Are we too picky?

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by Four Aces

Hi James,

Why not just let the ladies choose, and enjoy the ride?

M

This topic seems to have run it's course, but I have to confirm the comment by Four Aces -- let the ladies choose. The result is seldom disappointing.

[janaandjames]

Why not just let the ladies choose, and enjoy the ride?

LOL
sounds good to me...

it is possible to be too picky, it doesnt have to be a perfect situation for us
jana

[wolfnblu]

I could have written this post. What's more is, we are "mourning" the loss of a potentially PERFECT foursome. We all had some issues - yes, DRAMA our first time in the water - and now I think we all WANT to get past it but don't really know how because of hurt pride and feeling awkward. So we are out there looking, anyway....just in case. But we are finding it next to impossible to find another couple to whom we both are attracted, whose lifestyle (kids, nonsmokers, don't dance or party a lot) matches our own, and who live close enough to us to be friends with and do things with regularly.

[Pinmonkey]

same with us wolfnblu.

[damonarona]

hey guys

no, your not being too picky. physical attraction as well as personality attractive to both is often difficult to find. we are not turned on by those who immediately offer a cell number and other personal information because we tend to worry about those who give out their personal information so quickly since discreetness is something we like to see from the couples we meet. more than once we have chatted with a couple only to have them send a reject mail within two weeks because our schedule didn't free up fast enough for them which of course indicated they were not so perfect after all. make no promises, be polite and you will find the couple that suits both of you.

[JaneAndJohnDoe]

This is a really interesting post, and I'm (of course) going to offer my own 2 cents worth.

For John and I, there are a number of levels we are open to exploring. That is to say, there are many different types of people we are interested in having "relatonships" with, and not all are sexual in nature.

See, it goes to the reasons why we swing, and what we're looking for in our experiences. We've found that with our "regular friends" there is a communication barrier between us, in that we don't feel comfortable telling our "regular friends" about our private lives, out of a concern that they may judge us harshly for it. Our friends are valuable to us, and we don't want to make them run like the wind or feel we're "coming on to them" if we discuss what we do. So, there's always that barrier in place...

"Will they think of us the same way if they know?"

So, part of our search includes meeting people who are of "like minds", whether or not we want to have sex with them. We're looking for couples we can go out to dinner with, have a nice bottle of wine with, chat with, without the fear of reprisal.

We actually gave this a lot of thoughts, and for the purposes of making it easier, we came up with 4 categories of friendships we'd like to develop in the "swinging community". We labeled them "Friends, Partners, Swingers, and Playmates". We posted a full explanation on our blog (see profile if you want to check it out) but here's a rundown of why we feel it's important for us to categorize the types of relationships we are willing to explore...

Why are “levels” important? For several reasons.

1. First, we can quickly rate a couple immediately after a first meeting. This gives us an immediate understanding of what the other feels about the couple, without going into long explanations. (Like many couples I’m sure, we tend to leave a first meeting immediately talking about how we liked the other couple, what we didn’t like, or whether there’s potential there or not.)

Sometimes, we can “click” with another couple for one reason or another. But trying to explain it in words can be a bit of a challenge. And we certainly can’t read minds. So giving a couple a “score,” so to speak, we can immediately tell where the couple stands in our search, and where they could be if anywhere.

Do we want to take it further? Do we want to meet them again, perhaps in a more relaxed setting? (For example, some couples opt for a coffee, others for drinks or dinner. They may start off with coffees or even drinks, but would like a “second date” with us, perhaps have dinner or meet in another neutral location before they — or we — decide.)

2.Second, first impressions are important. But first encounters are never comprehensive. What I mean is, we always want to meet couples first just to see if there’s any chemistry. We need to feel good about the couple, and with the couple, before we take it any further. Although our Adult Friend Finder profile does indicate everything about us and everything we look for in a couple, some couples tell us what they are looking for — which may or may not be the same.

But most couples, I believe, are like us. You see, we are always conservative in what and how we say things, especially during that first encounter, to make sure we don’t throw the other couple off because of something we said.

If there’s chemistry, many couples are open the very first time and we know exactly what kind of people they are right off the bat. But sometimes, the chemistry is somewhat muted because some couples are nervous and need more than a first encounter to dive into unchartered territories.

Therefore, some couples may seem to be in one category at first, but they may turn out — or evolve to — a whole new one in the future. So by having “categories” by which we rate couples, we can easily tell where there’s potential (or potential for change). A first encounter might lead to a level two, which can eventually lead to a level three or even four once the couple feels more relaxed and accustomed to us.

3. Third, we have the opportunity to talk about these categories (in an indirect way) with the couples we meet. This is not just to see if there is any potential, but it’s also a great icebreaker — and can even open the other couple more if they’re whitholding for some of the same, nervous reasons we do during a first-time encounter.

For example, one couple we met never went past the first meeting. Nothing clicked. There was no chemistry whatsoever. And the conversation — the entire discussion, in fact — did not have one single word that included (or implied) anything sexual in any way. Very conservative. Very muted. Very humdrum.

But another couple, on the other hand, were fun and completely open with us. They were bubbly and full of life. They were great conversationalists and even spoke about some of their fantasies before we did.

So knowing that they are starting to open up with us but might be holding back a bit, we introduced our categories into the conversation (not directly, of course, for fear other couples would feel we are judging them, but you get the drift), and that opened the floodgates.

Literally.

So, for us, we're just as interested in having non sexual relationships with people who are like us and are open in their relationship, as we are interested in having sex with others. It's all a matter of chemistry for us.

We aren't as picky as some others might be, because we view each couple we meet as someone we at least have one thing in common with...we are all involved with open relationships, and it is nice to simply have someone we can talk to about it.

Of course, "clicking" with someone on a sexual level is different, and all 4 must be in synch for it to work.

[Gayle]

We look at that difficulty as a good thing. In our thoughts, you can't be too picky. Afterall, every person you sleep with is someone who you are trusting your life with. Even though we've met a lot of people who are willing to blow that fact off, we just can't. So, the way we see it- the more picky you are, the less people you play with- the less people you play with, the safer you are. So, the fact that we have differing tastes is whats made it so that we have had a few very good experiences and made a few very good friends, but have not spread ourselves around too much... if we agreed every time we would have been with 3 times as many people as we have.

I don't mean to make it sound like we only play with Barbie and Ken... in fact, we have yet to play with a Barbie and Ken because they usually don't make it past the initial personality test. LOL...

Because we've been so picky, we have not been disappointed. Something I cannot say for a few of our less picky friends.

[JaneAndJohnDoe]

Originally Posted by Gayle

Afterall, every person you sleep with is someone who you are trusting your life with.

Absolutely!

John and I are super picky about who we decide we're going to take things to the next level with. We were choosy before we got together (which is how we ended up together in the first place) so why would we throw out our selectiveness now, just because we're swingers?

In fact, being even more selective is important, for a variety of safety reasons. And not to forget our primary reason for doing this is to meet people who, like us, are intelligent, professional, passionate, and most importantly, madly in love with each other. That's the type of couple I could see spending quality time with, both in and out of the bedroom.

What I was referring to is classifying which levels people could possibly reach with us. So, each and every couple we meet has a potential to have a relationship with us, even if only in stage one...friends.

[Bothgetit]

Sounds like you might be picky and that is a good thing. We are in the same boat but if you just wait you will find the right combination for you both. If you rush into something you may regret your decision. Oh Yes and we dicided a long time ago that we DO NOT TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM.LOL