"Caste System" in the Lifestyle Based on Age/Beauty?

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

I can agree that people are intimidated, but I think it goes both ways. I think that people who are not what society calls physically "perfect" ie., maybe they are overweight, or whatever, are quite intimidated.

You know, it's funny, these people seem to be the most open and social people at parties and at the club. I think that although body image can be a problem, many that have ventured into the lifestyle have come to terms with how they look because they find that they are attractive to others just the way they are. And personality goes along way, of course. Both Mrs. WS and I are extroverts and tend to gravitate toward extroverts ourselves. That is where the party always seems to be.

Mr. WS

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by HappyPeople

Am I alone in thinking that massive insecurities are a huge problem in the swing scene?

No, I can understand how your insecurities would be super vamped in this lifestyle. I mean, its like when you were dating again. You are presenting yourself out there, and I think people are terrified of rejection. But you have to learn to laugh at yourself and have fun.

[ShellyM]

I also find that those we consider the most physically attractive can be just as insecure in a club setting. I think the face to face approach tends to change the dynamics.[/QUOTE]

Thats the funniest thing, esp with women. No matter how thin we are, or how good we look, we will exaggerate every little flaw.

[AlaskanGrown]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

You know, it's funny, these people seem to be the most open and social people at parties and at the club. I think that although body image can be a problem, many that have ventured into the lifestyle have come to terms with how they look because they find that they are attractive to others just the way they are. And personality goes along way, of course. Both Mrs. WS and I are extroverts and tend to gravitate toward extroverts ourselves. That is where the party always seems to be.

Mr. WS

Mrs. AK had some reservations about her body type (she feels she could lose a little weight, but she's beautiful any way you cut it), but has really let go of those thoughts once she saw that these were every day people having a good time. They weren't afraid of stretch marks, their body type, etc.

The attitude of those you associate with and the atmosphere it creates can make a world of difference for someone that's got insecurities.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

You know I think there is a difference between on line and clubbing. At the club I go to I see every group of people intermingling. I don't consider myself 'barbie' but I get the Ken and Barbie types making offers just as much as those who aren't Ken and Barbie.

I also find that those we consider the most physically attractive can be just as insecure in a club setting. I think the face to face approach tends to change the dynamics.

My guess is it just depends on the crowd. The LL crowd in my area is VERY caste system oriented. They 'A' list seems very focused on attending the parties that require you to submit photos prior to see if you are good looking enough as a couple to go. They will then flirt with each other about going on the message boards, non-stop until the event 6 months later. At the offsite events most will stick to their own and not even talk with anyone out of their group. They never seem to go to the onsite events, but I'm not sure if this is due to them being more into being seen than playing or because they dont' want to be in a situation where someone not in their group would ask them to play.

[johntoniswing]

i would say that there are alot of people that we dont contact persue because we feel that they wouldnt be attracted to us due to age/weight issues etc .we prob miss out on meeting some good people due to this but its what we do

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by Chicup

My guess is it just depends on the crowd. The LL crowd in my area is VERY caste system oriented. They 'A' list seems very focused on attending the parties that require you to submit photos prior to see if you are good looking enough as a couple to go. They will then flirt with each other about going on the message boards, non-stop until the event 6 months later. At the offsite events most will stick to their own and not even talk with anyone out of their group. They never seem to go to the onsite events, but I'm not sure if this is due to them being more into being seen than playing or because they dont' want to be in a situation where someone not in their group would ask them to play.

Interesting. Perhaps the dynamics are different depending on what part of the country you are from as well. Maritimers are known to be down to earth and friendly, and there aren't too many parties that would require a photo first, as well our swingers crowd is a smaller one, where we tend to know each other.

[beaverz]

Off topic:

Originally Posted by: ShellyM
Thats the funniest thing, esp with women. No matter how thin we are, or how good we look, we will exaggerate every little flaw.

