Are we too picky?

[jennandjamesinm]

Hi! James here. A question for all the guru's . We have done the SLS ad, went to a lifestyle club and been to a few socials. It seems as though we can not find the right couple. Either I am attracted to the female or Jenn is attracted to the male half..but never mutual attraction as of yet. Is this common for newbies or is this a typical scenario? Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this. We have talked about this and both know we are not going to take one for the team. The searching is fun though. Any input or advice will be greatly appreciated.

James

[meandher2go]

the fun IS in the search but make sure of the reason you dont like the other half. Is it, you or her are afraid of the actual swing ?

but keep searching.

[LikeMinds321]

James ~

Our situation is the same. It took nine months of daily searching before we agreed on a couple.

If you both have different tastes in people, or one is more particular than the other, then it will be even more challenging.

I think many couples deal with this. It can be a hard to find a match among all four.

Good luck.

LM

[Just_us49]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I think many couples deal with this. It can be a hard to find a match among all four.LM

Keep looking it takes a while. Many times once you agree on looks you don't click with them personality wise. Also it depends on what you're looking to do with the couple. We play with couples on different levels such as same room sex, ladies play around a bit and gentlemen with their own partner and very very seldom full swap. For us it is very difficult to find a couple that we would full swap with. Hope this helps!

-D

[SW_PA_Couple]

The most carefully considered advice that I (Michael) might give is that the SLS advertisement gets you only part way to the goal. The last ten yards are gained by having a definite strategy for arranging a meeting. We sort through the hesitant, the undecided and the "pretends" by offering a cell phone number and inviting a call. The call sometimes comes quickly, sometimes slowly, sometimes not at all. People who are really engaged in the lifestyle and who are genuinely attracted to you will call.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

The most carefully considered advice that I (Michael) might give is that the SLS advertisement gets you only part way to the goal. The last ten yards are gained by having a definite strategy for arranging a meeting. We sort through the hesitant, the undecided and the "pretends" by offering a cell phone number and inviting a call. The call sometimes comes quickly, sometimes slowly, sometimes not at all. People who are really engaged in the lifestyle and who are genuinely attracted to you will call.

VERY true.

I couldn't count how many times we set up a phone call...and no one calls.

This was a few years ago. Now it seems better for some reason, or maybe we are just better at sorting the fakes.

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

People who are really engaged in the lifestyle and who are genuinely attracted to you will call.

I'll presume here that you are referring to a couple-to-couple situation. Because, in general, my tack as a single is very different.

Never wanting to appear to be "the pushy single"... I will not initiate a telephone call. If a couple shares their phone number with me, and I feel comfortable enough to give them mine as well... I will wait for their call.

Still... the outcome in many of my situations too, is that they don't call. Or if they do, then that's all they want to do... talk back and forth ad infinitum. If a couple wants to meet me, they make the first move and ask me for a meet. I never will.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by Dynamar

I'll presume here that you are referring to a couple-to-couple situation. Because, in general, my tack as a single is very different.

Never wanting to appear to be "the pushy single"... I will not initiate a telephone call. If a couple shares their phone number with me, and I feel comfortable enough to give them mine as well... I will wait for their call.

Still... the outcome in many of my situations too, is that they don't call. Or if they do, then that's all they want to do... talk back and forth ad infinitum. If a couple wants to meet me, they make the first move and ask me for a meet. I never will.

Hmmm. You're right, of course. The tactic used by a single person might have to be different. In our society the forward female especially is percieved as "too easy". As for the "no call" situation, I think you'll agree that it indicates a lack of real interest and avoids the alternative situation of endless e-mail exchange. JoAnn and I too have experienced the person who wants to call only when he feels lonely. That situation we have yet to overcome. None of these lonely souls has yet turned into a real pest. They tend to fade from view after a while.

[Pepper & Drew]

I think it's fairly typical of new couples. Over time, we are both more willing to perhaps entertain the possibility of playing with people that at first we may not have played with. Not taking one for the team, but we've learned that you can have a really good time with people that you may not initially consider. After all, you're looking for play partners....we don't use the same criteria that we looked for in marriage partners.

Also, I think it's harder to find someone online than it is to meet people in real life. I know we have some really good friends that if we'd seen them in an ad, we wouldn't have contacted them, but with meeting in person, there was a lot more of an attraction.

As you get some experience, you probably will reach a happy medium. Good luck searching!

Pepper

[Four Aces]

Hi James,

Why not just let the ladies choose, and enjoy the ride?

M

[DEMON74]

in a marriage it should be both a mutual agreement between you and your spouse and the other couple if its not an agreeable union then dont. if all parties dont agree then its not for me

[lovedoctor]

J&J -
We are kind of going thru the same thing right now. We have talked to a lot of couples and they all seem nice. So far there have been no amazing "sparks" to speak of. I was wondering if any of you mentors on here would recommending the "just do it" approach if we think the couple meets our requirements but we don't feel that little tingle of sexual excitement with them - just for the first little bit until our feet are wet (so to speak...) - I don't think it's because we are nervous or anything like that, I just think it will take sometime to find that right chemistry. In the meantime, what about practice for the sake of practice??? Or is that a pretty clinical approach and we should wait for the "right" couple?!

[clit pro poet]

Getting well acquainted is much of the enjoyment for Mrs. Mr. too likes a level of comfort to go with sharing. This means that meeting isn't pressured. On the other hand, the pace and outcome are no more certain than any date might be. And four can be a complicated date! J&J, maybe try just three, or more than four? Less balance to mess with then.

Another tack... Thinking "couple" is a habit, and a good one in so many respects, for those of us who are couples. But we're individuals too, and enjoy any occasion, or not, for our own reasons. What we're about here - comfort, lust, and fun - invites imagination, moods, poses, from each participant. It's a freeing experience. It's you as much as you partner(s). Do y'all think that you are making too much of initial "attraction" as a qualifier?

Sorry that it's questions and not answers, exactly, but this is a much visited and always engaging topic. Also, Pepper & Drew got a good grip on it re: meeting people in person is much more natural and comfortable. Heck, "meet and greet" is just what we all used to do anyhow, before it had a name.

[EvilMJ]

We are probably in the minority on how we do things but we do play separately from time to time. Of course when I say this, I mean we are in the general vicinity of one another, at a dance (everyone has a hotel room) or at a house party, or at home. Because there are times when one is attractrive but the other just isn't doing it for hubby or myself. However, we would only do this if we are comfortable with that person. I have played with a couple that I wasn't entirely attracted to the husband and it did not work out at all. He and I just didn't click no matter how hard we tried. So now I have no problem if the wife and hubby want to play, but I just don't want to play with him.

It isn't always easy to find that perfect couple and it is okay to be picky, don't rush into somethign that is going to be a mistake and do what makes you most comfortable

[clit pro poet]

Originally Posted by lovedoctor

...but we don't feel that little tingle of sexual excitement with them...

Lovedocs' and Evil's posts evoked one more thought: the occasion and the environment. Some times and places feel sexy, and some acquire it. One of us had the good fortune to be part of a network of mostly couples who met from time to time - sometimes a few people, but often a dozen or more. There were only a few locations - large homes in rural settings mostly - that could accommodate us comfortably. By the time that we joined, the group had a history together. Into that reassuring atmosphere we were escorted and accepted. When some of us met at other times and places, even in social or occupational situations, we'd speak of the times that we were all together, and were soon atingle.
Initiating, couple to couple, without a shared history and locale, maybe does call for an uncommon degree of attraction.