Liars and Cheats

red96 · 01-24-2010, 02:15 PM

About a year and a half ago we hooked up with a "Gentleman" we found through a swinger site. Billed himself as single seemed like a good prospect, had several chats with him on-line, a couple of phone conversations and decided to meet with him. We clicked at the initial meeting and ended up getting a room and playing that night. The experience was enjoyable and we all had a good time. It was discussed at that time to get together again at a later date. We were willing but it seemed we could never quite catch up with him or he always had plans for the weekend.
Today we get a message from a guy on the same site, different profile name and it is the same guy. As always we go to his profile and read the details only to find out he is recently divorced after nine years of marriage. Hmmmmmmm, wonder why he got divorced.
It sucks to think we could be a contributing factor to the end of their marriage. There were no indications from him that he was married, he did not wear a wedding band. How were we to know? We were inexperienced at the time and now wonder if there is something we missed. At any rate we will not be hooking up with him again, Fool me once shame on you Fool me twice shame on me.

N8ture Girl · 01-24-2010, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by red96

Today we get a message from a guy on the same site, different profile name and it is the same guy. As always we go to his profile and read the details only to find out he is recently divorced after nine years of marriage. Hmmmmmmm, wonder why he got divorced.
It sucks to think we could be a contributing factor to the end of their marriage. There were no indications from him that he was married, he did not wear a wedding band. How were we to know? We were inexperienced at the time and now wonder if there is something we missed. At any rate we will not be hooking up with him again, Fool me once shame on you Fool me twice shame on me.

Contributing factor, probably not. He may have been legally seperated at the time he was with you. In my state you have to be legally seperated for a whole year before you can start the divorce proceedings. And the whole divorce process can take a year or more in itself depending on the circumstances...
The different profile thing, well who knows, maybe its his attempt at a fresh start, or it could be anything number of things. Was this just some random e-mail that he sent, or did he acknowledge knowing you? When we meet someone who claims to be single, I always ask have you ever been married or something along those lines to see the reaction I get. If he is married and you ask him that you can usually tell if they are currently married and lying about it. We have caught several that way.

I would just chalk it up to another learning experience.

red96 · 01-24-2010, 04:50 PM

Quote:

The different profile thing, well who knows, maybe its his attempt at a fresh start, or it could be anything number of things. Was this just some random e-mail that he sent, or did he acknowledge knowing you?

He acknowledged knowing us, he mentioned our play time briefly to remind us of who he is. He also had different pics posted on his profile than the original one. We did did ask him if he was married but we can't remember if it was in person or on-line when we questioned him about it. That question will now be asked in person to see the reaction we get. Definitely a lesson learned.

realcplub2 · 01-24-2010, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by red96

It sucks to think we could be a contributing factor to the end of their marriage. There were no indications from him that he was married, he did not wear a wedding band. How were we to know? We were inexperienced at the time and now wonder if there is something we missed. At any rate we will not be hooking up with him again, Fool me once shame on you Fool me twice shame on me.

Red, I would say, that you werent a contributing factor

Just a unwilling/unwitting participant in a cheaters escape plan..

Can we ask, was this an all evening, til the wee hours of the morning playdate or , it got to be around 12midnight, and he had to go?

red96 · 01-24-2010, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Can we ask, was this an all evening, til the wee hours of the morning playdate or , it got to be around 12midnight, and he had to go?

He met us at a club in the evening it was around 9:30 or 10pm when he got there. We had a few drinks and got acquainted then decided to get a room. I remember it was around 3 in the morning when we parted company. Now that you mention it, he did get dressed and leave pretty quickly after play time was over. He did mention that he had to work the following morning and that it was getting late.

Trace Ekies · 01-25-2010, 06:10 AM

We fell victim to this sort of scum at an on-premise club one night...the mistake we made is that we didn't ask him directly if he was married until after the fun...

