Using certs to meet others?

[exploringRM]

On Swing Lifestyle there are certifications that people send to your profile..they write a few sentences about you. They can vary from yeah...we met them at such and such..to wow..these two are great playmates.

Recently a couple (#1) we know sent an email to another couple (#2) we know. In their (cpl #1) introduction of themselves to cpl #2, cpl #1 mentioned they know us. Cpl #2 asked us about cpl #1 (another posting for that).

How do you feel about a couple using certifications this way, to meet others? I don't have a huge problem with this, but it does not feel 100% right. But then again if we were in a face to face setting, we would introduce cpl #1 and cpl #2 with no reservations about it.

[N&G]

Nobody is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to give or accept certs. How someone else uses those certs is their choice and what they write is their business. You can't control that. I'm sure a lot of people would see nothing wrong with mentioning that they know you since after all you gave the cert for all to see.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by N&G

Nobody is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to give or accept certs. How someone else uses those certs is their choice and what they write is their business. You can't control that. I'm sure a lot of people would see nothing wrong with mentioning that they know you since after all you gave the cert for all to see.

Who in the world said anything about guns or forcing? This is a question about people's opinions about the appropriateness of using someone's certs to meet others, not about providing certs in the first place, and certainly not about being forced to do anything at gunpoint. I don't think we need to set the bar that low, nor do we need to use these extreme means of expression!

Yes, someone can look at your certs and do anything they want with that information. The question is, what is appropriate, considerate and discreet? Or do we care? Apparently consideration toward others is not a factor if "How someone else uses those certs is their choice and what they writes is their business", without stopping to think about whether the people involved would appreciate how their certs are used. I think we can do better than that.

Personally, I have once or twice dropped a name in an introductory email, if I was sure that the couple whose name was being dropped has good feelings toward us and would be happy to introduce us in person. But I would hesitate to do that again, because I can't shake the feeling that it's icky. Saying we have mutual friends should be more than enough.

[exploringRM]

Originally Posted by N&G

Nobody is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to give or accept certs. How someone else uses those certs is their choice and what they write is their business. You can't control that. I'm sure a lot of people would see nothing wrong with mentioning that they know you since after all you gave the cert for all to see.

What The Fuse posted and...

These are certs people gave us. And yes I accepted them and they are public for all to see. I don't have problem with that, or felt pressured into using certs. I recall another post about using one set of friends to gain access to their friends that you have an interest in. This is a similar thing, just a little more stealthy.

I really don't find anything ethically wrong and there is no lack of discression as no one said who played with who, just that we know each other. Not too much different from just finding a profile and contact them. You just happened to find them through another's profile.

[DigginIt]

Okay ... a little guilty here but not in the same sense.

Mrs. Diggs and I have looked at a couple and said "Hey, let's reach out to this couple" and then clicked on a couple that had certed that couple and said "Wow, I like them too, let's reach out to them too" as well.

I did not know either of them prior but I did feel a little guilty after we had met one of the two couples and slept with them and then the other couple reached out to us with a positive response. We almost immediately let both of the couples know what we had done, it was completely innocent, and they didn't have a problem with it. They did text the first couple to find out about us almost immediately after getting off the phone with us.

Back to your scenario. I don't feel comfortable with 'name dropping' as I would call it. I'm comfortable if you have slept with 5 of our friends but use your own merits to entice us.

[ENCRYPTEDTX]

Here are my two shiny pennies......

I think its a good thing to use Certs to meet others and to learn more about others. I think you will find that birds of a feather.....If you met and liked a couple and certed them, there is a good chance your other friends will like them as well. Most couples (singles too) have a certain criteria for people that they like to meet. If someone meets your criteria, they will hopefully meet your friends as well!

Besides, can you ever have enough friends?

K

[ncmd_couple]

I do look at the certs on a couple's profile. It gives me an idea of the type of people that they find attractive from a visual standpoint. If they only have certs from Barbie and Ken types, then they wouldn't be interested in us. However, if they have certs from other regular folks like us, then it improves the chances that we might contact them.

S

[nola40scpl]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

I do look at the certs on a couple's profile. It gives me an idea of the type of people that they find attractive from a visual standpoint. If they only have certs from Barbie and Ken types, then they wouldn't be interested in us. However, if they have certs from other regular folks like us, then it improves the chances that we might contact them.

S

had to chime in on this one because consensus seems to be on the side that WE believe certs should be used for. we do exactly the same thing. if you see they're certified by someone you know, then it tends to give you an indication of what they are like. it will also give you a common ground to meet on. those thinking that people don't 'compare' notes have their heads stuck in the sand. people talk and people listen. it's how we ALL decide who we do and don't pursue. feeling creepy about it? why? is it no different than approaching someone you know that is enjoying the company of someone you're interested in, hoping for an introduction?

[AskMeOk]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

I do look at the certs on a couple's profile. It gives me an idea of the type of people that they find attractive from a visual standpoint. If they only have certs from Barbie and Ken types, then they wouldn't be interested in us. However, if they have certs from other regular folks like us, then it improves the chances that we might contact them.

S

Same for us. I don't think we've ever passed on a couple because of who certed them, but it does give them brownie points if they have been certed by folks we already know.

Maybe I'm wrong here, but I do see a bit of a red flag when folks have been on Swing Lifestyle for a few years and have NO certs. Conversely, I'm sure that there are those with 276 or more certs that are regarded as being a bit shopworn...

YMMV.....