How much did you have to wade through?

[tjlsml]

Husband and I are new to the whole experience. We're trying to dip our toes (and a few other things lol) and ease into things. We're pretty paranoid as I'm sure most people are and want to make sure we're meeting up with the right people.

My question is how many times did it take you before you found the right experience? Did you have some flops before you found a situation that really worked for you?

I think I'm being too impatient and need to be more willing to wait to come across the ideal situation, but after talking the talk for so long and now deciding to venture into our fantasies, it's a little hard to wait and wait and wait....

sml

[Handyman69]

Our 1st time was a flop (although it was fun at the time, that couple just wanted to add a notch to their bed post) now that we look back at it. But it did get our feet wet and channeled us more towards what we wanted. The 2nd couple we still see about 2 times a year as we live some distance apart. I don't believe there is a perfect couple as you desires and fanticies change as you move along. But theres a lot of fun & friendships to be had looking.
John

[CB_n_Red]

We were lucky in having an excellent time on our first outing. It convinced us we were right to go for it in the first place. Since then there there have been boths hits and misses, not surprisingly. Must agree, finding the perfect couple might be impossible (or at least very difficult) but we do find the searching fun.

CB

[wrnakedru]

Another one of those slippery slopes to navigate...

I think it depends on just how deligently and actively you are pursuing your interests. If you are devoting a great deal of time and effort to it, and haven't been able to find anyone in 18 months - you may need to rethink some of your criteria, and eliminate one or two in order to increase your odds.

If there are lots of other things going on in your lives and/or if your main source for search is on line, don't allow yourself to compromise what you seek simply to "get that first time out of the way". Don't permit impatience to get to you and put you into something your good sense tells you isn't right for you.

Of course, though, we do learn something from every experience we have in life - even if it just the knowledge that is something we don't EVER want to do again. So don't be discouraged by less than fantasized about encounters.

And take the time to meet folks socially in a no-obligation get together prior to commiting to activity with them. You can't get a total or valid impression about most people until and unless you provide yourself with that kind of opportunity to get to know them. Sometimes that can make them less appealing, but for the most part - those that appeal to you most are ones you may not have thought so simply from a couple of photos and a profile.

Pay attention to your "gut" instincts about people - but try, when possible, to give those "instincts" the chance to have met in person. Don't compromise yourselves, don't "settle". The right combination will present itself sooner or later, and you'll be glad you waited.

WR

[Brit_Pair]

Our first 'play' outing was great . . . but getting to that first encounter took several meetings that ranged from 'banal' to 'weird' to "what the f*ck are we doing here?"

The searching can be fun . . . but it can also be like sitting on a nail.

A pain in the ass.

[naturalchic]

I am f talking from my own experience only. Not married to my partner, he is younger than I. It was a whole new experience something I never thought of or experienced before. It opened my mind to new sexual experiences, some good, some bad. Would have liked to have more time, I'm new to all this, was married for 27yrs, catholic school girl... I need alot of time to put all this in prospective.... I decided it wasn't going to be full swinging and I think my partner was up for anything.... alot of differences in our lifestyle attitude, it was hard for me to conjure full swap felt like I was holding him back. This is my version of my experience.... Had alot of fun, very jealous, at times insecure, alot of times confident, confused, alot of issues come into play. Communication very important and being understanding, patient, and feeling very confident in your relationship with ya partner....

[cpl4playmass]

our first time went fine. Afterwards we realized we shouldn't have drank so much, and that we both have to be attracted to the couple. He was a little scary and not to my gf's taste. But all in all it was a first time and we got our feet wet. We're glad we just went for it. You can usually tell after a meet and greet whether they are real or fucked up. As we go along we hone our skills at picking people, it takes experience.

[devonsgirl]

Well we have been looking for awhile, on the internet, and for bi woman. All I can say is it was like bashing our heads agains a brick wall. A few months ago we decided to look into couples too, and even went to the Green Door in Las Vegas. The scene was great and we really are ready to go for it now. All I can say is when it happens, and it will happen soon as we have a few "outings" lined up, I pray it will be with cool people that are as serious about this lifestyle as we are. We will have to let ya know after it happens!

[BodyScape02]

It took over a year of searching though adds and trying different sites before we found anyone we clicked with ( when your new it is really nerve racking , isn't it!?!)

It took us a while to be sure of what we wanted and I was impatient too. I somehow thought it would be faster and easier than it was... I guess if your into group orgies or not specific, like we are about a friendly base( a.k.a. bed notchers) it would go faster.

It is the same way in the clubs too. The club we frequent (DJ's) is not a high pressure club...We didn't get swarmed when we first came in (and I for one am happy about that, I have never felt used or violated or rushed there)...people leave you alone and observe until you show signs that you are interested... I think people want to be sure you are a secure couple also. We went 3 times before we played and began to loosen up and become friendly with people we saw repeatedly.

