Not even receiving a "Thanks, but no thanks" Email

[NDN]

I am on another Swing site, and have noticed something. As many of you know, Firefly doesn't play. So, if I send an email to a couple, I always make sure they say they are seeking a single male. What I am finding is that the other couples are not even responding to say "Thanks, but no thanks". I'm curious as to if others have encountered this same thing...

[xxxboxy]

Many people don't feel the need for common courtesy.

[CXXC]

Originally Posted by xxxboxy

Many people don't feel the need for common courtesy.

Well said!

I dont think I have NOT replied to an E-mail. Even from people who dont read our profile and assume we are a match simply because we are in the LS.

What makes me scratch my head are the people who initiate contact in E-mail but dont answer your reply! I never can figure that out!

[ALilOEverything]

It could be the fact that they don't see you as single. I would never play with a male in a relationship, even if he did have permission. There could be other reasons too though. Make sure you send a well thought out email, if you've taken time to really write something you're more apt to find someone willing to take the time to write back. Include that a response would be nice even if it's with a "thanks but no thanks" reply.

[NDN]

Originally Posted by xxxboxy

Many people don't feel the need for common courtesy.

Interesting point. You would think in this lifestyle, courtesy would be a given.

[NDN]

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

It could be the fact that they don't see you as single. I would never play with a male in a relationship, even if he did have permission. There could be other reasons too though. Make sure you send a well thought out email, if you've taken time to really write something you're more apt to find someone willing to take the time to write back. Include that a response would be nice even if it's with a "thanks but no thanks" reply.

Thank you for your input, but as stated, I only send an email to those looking for a single male, and state in the email that my SO doesn't play, but likes to watch.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

It could be the fact that they don't see you as single. I would never play with a male in a relationship, even if he did have permission...

Exactly my thoughts.

If we were looking for a single male we'd expect him NOT to be in a committed relationship with a wife or girlfriend. We aren't enthused about taking steps to ensure that a "single male" truly has permission to play. It's easier to pass the "attached guy" profile by and find an unattached single male.

People won't always write back, for a variety of reasons. You'll never know why. You have to decide to accept this fact of online swinger dating and not let it get you down.

We've been fortunate. I don't recall not getting a response from people we've contacted. But I think you're in a unique position, being a man in a relationship with a SO who doesn't play, and this is playing a role in why you aren't always hearing back from people you've contacted.

LM

[ALilOEverything]

Originally Posted by NDN

Thank you for your input, but as stated, I only send an email to those looking for a single male, and state in the email that my SO doesn't play, but likes to watch.

I still don't consider that as a single male. I see it as a couple where the wife doesn't play but watches and only the husband participates. People could be put off by this, it might not an excuse to not write back but people often will ignore people what doesn't seem quite right to them. I'm only throwing that out there if you're getting more than normal of no responses. There really is no excuse to not write if you're on the up and up and you write a nice email.

[little firefly]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

But I think you're in a unique position, being a man in a relationship with a SO who doesn't play, and this is playing a role in why you aren't always hearing back from people you've contacted.

I was actually talking about this the other night with a friend from the LS club we go to, and it's one thing that really makes me feel bad. I know how much NDN does want to play (having been in the LS before we met and loving it) but I also know that couples are going to pass him up for the most part because of the fact that I don't play. I honestly wish for his sake that I felt differently about playing, but I can't make myself be something I'm not. I've told him to just keep sending friendly emails to those that he might be interested in and if they respond that's great, and if they don't that's ok too. Sooner or later he'll find a couple who isn't put off by our unique situation

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by little firefly

I was actually talking about this the other night with a friend from the LS club we go to, and it's one thing that really makes me feel bad. I know how much NDN does want to play (having been in the LS before we met and loving it) but I also know that couples are going to pass him up for the most part because of the fact that I don't play. I honestly wish for his sake that I felt differently about playing, but I can't make myself be something I'm not. I've told him to just keep sending friendly emails to those that he might be interested in and if they respond that's great, and if they don't that's ok too. Sooner or later he'll find a couple who isn't put off by our unique situation

I think in your situation you're likely to find fewer compatible couples. But, I don't think you're likely agreeable couples is a teeny subset of the entire swinging population. Early on, my wife wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of me full swapping. So, we looked for couples that were willing to share their male half. Things got easier for us when we went full swap both ways, but our experience before that showed it wasn't impossible.

I know that we'd certainly be happy to play with a married male who had permission, so long as we could confirm permission from the wife. It would be fine with us too if she just enjoyed watching. Heck, I'd just sit back with you and have a nice time chatting with you while we watched our spouses have at it.

So, when did you say you're coming to Indiana?

[little firefly]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

I think in your situation you're likely to find fewer compatible couples. But, I don't think you're likely agreeable couples is a teeny subset of the entire swinging population. Early on, my wife wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of me full swapping. So, we looked for couples that were willing to share their male half. Things got easier for us when we went full swap both ways, but our experience before that showed it wasn't impossible.

I know that we'd certainly be happy to play with a married male who had permission, so long as we could confirm permission from the wife. It would be fine with us too if she just enjoyed watching. Heck, I'd just sit back with you and have a nice time chatting with you while we watched our spouses have at it.

So, when did you say you're coming to Indiana?

LOL, I'm actually waaay overdue for a vacation. Let me consult my date book and get back to you! Would be kind of sad (ok, make that really sad...and sort of pathetic) if we had to travel 3 states up so that he could play!

[CXXC]

Little firefly
Where in NC are you? GA is only 2 states away!

[little firefly]

Originally Posted by CXXC

Little firefly
Where in NC are you? GA is only 2 states away!

Haha....Well, thats more like it then! We're actually about 10 miles from the SC line.....Ok people, I have Georgia here. Anyone less than 2 states away?? Anyone, anyone, Bueller....Georgia going once....Georgia going twice....LOL, NDN's going to wonder what in the world we've done to his "email" thread when he gets back on!!!

[CXXC]

WOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I WIN!!!! Wait. Mrs. CXXC wins! LOL

[The Fuse]

NDN,

We're a couple, and we both play, and our emails to others are routinely ignored. I think it happens to most of us. Lots of people don't feel it's important to respond.

When we're contacted by others, we almost always respond, probably eight times out of ten or more. Occasionally we don't, and it's usually because the email was obviously canned, or from someone who is obviously incompatible with us if they had scanned our profile. Sometimes it's because someone has written and has given us no reason to know whether we'd be interested (no pictures, no pictures of him, no information about them, or similar). Sometimes it's because the email was frankly stupid or bizarre enough that I don't want to engage the people who wrote it.

But mostly, lots of people just don't write back. There's no reason. They just don't. It's probably got little to nothing to do with your situation.