Do you swing with unmarried couples?

[twoplayful2]

Originally Posted by tomas674

...we don't hear from them anymore.

That part right there is very common in any swinger situation. Perhaps it's not necessarily about not being married but just some other flakey sorta reason the other couples may have? Totally not uncommon at all.

As for our preferences towards married couples or not, it doesn't really make a difference. It seems to feel nicer to both of us to know they're in a committed and long-term relationship, but even that may not always be too big a deal. It does seem quite strange though that swingers would give a damn at all about another couple being married or just in a long-term relationship. A couple that's been together several years and is swinging is immoral or something like that if they're not married?

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by twoplayful2

... It does seem quite strange though that swingers would give a damn at all about another couple being married or just in a long-term relationship. A couple that's been together several years and is swinging is immoral or something like that if they're not married?

It's not a moral thing, it's just that people think the potential for drama is higher if they swing with people who are not committed to each other. It's the same as with singles; you have to consider that since they're not committed to anyone else, they might become attached to you or your spouse.

We wouldn't say no out of hand, but it's something we pay attention to.

-B

[VegasLee]

Thought this might be the right thread to post a conversation that took place with some friends during convention.

Most swingers seem to travel in "packs". They have a group of friends that they get together with and party. Committed friends?

6 or 7 years ago our group consisted of about 15 couples and 15 single guys. One of the single guys works for us at convention and he brought it up.

Out of the "old group" there is only two of the other couples besides Laura and I that are still together and/or swinging.

There is still about six of the single guys around that we used to and still do party with also.

After talking to him and looking at the results of our years in this has to make me wonder about the "committed" part with many people anymore.

One thing we noticed is that the ones of us that are still together are "old school". Swinging is about sex to us. We are not in it to make new life long friends or build some sort of relationship. (dinners, dancing, bar-b-q's, bowling) Sex. If we become friends then great but we don't set out looking for anything more then some fun with other consenting adults. The rest of the group where the "relationship builders." Guess maybe they worked so hard at building relationships with others they forgot to take care of their own.

The day I look at this Lifestyle as more then sex for fun is the day I get out of it. Laura is to important to me to take a chance of screwing up our relationship by thinking this Lifestyle is more then it really is or should be. My relationship is with her, I don't need anymore then that.

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

One thing we noticed is that the ones of us that are still together are "old school". Swinging is about sex to us. We are not in it to make new life long friends or build some sort of relationship. (dinners, dancing, bar-b-q's, bowling) Sex. If we become friends then great but we don't set out looking for anything more then some fun with other consenting adults. The rest of the group where the "relationship builders." Guess maybe they worked so hard at building relationships with others they forgot to take care of their own.

A huge gem of "been there, done that" wisdom that a lot of "we want a friendship first" people should heed! Thanks Lee.

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

One thing we noticed is that the ones of us that are still together are "old school". Swinging is about sex to us. We are not in it to make new life long friends or build some sort of relationship. (dinners, dancing, bar-b-q's, bowling) Sex. If we become friends then great but we don't set out looking for anything more then some fun with other consenting adults. The rest of the group where the "relationship builders." Guess maybe they worked so hard at building relationships with others they forgot to take care of their own.
.

We are somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. We go into it looking for just sex... ..but don't mind at all if it evolves into a friendship. We have made some good friends (one of them an unmarried couple) but we are all on the same page about several things. 1. we are not exclusive with anyone and 2. our marriage comes first, the minute there is any drama or head games we are done with them. It seems to work for us.

[twoplayful2]

Originally Posted by BradAndJanet

It's not a moral thing, it's just that people think the potential for drama is higher if they swing with people who are not committed to each other.

The point is that it's not about the certificate that say's you're legally tied to each other, that's not my definition of commitment. Geez, how many married people do we all know that aren't even really that committed to each other at all? We're definitely less comfortable with a couple that's been dating for only a few months or so, but a couple that's been living together for years but just doesn't happen to be married? Can't see how that should be any problem at all. We've got two different unmarried couples who are good friends, both have lived together for several years, own a house together and have 2+ kids each. Doesn't get much more committed than that, IMHO, married or not.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by twoplayful2

The point is that it's not about the certificate that say's you're legally tied to each other, that's not my definition of commitment. ...

No it isn't, you're right. In re-reading your post, I see now what you were saying. From the other responses, I'd say married vs. long term relationship makes no real difference to most people. What we'd watch for is what txduo2000 called 'a relationship of convenience in order to swing'. That might be a problem, depending on the people involved.

-B

[VegasLee]

Just to clarify something.

We have made friends with lots of people that we have has sex with over the years but that is not what we go out looking for. It does happen. There is some great people in the Lifestyle that we enjoy as friends. We have also found that we end up not having sex with people that become friends. Go figure that one out.

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

...We have also found that we end up not having sex with people that become friends. Go figure that one out.

Is that because you get to know each other too well? We feel that is happening with a couple we know. She wants to have a clear separation between the bedroom and regular interaction. Hopefully she'll change her mind and be in a sexy frame of mind the whole time we are together. We don't get to see them that often so we like to use the time "wisely". It is wierd though how a relationship changes, right in front of you like that.

Male D