I joined this site a few weeks ago and have been diligently reading through posts to get a good feeling of how things go, but there's one thing I haven't noticed a lot of...tips on how to meet people if you don't do the club thing. I see lots of stories about older playmates that you've been with for a long time, but nothing about how you met.
My boyfriend and I have been talking about this for a while and we've both decided that we don't think the club route is the one we want to take. I'm a germ-a-phobic who works in a hospital...(go figure...) and don't feel quite at-ease with hanging out sitting somewhere where someone else may have deposited a whole lot of bodily fluids. So...if we don't do the club thing...how do we meet people who are interested in the same thing we are? We don't think we really want to do the house party thing either. We just want to find one couple to be swinging "monogamous" with for a nice long while. He and I are both attractive and proportionate (notice I didn't say in shape...cause we're not...but definately proportionate) and we're nervous about putting pictures on our swinglife profile, simply because we don't want any of the weird stuff.
We have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You are a Swinger". That seems to work well for us. Just kidding. We have met most swingers in our area Yahoo groups. They hold monthly meet and greets or parties. We have also met couples and singles by using Adultfriendfinder and Swinglifestyle. We post our pictures but you don't need to. Just set up a free account on Swinglifestyle and say in your profile that you would be willing to exchange pictures with the right couples/singles and start reading profiles and see who is out there.
Another trick we have used is to do a Yahoo members search
Location: Your city or cities close to you
Read the profiles returned in your search. You will find a lot of swingers that way. Then just send them and IM and introduce yourself online and see if there is any connection.
We personally put ourselves out there. Like VegasLee has stated before that he and his wife go were the swingers are. We feel that you only get what you put into the lifestyle so we try to meet as many people as we can. It sure doesn't hurt that we love to socialize.
We just want to find one couple to be swinging "monogamous" with for a nice long while
Inorder to find such a couple you most likely will have to utilize one of the above mentioned routes or go to a club. Finding the right couple or couples means, unless you are lucky or not picky at all, meeting a lot of people.
We've had our best luck so far meeting people on sls, and at a local meet n greet at an off-premise bar. We prefer the small intimate meeeting with just a cpl at a time, compared to the large group gatherings truthfully. Kevin and Danielle's advice is pretty much right on target, browse some profile's, send some message's, and be truthful with your wants/needs/desires, and reply to all those who send e-mails/messages to you, even if it is a " No thank you, not interested". Good luck in your search.
I've been to one club and one private swinger's retreat, but there's no club closer than 60 miles from me. Therefore I just use the personal profiles on swinger sites, in my case both SLS and Swappernet.
After that, the process is really no different than two singles meeting and dating from online personals. Whether you're a couple looking for a single or another couple, or a single looking for a couple or another single... most people meet somewhere neutral like a restaurant, bar or even a coffee shop for "first date" of sorts and go from there.
I am pleased and relieved that we met them very early in our experience and didn't have to go through bad experiences to have good ones. When we first met them we could not believe how much we had in common and how normal they were! We met for dinner and to just talk and get to know each other. When they said they wanted to get together again, we were just beside ourselves with happiness!
We consider ourselves very lucky and blessed to have met this couple and we have become very good friends. This closeness has not been without issues that we have had to work out - but I think this happens in any relationship that is based on friendship and sex. We are not always on the same page at the same time, but we are working on communication both between partners and "with the group." Issues aside, if I did have to give up any aspect of our relationship, I can honestly say that I would want to be friends with them forever, so I would have to give up the sex.
At this point, I almost don't think I can imagine swinging without the relationship aspect, but I think that depends on the type of person you are. I never had lots of sex partners before, so I guess I don't really expect that now. We all seem to be pretty relaxed and content with each other, but there is still a lot of excitement and spice. So I consider that the best of both worlds. Does that make sense?
OOPs, I forgot to say: So definately meet people on neutral ground and talk to them first. If you don't get a good feeling, don't take it any further. Trust yourself, take your time and by all means Have Fun!
Last edited by lovedoctor; 03-22-2006 at 09:44 PM.
I'm the one who's MORE nervous about the socializing part than the swinging part. I came from a VERY small town, moved to the C-bus for college and chose not to leave because I liked it, but I still have that "meeting new people is tough" complex, while J is natural-born socializer.
J. attempted to do the first socializing by himself...without telling me he was doing it...so I got super angry. I felt that we should be on this at the same step at the exact same time, even if one of us is shyer than the other. He can do that talking at first, that's cool...but I wanted to KNOW. We discussed it and he sees where I'm coming from now and understands that. Now he sits here while I post and send messages to people. He reads what's going on, gives some in-put, and we do it together. (Well, most of the time, he's at the lakehouse this weekend).
PD (Princess Dawn) and I understandyour concerns and the frustrations from this. We found our best way to meet new people was at off-premesis clubs. No actual sex going on but still a fantastic sexy and exciting venue. You may check to see if any of the clubs in your area are strictly off-premesis. This may be a nice in between alternative for you.
when we first started we wanted the 1 cpl for life also. like every one has said put yourself out there on the swing sites and some of the yahoo groups.we have made alot of friends and a few long term swing friends.we do the same as you guys, mrs. fun does the swing selecting,checking makin arrangments,e- mailing, and i do more swingers board posting, we do look and discuss together. neither one does without the others approval. alot of swing talk goes on around here at our table . we have learned that meet and greets and clubs are a good way to go.swingers are some of the cleanest germ free people we know. so yes there is hope of a long term swing relationship.
First. let me add a Welcome to the board! Now for my two cents. Meeting people has been the hardest part for us. Neither of us like rejection (who does?) and so we first found it difficult to put ourselves out there and approach people from the sites like SLS and second, when we visited a club, closing the deal with couples we were attracted to. Recently, with a little encouragement from the folks here on the board we just said we were going to suck it up and go for it. At our next club visit, we just asked and guess what nobody bit our head off! One said yes and one said "they were soft swaping that night, but here is our email and lets get together on another occasion." Then we sent out a ton of feelers on SLS and have received lots of positive responses which are leading to meet and greets on an individual couple basis. So the bottom line for us has been "Just Do It"
A couple of comments on issues you raised. As for the "germ-a-phobic" reservations and clubs. I don't like sitting in someone else's bodily fluids either. But I go to public places and sit in chairs that only God knows whose been in them. But I don't sit naked in them. The same at clubs. At an on-premisis club when we do get naked, I take a towel with me to sit on. And if we are going to use a bed that has been used there are always extra sheets and I change them. And of course swinging clubs are like any other clubs and swingers homes are like any other home. Some are neat and clean and some look like a rat's nest. If we come accross the latter we are leaving.