How do you meet real people to swing with?

My wife and I have been talking about exploring some aspect of the swinging
lifestyle. We have a great sex life, and
think it might be fun to watch some adult movies with another couple, play some games, whatever. One step at a time. But where do you go to meet real couples? The sites that I have seen all seem kind of scammy, or full of single men. Suggestions?

[Alura]

Of Course y'all know about the clubs and personal ads on Swingers Board.

Of the five couples we've played with, we met one at the Ballet, one at a school event, one at a university, one in a book store coffee shop, and one at a swingers' picnic. It's not the place, it keeping your eyes and mind open, smiling at folks and reading their eyes and body language.

We've heard that somewhere between five and ten percent of American couples swing. That seems a lot to me but if so, that's a lot of playing going on. They're out there, just be patient and keep looking. Good luck!

Cheers,
Husband of Alura

[youngswingers]

Here are some really great strategies for meeting people who are like you.

1) Find a local on or off premises club and see if they have a message board or personals section. Strike up online relationships with people and see where it leads.

2) Post a message/ad on the big personal sites like AdultFriendFinder looking for couples to meet at a local off-premises club. At the very least you'll get to know some people who are looking to get into the lifstyle too.

3) Get out to your local off-premises club or arrange spend the week someplace with a club you would want to attend and be you great people you are. Be friendly, and you'll have no problem at least meeting some new people.

[ 01-09-2002: Message edited by: youngswingers ]

[NealnAnji]

Of all the resources mentioned that a couple could pursue for meeting swingers, the ad route seems to be the least productive. Or is it just our experience? We have gotten more responses from single males wanting to have a threesome than bonafide couples wanting to swap for sex.

Just curious to know how many of you have found the ad route fruitful?

N&A

[Alura]

Several years ago there was a local adult book store that had a swingers bulletin board. The ads posted were about the same as one sees on-line, but at least they were all local folks; one didn't need a computer to read them. Unfortunately, the vice squad raided it and found some illegal porn and grass. End of book store.

Once a couple posted a 3X5 card inviting folks interested in the lifestyle to a Saturday afternoon picnic at a shelter house in a local city park. I'd guess about twenty couples showed up packing soft drinks and food to share. Two biker couples attended, one on a Harley and one on a BMW. The men took other ladies for short bike rides, leaving their wives with their husbands as collateral.

It was a stroke of genius picking the time and location because no one felt any danger of being pressured in any way, and the mixing of people was excellent. It seemed a lot of people came who wouldn't have considered meeting at a bar, hotel, or club.

Along about dark, people started leaving, usually two couples at a time. (The two biker couples rode off together, the ladies having traded seats.) We met one of our five playful couples there, who had never played before, and remained friends for some time.

Just a suggestion...

Cheers and Smiles,
Alura

[SnittyKitty]

We went the ad route... We have had two couples, thus far, both terrific, and both from ads placed here...Maybe I'm being biased because I have been extremely impressed with the folks here, but I get the impression that the people here are real. If you read the forums, you can see there are alot of well written thoughts, ideas & genuine friendship among many of the members.

We took advantage of places like Adult Friend Finder, Swingers Date Club, Intimate Lovers...who offer a trial period on their sites to give you an opportunity to try them out. I've gotten mixed results from all of them...some couples swear by them; others say no.

Over at Yahoo, we took the AOL philosophy...saturate your message on every club in your known universe. In an post Julie wrote...how to post an ad...we're constantly editing...tailoring our ad to say what it is we are trying to convey. And in my post over on that thread...what impresses us, is we want to know you, not what is between your legs! Not that some couples will give you a different opinion..they will!

Some couples like clubs, other's house parties, us...our home. Some couples like no strings attached sex, some friendships...and all flavors in between.

We don't know if you don't tell us. And don't tell us something in writing only later to back off because you want folks to respond. That will get you the kiss of death!

I can't stand an ad that for example says you r gal is bisexual, when in fact she's bicurious and wants to be shown what it's all about. Many couples will tell you they don't like "one-way", they give, and no receive.

Some will also tell you, including me...don't even think about cheating on your spouse or partner!

Three months ago, I was brand spanking new at this. Made mistakes, learned lessons...always learning lessos. You have to go into this prepared...your ad is like a resume...but in the end...it's not about what you look like, but who you are!

Then you let time and your ad work for you. There is always someone who will see your ad, and they will think of themselves and thus you begin a wonderful journey that is very, very special to you and your spouse/partner. Enjoy!

[Stratecpl]

We also subscribe to several of the better swingers' ads sites, and we've had pretty great luck in that department. We just communicate with these people for a long enough time period to make sure they're not game players or picture collectors.... and if they become "No-Shows" then they struck out.

