Think Co-Workers may be swingers, should we broach?

[CanadianCouple]

My wife Janette runs her own business, and has garnered a small stable of regular clientele. Over the past couple of months, we've begun to strongly suspect two of them (a married couple) MAY be involved in the lifestyle. While helping them move into a new house in November, I was sitting at the table of their new home when the other woman mentioned the fact they'd been approached to swing several years ealier by another couple. They told us they'd said no thanks, but while relating the story there was no derision or rancor on their part about being approached, only that they didn't take them up on it. I had the feeling at the time there may have been more to the story, but what puzzled me was how she brought it up clear out of left field. Of course, I thought to myself 'if you only knew'.

Then a few days ago they told us they were attending a valentine's dance in a hotel in a small neighboring city, would be staying overnight, and possibly sharing the room with another couple. It so happens there is an annual valentine's swinging event in that city that same night held in a local hotel, with attendees booking rooms. In fact, Janette and I have attended several of these events ourselves. When I asked the other woman last evening about the dance, she was conspicuously vague, which is very uncharacteristic of her. In short, there seem to be too many parallels between where and what they're doing that evening, and the swinger's dance the same night. It's hard to properly convey a gut feeling over this computer, but Janette and I both feel it's a good possibility that where they're going and the swinger's event are one and the same.

Although our relationship with these people is basically professional, they have expressed an interest in developing a social friendship with us as well. They haven't indicated anything sexual with us personally, but I'd feel the four of us getting together would be somewhat awkward, given our relationship with them at present. But, as an aside, I should mention there is a definite physical attraction on my part, and I suspect Janette feels the same about him.

That said, I'm wondering how or even if we should strive to inquire if they're into this, or is this just our imagination? Even if nothing ever happened between us four, it would be nice to have someone we already know quite well to talk to about the lifestyle (experiences, philosophies etc.)

Or, we could just end up making huge fools of ourselves.

Dan

[ 01-25-2002: Message edited by: CanadianCouple ]

[Alura]

This one's easy, Dan! Book a room and go to the party. If they're there, your question will be answered. If they're not, well... Our money says they're interested in you and will be there! They just subtly tipping you off and hoping y'all show up. Bet they think y'all swing, too, but aren't sure enough to ask. Sound familiar?

Cheers and Smiles,
Alura

[Stratecpl]

Hey, Dan,

Too bad that you and Janette couldn't just show up at the same place the same time... LOL And if you found your friends at the given party in question, there would be no need to ask! It's highly possible that, given the vagueness mentioned, they really are going to the swingers' party. Agreed, it really helps when you have friends who are also lifestylers, who understand and you can talk to face to face. Whether you would actually play with these people really doesn't matter, but having them as trusty friends who will discuss it all, DOES matter. Who knows?? I'd hate to advise you and maybe create a problem, but if it was me, I'd ask away. (my nature, I guess!)

Good luck!
Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[CanadianCouple]

Alura --

We've agreed to keep their young son overnight in our home while they're away, so we couldn't attend this particular event. But that wouldn't preclude us going with them on another occasion. I hope.

Ron -- I think over the ensuing weeks I'm going to peck away at the edges, see where it leads. If I drop enough hints they'll either catch on that we're into the same thing (or at least that we know THEY are), or I'll find out it's all in our heads. Maybe I'll even try the old "say, what's your opinion about..."

Dan

[LIZA]

I dont know about anyone else but from the time I finshed High School until a few years ago, I didn't really go to any "dances" or even hear about any, for adults. I think that is pretty much swingers territory after you get out of High School

[Stratecpl]

Dan,

I must agree with Liza. Swinging is the only type parties I can think of to fit the criteria you described since high school... LOL I like your idea of the opinions, too!!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[Alura]

Sorry, Dan, We didn't catch the part about the babysitting.

Maybe the next time the subject comes up in conversation, you could make a positive statement about swinging without actually saying y'all are involved in the lifestyle.

For example, "Y'know, I've always thought that couples who swing must have a very strong marriage." Something like that should bring the subject out in the open for discussion.

Cheers and Smiles,
Alura

[Atlanta43]

It sounds like to us that they are giving you huge hints!!! Starting a conversation and "steering" to sexual topics would be a good way to broach the subject. Maybe you could invite them out to a nice "couples dinner" somewhere? You know, just a nice, peaceful nite out, quiet chit chat, just to test the conversational waters...

Good luck!!!

A and L

[JustAskJulie]

You could always be outright with it. "So is this party you guys are going to the "such and such" party? We went to it last year".

Opens the door right up. Granted they could lie but if you've opened the door that wide, and they've been hinting at it, I doubt they would.

[Stratecpl]

Julie,

You have a way of cutting right through all the red tape! LOL I agree, that would be a great way of doing it, just be direct. The door would be wide open then, for sure!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[Alura]

Forget our candy-ass suggestion! Go with Julie's suggestion!

Cheers and Smiles,
Alura

[CanadianCouple]

Thanks guys, for all the suggestions. Janette and I had a talk about this yesterday, and the nature of her business really puts this in an awkward position, and we're not sure what effect it would have if they knew that we knew, IF we're correct in our suspicions.

It's funny how this revelation (suspected) changes your perspective on someone. I've known them for over two years, and while I've liked them both, never really went beyond the surface. Just after they'd bought the new home I mentioned in my first post (which brought them much closer to where we live than previously), the other woman told my wife that her and hubby hoped to see more of us now that they live nearby. Innocent enough comment, but in light of things now I'm not sure how it was meant. They're both very nice, he's quite quiet, she's much more extoverted and quite brassy at times.

Janette's business interests must come first, understandably, so we've decided not to pursue things with them to see where they'd lead.

[MattLisa]

I know that some social/dances names wouldn't give away that they are swing parties. Like Club 9 or some others I have heard of. If this party had a name that you could just drop the swinger part of and ask "Hey, was the party you went to a Club 9 party" or whatever... then if they did go, of course they know its a swing party, but if they aren't in the lifestyle they most likely don't know. You might have to make up what the club did if they ask though... Just a suggestion.