Flammed for calling myself bi-curious on our profile...

Not sure where the appropriate place to post this is, so please don't flame me, my butt is already toasted.

We recently put together our profile on Swing Lifestyle. Lots of emails, chat requests, requests for meetings. We kind of figured it was the whole "fresh meat" thing, so we took our time and read their profiles, talked about it, etc. A few people we felt we would like to get to know further, some we said "thx but no thx" to. We have had one meet so far and that threw up a few flags, but being new, we wanted to make sure it wasn't just our nervousness/inexperience that we were feeling.

We contacted them after the meet and said we were interested in getting to know them further, but were wanting to take things slow, perhaps soft swap. They seemed fine with that for about a day, then contact saying that they were both "only in this for the chicks" (never mentioned to us before) and could she go down on me while her husband fucked her? And "Oh, by the way, we can have you blackballed from two local clubs, or you can come with us and we will get you into the click". (Hence the unregistered post, I just don't want to deal with them knowing I posted this right now)

I nicely replied that, as our profile states and as we had discussed, we only play together and my being listed as "bi-curious" meant I had to be very comfortable with the couple, not just the woman, and that would not happen on the first encounter, due to my lack of experience/comfort level. She said, sorry, no pressure, then didn't hear from her for a while. Jump to a week later, and new im requests, like three in one day. They start off with polite hello's etc, then ask me about being bi-curious. I asked if he had read our profile, as we did address that, but if he had questions beyond that, feel free to ask. He then proceeded to flame my butt for calling myself bi-curious. I was either bi or not, this whole rant about it! I ended the chat session and blocked them due to his rude behavior.

A few minutes later, a few more chat request, same basic conversation. In the past week, we have had pushy bi-fems emailing on Swing Lifestyle as well.

I am not into women more than men. We tried to be as specific as possible in our profile, but SHEESH! We are seriously just going to hang back and regroup. We both felt like swinging is for us, we have discussed it extensively, had one experience, but now are feeling like we don't know anymore. Not because of us, but because the other people we have so far interacted with are kind of ruining it...lol. Sorry to say that, but that's how we feel. Please no flaming, I can't take it!

[Coupleerotic22]

I can't address your profile specifically since we do no know what it says.

But that really doesn't matter. Bi-curious means just that, curious. Some may take it to mean more, I think most understand that it is a potential to explore and take it for what it is worth.

The only thing I could see is if your profile is confusing or misleading and people felt like you led them on. If we encounter that type of situation with someone we are interested in, we try to get clarification. If we find things not to our liking or still feel uneasy about the situation we move on, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

As for pushy/rude IM's, yeah, we get that sometimes. It is DRAMA we don't need. So, we politely move on. We are pretty open to different things, but if we say we don't play that way or no thanks then we expect it to be respected. We respect others needs/requirements and it generally works out well. Don't sweat them, there are jerks in the LS, just like everywhere else.

Blackballed?!? Sounds more blackmail. They want something that can't have, so they are trying to strong arm you. I seriously doubt they could say or do anything that would get you blackballed, unless they run the clubs. But, if they do, then they run the risk of alienating many of their guest with this behavior. They could do some bad mouthing about you, but that could backfire on them, they run the risk of alienating others if they are found out to be liars. Regardless, never be threatened into doing something you don't want to do.

As for second thoughts on the LS, that is completely up to you, but understand that you will run into jerks, it happens. Unfortunately, the LS is not immune from assholes. They like to play too. If you are serious about the lifestyle, count it as lessons learned and continue to look for people you are compatible with, they are almost surely out there.

Final thought, being brand new to swinging, your "swingers spidey senses" my be too highly tuned. Add that to the fact that reading text, as in IM or forums, you miss most of the cues that help give context to what people are saying. It is easy to misinterpret meaning in text alone. Jokes can come across as insults, questions can come across as attacks. Look at what someone writes (and what you write as well) and ask yourself could that be interpreted differently. Often times it can, and something that initially sounded harsh, was simply a poor choice of words. But being threatened with "blackballing" is, at the very least, a poor attempt at humor and likely much worse.

