Does water seek it's own level?

[CandLinPC]

Hey there peoples. I tried searching a bit and couldn't come up with any answers to my question, so bear with me if it's been asked before.

My wife and I are BBW/BHM, (280/310)and are just getting started in the lifestyle. We have created a free account at SwingLifestyle, but we haven't yet had a chance to get together and come up with answers to the profile questions.

When I have been searching in our area the past few days, I automatically skip over profiles where the wife's weight is less than 180. I'm doing this because I'm automatically assuming that thinner people won't particularly think of us as attractive. I'm resigned to the inevitable rejection, so I don't think that's the issue. I just don't want to waste my time or hopes that these people will 'date' us. Am I thinning the herd unnecessarily? Or is this a relatively viable practice?

In short, am I honestly missing out, or is it a 1 in a million shot anyway?

[VegasLee]

First off I would not even start searching until you take the time to complete your profile. Why would anyone be interested in a person that does not feel this is even worth the few minutes it takes to answer the profile questions? When I see blank profiles I pretty much feel the people are just in a hurry and not willing to put out a bit of effort it takes to do things right.

We see 800 to 1000 people at the club each week. I would not just assume just because someone is half your weight that they would not have interest in you. I see it all the time. Very large people end up in a party room with someone very small.

That is not saying that everyone is going to be interested in you because there are those that have a preference of not being with larger people but just don't assume your ruled out either.

There is someone for everyone and many times it will surprise you who that is.

Also don't let it upset you when you are rejected by smaller people. That is their right and their choice to party with who they want. We all have to live with that. None of us are perfect and everyone has their own personal preferences.

Good luck to you in your travels.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

When I see blank profiles I pretty much feel the people are just in a hurry and not willing to put out a bit of effort it takes to do things right.

Ditto that, plus profiles with one liner answers to the stock questions. Your profile is your opportunity to market yourself to anyone who might be interested. Put little or no effort into it, you can expect little or no results. So, I strongly agree with what VegasLee has said on profiles, and also to what he's said in regards to size matchups.

Amplifying a bit on the latter...

A very common concern among new swingers is the perception that they are not attractive enough; nobody will be interested in them (or some variety of that concern).

Reality; you can not control whether or not someone is attracted to you or not. All you can do is put your best foot forward. For every person out there, there are literally millions of (non-vanilla or otherwise) people who will find them unattractive, and millions who will find them attractive. It's not up to you to decide if you're attractive to someone or not. It's up to them. All you can do is be the best person you can be, and let the world decide from there.

I'm reminded of a couple that joined this board last year. The wife of the couple had concerns that nobody would find her attractive. Really? So the only person in the world capable of finding you attractive is your husband? A year later, and >10 play partners, she's learned otherwise. My own wife had some similar concerns. Yet, every play partner she's been with has asked for seconds.

There will be people that reject you because of size. You can't change that, short of losing a bunch of weight. Neither my wife nor I are over 200 lbs, but we are also rejected by people. *shrug* I don't care, and neither does my wife. Every "no" is one less "no" until you get a "yes". It's progress, even if it doesn't feel that way at times.

[LikeMinds321]

I just checked your profile and it appears you must have taken the suggestions to fill it out.

It is nice that you have a full body picture of you and your wife together. People will know exactly what you look like and they can see your weights listed in the stats. That's great! Because of this, I see no need to refer to your weight/size numerous times in your profile. Doing so comes across as if you are not confident and are uncomfortable with your weight. I'd suggest a rewrite.

Look at any profiles you wish. You'll see that a number of people make reference to what they prefer physically in play partners.

Generally, I think more people look for people close to their weight, however, there are people who don't give a thougt about weight. Read profiles carefully and use good judgment when contacting people.

Good luck. Have fun.

LM

[ncmd_couple]

I lost the majority of my weight, but my wife is still a BBW. I don't automatically skip a profile unless they specifically have "HWP only" or something like that in their profile.

S

[Powerglide]

Lots of good advice here. Take an evening and put up a really good profile for the two of you. And don't assume that smaller folks are never interested in larger folks. Definitely not true.

