communications with single guys?

[Willing29]

I am sure this has been discussed here before but let me phrase it a bit differently. As a couple we were looking to find a SM for play and most of the one's we mailed or tried to set up meetings with either didn't show or made up excuses at the last minute. Now there is this one older guy with certs who we thought was reliable and we were going to meet. So we setup a tentative date to meet with details to follow as the time got closer. Being so busy it slipped our minds and we missed that date so after a bit the Mrs contacted him again and tried to set something up this weekend. Again we most likely won't be able to make it out but the SM has never followed up with us once as to when or where. It's basically how was your weekend or talks about the weather. Now our question, is it our responsibility or norm for us to set the day, time and place? I would think that if this guy is single he is not dating every night and would want to get out for some fun if offered. So why are we left to make all arrangements. Is it that he is trying to not be pushy? Although we feel that you do need some movement on both sides. We do meet couples and go to partied so a three way is not a rarity. We'd like to hear comments from the single males out there, or couples how set up MFM's.

[LikeMinds321]

You contacted him. You offer a tentative date to meet saying "details will follow" but you never followed up...then you tried to set something up this weekend EVEN THOUGH AGAIN you most likely won't be able to make it out....

and you're wondering why he isn't asking you out for a specific date?!

You guys aren't dependable.

Frankly, I'm surprised he hasn't dumped you altogether.

If you contact us, first rule in my book is keep your word, follow up, it's common courtesy.

LM

[Willing29]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

You contacted him. You offer a tentative date to meet saying "details will follow" but you never followed up...then you tried to set something up this weekend EVEN THOUGH AGAIN you most likely won't be able to make it out....

and you're wondering why he isn't asking you out for a specific date?!

You guys aren't dependable.

Frankly, I'm surprised he hasn't dumped you altogether.

If you contact us, first rule in my book is keep your word, follow up, it's common courtesy.
LM

Well, the part about "details to follow" was never stated in any mails. It was just assumed if none were made at that time. The last time it was simply asked "Are you available 4/23" so we figured he might show a little more interest and say where or when. Instead he only said it looks good for now. As for the other times we did give specifics as to time day and place only for him to cancel do to this or that. So we may take your advice to just forget about him. No, I didn't misread your mail. Since he was the one the initiate contact with us in the first place it's probably time to move on. As far as being dependable we have NEVER stood up anyone for a meeting when we have a set time and place but we have been stood up a few times already.

[Newpants]

Originally Posted by Willing29

Again we most likely won't be able to make it out but the SM has never followed up with us once as to when or where. It's basically how was your weekend or talks about the weather. Now our question, is it our responsibility or norm for us to set the day, time and place? I would think that if this guy is single he is not dating every night and would want to get out for some fun if offered. So why are we left to make all arrangements. Is it that he is trying to not be pushy?

Before all the legitimate single males here on the board blow a gasket and come down on you I'll offer you this from another couple.

I do not think he is trying to not be pushy. I think he is trying to be a gentleman and let you down easy as opposed to telling you off which I do think he would be in his right to do.

I believe your assumptions about single men are false and even a bit disrespectfull. Legitimate single men DO date, have jobs, have children's activities, have hobbies, friends and social lives etc and their time is as valuable to them as it is to a couple.

I think couples and single fems are making arrogant assumptions in thinking that single guys are so horny and desparate that they are just sitting at home licking their chops praying that a couple will allow them to fuck their fem half and will be at their bec-and-call at any hour of the day and night and that they should be honored to be contacted again after being rudely stood up previously for no valid reason.

Yes the dickhead single guys make it seem that way with their "heyletsfuck!" messages but the honest and legitimate ones have healthy, happy and productive lives and they get just as sick and fed up with getting stood up as any couple would.

If you do not respect his time and commitment enough to even REMEMBER that you had a date with him then I don't think he even owes you a discussion about the weather.