More recently, we decided to try the local swingers' club route. It's an off-premises club that is pretty much like a nightclub. We can go there and dance, have a few drinks, talk face to face with our friends, and just have a wonderful night out. Nothing is ever expected of anyone so there are no letdowns involved. As you get to know people better, you relax and talk more freely and intimately. From there, you can shoot for the stars, so to speak.

Just don't be in a great rush trying to find good swing friends. They are out there and probably are just as cautious as you are. When you finally do meet, you'll have such a blast that the wait was well worth it. As said previously, be sure to use truthful statements, don't mislead anyone as to your "do's" or "don'ts" and you should be just fine. Ads with pictures get hundreds of times better results, too, no matter what anyone else will lead you to believe. "G" rated pics are just fine. You don't have to divulge your intimate ones, but some proof that you ARE who you claim to be is a good thing!!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[NealnAnji]

It's not the place, it keeping your eyes and mind open, smiling at folks and reading their eyes and body language.
Alura, you have such great and practical suggestions for identifying/meeting couples who might be willing to swing!

We have been attending more "nonswinger" parties than the swinger type. Assume we have identified a few couple/s that are warm, friendly, smiling, etc. Assume we think we would love to play with and eventually swap for sex with one or two. How would one go about probing in a nonthreatening/casual way as to whether or not the couple plays and would be interested in being friends and moving beyond to genuine sexual encounters? Further assume we have infinite patience and willing to wait for the relationship to mature so that swapping for sex would be natural.

We agree with you that it is the chase, the courtship, if you will, prior to having sex with the other wife/hubby that is so exciting in this game.

[Alura]

Hey, NealnAnji!

Thank you for your kind remarks. One thing that has kept us hanging around the Swingers Board is the quality of folks who participate here. Intelligence is plentiful among the members. We've seen few offensive postings and feel the members are our kind of folks. "We appreciate y'all!" as we say here in Oklahoma.

We're not sure exactly how to answer your question but will give it a shot. Maybe we will start on a book as someone suggested...

Of course y'all know the song by Kenny Rogers, "The Gambler." (Okay, we'll admit were Country Music fans, although we do not include the "I'm cryin' in my beer 'cause I'm gettin' divorced" sort of thing.) The line,

"Son, I've spent a lifetime readin' people's faces,
"Knowin' what was in their cards by the way they held their eyes."

says it all. To tell you how to do that is much, much harder.

Years ago we both read a book about Body Language and would highly recommend it to anyone interested in playing. If y'all have read it, read it again with swinging in mind.

We think courting a couple is not dissimilar to courting single people. Be yourself, don't try to show them how cool you are, and keep your eves open! Look both of them in the eye constantly. Signs, good or bad, will come. There'll be more couples giving bad signs than good. Keep in mind it's a rare marriage strong enough to enable successful intermarital sex.

We weren't surprized to learn recent studies show there is a change in the iris of the eye when people lie. A machine will soon be on the market, exploiting this phenomena. We think one can learn to read eyes. We often remark about a person we've met, "I like/don't like his/her eyes." We don't mean the color.

There are rituals in the American way of courting one can watch and use to advance a playful friendship. We wrote elsewhere about seating arrangements when two couples go out to dinner together. Place the men opposite each other at a square table (no booths!) so you will be able to emphasize conversation with discrete touching of the other spouse.

Women can initiate this much more easily than men, who should restrict themselves to hand touching, (rather than forearms) until the other lady gives you a sign to progress, such as her touching your hand when she says something. The more touching of hands, the better. You can't suddenly grab someone and kiss them; you have to do the preliminaries!

Hugging "good night" can soon follow. After dinner in a restaurant, try to walk out beside the opposite spouse. Once outside, Anji, take his arm while saying sincerely, "I certainly enjoyed dinner, Y'all! Thank you for coming with us!" Lean into him, hug his upper arm into the side of your breast but show no sign that you did it intentionally. Just before you get to the car, slide your hand down his arm to his. See if he takes yours. If he clasps your hand, he's at ease and your chances are quite good. If he laces fingers (next step!) your prospects of eventually getting laid are excellent!

Neal, be an observer. If she follows Anji's lead, wonderful, but she has to do it or you'll be labeled "lecherous" or "pushy," and all Anji's successes will be out the window.

Let's suppose the walk to the car was filled with good signs. Anji, squeeze his hand foldly before you hug the other lady. Neal, shakes hand with him. This is acceptable behavior. Give her a sincere compliment, such as "It sure is nice to spend time with interesting folks!" release her and hug him. Neal's compliment should be lower key, "It was fun, Tex! Let's do it again!"

Neal, take one step toward her but go no closer unless she approaches you. She will if the hand-holding signs were positive. Hug her warmly and give her a similar low-key compliment. "God! I'd love to see those lips wrapped around my cock!" will not do! Try, "Thanks, Cindy Louise, I had a great time!"

