Not even receiving a "Thanks, but no thanks" Email

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

But mostly, lots of people just don't write back. There's no reason. They just don't. It's probably got little to nothing to do with your situation.

And we have a winner.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by NDN

Thank you for your input, but as stated, I only send an email to those looking for a single male, and state in the email that my SO doesn't play, but likes to watch.

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

I still don't consider that as a single male. I see it as a couple where the wife doesn't play but watches and only the husband participates. People could be put off by this.

I agree with ALilO on this.

As a couple who enjoys single men and seeks them out, being contacted by an attached male whose SO only wants to watch is not exactly the type of MFM threesome we'd be looking for. In a club or house party type setting, being watched is no big deal, it's expected at times and enjoyable. However, if we're wanting an intimate threesome, being watched would take away from the dynamics of that.

As others have said, that's still not an excuse for not writing back with a 'no thanks'.

Some people just don't write back...don't let it bother you and just move on.

Teresa

[Additude]

Ya never know...

Happens all the time. No need to worry about it.

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by NDN

You would think in this lifestyle, courtesy would be a given.

Originally Posted by NDN

Thank you for your input, but as stated, I only send an email to those looking for a single male, and state in the email that my SO doesn't play, but likes to watch.

Ok.. I am going to guess, that since becoming a couple this has been the MO for most you write to, Correct? Given little firefly's comment about NDN having experience, I am guessing it was as a single male.. Which leads to a whole other series of questions..

What you are looking for, is a problem for many.. Sure there are folks out there that MIGHT be willing to invite a couple and play a MFM 3some, without All participating st some point, but in our expereince the number isnt many..

The other point is.. Not getting email back, while yes a common courtesy, depends a great deal on the info contained within the letter and the info on the profile.

To be honest, We received letters from a couple years ago, who over the course of 3 years didnt understand what they were looking for was a bit out there.. They wanted a couple to come and play with them, or should I say, the female half.. and the male was welcome to watch and masturbate at his leisure... The worst part being, being courtesy to them only fueled them to repeat requests.. with no modification of what they were offering.

Take the lack of replies with a grain of salt.. It may take a while to find a match.

The other idea might be to change your profile to a single male, and after contact, bring up the voyeristic aspect of what you are looking for..

I wish you the best of luck

[little firefly]

Ok.. I am going to guess, that since becoming a couple this has been the MO for most you write to, Correct? Given little firefly's comment about NDN having experience, I am guessing it was as a single male..

He actually got into the lifestyle with his ex girlfriend years ago. They were a full swap couple.

Take the lack of replies with a grain of salt.. It may take a while to find a match.

This is basically what I've told him. It may take awhile but eventually it will happen.

The other idea might be to change your profile to a single male, and after contact, bring up the voyeristic aspect of what you are looking for..

I suggested this to him a few days ago and he flat refused. He said that even though, yes, he would like to play, he won't put himself down as single to do so....His feeling is that we are still a package deal whether I play or not.

I wish you the best of luck

Thank you!........And just to update a bit, there is a couple who thinks they might be interested. They know that I don't play and have expressed that they have no problems at all with that....So, I guess we'll see!

[NCfuncouple98]

Kudos for the honesty in your profile and in the emails, that does say a lot about you two. I'm glad to hear NDN doesn't want to change it to single.

We try to respond to all emails, but to be honest a few do slip through? Why? Well, internet is monitored at work, so I access no sites all day. Mr. NC has days off during the week or sometimes doesn't work until 11am, so he may float around on the websites, and everytime he is on we get new emails. He will chat with a couple and respond to emails, but won't make any promises until I can look at the profile myself.

Then add in kids, sports, dinners, other commitments, and by the time I go to the sites I have forgotten all about the email!

We have also been on the receiving end of no responses. Couples have contacted us, we respond, then *poof* they vanish and never respond again. Best advice? Move on, don't worry about it, and look at the next profile.

People are looking for what they are looking for. Period. And you will most likely find matches along the way, it just may take longer than planned.

Mrs. NC

[Ruff]

as has been previously stated most people don't answer, even with a simple no "thank you". I've sent replies to people because they've sent polite notes of rejection back. lol
But seriously 2 stories : First in 2008, while at a swing convention, in the hotel lobby talking with a couple we all realized that in the sex swing themed room the previous year (2007) they had been playing in the swing while she jerked me off as I watched. Apparently because my partner was up in our room she did not want to overstep any lines and play with me but she had been wanting to find me since. This time there was no issue and we played several times over the next few days. They left early but thanks to a friend I was able to look them up on an onLine Swing Site. It turns out she had written me the loveliest "no thank note" I or anyone else could ever hope to receive complimenting not only my prose but showing some real appreciation for my taking the time to write them and lamenting the fact the distance was too great to try and start a friendship. Here's the real kicker , my note and hers were sent AFTER we'd already met in '07 while she was wondering if she could somehow find the gentleman from the sexswing room again. I wrote them again, explained who I was and we all found it to be a funny example of "you just never know".

