Just about ready to give up!

[TXBLONDIE]

Hi everyone,
My husband and I have read many stories, adventures, ideas, do's and don'ts on this board and have learned alot, but after joining a couple of swinger sites, chatting with singles, couples and exchanging pics, even meeting singles and couples, we are about ready to say "enough is enough". My husband "Mikie" and I "Blondie" are best friends and are open with each other sexually. We talk about everything we have done, to everything we fantasize about. I "Blondie" have been with women in my past relationships and even by myself before I met my husband "Mikie". The experiences that I had by myself with other women were great but when my partner at the time was involved it was always a bad experience, either during or afterward. When I met "Mikie" I was truthful about the attraction that I have for women but vowed I would never go there again, even if it was okay with "Mikie" because of my past experiences. Well, after a few years of marriage I finally felt comfortable enough to try to explore that part of my sexuality and I wanted it to involve my husband "Mikie" even if it just meant he watched. He totally was comfortable with that. We did meet a couple that I did have a few encounters with the wife, while both husbands watched and then joined in with their wives. They became a little strange after a while and we broke it off with them. We have met a few other couples since then, but nobody I was interested in being with. We tried the swinging club scene and got stood up! Never been stood up in our life until then. Anyhow, we have become more open about our fantasies and have broadend our boundaries. We have lots of couples and singles that email us they are interested, but either we are not interested or we email them back and let them know we are interested and never hear another word. We feel like we are in highschool again, chasing people. I just took all our pics off SDC and put on there that if anyone is truly interested we would send pics. I guess my question is, are we trying to hard? or not hard enough? Sometimes my husband say's that I am too picky, but shouldn't I be? There have been some sites that we have listed that he is curious about other men and we are open to single men, but it seems that we attract guys that just want to be with me or say they are curious and interested and when we respond we don't hear another word. Guess you could say we are just about ready to say "we give up"!!! Help! We are not an unattractive couple at all and just want to explore our sexual fantasies. Advice please????
Blondie and Mikie

[mxdtxn774]

Guys, don't give up just yet. I can't say why some of those people that you emailed never responded back. Some of the others might be a litttle intimidated that someone finally found them interesting and strangely enough might not know what to do next.(been there) I was about to say that you guys are finding some decent people, but after careful rereading I see what you have about the same problem that I have. I keep finding those single male "couples" that just want to separate me from my wife because their SO just ain't doing it for them. So I feel your pain in that regard. Good luck in finding some real people, they're out there.

[Spoomonkey]

We never post our pictures on-line. Like you, we aren't unattractive, we just want people who aren't "catalog shopping". We send our g-rated pics rather liberally, but just don't want our faces on the world wide web.

We've done really well with that approach.

It may be that you are trying too hard. When we first got started, we were rather naive and didn't know how to "try hard" - and the first few times at the club we were popular little chimps.

Then we decided that we were going to be the aggressors. That didn't work at all. I think our "predatory movement" just kept us one step ahead of those who were looking for us. We had encounters, but they weren't the same as when things happened more serendipitously. We have changed our tactic and we go to the club and simply enjoy ourselves. Afterall, at the very least, a night at the club is a great time.

We approach the web the same way. We do get some interest and do meet couples, but a lot of patience needs to be used when going that route. Since it isn't our primary approach, it seems pretty busy to us - and we reply with the "no thanks" button more often than not. If that is your main way of meeting folks, then patience is a virtue. It will take some time - probably more than you want to believe. But hang in there! You guys sound like a great couple and there are some great people out there who deserve to meet folks like you!

Spoomonkey

[BradAndJanet]

Hi Blondie and Mikie! Thanks for posting.

We've had similar results with ads. We don't know why people contact us and then back out when we say we're interested. It's hard to tell who you're dealing with on the other end. Perhaps we were not patient enough, as other people do report some success. We're going to try clubbing for a bit and see how we like that.

Originally Posted by TXBLONDIE

... We tried the swinging club scene and got stood up! Never been stood up in our life until then. ...

I'm curious about this. Were you meeting someone there who didn't show, or was this something that happened inside the club?

Originally Posted by TXBLONDIE

... Sometimes my husband say's that I am too picky, but shouldn't I be? ...

You have the right to be. If you don't feel an attraction for someone, how can you be expected to play with them?

-B

[Michael 12]

Hi Blondie & Mikie !
I think that everyone who is involved in this lifestyle finds themselves in the spot you're in sooner or later.
For whatever rerason, some people just don't respond to lifestyle ads, or e-mails like they would to friends or co-workers who send messages.
I just figure that those who don't respond or follow up to my messages are the one's who are missing out the fun, not me!
Keep your selves out there in the mix, and I'd be willing to bet you'll meet some really good people.
Good Luck- and if you are ever in California, drop me a line!
-Michael

[mrs good times]

We agree with Spoomonkey. We have an add with no pics on SLS. Because there are no pics we get less responses (I think) but the responses we have recieved have been genuine.

We prefer going to clubs and as Spoo said we were the popular "new meat" in the beginning. We then decided to be the aggressors as we learned how the game was played and in general flopped as the encounters didn't live up to our expectations. Just last friday we decided we were going to the club with the thought in mind of just having a good time together. We met the most compatible couple we have ever met there and had a great time.

So, be patient there is someone out there for you.

Finding couples or singles to swing with is hard work. Couples are even harder than singles but singles back out more.

I say just take it as it comes. If it doesnt work or they dont show...so what...Fuck em.