Anji, do not press your chest to his while holding your butt as far away as possible. That's the way straight couples exchange hugs. Don't grind your pelvis into his, either. Extend your arms and put them around his neck. Don't hold your elbows down with your hands on his shoulders so that your forearms protect the sides of your breasts. That's the way teenage virgins hug. Hug him once, lean back keeping your lower body close to him, look into his eyes, drop your eyes fleetingly to his lips and back. Watch to see if his do the same, but don't kiss him! Say something like, "This has been so much fun, let's do it again real soon!" The dinner date or the hug? Don't answer that unasked question! Hug him again.

Neal, let's assume you get a hug, too. Did she hold her pelvis away from your body? Did she keep her hands on your shoulders, protecting her breasts with her arms? Did she look at your lips when you leaned back to tell her you had a good time? If she did, she's thinking about kissing you! Observe everything but don't kiss her!

On the way home, while it's still fresh in your minds, talk about the evening. What signs did you see? Did you feel any jealously? Did they seem to?

On the next date you can turn up the heat. It's time to introduce sex into the conversation menu. Again, its best if Anji does this. Don't, however, talk about the lady who got raped in her apartment last week. Tell a joke, a positive one, preferably about NealnAnji. Hopefully, they will counter and sex will be an acceptable subject. Don't overdo it!

Okay, you've been on several dates, the kisses have gotten hotter, and you're all naked in the spa. Well, perhaps standing by your car. You've been making out for several minutes and Tex has a definite hard on. Neal and Cindy Louise are nearby, similarly involved. It's time to broach the subject. Interrupt your kiss with Tex, Anji, and say, "Uh, Cindy Louise, how do y'all feel about swinging?"

Pick out a likely couple, try it, and let us know how it worked. We may give it a go!

Cheers and Smiles,
Alura

[NealnAnji]

"Pick out a likely couple, try it, and let us know how it worked. We may
give it a go!"

Thanks for such great and well thought out suggestions Alura. Wish you would write a book for us newbies!

As matter of fact we have been close friends with several couples and at least half a dozen of us hug and kiss goodnight when we part after a party. The ladies put their arms around the other hubbies and kiss on both cheeks, sometimes a brush on the lips. Her (other wife) breasts are firmly resting on my chest while the pelvises are in full contact close enough for her feel my erection. It seems ladies are more open and would love to have sex with another man if only hubbies would not mind. Not all men are so romantic. Other night we were the last to depart after a party and the host said "let us exchange wives" and we both laughed. When we came home and hit the sack I was so aroused at the thought of swapping and having sex with the hostess, I almost stayed up all night! Now we would like to pursue and see if this leads to genuine swinging relationship between us two couples where we would swap wife/hubby for thrilling sexual intercourse.

[Alura]

the host said "let us exchange wives"

That sure sounds like an invitation to us, NealnAnji! The next time the four of you are together just ask them. We like to ask a question that can't be answered by "Yes" or "No." That's why we favor, "How do y'all feel about swinging?" Make sure both of you smile when you "pop the question."

We think they've read your eyes and body language, (conciously or subconciously), feel you're interested, and want to fuck your brains out. Keep us informed!

Cheers and Smiles,
Alura

[hotcpl4unfla]

Originally posted by neal7310:
Of all the resources mentioned that a couple could pursue for meeting swingers, the ad route seems to be the least productive. Or is it just our experience? We have gotten more responses from single males wanting to have a threesome than bonafide couples wanting to swap for sex.

Just curious to know how many of you have found the ad route fruitful?

N&A

We are a new couple to the scene, and tried posting ads at Adult Friend Finder, Bicouples.com (I think that's right!), and another one I can't remember the name of. No responses AT ALL from AFF, one response from another ad. However, after contacting this person, she didn't get back to us. Another one we got the guy was a fat, tatooed biker guy, and his woman looked like a drug addict!! Granted, we are looking for a bi single fem, so I'm sure that's why we haven't had much luck!

[invictus]

Hello hotcpl4unfla,

We have had the most success with meeting other couples at some of the nudist resorts. Just North of you in Tampa is Paradise Lakes which we think is the best one in North America. Be aware that most nudists are not swingers but many swingers do go to nudist resorts.

Swinger "on-site" clubs can also be a good option. Just remember that no means no.

We have placed ads before but have yet to get a response that we were comfortable with. There are a lot of "weird" individuals with internet access that try to be something they are not. (Just a warning.)

[Sara]

Originally posted by SnittyKitty:
We went the ad route... Adult Friend Finder, Swingers Date Club, Intimate Lovers...

Thanks SnittyKitty, I didn't pose the original question, I tried a couple of the places you suggested and they looked really good!