Finding Third for MFM and making sure he's not a crazy

[akamgaxoxo]

My husband and I are newbies to the lifestyle and very interested in getting started. Though we have couple friends that might be interested in going into this with us, we are mainly interested in mfm experience first. I have been lightly flirting and throwing the idea around to someone that I do not know a whole lot about. My hubby and I have a good feeling about him however we are very nervous about taking the next step and inviting him in so to speak. I think our biggest fear is that he may be a weirdo nut. Not that we have gotten that feeling, but what do you do? Would the next step be to invite him out for drinks and dancing and get a feel of the situation? And just what kinds of tell tale signs would we be looking for that might tip us off that something is up? Any advice would be great!

MFMs are my area of expertise.

Its true you never know who you are going to meet until you actualy meet.

A couple red flags:

Avoids chatting with hubby. Even though its not hubby he is trying to fuck he still has to hit it off in a very straight way with the MR.

Talks differently to you if he knows hubby is not around.

Backing out...No matter how good the excuse. They will all have one. They back out once the deal is done for ever. EVERY male who has stood us up, no matter how good the excuse, who we gave a second chance has blown us off again.

Pics he has sent or shown...are they recent? Look for things in the pic that might give away the date. We have had males send us pics that were 10 years old.


Talk to him on the phone (if you havent already) You can learn alot more from someones voice than just chatting on line.

Is he certified (If he is on a swingers site)? We have found single males who have been on for more than 6 months and are still not certified are not certified for a reason. They all have a good story as to why they havent been certified. Dont listen to them.

The most important thing is the comfort level you AND hubby have for meeting him. Both Mrs naughty and I have to agree on the single male. She may be ready to meet him at the nearest motel to fuck the shit out of him but if I get bad Mojo its a no deal.
You are going to have to go on instinct a little (Ok, a lot). Meeting is always taking a chance.

Keep everything in your comfort area. I'm not just talking about sex. When you meet for drinks do it at a place YOU are comfortable. If you get a motel get one where YOU are comfortable.

Always have a code word or phrase to let the other know if you are getting bad vibes after meeting.

We have had pretty good experiences with MFMs. But ALOT of them are just playing a game. Dont get disappointed if a single male or 2 or 3 back out on you. Its what a lot of them do.

There are plenty out there . Dont waste to much time on just one.

[akamgaxoxo]

Thanks for those perfect insight MR. Naughty! I actually met this person out and about in the community, not thru a site. I am still a little leary about personal ads. Maybe later on. So far with me in person he seems fine, no real over the top dirty talk that would make us uncomfortable. But I still think that meeting my hubby in a social setting instead of just passing would be a great idea! One small problem, he's slightly deaf. Does one feel this might make communication harder? I am great at body language and reading lips, not sure about hubby tho!

How deaf is slightly deaf? I dont think it matters. if you and your hubby do not consider that an issue, than it isnt. IMHO.

Does this guy know you are married and him and hubby will both be giving you attention at the same time?


Also if he is from your local area (or even if he wasnt) Do not let him know where you live until after you have met to play a few times and this person is not only a play partner but also a friend.

Some males will start off not as weirdos but can turn that way quickly after a play experience.

The last single male we were with (exluding the gang bang last weekend ) werided out on us. But not till after we palyed. Mrs naughty started getting IMs from him and calls on her cell telling her how beautiful she was and how incredibly sexy she was. Which is all true and its not the fact that he was telling her that. But the way he was doing it came off in a stalker fashion. Then I was talking to him on IM and he told me he had a Crush on Mrs naughty.

That was a definate no no

So even after you play you still have to be carefull how much info you give out about yourself. It usualy takes a few meetings and some of those meetings will not include sex before we give a closer glimpse into our personal lives.