Now we ask all singles and then judge by how they react whether we trust them or not...If they give obvious signals that they are married but say they aren't we avoid them.

We try to keep'em honest but I'm sure we've missed a couple.

Trace

**LFM2** · 01-25-2010, 01:34 PM

Yeah, sometimes it's too bad that we can't control others, huh? We can control what we do, however. That's a good thing.

It's this guy that gives all the other really nice truly single guys a bad name.

I agree with Trace... I don't think asking is all that bad. Even if they list themselves as singles, I'd still ask. I don't try to second guess their thinking on why they need to cheat, except I don't want to be with one.

bbarnsworth · 01-25-2010, 02:03 PM

We don't want to be with cheats and liars either. But, for us we don't see a lot of value in asking directly if someone is married or not. When you don't know someone very well, it can be hard to tell if they're lying or not. You can also get a lot of false 'positives'. We try other means of skirting around this in playing with single males. So far as we know, we haven't played with a married single male yet.

red96 · 01-25-2010, 02:41 PM

We always question their marital status when we first make an attempt to connect with someone. We have actually had a few admit they were married and playing without her knowledge. Usually their excuse is they are in a Loveless/Sexless marriage. It is hard to tell when someone is lying though unless you spend allot of time with them to really get to know them. We would never knowingly play with anyone cheating on their spouse and as far as we know this was the only time it has happened.

We would prefer to hook up with a few gentlemen and have an on going relationship with them rather than searching for people all the time, but that kind of thing seems to be rare in the lifestyle. Could be we just haven't made the right connections yet. We did have one guy that we played with a number of times but he moved away during the summer.

I guess we will have to be a lot more cautious in the future.

TwoAreLooking · 01-25-2010, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by red96

We always question their marital status when we first make an attempt to connect with someone. We have actually had a few admit they were married and playing without her knowledge. Usually their excuse is they are in a Loveless/Sexless marriage. It is hard to tell when someone is lying though unless you spend allot of time with them to really get to know them. We would never knowingly play with anyone cheating on their spouse and as far as we know this was the only time it has happened.

We ask up front, and stress in our profiles that absolute honesty is required. We just replied to a nice man that we appreciate his honesty, but will not play with one half of a committed couple.

M

The Fuse · 01-25-2010, 09:38 PM

Don't forget to ask couples, if there is any question, whether they are married to each other.

xxxboxy · 01-25-2010, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Don't forget to ask couples, if there is any question, whether they are married to each other.

We've been approached by several FWB couples who are cheating on their respective spouses. It's actually a bit creepy.

TwoAreLooking · 01-26-2010, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Don't forget to ask couples, if there is any question, whether they are married to each other.

Ya know, that didn't occur to me! o.m.g.

M

realcplub2 · 01-26-2010, 09:33 PM

We can look for all the tell tale signs from now til, hell after the bars close

That was sort of the point of my question red..

We can all tell whatever story we want,

Quote:

" Joe called shit faced and needed a ride home from the bar.. I am so sorry to be home so late... Why yes, i was the designated driver, thats why I didnt drink... What do you mean I smell like sex?

In the end Who can tell.. thats also though a great reason to jump the threesome train and get on board the couples express

And yes you are correct they can be a couple but not married to each other, married to other people.. Sure we have seen that heard of that before.. But in the realms of possibility which is more common?

The Fuse · 01-26-2010, 11:00 PM

Certainly cheating "singles" are more common than "couples" who are married to someone other than their swing partner. But we have been approached by the "couples" more than once, so I thought it was worth mentioning.

