People read the messages but don't reply

[MrsPandMe]

So, Mrs P and I have been on and off for the last 3 years (off for about the last 14 months, thanks to some medical tomfoolery). When we first got on Swing Lifestyle in '07 it seemed that we were either very lucky or much cuter, because we had no trouble finding genuine couples who were eager to meet and were pro-active in communication.

This time around we've run into an annoying spat of people who say they're interested, so we give them contact information and availability options and then....


nothing.

Swing Lifestyle says they read the message, but for whatever reason they go silent.

Ideas? Has this become the new trend, or is this a problem that is as old as online swinger sites? Discuss!

Mr P.

[SW_PA_Couple]

At a make-a-connection Web site, all of the people who are likely to contact you have already contacted within the first few months. After that, you have to wait for new people to sign on.

As for the part about people going silent after a certain point, that stuff has been happening to us right from the start and continues up to the present. The relative anonymity of the Internet make people feel free to toss the rules of civility out the window. It no longer upsets us.

~Michael

[SaSsyNsWeEt]

We have had this happen to us as well, so I have learned to send them another message that reads something like "Just checking to make sure you haven't forgotten about us" or "are you still interested, cause we are". Usually they will write back that day with a "sorry we have just been so busy lately...but we are still very interested..."

Good luck to you!

[Chicup]

We have had this happen when using add sites more times than I can recall.

Sending a follow up message normally won't matter, they got your first one, they are just not interested.

Sometimes it will make sense, (pictures exchanged), others it won't (they contacted you and saw your pictures prior).

People are funny, people on dating sites are more funny, people on swinging dating sites are really...'funny'.

This is also why we really don't want to contact people without seeing pictures, if everything seems great, you exchange pictures and THEN stop talking its rather obvious what the problem was.

Even thats not enough though with old pictures, well posed pictures, and photo shop, we have been unpleasantly surprised on several occasions.

[Tia Vampire]

Trying to find couples on line is not for us. We want to see who we are communicating with and see where it goes from there.

[VegasLee]

Not that this makes it any better but something to remember. Many people on line playing on Swingers sites are NOT SWINGERS.

This is an on line fantasy game to them and they have no intention of ever meeting anyone in person.

Cheap thrills for many of them. Get excited on line and play with their self or each other.

Just how it is these days.

[SaSsyNsWeEt]

I wouldn't knock finding other swingers online, we have had great success with doing just that; and many of them, might I add, have become life-long friends out of the bedroom as well. I think the trick is doing your homework! Make sure that the site you are on is credible and that you use your common sense. If someone seems too good to be true...chances are that it is a fake profile. But we have found great people and great couples on both AFF and Swing Lifestyle so remember to be patient and give it a chance!

[MrsPandMe]

Thanks for all the replies!

Sassy; funny you mention... We did exactly that and sure enough it did shake loose a response from one or two folks.

Its pretty easy to weed out the real people vs the posers, but I've run into some pretty suspect profiles that ended up being nice people. We try not to dismiss people as a matter of course because they lack the gift of gab. Let's face it, not everyone is great at expressing themselves through the dry emotionless medium of text. Granted this sets us up to the uncomfortable possibility of having to call out a bullshitter but on the other hand we've found some real diamonds in the rough. To us we enjoy meeting new people, swinging or not.

Mr P

[LFM2]

VegasLee is right on, again.... Usually those online aren't swingers anyway. They are there for kicks and grins.

Some people are picture collectors and that's pretty much all they're looking for. Some have no intention of letting others play with them.

[SecretAsianMan]

For everyone person who'll be physically attractive enough for y'all and able to work out the logistics to meet with y'all (and is interested enough to talk / email long enough to set up a meeting) ... there are hundreds upon thousands who won't fit that criteria in one way or another.

Nothing else to do but to simply get past those experiences and concentrate on the good ones.

[Wailea07]

We run into this from time to time as well. Generally we like to exchange emails or IM"s for awhile to get a feel for the other couple before we agree to meet. Others just want to meet instantly. And still others seem to want to chat forever and never have any intention of meeting. But if the emails seem to go unanswered a second time we just move on. BTW, in our area C4P is the best for finding swingers online. We have a profile on a couple of other sites too. But it seems like geographically there are sites that do better in one part of the country than another. Some of our friends are members of certain sites with a high concentration of members say in Vegas because they like to travel there 2 or 3 times a year for fun but that site has very few members here in the midwest.

That's my 2 cents for what's worth.

[dnc2006]

So, all in all......what is the best way to meet a couple interested in hooking up together in a hotel room. We thought about going to a town outside our town, etc. The bar scene seems to inconsistent and the idea of online frightens me a little. To be quite honest, I am a bit scared about diseases. Any thoughts? Would like some input from you guys.

Thanks

C

[SecretAsianMan]

There is no "best way" to meet others ... what works for some people may not work at all for y'all.

Getting out into the local Lifestyle community helps a lot ... going out to lifestyle clubs / parties ... meet-n-greets to find others. Others find great success with online arrangements ... and I've even heard of the occassional success story out of Craig's List / Adult Friend Finder / Swing Lifestyle / etc., etc., etc.

There's going to be a LOT of failures ... but concentrate on the successes and it'll make it worth the work y'all will have to put into it

[Wailea07]

Our first year or so we actually met people on Craigslist. We had some good success with that but also ran into a lot of creeps. One problem we had was most around her on CL were newbies (but so were we at the time). That created lots of drama at times because the other couples weren't necessarily in the same place or comfort level as we were.

We found our best luck on C4P.com. We have found awesome couples there and great single guys. But still we have run into a few creeps. Anyway, once we met a few couples on C4P we made friends of friends and have a nice group of LS friends who all like to go out together, mostly to vanilla clubs or dinner or whatever. We haven't really done the LS club thing although we hear there is a really great one right here in our city.

Our preferred method is to exchange a few emails or maybe even instant messages to get a feel about a couple we met off C4P (or formerly CL). We then exchange cell numbers and text a bit and set up a date for drinks. If all goes well over drinks we always have a plan to either come back to our house, their house or a hotel room. Just depends on preference with the other couple/single. We never EXPECT to play with them but are always ready in case things go really well and we all want to! Typically on a first date we either only just have drinks or do a soft swap and then invite for a second date for a full swap.

Hopefully some of that is useful to you guys. Good luck!

[Wailea07]

Sorry, I forgot to address the "disease" comment. Are you worried about catching something at the hotel or from your playmates?? Because I think the hotel room would be just as risky! LOL

Anyway, sure STD's are always a concern. Nearly all of our playmates require condoms as do we. There have been some great discussions on here and elsewhere about STD's and the lifestyle. You might want to consider purchasing Julie's book, "The Swinger Manual." She addresses this issue very nicely in her book, and it is a great reference especially for newbies. I highly recommend it! Just be picky on who you are going to get naked with. That is the biggest thing. As far as condom use goes, well that's a personal choice. There is a good argument that if you are going to do oral and whatever else, but only require a condom when a penis is inserted into a vagina, then you really aren't protecting yourself from STD's very well if at all. We have yet to meet a couple who admits they have ever got an STD from the lifestyle, but I have heard of people who have. Just haven't met anyone...yet.