Is Being Too Into Each Other limited our opportunities?

[Spoomonkey]

We are an odd couple - I will admit that. We have never had a fight, never raised our voices at each other, can't stand to be a part (I even turned down a job opportunity so I wouldn't have to work a different shift than her) and generally are very much "into" each other.

We are beginning to wonder if this is a factor in a slump that we have had lately.

We seem to get flirted with endlessly at the club, but it usually doesn't go much further. I didn't think much of it - heck, we enjoy the night out with each other just as well without swinging - but it was really brought home this past Friday.

This hot lady, who I had seen at the club, but never talked to, grabbed my ass while I was walking from the kitchen area back to the pool room. A little serious flirting ensued, including me getting to return her gropes. But, with that done, I moved on to find my wife. Earlier, I guess, the two of them (my wife and this hot chick) had been talking in the girl's room about favorite drinks, etc. Okay - so my wife knows what she likes to drink - I know what her boobs feel like - and honestly, that was good enough for us.

Like I said, we had seen her there before and she was very aggressive - almost rough - and seemed to assume that because she looked the way she did, she could pretty much manhandle whoever she wanted... The fact that I had returned grope for grope with her was pretty much a mistake on my part - especially considering what happened next...

Mrs Spoomonkey and I decided to hit the dance floor when "Pussy Control" came on (we always have to dance to "Pussy Control"). This girl makes an immediate beeline out to dance with us. Okay, fine, why not... After a few shakes and grinds, she looks at us and says, "you two are just too close" and pushes Mrs Spoo against the mirror. I look at Mrs Spoo with a "do I need to control our new 'friend'?" look on my face - and she gives me a subtle "it's okay" shake of her head.

Mrs Spoomonkey doesn't mind a hot little show on the dance floor - and she let this lady run her hands over her breasts and down her hips, sinking to her knees as she played with her tall leather boots. Mrs Spoomonkey enjoyed the attention. But then, the woman decides to try to push up Mrs Spoo's skirt and "dine in public." Mrs Spoo deftly side stepped her and returned to me quickly and we picked up our dancing.

The hot chick, dances up behind me and tells me, "I told you I wanted to fuck your wife." Which she hadn't, and I told her so. "I must have said that to her in the bathroom, then." Which she hadn't, I found out later... And then she danced on.

Really - a pretty harmless encounter. Those things happen. But what bugged me is the "you two are just too close" line that preceeded her bi-sexual onslaught.

Is that possible? Does it really annoy people as it seemed too bother this woman? How does the general swinging population feel about this?

I doubt this will ever change - we are what we are - and, for now at least, that is very much into each other. But, I would love to toss this out for discussion. Does a couple being obviously very close turn you off? For us, that is a huge turn on - and it is something that we look for.

Spoomonkey

[northindycpl]

I know how you feel. Similar things have happened to us. (The too close part) We work together and prefer to spend time together.

Word has spread like wildfire that "we only play with couples" After it was told to a single gal coming on to us. It is similar to you, as now... there isn't a single anything that gives us the time of day, and most couples are very hesitant to approach. Most couples will literally ask me if they can dance or touch or flirt, before doing so.

It doesn't bother us as much because we are very picky, and we like to meet others on our terms, so to speak.

I don't want to be the couple that is the opposite. I like things just the way they are!

[CandTinLorainCo]

Mr. Spoo, wow you must have one incredibly sexy woman!! Congrats to you. As far as this incident goes obviously shes just way aggressive, which isn't bad, but perhaps something you and her hadn't experienced before out of another woman. That being said also sounds like the other woman might of been a little emberassed to actually talk openly to either of you about "F**kin your wife" so she made it sound like "oh, i told you..... or I told her" easy enough. Go with that if thats what your into. Usually i assume cause an over aggressive woman with my wife hasn't been a issue, just the oppesite. But thats a different story.
As far as the closeness thing, we experienced that most couples tend to be a little more conscientious then say a single person who doesn't have a SO to clear things with and so on. Just my thought.