One thing we have found in this lifestyle is you have to be thick skinned. Not in a gross aligator kind a way. That would definately make couples/singles even harder to find!

[TXBLONDIE]

Hello all again,
We really appreciate all the advice and we will keep trudging forward and being patient. To answer "BRADANDJANET" questions, we were supposed to meet a couple that I chatted with online with at a certain swing club and they did not show up. They emailed us the next day and told us they arrived late. We waited for three hours for them and they had our cell numbers. I told them that we understand things happen, but come on, even my teenager calls when he is going to be late. Unfortunately, we did not get their numbers, so we had no way of calling them. We were not rude in responding to their lame excuse, we just wished them luck in their adventure. My husband does also agree with you "Brad" about having an attraction to someone before being able to play with them, but I think he thought I was always trying to find something wrong with women who were more attractive than I was because I might be intimidated. I have set the record straight with him and he understands now that I don't always look at the outside of women or couples for an attraction, alot of an attraction is personality and meeting people on web sites all you have to go on for personality is what they write about themselves and how they write it. I think what really made him understand is when we went to the Austin Bike Rally last year, I hooked up with a woman that was with a gentleman we had met on SDC who became a friend. She was not someone my husband expected me to be attracted to and quite frankly, had I seen her picture on the web, I probably would of hit the "no thanks" button as well. We just hit it off and it just went from there. We did not do anything but kiss and dance, and we have not seen her since. Anyhow, like I said, thanks guys for all your advice and we will try to learn to be a little more patient since we don't care much for the swing clubs, this is the only way we have to meet other lifestylers....
once again, THANKS!
Blondie and Mikie

[GTIs]

I hear where you're coming from , we've had over a dozen people contact us, then when I say we're interested I never hear from them again. It is getting frustrating. I was chatting to somebody today on MSN that contacted us. When I saw them come online I said hi and they just went offline after a few questions. No goodbye, no not interested, just terminated the connection.

I think we may try an off prem club soon. Too many wierd people are hanging out online.

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by GTIs

I hear where you're coming from , we've had over a dozen people contact us, then when I say we're interested I never hear from them again.

We find that happening a lot! It seems to scare them off

I think it's been mentioned before, but expressions of interest do seem to scare off the wannabees, fakers and flakers. Just a case of being persistent!

CB

[DBL D]

Quote:
Originally Posted by GTIs
"I hear where you're coming from, we've had over a dozen people contact us, then when I say we're interested I never hear from them again. "

______________________

Hi TXBLONDIE,

We too have had our share of disappearances-Just because we say we would like to take it a step further and ask for photos. Ewww, Who should go First?

Why just be nervous when you can be paranoid?!!! LOL!!!

There is a thread that just started called "How much did you have to wade through?" or something like that. Pretty interesting.

Look, when we decided to do this, I thought about all the ladies I'd be with. WOW; and all the men Fem D would be with. Now that has changed because we realized that we don't have the time to do all that. We have had to change our goals.

Relax with it. Hey if they aren't mature enough to respond and be up front then to heck with them. Move on. You WILL find at least 1 couple you click with. You must not quit because of a few. You just haven't met the ones for you yet.

Good Luck,

Male D

[TXBLONDIE]

Hello again,
Just thought that I would post an update to such a frustrated post. I will first say that we thank you for all the advice. We did not give up completely, we simply took a break, talked about it countless of times, and finally decided to go about it differently and so we gave it another try. I must say that all the talking made us realize the break was a great thing. We realized we really were not 100% sure of what we wanted. We realized that the full swap lifestlye was not at all what we wanted, in fact we both agreed that we didn't want to be with couples at all. No offense, just our preference. Mr. also expressed his desires for a MMF threesome which opened up a whole new door for me. "YEEEHAAA"! facelick What girl wouldn't want to try it? Our communication level kept growing the more we talked about how we felt. We have met a single male and have have two MMF threesomes with him. He's a very nice and respectful gentleman and he has been very patient. We can honestly say it has been worth the wait. Not so much the sexual pleasure we all gained from the experiences but the whole new level of trust and love that I have for my husband is unexplainable. Ladies that have experienced this know what I am talking about!! That first time we were all together it was like falling in love with my husband all over again. I have been on cloud nine since. It's like nothing I could ever imagine. The sex was wonderful and we were all very comfortable, but alcohol was a bit of a help I must say. We chose to drink less the second time around and it was noticeable and things were a little shaky but it went well over all. We all talked and we realize time will be our best teacher. To sum it all up, I am glad we didn't give up and I am so glad that we have taken this journey together and we look forward to whatever else it has to teach us about life and each other.
TXBLONDIE

Congrats on things working out!!!

Honestly, we went through the same thing. We knew something wasn't working right. I knew what I thought it was and Mrs naughty knew what she thought it was but we didn't know the other was thinking the same thing. We almost decided to stop all together.

We, like you, decided couples did not hold what we were looking for from of swinging. Nothing to apologize for. You found what works for the two of. You are not swinging for others.

One thing we did find when we came out of the "No couples" closet was a little bit of an unacceptance from swinger couples we know. It's not like they didn't want to talk to us anymore but their attitude changed some.

But oh well, We aren't trying to get them in the sack anyway.

[agilemicpl43sum]

We sure know what ya mean about wanting to give it up. Happy to hear you finally found something that works for you. We on the other hand, are still searching. Apparently, single bifemales are much harder to come by...hehehe. But I am stubborn and dont quit easily..I'll keep looking...she's out there somewhere.