!

[Quin]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Emilie:
We're just discovering swinging. But here's my question: How do you meet people? We've been to two clubs, but the pickings are slim. We posted an add, but I didn't feel comfortable with it. My partner is more interested in watching me with another man(/and his partner?). Any ideas?

---

You've been to two clubs...was that only once for each club? Clubs do have off nights and there are circumstances when, yeah, the pickins may be slim at a club. For instance, there's one couple within our circle that when they have a party, the pickins are very slim at one club in the area...very, very slim. Why do you think that the first time you go to a club you should be active? Usually first timers aren't...they go to the club at least two times before joining in on anything, for many reasons from becoming comfortable to just talking/watching to make sure that this is a step they want to take.

While the internet has been an avenue to open up the possibility of meeting others to many people via ads...you have to wade thru a lot of crap to get to one couple that MAY BE somewhat interesting. Why bother? I don't know a lot of people who have the time. I've never had an ad anywhere and meet couples all the time via swinging friends, at clubs, or even right here just posting on the boards (no I don't mention names like some do, that's tacky ). Personally, I think you would be best served to revisit one or both of the clubs on different nights possibly. Socialize with the people regardless of whether you're interested in swinging with them...that couple may be part of a circle and invite you within that circle which will then open you up to many couples and possibly other circles which will have many other couples.

How does that old saying go...it's not what you know, it's WHO you know. The same can apply in the swinging world. So don't discount a couple just because you're not attracted to them...maybe you will be attracted to their good friends, the Joneses.

Quin

[J & K]

The wife and I post our ad on one site that we really like. We have our pics up. The first one is a pose in "G" rated form---after that it is just me looking good in clothes and with a shirt off. We tend to stay away from the "X" rated ones. Looking at "X" rated pics turn us off (not all of them). If we can only see a woman's hooters or crotch that look great, what is to say the face looks as good since that is what we all look at first then the body. Maybe some woman are turned on just seeing a guy and his "unit" to determine if they will like it. As my wife says, "seen one-you seen them all". It is the personality too which woman are attracted to then comes the body. I too was 25 lbs over weight like the Ave. American, but I wanted to look sexy in my wife's eyes first and only her. After the weight loss we took some pics then posted it on our ad and got on a webcam site for show. Wow--did the e-mails come in from pretty ladies everywhere and then folks just loved the wife's and mine's bodies. So what I am getting at is pics help a lot to meet someone for an intro. After that, seeing them in person they might not look that good or they look better. So here is a hint that might help for pics.---Both of you get a make over or dress classy and show yourself. Next---take the effort to lose the weight for eachother--not for other folks out there. I lost mine in 6 months and the wife has lost close to 15 lbs too--now we have people wanting to meet us. We are very picky folks ourselves and attractive cpls want attractive cpls. To each his own I say. My wife and I have passed down many cpls who might be attractive mentally, but looks are the greeting card here. If the cover of the book looks good---then it is time to read the book and see if you like it. Good looking folks aren't always attractive on the inside while ave. folks are very pretty on the inside. It is hit and miss---like someone said--it is like going on dates all over again as if you two were single. Wish you the best of luck and if I don't make sense---sorry. I ramble without thought---LOL.

[J & K]

my post was for birds in sanjose.