It's like anything it takes time to build knowledge and trust.


Relax find what you want and don't fret...it is out there somewhere... It is better than taking anything and getting what you may not like at all. The important part is you HAVE each other!

~Cat

[ALilOEverything]

It took 3 weeks from the time we started looking to the time we found the right couple. We met up a week after that but had all agreed we would just keep it friendly, no sex. We then met up 3 weeks after that and had a terrific night. We are all very attracted to each other and get along very well on many different levels. I think we are very lucky but don't expect it to always be that smooth. We want to try the clubs, I think that would cut back on a lot of the crap you need to wade through. we'll know if there is a physical attraction right away...no waiting for endless emails and we'll be able to know their personality and chemistry right away. I know many people are much nicer in person than how they convey themselves in email and chat.

[Kanuck1958]

Hey Everyone
We have been lurking around here for quite a while now and this is our first post. We got into this lifestyle over 4 years ago. It seemed to take forever to find the right couple before we had our first encounter. In fact it took over a year of looking through ads, sorting through ones we both agreed on, scheduling a meeting and then seeing if we connected. Almost all the couples we met were nice, friendly, attractive we just didn't "click" with anyone or them with us. We were beginning to think we were being too picky or maybe there was something wrong with us. But we stuck to our guns and one day we met a couple and we both just knew this was the couple we were looking for. That was three years ago and we still see them regularly.

[DBL D]

Hello tjlsml; Alias sml!,

Since this is just your 2nd post-- Welcome Welcome to the board!

We are lucky to be able to tell you that we still are seeing the 1st couple we were with. The 2nd and 3rd we're not so sure about.

You'll find a lot of phonies on the various websites. Just talk with the ones that really turn your crank. Don't waste your time ...It's too valuable and we're not getting any younger.

It took 3 mos of intense talking B4 going to a dance. Lot's of fun and tears. You do get to know folks at dances if you take the time to talk. You have to be willing to be the icebreaker sometimes but it's worth it. You are with a room full of people who feel very similarly about the lifestyle, as you do, and most are hoping that someone will talk to them.

I have been impatient at times but it's been Fem D that has made the connections. She is moving slowest so it seems natural for her to make the overtures.

We have met a couple who seemed to only want to be with us for that night. That was weird but we can understand. It was their 1st time doing full swap!!!

We just met a couple who seemed to be interested in us and even invited us to their home after the Dinner/Meeting. Everything seemed great but, they haven't returned any e-mails. Also weird.

We met another lady who was very aggressive towards me but the husband was shy with Fem D. Not much chemistry there.

What I'm saying is that if is the variety that you like, then I'd say it's ok to let folks know that you're playing the field right now; just looking for experiences. I know that we don't do "charity work", but I also know that I've been with women I wouldn't have thought were my choice for a partner and they experience turned out very well.

Give people a chance and be honest with them. To a point. Balance your info given against theirs.

Now everybody take a deep breath and exhale slowly.... Surrender

Good luck to you!

Male D

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by tjlsml

Did you have some flops before you found a situation that really worked for you?
sml

Define flop. And ideal situation.

Seriously, tho', everyone and every situation is different. I think someone else commented that what they had thought of as OK at first was later determined to be not so OK after they had more experiences. Trust your instincts and don't rush into anything just to get "the experience" over with, but at the same time, realize that as you become more comfortable with the entire swinging experience, you'll learn to week through people much quicker. Just like everything else in life, having experience helps you through other experiences. A building block of sorts.

As for the ideal situation, I suspect few people ever really find the "ideal." That is difficult when you are trying to merge 4 different personalities and those that do find it are lucky. However, there is a long distance on that continuum between bad and ideal, and if you show a little patience, you will likely find something that is great for everyone - if not ideal.

- EBF

[akamgaxoxo]

We are very lucky I guess...we sifted through all the emails and found someone right away. I really don't think we settled at all, as all three of us agree that we are a perfect click. Our time with him was awesome and our chats online are great. Like everyone else has said, trust your gut instincts and I know you will find the "perfect" person/persons for you

[Raven68]

It really all deppends on what you are looking for in your experience.

When we first started out we asked ourselves what do we want to get out of this type of experience, and both of us said Friends. So we had an add up on a couple of swingers boards looking for friendship first and maybe more later.

We have a few replies and meet them in neutral spots, resturants and what not. See if we have things in common. We finally found someone we kinda had things in common with and meet them and did things for a while before anything else. That was an experience but after that we decided they were not what we were looking for.

2 weeks after that we hit a homerun. !! We found a couple not only close to us, but we have a lot incommon with. We have been with them for about 2 years now and all of us even our kids are great friends.