-C

[starlinn]

Actually spoo, that is what concerns us. We are always together, into each other. We never fight, always discuss things openly. I wouldnt know how to react in a situation like that. And assuming that Mrs. Spoo wants to be "dinner" in front of everyone went a bit too far.

[TNT]

Ted and I were discussing this very thing just this past weekend...being totally into each other.

We were discussing how it seems we have pulled away from spending time with anyone (especially our vanilla friends) but each other. We're not sure if this is something we did subconsciously or if the people that used to spend time here pulled away from us. We figured it's a little of both as our work lives have changed as well as everyone's children have gotten older and more involved in activities that there just isn't time to spend with our vanilla friends and their familes.

The thing we realized is that we don't mind and in fact, we rather enjoy it. We actually get annoyed when someone does drop by because it interferes with our time together.

It's not that we don't like people, we do but...we just like each other more.

One of the things that we enjoy about swingers is that we find more couples who are like us, than we do in the vanilla world. When we are around our vanilla couple friends they never seem to interact with each other at all. They rarely talk to each other, they don't smile at each other and they don't touch each other. Ted and I can be across the room from each other engaged in conversation with someone else and our eyes constantly seek each other out. If we are standing within touching distance, we are touching and we never leave each other's side without a hand squeeze or a quick kiss. No matter where we are at or how appropriate PDA's are, we don't give a damn, we show affection for each other and people can either like it or lump it.

Even though we find more couples like us in the swinging community, there are still those who don't understand us. They don't understand why we enjoy each other so much and will turn down invitations to play, because we would rather just go home and be together. When we are looking for couples to play with, we do look for those that seem to be close and enjoy sharing the experience with each other, they're just more fun to be around versus those who seem more into swinging for their own individual pleasure, which we don't have a problem with, we just enjoy the other ones more when it comes to playing with couples.

So don't worry about being too close or about being in a slump because of it...when it's right playtime happens and when it's not playtime still happens, just on a smaller number scale.

Teresa

[C n' D 4playin]

Spoo,
We find that we are seriously attracted to folks that are "very into each other"....quite likely because we are also.
There are a multitude of factors that come into play when C and I decide to play with folks....and shared values and behaviors is high on the list. When we have hooked up with these folks on occasion.......it has almost always been a VERY nice experience.

If that behavior is limiting our opportunities...then so be it. If it functions as another "filter" to help us with our decisions...then so be it. We tend to march to a different drummer.....and find that our life is too short to worry about pleasing the crowd. (just you kids wait till you hit geezer status in a few years...and see how opinionated you can become... )
What works for us......works for us...and that is, in the end.....all that we really care about. If our behavior annoys folks.....then they just gave us and themselves the very first "clue" that they were not meant to hop in the sack with us. Now if those folks would just listen to their instincts........

D

[ready2play]

I think in my own honest opinion that a couple that is way into each other is a huge turn-on . My hubby and I are always the ones in any situation who cannot keep our eyes or anything else off each other. Although we never make it a purpose spectacle of ourselves everyone knows after 29 years together we are very much in love. I think the woman may have jealousy issues about that kind of a loving relationship and wishes she could have a piece of that! Keep on the way you are and be happy, as you have said swinging is only a fun spontanious activity and couples like us don't depend on it to be stroked...j
j=she
d=him

[Vantabulous]

Spoo,

To protect a co-worker's job, I took a promotion that changed my hours from Mrs. Van's. He's grateful, of course, but it's still one of the worst decisions I ever made in my life, the money be damned. (Can I say that?)

(Mrs. Van and I drove to, and from, work together for years and I miss the time alone with her desperately. Kind of like being chronically homesick, if you know what I mean.)

If being too much into Mrs. Spoo proves "permanently problematic", I know of a pretty nice vanilla couple above the Ohio border that...you sly Monkey, you've "weaseled" the part of the Midwest that we live in out of me!...

P.S. I don't know that Mrs. Van knows "Pussy Control" - the song, for crying out loud, the song! - but the girl can dance...unlike her "rhythmically-challenged" husband.