[exploringRM]

The debate about either you are bi or you are not is never ending. My wife enjoys some female interaction but not into oral sex. That is stated in our profile and that we are not into girl-girl while the guys watch. I do all of the online interaction and read carefully other profiles to ensure that girl-girl is not the main event. Some profiles state the bi-fem is only looking for other bi-fems; other profiles state that that bi is not a requirement.

The problem does not appear to be yours, but the other couple!

[Cajun2Step]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I am not into women more than men. We tried to be as specific as possible in our profile, but SHEESH! We are seriously just going to hang back and regroup. We both felt like swinging is for us, we have discussed it extensively, had one experience, but now are feeling like we don't know anymore. Not because of us, but because the other people we have so far interacted with are kind of ruining it...lol. Sorry to say that, but that's how we feel. Please no flaming, I can't take it!

The world is full of people that are recognizable as the south end of a north bound jack ass. Please do not judge all swingers by the rough experience that you have been through.

You are who and what you are. Take no crap from anyone about your personal preferences. Regroup and come back stronger. Have more fun than you ever thought possible. Life is a trip! Sex is the fuel.

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Not sure where the appropriate place to post this is, so please don't flame me, my butt is already toasted.

We recently put together our profile on Swing Lifestyle. Lots of emails, chat requests, requests for meetings. We kind of figured it was the whole "fresh meat" thing, so we took our time and read their profiles, talked about it, etc. A few people we felt we would like to get to know further, some we said "thx but no thx" to. We have had one meet so far and that threw up a few flags, but being new, we wanted to make sure it wasn't just our nervousness/inexperience that we were feeling.

We contacted them after the meet and said we were interested in getting to know them further, but were wanting to take things slow, perhaps soft swap. They seemed fine with that for about a day, then contact saying that they were both "only in this for the chicks" (never mentioned to us before) and could she go down on me while her husband fucked her? And "Oh, by the way, we can have you blackballed from two local clubs, or you can come with us and we will get you into the click". (Hence the unregistered post, I just don't want to deal with them knowing I posted this right now)

I nicely replied that, as our profile states and as we had discussed, we only play together and my being listed as "bi-curious" meant I had to be very comfortable with the couple, not just the woman, and that would not happen on the first encounter, due to my lack of experience/comfort level. She said, sorry, no pressure, then didn't hear from her for a while. Jump to a week later, and new im requests, like three in one day. They start off with polite hello's etc, then ask me about being bi-curious. I asked if he had read our profile, as we did address that, but if he had questions beyond that, feel free to ask. He then proceeded to flame my butt for calling myself bi-curious. I was either bi or not, this whole rant about it! I ended the chat session and blocked them due to his rude behavior.

A few minutes later, a few more chat request, same basic conversation. In the past week, we have had pushy bi-fems emailing on Swing Lifestyle as well.

I am not into women more than men. We tried to be as specific as possible in our profile, but SHEESH! We are seriously just going to hang back and regroup. We both felt like swinging is for us, we have discussed it extensively, had one experience, but now are feeling like we don't know anymore. Not because of us, but because the other people we have so far interacted with are kind of ruining it...lol. Sorry to say that, but that's how we feel. Please no flaming, I can't take it!

First, Welcome Unregistered, and Please, I feel confident in saying the people that you may be concerned about, aren’t hear, the approach these assholes use is NEVER condoned here. Feel free to register and return here for the wealth of information well as the support we all offer here

Second to address the "people" you have encountered on swing lifestyle, the first round, I can not speak to where these assholes came from but be assured that's what they were. I am pretty sure in saying, the one couple is talking thru their asses, any club, group, or whatever they think they have the keys to, isnt one you really need to be introduced to.. Anyone who decides to meet a newb couple such as yourselves, should know to proceed at the pace YOU set, not the other way around.

As far as the ones IMing you and then saying you arent Bi, Bi curious or whatever.. Can I ask, does what they think really matter, anyone who thinks they can pressure another into a sex act that they arent comfortable with, should be kicked off ANY SITE.