Mrs. Beaverz was telling me about a report she seen on tv regarding the above comment;

If a woman is shown pictures of other women and asked to pick out which one she thought closely reflected her body, she would always pick the picture that had a woman with a bigger body than hers.

The same was done to men and they would always pick the body type that was smaller than their own.

I guess what they were saying is men think they are in better shape than they really are and women are in better shape than they think they are.

Maybe Mrs. Beaverz was trying to tell me something.

[2GirlsGoodBenBa]

This is rather interesting. We've experienced the opposite effect of the "Caste System." There have been several times where we've been invited to a party or meet and greet generally by an older couple. We have found that we are often the youngest in the entire group (and have grown to expect that) upon arriving. With this we are often over looked and have found that the others will mingle among themselves. For us: Age/Looks is an important factor in who we play with but even then we don't mind building friendships with people in general. But, I guess when in those particular situations people want to meet someone that'll give it up rather than talk their head off

[mickey&minnie]

I have to say that I have not contacted some of the people I have wanted to because I have been afraid of them being out of my league. I am a big girl and don't contact thinner people because of this. My hubby and I are new at this and we look at profiles all the time and he'll ask me why don't you contact them and I say "Please, like they would ever consider me!!" I guess I need to get out of this mind frame or we will never meet anyone. I just figured Ken and Barbie were searching for Ken and Barbie. I never considered thinner people would like a big girl, even though I am very pretty and smart and can hold a decent conversation, I am funny too LOL
Minnie

[appleblossoms20]

Smile...a caste system in the lifestyle.....truly it is no different in the vanilla world. It is a fact of life. Study after study dictates that we as a society gravitate towards the "pretty" people. If a tall man seeks a executive position verses a man of shorter stature and their credentials match the taller one will most likely get the job. In stores, young men have actually asked me for help first when a poorly little elderly lady has been standing there waiting a lot longer than I. This can also happen in a reverse manner...because I am tall, blonde and somewhat attractive people have assumed well she must be stupid...sorry... very high IQ....
The only thing someone can say is no....and if that is their answer it is their loss...regardless what these young people think they will age as well. They will be turned down as well as time passes...I can remember when 40 seemed old...but 40 and considered a MILF is even a HOTTER place in life than a 20 something blonde....smile.-r

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by appleblossoms20

...I can remember when 40 seemed old...but 40 and considered a MILF is even a HOTTER place in life than a 20 something blonde....smile.-r

Thank goodness for this trend! LOL

[discoandvyper]

We broke the caste system when Disco and I got together. She's gorgeous, tall, intelligent, exudes sexuality, and is fun to be around.

Me, I've got height going for me but other than that I'm strictly C grade material.

Tends to throw some people off, her being super hot and me being average material. That could be the reason why we get so many people asking if they can play with her but not mentioning me. We block people on Swing Lifestyle who do that.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

We broke the caste system when Disco and I got together. She's gorgeous, tall, intelligent, exudes sexuality, and is fun to be around.

Me, I've got height going for me but other than that I'm strictly C grade material.

Tends to throw some people off, her being super hot and me being average material. That could be the reason why we get so many people asking if they can play with her but not mentioning me. We block people on Swing Lifestyle who do that.

You know, I wouldn't chalk it up to that. We've found that for some reason people feel it is less threatening to approach the female instead of the male. We get the same quite a bit. It's usually about how hot Mr. WS is in the first email. Occasionally, we get the "you're a hot couple" email, though. I don't think it's you... it's their insecurities when breaking the ice.

Mr. WS

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by discoandvyper

Me, I've got height going for me but other than that I'm strictly C grade material.

Tends to throw some people off, her being super hot and me being average material. That could be the reason why we get so many people asking if they can play with her but not mentioning me. We block people on Swing Lifestyle who do that.

I wouldn't call you average or C grade, at all. I think you look like a great couple, both of you. I'd do you (and her) in a heartbeat! facelick