Making first contact online

[shy_couple]

We have been on this board and exploring the lifestyle for a while now. We have had several good experiences and a couple not as good. Overall a great time that has us wanting more. We have done the partys and also 1-on-1 meetings. When the 1-on-1 meeting work out, they are by far the best. Sometimes we like the club and party experience. Fun, dancing, drinks, a little voyeurism. Sometimes we make a connection, sometimes we dont.

So here is our quandry: do you contact people online who are listed as full swap? We are not full swap couple. Not sure if it is in the cards for us or not. If it is, it would be with someone we have been with a few times, have excellent chemisty, and trust implicitly. We are on Swing Lifestyle. We dont contact couples listed only as "Wild." We used to only contact "Tame, Moderate" couples. More and more, we are finding these people are more about the fantasy of swinging and not so much about meeting or playing. The ones that are interested in soft swap or exhibitionism/voyeuristic activities are looking for single women or super model types. Which by the way we are not. Although we are a clean, sexy, fun couple who enjoys exploring our sexuality.

Our profile lists us "Tame,Moderate," we state in the first paragraph that we are NOT ready for full swap (so dont feel like we are trying to mislead anyone). We have started making some tenative contact with couples listed as "Tame,Moderate,Wild." A couple of them have said no thanks we perfer full swap. OK fine. Another said,cool, we met and after we shared a little about what we were and were not looking for, they fizzled away. A couple of more have said, we like fun,sexy people and enjoy all levels of play. So far not much has developed from this strategy.

Would like a little input on how you approach this situation. For the Tame and Moderates and from the ones listed as Tame, Moderate, and Wild.

[funcoupledayton]

We are full-swap, but are ok with soft swap also. So, in our case we would be happy for someone like you to contact us. If a profile says full-swap only I wouldn't bother to contact them, but otherwise, it might be worth your while to try some wild couples.

Best of luck to you!
LM

[The Fuse]

We're a full-swap couple. If a couple stated on their profile that they are thinking about full swap, or they were looking for the right couple, then we would be interested if we thought we would all be attracted. In fact, we plan to meet a couple who might be that couple, on Friday.

What I'd like to know from them is what might be their motivation to going full swap, or what might entice them to do it. I wouldn't be using that information to try to manipulate them, just to understand them. Do they just think they are ready, and have decided that doing full swap would not be a threat? Do they think they have to, in order to interest the couples they're attracted to? (big red flag) Perhaps you could put something in your profile to express your desire to perhaps do a full swap, and under what circumstances you might do it. If you don't know the answers to those questions, you should talk about it between yourselves and figure it out.

[shy_couple]

Sorry if we made it a bit muddy. We are a soft swap couple. Not interested in full swap (if it, full swap, happens in the future it will be with a couple we have become INCREDIBLY close with).

We NEVER contact a couple listed as "Wld" or interested in full swap only.

We have begun reaching out to people listed as "Tame, Moderate, or Wild" to feel out if they are interested in our level of play.

Our profile makes it clear that we are looking to explore most things short of full swap.

We were interested in stories from other couples have been in this situation. Especially couples whoare already at the full swap level and are contaced by a couple like us.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by shy_couple

We have started making some tenative contact with couples listed as "Tame,Moderate,Wild." A couple of them have said no thanks we perfer full swap. OK fine. Another said,cool, we met and after we shared a little about what we were and were not looking for, they fizzled away. A couple of more have said, we like fun,sexy people and enjoy all levels of play. So far not much has developed from this strategy.

I've read your OP four times and I'm still not sure what you're asking of us.

But I think it is this:

Why aren't we having better luck hooking up with people?

The fact that you are a soft-swap couple will limit you if there aren't alot of people looking for that type of play. You can contact people who are open to all types of play, but I always feel that most who are open to full swap will give priority to others who are also full swap. If interest from some people has fizzled out before meeting, maybe they had an opportunity to meet a couple who is full swap and so they decided to meet them instead.

If interest disappears after meeting people, well, that's how it can go no matter what level of play you are open to.

LM

[shy_couple]

Sorry if this is confusing.

We plainly list ourselves as soft swap. We have recently started contacting people who list their perferences as all levels of play. (We dont contact the ones listed as full swap only.)
With our preferences listed as soft swap and it clearly stated in our profile that we are NOT ready for full swap, how would you feel if we contacted you?
Is this OK or sending a misleading signal?