[MrsPandMe]

I second Likemind's suggestion. Your excellent photo and your phyiscal stats on the profile tell the story, so there's really no need to keep revisiting it in the narrative. Instead, talk about things that aren't obvious from the picture. Consider the opposite that slimmer people might not think you're interested in them? Perhaps mention that weight isn't an issue with you, rather you're interested in people who can enjoy themselves, or whatever.

I tend to immediately ignore any profile that has "height/weight proportionate" in their profile. First off, it's just such an idiot term. What the hell IS HWP? If you're going to ask me to pre-qualify myself before I respond to you, please give me the chart to which I can refer? Second, it smacks of exclusionism rather then inclusionism. I feel swinging is an inclusionist sport.

Anyway, feel good about who you are, and people will feel good about you!

Mr. P

[CandLinPC]

Thanks all for the great input so far. For the last couple of weeks, I've been trolling the free memberships to find out how many people are in our area on the sites. I wasn't actually planning on contacting anybody until our profile was completely filled out, so I'm at least on that wavelength with you. I've just been previewing profiles since I think SwingLifestyle will be in our stable. I planned on at least a complete paragraph (without being long-winded) for each of the essay answers, the wife and I just haven't had the time to get together and do it as we work opposite schedules. We're going to get together this weekend though, and hammer it out.

Thank you also for the compliments on our picture, and the advice on keeping mentions of weight out of the essay answers. That makes a lot of sense, although I never would have thought of it. And I certainly wouldn't have thought to include a phrase about all body types being OK. It's easy to forget that most people are self-conscious, not just us.

After the wife and I complete the profile, I'm definitely putting it up for review in the thread nearby so that I can maximize our potential. You guys have been a great help so far!

[fun4Ds]

I just perved your profile... Not to stare at pictures but because what you say, and how you say it, "sparked" MY interests.





fun4ds (sometimes guilty of not filling out all questionnaire's)

[Newpants]

I know you did not put up this thread for it to be a profile critique but since it has already been brought up might as well work with it. Like the others have said, since you have nice clear face and body pictures up, people can see for you themselves and either they will go for it or they will not. There really isn't any need to mention size/shape as a picture is already worth a thousand words.

This is just me, but I would also be leery about mentioning being shy too much. In many ways I would have more of an issue with someone being overly shy than I would with them being overwieght. We have very little time available for swinging and if I had to choose, I would rather choose someone a little overwieght that was comfortable in their own skin and able to interact in smooth and efficient manner rather than a hardbody that would just sit there looking uncomfortable that would need six months of courting before they could interact in a meaningfull manner.

Your profile is a place to showcase your strengths and assets, not a place to reveal your weaknesses and blemishes.

From my perspective everything you have said about yourselves in your 'description' is negative. I'd suggest describing your positive traits and what you like to do for fun and entertainment.

I would also suggest describing the characteristics and traits of the kind of people you are looking for in your "looking for" section and then describe a simple fantasy or some sexual scenarios you are interested in doing in your "fantasy" section.

Do not have anything negative about yourselves at all in your profile.

Now then to answer your actual questions. I think people should approach (whether it be online or in person) every single profile or person that they find attractive/interesting. I am not saying to write to every profile, I am saying to write to every profile that interests you.

PEOPLE WILL SCREEN OUT THE CONTACTS THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED IN SO YOU DO NOT NEED TO PRESCREEN YOURSELVES OUT FOR THEM.

In otherwords you write to everyone that you are interested in and at that point they will do one of 3 things - they will either accept, decline or not write back at all (which is also decline).

It's their job to decide what to do with your approach, it's not your job to pre-reject you for them.

[funcoupledayton]

Great suggestion on contacting people you're interested in! We've had good luck because we write to a lot of couples. If we just sat back and waited for others to contact us we wouldn't have had such great experiences. The no replies, and "not interested" responses suck. But truly, that's their loss, right!

[CandLinPC]

Essay answers are up, take a look if you want.

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by CandLinPC

Essay answers are up, take a look if you want.

Excellant!

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by CandLinPC

...take a look if you want.

Absolutely fantastic! I thoroughly enjoyed reading every word you wrote.

Your new profile will serve you well.

LM