I'm really not meaning to be a dick myself but we have been completely stood up without a call or a legitimate cancellation before and I don't think it is appropriate for anyone regardless of whether they are a couple, single male or single fem.

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by Willing29

so after a bit the Mrs contacted him again and tried to set something up this weekend. Again we most likely won't be able to make it out but the SM has never followed up with us once as to when or where.

Since you know you most likely won't make it this weekend why are you trying to set something up with him?

Are you wanting him to reserve the time for you just in case you get out? That is what your message reads like that you posted.

Seems he is doing the right thing. You want to play with him, your the couple. If you really want to play, set a time and place and ask him if he can make it but do so with some notice. Not waiting until a couple days ahead of time then not being happy because he can not make it.

Treat him as you want to be treated. Don't set up things when you know you may not be able to make it. Don't waste others time like that.

[mywinkyworks]

Originally Posted by Willing29

I am sure this has been discussed here before but let me phrase it a bit differently. As a couple we were looking to find a SM for play and most of the one's we mailed or tried to set up meetings with either didn't show or made up excuses at the last minute. Now there is this one older guy with certs who we thought was reliable and we were going to meet. So we setup a tentative date to meet with details to follow as the time got closer. Being so busy it slipped our minds and we missed that date so after a bit the Mrs contacted him again and tried to set something up this weekend. Again we most likely won't be able to make it out but the SM has never followed up with us once as to when or where. It's basically how was your weekend or talks about the weather. Now our question, is it our responsibility or norm for us to set the day, time and place? I would think that if this guy is single he is not dating every night and would want to get out for some fun if offered. So why are we left to make all arrangements. Is it that he is trying to not be pushy? Although we feel that you do need some movement on both sides. We do meet couples and go to partied so a three way is not a rarity. We'd like to hear comments from the single males out there, or couples how set up MFM's.

As a single male I'm not pushy I feel I should allow you to take things at your own pace. I also know we all get busy and sometimes plans don't work out .

[curiousagain]

I've got a pretty busy life, job, family, friends, a house, a couple of FB, a FWB, a couple of couples I play with. If I had been communicating with a couple and they forgot a meet we had planned and we didn't have a friendship going that would let me give them the benifit of the doubt. I imagine I would not communicate with them any more.

But, that's just me.

[Willing29]

Thanks for everyone's input and I didn't mean to insult anyone if I have. Actually we did reach out to the individual and he agreed that there was nothing set up yet.

[mywinkyworks]

Originally Posted by Willing29

Thanks for everyone's input and I didn't mean to insult anyone if I have. Actually we did reach out to the individual and he agreed that there was nothing set up yet.

Don't worry I'm sure no one was insulted.

[wfsl48]

Originally Posted by Willing29

I am sure this has been discussed here before but let me phrase it a bit differently. As a couple we were looking to find a SM for play and most of the one's we mailed or tried to set up meetings with either didn't show or made up excuses at the last minute. Now there is this one older guy with certs who we thought was reliable and we were going to meet. So we setup a tentative date to meet with details to follow as the time got closer. Being so busy it slipped our minds and we missed that date so after a bit the Mrs contacted him again and tried to set something up this weekend. Again we most likely won't be able to make it out but the SM has never followed up with us once as to when or where. It's basically how was your weekend or talks about the weather. Now our question, is it our responsibility or norm for us to set the day, time and place? I would think that if this guy is single he is not dating every night and would want to get out for some fun if offered. So why are we left to make all arrangements. Is it that he is trying to not be pushy? Although we feel that you do need some movement on both sides. We do meet couples and go to partied so a three way is not a rarity. We'd like to hear comments from the single males out there, or couples how set up MFM's.

You need to set the date because if he's single his schedule is probably more flexible than yours. If his conflicts he should let you know.

We know about the no-shows and all the other problems. some couple don't play with married men because of this alone, thinking that they can't get away from their wives. In our experience, some guys that we know to be single chicken out or otherwise can't make it sometimes but no doubt a great many of guys claiming to be single actually are married.