Personally, while the chat feature is nice on Swing Lifestyle, we often forego it enitirely, opting for our yahoo messenger, for its ease of use, as well as the previous conversations all being right there to read thru..

Dont let the obnoxious ruin your enjoyment. Its far easier to dismiss them for what they are.. and find those much more deserving of your time

[Chicup]

Fuck us the way we want or we will have you blackballed from the local clubs?

So you ran into some assholes, odds are their local friends are assholes too. Thanks but no thanks and move on. If they are such jerks do you think anyone sensible is going to take their advice on you guys unless they themselves are equally jerks?

Sometimes life does you a favor and the favor here was learning about them BEFORE having sex with them.

Just think of that potential drama.

My wife has been listed as bi-curious and bi depending on her moods at the time and we never ran into anything like that. You will run into 'bi-furious' couples now and then, but ignore the idiots. You might have to go through 30 profiles to find one that you are happy with, and those are the only ones that matter.

[VegasLee]

There are assholes in all parts of life and Swingers really are no different. I know, I deal with them daily.

Blackballing you from two clubs. Don't worry about it. Go along by your own merry way and enjoy life.

These people are nothing to you, they are pixels on the Internet. Don't fret over it. Block them and move on.

There are also good people in this Lifestyle just like there is in life, you just have to week out the jerks. You will find many selfish people in this lifestyle that want it their way or no way. Just get by it and don't worry about them. They are not people you want to be with anyway.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

"Oh, by the way, we can have you blackballed from two local clubs, or you can come with us and we will get you into the click".

In my experiences with most things in life, the amount of stroke a person claims to have with a particular group is inversely proportional with the amount of stroke they actually have with that group. So, I'm guessing these guys probably aren't cared for very much in any local group, regardless of what they say.

That being said, I'll give the old "ditto" to the previous posts in the thread.

[naughtyus74]

Good lord, some people just suck! We have run into some jerks before, but have never been ambushed online like that. There are nice people out there too

[BiloxiCouple]

Honey, go start the engine.....

[bi4me2]

(him)

Unfortunately the world is full of assholes, there's no getting around it and there are some that feel they can push others around and into something their either don't want to do or aren't ready to do and that just isn't right and you don't have to tolerate it.

Block them (anyone that tries it) and move on. There's enough nice people out there that make it worthwhile and enough out there to not have to deal with idiots like that.

[Alura]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Please no flaming, I can't take it!

Fortunately, we don't get much flaming on this board, Unregistered, and when we do, the mods pounce like hungry tigers.

Alura

[thosetwo76]

Sheesh! What a couple of jerks! We actually had some people on Swing Lifestyle give us flack for the whole bi-curious thing, but as Cajun2step said, take no crap! Someone told me you could report them on Swing Lifestyle, maybe want to look into that. Don't let a few jerks ruin it for you. I can understand having to regroup, we've had to a few times, but if it's something you want to keep doing, remember this is about the two of YOU. Whatever your preferences are, you'll find friends that respect them Good luck!

[LFM2]

I can't be sure, but I think when I wrote out our profile, I also listed myself as bi-curious. I'd never been with another woman before but I was "curious" to know what it was like.

I think now I'm listed as bi-comfortable. I'm not a pushy broad. I want her to be comfy with playing. I refuse to play with anyone who'd rather not.

But bashing? Flaming? Never have we had an email that flamed me for being bi-curious. Wow... There are some jerky people in this world, and unfortunately, swingers can be asses, too.

As for banning your in clubs? Wow... what power they must have! (Not!) I don't think I'd even give that one a second thought and as far as getting you into a clique... they're all over. And maybe their clique is not one you want to be a part of.

Holly

[lotsoffun201]

I have to agree with the other posters....There are a-holes in all walks of life. You ran into them early enough so that nothing ever happened. Perhaps you doged a bullet. Perhaps not.

Either way, move on and forget about it. Do it YOUR way or not at all and be comfortable