[akamgaxoxo]

Ok, he wears a hearing aid, but can speak relatively clearly at least in my opinion. Kinda soft like a deaf person would speak. (we live in a large deaf community here). Anyhow....some of our conversation has lead to wanting to learning sign lang. and also flirting. You know the nicest of things, like you have great eyes, really nice to see you. I did come out and ask if he was married. He says "no". He does know that we are married and that I talked to my husband about talking with him. But I did not lay out my cards on the table as to being interested in a mfm situation. Which is my next step, but I still would prefer that my hubby talks with him more first. I think the next time I go out I will take the old hubby with me and see if they hit it off and chat it up. Tho I am still not sure if we should send a subtle message out about the three of us getting together or not.
I will also take note in regards to strange and uncomforable conversations like you mentioned. Those would be a for us too.

I think I would let him meet hubby first before brining up the whole MFM thing.

There will be less pressure on the first meeting that way. If after the 2 Ms meet and your hubby is game with you taking it to the next step I would lay some more cards on the table. But I would do it slowly. Too much at once and you might scare him off. baby steps.

These are just my thoughts. I dont know all the variables. just giving my opinion from what I know.

Mr naughty.

[akamgaxoxo]

I value your opinion and help!! I think your suggestion sounds great, it does seem like there is chemistry there...I'd love to fuck the shit outta him!! But I really want to make sure my hubby feels very comforable too..and not scare this person off by jumping in head first too soon.
Thanks!!

it does seem like there is chemistry there...I'd love to fuck the shit outta him!!

I love it when woman talk like that!!!! facelick

Good luck and keep us posted if you can.

Mr Naughty

[akamgaxoxo]

Will keep ya'll posted!! TTFN!

[akamgaxoxo]

Well, my hubby has met the prospective M. He got very good vibes from him. Said M chatted it up with my hubby and they laughed together and talked of meeting for beers! Not too shabby! Currently we have a huge party to attend to this weekend, is it just too soon to ask if he wants to hang with us? More for a casual social situation, nothing really more. Considering the vibe was good, or do we give it another week or so?
Also, does anyone reeeally fret about the getting preganant issue?? My hubby is very concerned about this! I am too, but I think all necessary tools will be involved to make sure this does not happen.

[Handyman69]

Your issue of of getting pregnant (even though worthwhile) should have been covered before intering in your search.........if you are truly interested in this gentleman its not fair for him to be left hanging while you get comfortable with the idea.......i'm sure he has other people that he's chatting with too and will go with the ones who are truly ready.
My 2 cents, John

[HotCoupleGnS]

Well, I wouldn't put too much concern wether he is gonna losed interest if you are still getting comfy with the idea. Never let that bother you b/c what ultimatley matters is you & your husband. Having said that, as long as you use protection, multiple kinds are better, then I wouldn't worry about it. Before hand you should talk about what you would do if that issue does come up. (keeping it, adoption, abortion)
I don't see anything wrong with asking him to come & hang out wiht you guys at at party. That actually seems like a good idea. that way you can see if there is any chemistry without that expectaions. Good luck!

[akamgaxoxo]

Nah my hubby and I talked and talked on that one. I just wondered if others felt the same way. As far as leaving the M hanging, I have not layed out all the cards yet to him so he probably doesn't know of our intent so to speak. He is not someone we met from an ad, he's out in the community.....Thanks for your 2Cents!

[akamgaxoxo]

The chemistry is DEFINATELY there....nice flirting going on, but as to whether he has a clue about us. Dunno.....still trying to make sure we feel comfy with him and make sure he isn't a nut job! haha

I would talk to him at this party you will be attending. Not sure if there will be any drinking at this party but it would help to loosen things up, if the two of you drink. Getting DRUNK would be bad. But having a few to loosen up may make it easier to talk. I am not sure how I would handle bringing it up from here because every scenario is different and of course i have never met any of you. Personalities go a long way on how to proceed.

What I can tell you is once Mrs naughty and I have agreed on a prospect for her she turns up the flirting in a big way. She will sit on his lap or give him a few light kisses, no tounge, while I am there. The guy will kinda look at me like "Dude, dont kick my ass, I havent done anything I promice".
Then I will tell the guy not to worry about it. It doesnt bother me or something along those lines. That lets the single guy know there is more to this than just a friendly relationship. And most of all Hubby seems to be cool with it.