Van

P.S. This doesn't answer your question one darned bit, does it? Where was I really going to go with it?

[Pepper & Drew]

I think most couples in the lifestyle are really "into" each other. I would expect that it be that way. In fact, a couple that's not into each other is really quite scary. We met a couple about a year ago that we were VERY interested in, well, until over dinner they told us their Jerry Springer-esque story about when they broke up and she slept with his new girlfriend, etc, etc, etc. Yeah.....they went from a 10 to a 2 in our book in about 3 minutes. I'd much rather see couples who really respect each other and have a good time together, instead of those who are on the make. That way, they're much less likely to be overly clingy, or send IM's to me or Drew when they know the other is away if they already have their true life partner at home with them. So, I don't think being into each other has anything to do with your slump. We've been in a bit of a slump too for the past few months, but I chalk it up to the natural ebb and flow of the lifestyle. If anything, I think being into each other is more of a turn-on than a turn-off.

Pepper

[confunktion]

Here's a thought: If you are at a club, and you see a couple who pretty much stays close or gives signs of being into themselves (in a Spoomonkey way), what vibe do you get? Would you think that they are not looking? Maybe just out for a good time and Prince music? Are they giving you a very polite but distinct "thanks but no thanks" vibe, or maybe a "we're a little nervous, so we're sticking close" vibe? Are you less likely to approach them?

Personally, I think that woman was a little Looney Tunes. It's good to be into each other like that. I think most of the successful swingers are like that, too. Keep on keepin' on, Monkey Brother.

Mr. Funk
I have rythmn like Prince, but I'm much much taller

[DBL D]

No matter how much we may feel like just hanging out with each other at a dance...we can't help but dance with others! We try to show everybody (who cares to notice) that we are very close but also there for a good time.

It was almost like this lady was role playing to some degree, which we probably could deal with. Finding out it wasn't a role would make things feel different. The lady was out of line a bit I think.

Hope it was crowded and no one saw what was for "Dinner". facelick

Male D

[Spoomonkey]

Just to clarify - Mrs Spoo didn't give her a chance to make her "dinner". She side stepped her quickly. As has been quite well chronicled - Mrs Spoo is a "adaptively/playfully bi" - but not on the dance floor...

Spoomonkey

[BradAndJanet]

I'll tell ya...we'd rather play with a couple who are into each other than one who go their separate ways and seem to only be swinging because they aren't having sex with each other. We think there's less probability that the former will cause trouble in our relationship.

We've hung out a bit with y'all, and while it's plain to see you dote on each other, we don't think you're the 'sickeningly sweet' type of couple at all.

I'm thinking that this woman took your mutual groping as an invitation for something more. She was probably just trying to be funny with her remark and was using it to make her move on Mrs. Spoo. She seems a little aggressive to me, but when the music's thumping and the alcohol's flowing, horny people can get that way!

You did lead her on some, as you said, and if you really didn't want to play with her it would have been better to keep your hands off so as not to give her a mixed message. Of course, I've never been groped like that myself and I might have trouble not reciprocating just a little.

-B

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by BradAndJanet

You did lead her on some, as you said, and if you really didn't want to play with her it would have been better to keep your hands off so as not to give her a mixed message.

Well - she grabbed my ass and my "johnson"...

And I have a primate brain...

But - yeah - it was stupid to grope her tight ass and incredible boobs back...



*sigh*

Yeah - I'd do it again.

Spoomonkey

[bear_and_babe]

Another thought-

We play with a couple who are just like us, very into each other. We were at the club one night and the husband had told me that he had a tough week and had not had time to be with his wife. So they go off to a room together. We did not think a thing of it. But after they came back they asked us why we did not follow them and join in. Our thought was that they needed "their" time. That was the vibe we were getting from them.

So, I guess that a couple can put out a vibe that they are "too into each other" to allow others to approach them to play. I know that Bear and I do this. We go to our club every weekend, and at least once or twice a month we have a "just us" night. Where we don't play with others, and if someone does approach us and we explain this, most people understand.

As for this woman, she sounds like a aggressive crazy woman best left alone.