I'm sure also that some guys have more than a few opportunities at times and you're simply not the couple they chose for whatever reason. This is similar to guys thinks all couples that do MFM stuff are fakes because they just didn't happen to be selected that go-around. On a different day with a different set of choices maybe they would be.

[SecretAsianMan]

In MOST instances ... the single guy is brought in as the "guest" for the couple.

If I'm going to be invited to play - I'd find out when they'd like to play and do my best to accomodate their schedule. Sometimes it works out - other times, not so much. Most single-guys have figured out that they're competing with the (literally) hundreds of other single-guys out there... and if they present too many issues (scheduling conflicts, too pushy, too much drama, etc.) - most couples / single gals will simply "move on" and find the next one.

Couples & single gals pretty much get to pick-n-choose from the over-stock.

[absingleman]

Originally Posted by Willing29

I am sure this has been discussed here before but let me phrase it a bit differently. As a couple we were looking to find a SM for play and most of the one's we mailed or tried to set up meetings with either didn't show or made up excuses at the last minute. Now there is this one older guy with certs who we thought was reliable and we were going to meet. So we setup a tentative date to meet with details to follow as the time got closer. Being so busy it slipped our minds and we missed that date so after a bit the Mrs contacted him again and tried to set something up this weekend. Again we most likely won't be able to make it out but the SM has never followed up with us once as to when or where. It's basically how was your weekend or talks about the weather. Now our question, is it our responsibility or norm for us to set the day, time and place? I would think that if this guy is single he is not dating every night and would want to get out for some fun if offered. So why are we left to make all arrangements. Is it that he is trying to not be pushy? Although we feel that you do need some movement on both sides. We do meet couples and go to partied so a three way is not a rarity. We'd like to hear comments from the single males out there, or couples how set up MFM's.

I can believe that things got hectic and you forgot to cancel your playdate, but to most single men (not just those who swing), a no show is the same as "I changed my mind and don't want to see you after all". If he didn't write and ask what happened, then he decided it wasn't worth the effort to reschedule with you. That is what normally happens when there is no previous friendship. Sex is easy to get. There are plenty of single women available to single men when we put ourselves in a position to be seen, so swinging is something we do when we want something a little wilder than an unattached woman that just wants sex and we don't want to ruin anyone's marriage by helping a wife cheat on her husband. If you really want to hook up with this guy, talk to him about when the three of you can clear some time where only an emergency, not a kid's ball game or someone's birthday, is the only thing that could make you back out at the last minute. Who knows. Maybe taking the extra time to plan the meeting will give you three something to talk about and you could become actual friends instead of strangers who bump uglies.

just my opinion

[HornyPisces20]

Hi everyone. First post here.

You are dealing with all types of people here, just like in the real (outside) world. I deal with that all the time in my business.

I'm a contractor and people will tell me all the time that they like your price, your references and want to do the work, then never are heard from again"

I guess s..t happens? I personally would welcome honesty. If they are afraid, sometimes you can see it, sometimes not. If they stand me up, once bitten, twice shy.

I understand that just because you are going to meet, something isn't necessarily going to happen. This thing called attraction and chemistry is involved and if you don't feel comfortable with each other, forget it.

We all say and do stupid things. Sometimes I need you to cut me a little slack to. You don't want to give me performance anxiety now do you?

The world is full of all kinds of flakes. This lifestyle is going to attract more then the average I would say. I try to be like a duck and just shake it off and remember the old adage, "blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed".

I am sure that we all have stories. My latest one is that a certain lady was uncomfortable that I knew her name, her home address, her phone number, and her business. She pursued me and when I slipped and said I knew the above she freaked and ran away.

I still haven't heard back from her. I don't think that she had this all planned out exactly and now what do I do with her nude pictures? Quite nice I might add?

I guess you have to say that you just need to grin and bare it? Nothing else can be done?