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01-24-2010, 02:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
red96 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 153 Location: Ohio Status: couple	Liars and Cheats About a year and a half ago we hooked up with a "Gentleman" we found through a swinger site. Billed himself as single seemed like a good prospect, had several chats with him on-line, a couple of phone conversations and decided to meet with him. We clicked at the initial meeting and ended up getting a room and playing that night. The experience was enjoyable and we all had a good time. It was discussed at that time to get together again at a later date. We were willing but it seemed we could never quite catch up with him or he always had plans for the weekend. Today we get a message from a guy on the same site, different profile name and it is the same guy. As always we go to his profile and read the details only to find out he is recently divorced after nine years of marriage. Hmmmmmmm, wonder why he got divorced. It sucks to think we could be a contributing factor to the end of their marriage. There were no indications from him that he was married, he did not wear a wedding band. How were we to know? We were inexperienced at the time and now wonder if there is something we missed. At any rate we will not be hooking up with him again, Fool me once shame on you Fool me twice shame on me.
	__________________ I have abandoned my search for truth, and am now looking for a good fantasy.

01-25-2010, 06:10 AM	#6 (permalink)
Trace Ekies Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 489 Location: Central Florida Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:swyngcpl	Re: Liars and Cheats We fell victim to this sort of scum at an on-premise club one night...the mistake we made is that we didn't ask him directly if he was married until after the fun... Now we ask all singles and then judge by how they react whether we trust them or not...If they give obvious signals that they are married but say they aren't we avoid them. We try to keep'em honest but I'm sure we've missed a couple. Trace
	__________________ 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

01-25-2010, 01:34 PM	#7 (permalink)
LFM2 ~This space for rent~ Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 4,750 Location: across the tracks Status: Couple	Re: Liars and Cheats Yeah, sometimes it's too bad that we can't control others, huh? We can control what we do, however. That's a good thing. It's this guy that gives all the other really nice truly single guys a bad name. I agree with Trace... I don't think asking is all that bad. Even if they list themselves as singles, I'd still ask. I don't try to second guess their thinking on why they need to cheat, except I don't want to be with one.
	__________________ Dave & Holly

01-25-2010, 02:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
bbarnsworth Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 1,870 Location: South Central Indiana Status: Couple	Re: Liars and Cheats We don't want to be with cheats and liars either. But, for us we don't see a lot of value in asking directly if someone is married or not. When you don't know someone very well, it can be hard to tell if they're lying or not. You can also get a lot of false 'positives'. We try other means of skirting around this in playing with single males. So far as we know, we haven't played with a married single male yet.

01-25-2010, 02:41 PM	#9 (permalink)
red96 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 153 Location: Ohio Status: couple	Re: Liars and Cheats We always question their marital status when we first make an attempt to connect with someone. We have actually had a few admit they were married and playing without her knowledge. Usually their excuse is they are in a Loveless/Sexless marriage. It is hard to tell when someone is lying though unless you spend allot of time with them to really get to know them. We would never knowingly play with anyone cheating on their spouse and as far as we know this was the only time it has happened. We would prefer to hook up with a few gentlemen and have an on going relationship with them rather than searching for people all the time, but that kind of thing seems to be rare in the lifestyle. Could be we just haven't made the right connections yet. We did have one guy that we played with a number of times but he moved away during the summer. I guess we will have to be a lot more cautious in the future.
	__________________ I have abandoned my search for truth, and am now looking for a good fantasy.

01-25-2010, 09:38 PM	#11 (permalink)
The Fuse Way too opinionated Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 1,826 Location: Southeastern Virginia Status: Single Female Swing Lifestyle Name:The_Fuse	Re: Liars and Cheats Don't forget to ask couples, if there is any question, whether they are married to each other.
	__________________ Through every dead and living thing, Time runs, like a fuse. -- Jackson Browne

01-26-2010, 11:00 PM	#15 (permalink)
The Fuse Way too opinionated Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 1,826 Location: Southeastern Virginia Status: Single Female Swing Lifestyle Name:The_Fuse	Re: Liars and Cheats Certainly cheating "singles" are more common than "couples" who are married to someone other than their swing partner. But we have been approached by the "couples" more than once, so I thought it was worth mentioning.
	__________________ Through every dead and living thing, Time runs, like a fuse. -- Jackson Browne

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