2nd, in 2009 I was reading several threads in a group for single males on an onLine Swing Site and there was a thread by a single female who was tired of fake single males wasting her time by not showing up for dates they'd set up(apparently quite a few).
Now she made some good points in her trashing single men and their faults but she looked familiar and I recognized her screen name, so I clicked on her profile. Lo and behold her profile indicated we'd had previous mail contact. Once I looked however I realized while I had contacted her she'd failed to make contact in return(i.e., a simple "no thanks"). So I then politely responded in that and an adjacent thread (also dealing with this subject) that perhaps she needed to stop blaming all single males and accept her share of the responsibility by examining the types of single men she is choosing to communicate with.

[ClosetSwinger]

Personally I wouldnt get involved in a situation where a male is saying he is allowed to play alone. Only because I have encountered this in the past and luckily realized on my own before meeting the person that he was a fake and a liar.

That being said there are times that I will shamefully admit I have not replied to someone that sent me a message. It's not because I am rude or aloof or am trying to be mean....I really am not. I just don't know what to say when it's someone we arent interested in. I am overly paranoid about hurting feelings. I guess it's worse not to answer at all though. Anyone have any tips on what to say when your just not interested?

[xxxboxy]

"Thank you for your email. We are flattered, however, we don't feel that you're the match that we're looking for. Good luck!"

[exploringRM]

Originally Posted by xxxboxy

"Thank you for your email. We are flattered, however, we don't feel that you're the match that we're looking for. Good luck!"

Going to "borrow" that reply!!!

[ViSexual]

Well, if you're just not interested for whatever reason, just say so and save all concerned a lot of trouble and time. Nothing wrong with complete honesty and openness.

[shy_couple]

This is a huge pet peeve of mine (him), it doesn't bother Mrs Shy as bad. We are on Swing Lifestyle and the first line of our profile states "We respond to all contacts.Please be kind enough to do the same even if its just no sya no thanks. This way we can make a note and not bother you again."

Still we only get between 1/3 to 1/2 that actaually resond, positively or negatively. We are all looking for the same thing but cant we still be kind and treat eachother with common courtesy and respect? It seems not.

We have been told thanks but no thanks and we have said thanks but no thanks. No need to elaborate. After all the golden rule in the "lifestyle" is no means no,right. We have only had one couple write back and say "but our profiles are basically the same." They were and they sounded like a great couple but we just werent interested.

No one likes rejection. But I also don't like throwing out more than a couple of feelers at once just in case we want to open a conversation or new friendship with a couple and hve 3 or 4 respond all at once .

[sweet_tna]

First off, I gotta' tip my hat to both of ya'll for keeping it honest here about how you play. I know it creates a heckuva' challenge for you to find what you're looking for. A lot of folks wouldn't want to take the chance of playing with a married male even if the wife will confirm. I can't honestly say that we would, but that's really 'cause we don't seek out MFM (though it's happened with current playmates). We prefer couples.

That said, we always give the courtesy of a response. But not everyone does (though really, their lack of response pretty much gives you your answer). It's that simple. Just like you'll have to accept the additional challenges to finding what you're looking for, you'll have to accept that some folks just aren't courteous enough to respond. It's all part of the lifestyle.

Best of luck to ya'll,

=)

[Trace Ekies]

Thanks NCfuncouple98...as you stated, it's more than a lack of courtesy in our case.

Trace

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by little firefly

I honestly wish for his sake that I felt differently about playing, but I can't make myself be something I'm not. I've told him to just keep sending friendly emails to those that he might be interested in and if they respond that's great, and if they don't that's ok too. Sooner or later he'll find a couple who isn't put off by our unique situation

I have to say, this is as good an answer to the question as any.

Even if the situation is something we'd steer away from (as it would be for us) a simple "thanks but no thanks" is pretty easy and painless to send. I tend to think (and maybe this is just soothe my ego when it happens to us) that people don't want to hurt any feelings and just haven't connected the dots to know that a non-reply is much more of an insult than a polite reply.

Spoomonkey