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by shy_couple

Sorry if this is confusing.

We plainly list ourselves as soft swap. We have recently started contacting people who list their perferences as all levels of play. (We dont contact the ones listed as full swap only.)
With our preferences listed as soft swap and it clearly stated in our profile that we are NOT ready for full swap, how would you feel if we contacted you?
Is this OK or sending a misleading signal?

Thank you. That is so clear and concise.

If we were open to all types of play, we wouldn't mind hearing from you.

I would want you to let me know on the first contact that you are soft swap only. If that is what you are doing when you write, I don't think anyone should get upset by you contacting them if their profile states they are open to soft play.

I'll add that I don't even know how those terms "Tame, Moderate, Wild" are defined on Swing Lifestyle, it's been so long since I looked. Although we glance at that play scale, we are primarily interested in what people have written in their profile. We like it when people clearly spell out what type of play they are seeking. That helps us decide if we'll contact them, or meet them if they contact us.

LM

[The Fuse]

Aha. Sorry for misunderstanding.

We are listed as full swap only ("Wild"). We would not be interested in a soft-swap couple unless they were considering full swap, and we liked them enough to put in the effort of getting to know them even though we might not be looking for the same things.

One thing to note-- peoples' profiles lie. We've been contacted by more than one couple whose profile says they're soft swap, who say in their email that they are considering full swap. The best things you can do are to make sure your profile (listed preferences and text that describe your preferences) accurately reflect what you're looking for. Then, when you write to couples, say it again. That way people are clear. There are definitely couples out there who normally full swap, but are open to soft swap.

Good luck!

[SW_PA_Couple]

The way you have coded and represented yourselves at Swinglifestyle is, as far as I can determine, in line with the way you describe yourselves and your goals here. I will speak only behalf my wife and myself. When contacted by people wanting soft swap, we politely decline the invitation.

[shy_couple]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

The way you have coded and represented yourselves at Swinglifestyle is, as far as I can determine, in line with the way you describe yourselves and your goals here. I will speak only behalf my wife and myself. When contacted by people wanting soft swap, we politely decline the invitation.

Thanks for being honest. Took a quick peek at your profile. Your listing is for "Wild" or as we decode it, ONLY interested in FULL swap. We avoid first contact with couples listed this way because, that is not what we want and feel pretty god that in most cases, we are not what they want.

[JustAskJulie]

If you aren't ready for full swap, then I would not contact other couples who list themselves as such. It's just asking for trouble and in a way, leading them on. You are giving them the impression (even though your words say otherwise) that you may be ready for more, and many couples may try to push your boundaries. Why put yourselves in that position.

If a full swap couple is really open to soft swap with you they will contact you.

[MsGoneWild]

the fiance and I are full swap only and we don't really meet those that aren't (just personal preference) but if we're going to swing and its just going to stop at oral it won't do a whole lot for me.

You can always try contacting full swap couple.. but don't be annoyed or anything if they decline because soft isn't what they're looking for.

I tend to look at peoples certs if they have any, or how long they've been a member to get a feel for them. But we also chat with a couple or person a lot before meeting them. If we don't feel like they're being honest we don't even meet them. We don't have a problem just having vanilla friends either though.

[mantranaz]

We don't swap either. And we found out that it's hard to find a real NO SWAP couples. But we finally got 3 regular NO SWAP couples. And we did the parties for more than 30 times in 2009.

All of us discovered that it's fun enough to have 1. Same room sex 2. Body painting game before the same room sex 3. Strip Poker before the same room sex 4. Naked barbecue party before the same room sex 5. Truth or dare before the same room sex 6. Other kinky games before the same room sex.

[MN Tom]

If you contacted us and had a restriction such as soft swap only, I would hope that you mention it in some regard in case we missed it.

Main reason is it's not that common, and usually when you are contacted by someone you expect that they are "similar" to you unless they say otherwise.

Best way to avoid wasting time IMO.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by MN Tom

Main reason is it's not that common

If you're saying that soft-swing is not that common, then I disagree with this. We have met a lot of soft-swingers, and started out that way ourselves back in the day. There are long-term board members around here that are soft-swing only. We played with full-swap couples when we were soft-swing only, and after becoming a full-swap couple, we played with soft-swing couples.